Trying80
20-11-15, 10:36
I've been coming to these boards for the past few weeks. Mainly to make me feel better that people had been through this before and I wasn't alone. I've never been a worrier, but I've been living a nightmare for too long with worry.
15 months ago I made a huge mistake and slept with a woman with no protection when I was visiting China. She wasn't a prostitute, just a waitress I got to know. It was brief encounter of probably only 30 seconds (vaginally). Amid my immediate drunken guilt, I said we shouldn't have done that and she said I'm healthy, for whatever that is worth.
I left the country and came home the following day. Amid huge guilt (I have a young family), 2 weeks later I got a bad cold. Nothing more really. However, a bad cold had been going around my house.
I eventually made myself forget about the episode (well on and off) and for quite a while didn't think about the potential of HIV. A few months ago I started to get the odd pins and needles in my feet and hands, sometimes when running. I honestly am not sure if it happened before or I was paying more attention to it now. After googling it, this set me off big time. I spent many sleepless nights fearing the worst. Since then Ive had a coated tongue that goes white on and off. I had a cold a few weeks ago and I can still feel my glands under my jaw. I have no idea if I've always been able to feel them, as I've never tried to feel them before. I also have a sore jaw, and I don't know if that from glands or from me poking around there so often.
After this Charlie Sheen thing, it's been in the media so much with so many other stories that it's driving me crazy. For the most part I feel fine most of the time and then I go back into this spiral. I know I need to get tested just to finish it once and for all and get on with my life, but I am so, so scared that it will positive and I'll have no idea how to cope with this and my family.
I guess this post is my first step towards that. Thanks for this place and allowing me to post it. I just need some support, some wise words as I just want to be rid of this feeling and enjoy my life again.
---------- Post added at 10:36 ---------- Previous post was at 10:13 ----------
Oh, also forgot since my cold a few weeks ago I've been having a sore throat in the mornings. Not sure if that's to do with the alcohol I have each night (I know not helpful, but helps me relax) or with our a/c on in brm each night.
Also have a sore neck.
Oh yeah, couple of months ago I had to get a quick physical for work purposes. My blood pressure was off the charts. I don't know whether to put this down to HIV (not even sure it's a symptom), genuine fear of being in a Drs office when fearing HIV or genuine high blood pressure. For what it's worth, I'm a pretty fit guy, not a marathon runner or even close, but I run every second day.
I'm just exhausted, worried. Sitting here right now and my tongue is just lightly burning. Ugh.
15 months ago I made a huge mistake and slept with a woman with no protection when I was visiting China. She wasn't a prostitute, just a waitress I got to know. It was brief encounter of probably only 30 seconds (vaginally). Amid my immediate drunken guilt, I said we shouldn't have done that and she said I'm healthy, for whatever that is worth.
I left the country and came home the following day. Amid huge guilt (I have a young family), 2 weeks later I got a bad cold. Nothing more really. However, a bad cold had been going around my house.
I eventually made myself forget about the episode (well on and off) and for quite a while didn't think about the potential of HIV. A few months ago I started to get the odd pins and needles in my feet and hands, sometimes when running. I honestly am not sure if it happened before or I was paying more attention to it now. After googling it, this set me off big time. I spent many sleepless nights fearing the worst. Since then Ive had a coated tongue that goes white on and off. I had a cold a few weeks ago and I can still feel my glands under my jaw. I have no idea if I've always been able to feel them, as I've never tried to feel them before. I also have a sore jaw, and I don't know if that from glands or from me poking around there so often.
After this Charlie Sheen thing, it's been in the media so much with so many other stories that it's driving me crazy. For the most part I feel fine most of the time and then I go back into this spiral. I know I need to get tested just to finish it once and for all and get on with my life, but I am so, so scared that it will positive and I'll have no idea how to cope with this and my family.
I guess this post is my first step towards that. Thanks for this place and allowing me to post it. I just need some support, some wise words as I just want to be rid of this feeling and enjoy my life again.
---------- Post added at 10:36 ---------- Previous post was at 10:13 ----------
Oh, also forgot since my cold a few weeks ago I've been having a sore throat in the mornings. Not sure if that's to do with the alcohol I have each night (I know not helpful, but helps me relax) or with our a/c on in brm each night.
Also have a sore neck.
Oh yeah, couple of months ago I had to get a quick physical for work purposes. My blood pressure was off the charts. I don't know whether to put this down to HIV (not even sure it's a symptom), genuine fear of being in a Drs office when fearing HIV or genuine high blood pressure. For what it's worth, I'm a pretty fit guy, not a marathon runner or even close, but I run every second day.
I'm just exhausted, worried. Sitting here right now and my tongue is just lightly burning. Ugh.