Regret opening up about my anxiety

[MetalYeti]

I'm having a rough time of it at the moment, partly it seems, because I've been trying so hard to keep all my problems under wraps and hidden from the world. I've missed quite a few sports practices because of repeated panic attacks and decided that I needed to tell someone what was going on to give them a chance to understand rather than thinking I just couldn't be bothered. This was really hard for me to do, I hate making myself vulnerable like this and always feel like I'll be ostracised if I come clean about my problems. Anyway, I've had no response at all to the private message I sent, which I know has been seen and the person has been active online since I sent it yesterday morning. I'm aware there's a chance that they've just forgotten to reply but I feel so incredibly vulnerable right now, knowing that they know about my problems and having no clue whether they're sympathetic or silently judging me.

[debs71]

Hi,

Well I think you have been incredibly strong and brave to open up about your panic/anxiety. That is a VERY tough thing to do, and you should feel very prod of yourself for that, firstly.

Ok....so having sent the message, the main thing is that you have now done so, and nothing can be altered here, so as far as their reaction or non-reaction, the ball is firmly in their court now, so please try not to dwell on what they may or may not be thinking. You have NOTHING to feel embarrassed or ashamed of here, please know that!! You have bravely opened up and explained your reasons for not attending, and what is going on for you, and how and when they react is up to them.

Thinking positively here, it may just be that the person feels awkward as to how to respond. I have had this myself with certain people, as often those who have no experience of mental health find it tricky to know what to say, but at the same time still are HIGHLY sympathetic. This could be the case here, and not necessarily the worst case scenario.

Give it time. Opening up is never easy, I know. There are still people close to me who are in the dark about the 12 years I have suffered from depression, GAD and panic disorder, in fact I only told my boyfriend of 6 years about it a few months ago, and he was gobsmacked.....he just saw me take my meds and wanted to know what they were for, so I let him know - so I totally can relate to your situation, hon.

Keep in mind that their reaction is THEIR issue, not yours! You are a brave person regardless. x

[MetalYeti]

Thank you for your kind and wise words. I too have kept my problems hidden from everyone including my loved ones for years. Like you I have only just opened up to my boyfriend after nearly 10 years of being together! And really, I've only done that because recently it has become unmanageable and made me physically ill so I didn't really have a choice. I'm trying not to assume the worst but I don't know what to do with myself now as I was really going to try and get to practice this weekend and get back on track but now I just don't know if I can face everyone.

[mikey2695]

Don't ever feel guilty about opening up. Ever.

[ADW]

Don't feel guilty about opening up..This really helped me in my recovery over the summer. Perhaps the person just doesn't quite know how to respond and is thinking of a way to do this. I know that's what I would do if I was replying to a very personal message. The waiting is hard but just let it sink in for them and hopefully you'll hear back. On the other hand..If they completely you opened up forever they probably aren't such a great friend.

[MetalYeti]

I have to say that prior to this, the people that i have opened up to have been nothing but understanding and incredibly supportive. I think that's why it's floored me a bit as i'd actually let my guard down and thought 'hey this isn't as bad as i thought'. I'm really trying to convince myself i have nothing to be ashamed of but it's so hard. All your support is really helping though. I feel a lot better about it than i did earlier today anyway. :)

[GadGirl]

Dont feel sad or guilty about opening up, I have found that I have lost some people that I have told but that is due to there unwillingness to understand and accept. The rest of the people that know have been nothing but supportive and caring.

[MetalYeti]

I can accept that some people will not understand, or don't want to. The hard part is not knowing one way or the other, i don't have the strength right now to put myself in a negative environment when i don't have to so if it turned this wasn't the best place for me to be i could deal with that and move on. Just wish i knew!