Avoidance

[Crazy plant lady]

Hello,

I haven't been on here for a while because I was managing my generalized and social anxiety fairly well. Not great but managing.
I've now got to the stage where I've realised how sheltered my life has become and I want to move forward.

I have an extremely hard time in social situations. I actually am quite social in that I love meeting people and talking to anyone but anxiety has ruined it. I struggle in crowds and will have panic attacks with out fail. I also have a phobia of being sick so I really don't cope with attacks very well as they do make me sick.

I was getting along quite happily isolating myself and avoiding situations i didnt think i'd manage but I'm not really living. I'm turning 30 next year and I can't go on like this.

Has anyone successfully managed to pull themselves out of the 'avoidance' cycle and how on earth do you start when it all seems impossible.

Any help, advice, tips appreciated. Thank you.

[debs71]

Hi,

Oh yes, definitely been there myself several times, and I do sympathise very much with how you feel.

In my experience - when it comes to overcoming avoidance behaviours - the only real way to tackle it is to just do it, whatever it may be. This kind of thing is much like getting into a really cold swimming pool - it is no good dipping in a toe, because you just talk yourself out of it as it is too cold and daunting, so jumping in is the only way to deal with it!

With avoidance, a lot of our fear is purely thinking whatever it is (social situations, being in public places, etc) is going to be totally horrendous if we do it, or we will have a panic attack, etc, etc. and every other scary thing, but the truth is that this is sort of like an anticipatory anxiety - we anticipate it will be bad if we move from our comfort zone, but in fact with some mental strength, we really can do it.

I started becoming agorophobic several years ago, after feeling super anxious while out shopping/in public areas. I eventually had a big panic attack while at the hairdressers (of all places!!) where I passed out on the floor from hyperventilating.

After that experience I holed myself up at home, and was petrified to leave the house. Like you, I got to a point where I realised that if I stayed like that for much longer, I would have no life and be a total agorophobic for life, and I really didn't want that, so I basically just decided to steel myself and take the steps to leave my house. I had a few 'weapons' with me before I went out. I started by going out with my Mum or Dad first, as I felt safer with somebody else, but I did still sweat buckets and feel my heart racing, but I did stick at it. The next time I tried by myself. My weapons' were something to chew (a chewy sweet or gum, as I find this helps my mind stay calmer and distracted for some strange reason) a bottle of water and of course my mobile phone (a definite in case things go awry!) I set myself a place to go to, 10 mins from home. I won't lie - it felt like a marathon to get there, and my heart was thumping out of my chest. I made it halfway there, covered in sweat, but then turned back again. It felt like a failure but I was also glad that at least I made it some of the way. I did it again the next day, and this time it felt a little easier. This time I made it to the particular shop, but while there I had to come out of the shop a few times to take some deep breaths as I felt faint while inside, but I hung in, got my shopping and came home. I did this the next day and the next and in time things settled to near normality.

I have found that this is the only way to deal with avoidance, be it fear of travelling (which I also have) or fear of social situations, public places, etc. Like phobias, exposure is really the most effective way of breaking the cycle of fear.

The trouble with anxiety is fear of what may happen is often worse that the actually 'doing it', because our anxiety just shouts a load of 'what ifs?' at us and 'I can't do it', but I can honestly say that we CAN do it!!!!! It just takes a bit of positive thinking and a little bravery.....I know you can do it too!!

Good luck and all the best.xx :hugs:

[Crazy plant lady]

Hi,

Oh yes, definitely been there myself several times, and I do sympathise very much with how you feel.

In my experience - when it comes to overcoming avoidance behaviours - the only real way to tackle it is to just do it, whatever it may be. This kind of thing is much like getting into a really cold swimming pool - it is no good dipping in a toe, because you just talk yourself out of it as it is too cold and daunting, so jumping in is the only way to deal with it!

With avoidance, a lot of our fear is purely thinking whatever it is (social situations, being in public places, etc) is going to be totally horrendous if we do it, or we will have a panic attack, etc, etc. and every other scary thing, but the truth is that this is sort of like an anticipatory anxiety - we anticipate it will be bad if we move from our comfort zone, but in fact with some mental strength, we really can do it.

I started becoming agorophobic several years ago, after feeling super anxious while out shopping/in public areas. I eventually had a big panic attack while at the hairdressers (of all places!!) where I passed out on the floor from hyperventilating.

After that experience I holed myself up at home, and was petrified to leave the house. Like you, I got to a point where I realised that if I stayed like that for much longer, I would have no life and be a total agorophobic for life, and I really didn't want that, so I basically just decided to steel myself and take the steps to leave my house. I had a few 'weapons' with me before I went out. I started by going out with my Mum or Dad first, as I felt safer with somebody else, but I did still sweat buckets and feel my heart racing, but I did stick at it. The next time I tried by myself. My weapons' were something to chew (a chewy sweet or gum, as I find this helps my mind stay calmer and distracted for some strange reason) a bottle of water and of course my mobile phone (a definite in case things go awry!) I set myself a place to go to, 10 mins from home. I won't lie - it felt like a marathon to get there, and my heart was thumping out of my chest. I made it halfway there, covered in sweat, but then turned back again. It felt like a failure but I was also glad that at least I made it some of the way. I did it again the next day, and this time it felt a little easier. This time I made it to the particular shop, but while there I had to come out of the shop a few times to take some deep breaths as I felt faint while inside, but I hung in, got my shopping and came home. I did this the next day and the next and in time things settled to near normality.

I have found that this is the only way to deal with avoidance, be it fear of travelling (which I also have) or fear of social situations, public places, etc. Like phobias, exposure is really the most effective way of breaking the cycle of fear.

The trouble with anxiety is fear of what may happen is often worse that the actually 'doing it', because our anxiety just shouts a load of 'what ifs?' at us and 'I can't do it', but I can honestly say that we CAN do it!!!!! It just takes a bit of positive thinking and a little bravery.....I know you can do it too!!

Good luck and all the best.xx :hugs:

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
I can really relate to all you said. Oh the hairdressers! I have become a master at cutting my own hair! And the sweets is actually a coping mechanism I use. If I don't have mints on me at. All times I have no hope.
I actually went through very similar. I was house bound for three years and managed to get myself back out in the world much the same way you did. I just haven't got as far as managing it with other people around. You are right though, its a case of just doing it. It's so hard though. I really fear letting people down and being a nuisance so I put a lot of pressure on myself with makes me more anxious.

Thank you so much for your encouragement. You've stirred up some memories for me which makes me realise how far I've come and with a bit of work I hope I can go further. Thank you again xx

[debs71]

No worries at all. Just wanted to reassure you that you are very much not alone.

You must also remind yourself that you have been here before, and conquered it as you mentioned.....that is a MASSIVE victory, and shows that you definitely have it within yourself to tackle this too.

Anxiety is such a pain in the bum as it ebbs and flows and goes up and down, but one good thing is that each time you get through a period of bad anxiety, that encourages you that you can conquer it when it flares up again.

It sounds like you have definitely come a long way, and have a lot of fight in you.

You can definitely go further, hon. Good luck!! x:hugs:

[MyNameIsTerry]

There are various forms of exposure therapy but the one NICE recommend is ERP where you expose yourself based on a hierarchy of working from lowest to highest and then a further step beyond the norm to prove extinction has occurred.

Jumping in and going for it is the old "flooding" technique you often see on TV where someone afraid of heights will be up a tower in the first episode. Of course, those programmes can be rather "loaded" with specially selected people and I've seen how this form of exposure has been discussed in terms of peoples personality so that may be a reason for success. (and how they were selected :winks:) It can work, but since NICE approve of ERP instead, I think ERP must have more evidence of success. This method could be traumatic I guess and you will seen threads on here by people who have just gone with it and been no better for it so it's not a straightforward thing.

So, if one method doesn't work for you, there are others that may.

When it comes to avoidance, something I know sadly very well, it's a trap. You can think you have overcome things to find you have limited your life and settled so taking stoock, as you have, is very useful to understand if you can life with that or if you want more. I've read that unhealthy avoidant behaviours needs to be changed to healthy adaptive behaviours and the key element in this intention. If you intend to avoid out of fear of consequence, it is avoidant but if you choose to do not do something without that fear of consequence, you can convert it.

P.S. it's nice to see you back Debs, but in a good way. :flowers:

[Crazy plant lady]

No worries at all. Just wanted to reassure you that you are very much not alone.

You must also remind yourself that you have been here before, and conquered it as you mentioned.....that is a MASSIVE victory, and shows that you definitely have it within yourself to tackle this too.

Anxiety is such a pain in the bum as it ebbs and flows and goes up and down, but one good thing is that each time you get through a period of bad anxiety, that encourages you that you can conquer it when it flares up again.

It sounds like you have definitely come a long way, and have a lot of fight in you.

You can definitely go further, hon. Good luck!! x:hugs:

That's really sweet thank you xx

---------- Post added at 15:52 ---------- Previous post was at 15:51 ----------


There are various forms of exposure therapy but the one NICE recommend is ERP where you expose yourself based on a hierarchy of working from lowest to highest and then a further step beyond the norm to prove extinction has occurred.

Jumping in and going for it is the old "flooding" technique you often see on TV where someone afraid of heights will be up a tower in the first episode. Of course, those programmes can be rather "loaded" with specially selected people and I've seen how this form of exposure has been discussed in terms of peoples personality so that may be a reason for success. (and how they were selected :winks:) It can work, but since NICE approve of ERP instead, I think ERP must have more evidence of success. This method could be traumatic I guess and you will seen threads on here by people who have just gone with it and been no better for it so it's not a straightforward thing.

So, if one method doesn't work for you, there are others that may.

When it comes to avoidance, something I know sadly very well, it's a trap. You can think you have overcome things to find you have limited your life and settled so taking stoock, as you have, is very useful to understand if you can life with that or if you want more. I've read that unhealthy avoidant behaviours needs to be changed to healthy adaptive behaviours and the key element in this intention. If you intend to avoid out of fear of consequence, it is avoidant but if you choose to do not do something without that fear of consequence, you can convert it.

P.S. it's nice to see you back Debs, but in a good way. :flowers:

That's given me a lot to think about thank you :)

[debs71]

P.S. it's nice to see you back Debs, but in a good way. :flowers:

Thank you. :blush: