View Full Version : Petrified of myself
I really need some guidance, I feel like I have lost my way completely and the intense fear is a permanent fixture and everyday is harrowing. I got drunk last night to forget and lost my purse, which I sort of don't care about because I thought it might give me something normal to worry about. I think I'm completely screwed as a person, I can't do life. I need constant support, it's like I'm a child still I can't explain it. How low I am feeling scares me as I can't even explain it I have no one to turn to and im so so scared. What's wrong with me?!??!?!!???????!!! I don't know if I can actually live through this hell anymore it's the worst thing and isolating as anything
I live every day with a constant fear from the minute I wake up to the time I go to sleep. My therapist asked me what is my fear and I told her its fear of fear. Every day is a battle and some days I don't want to fight anymore, but you know then I get really angry with myself and get the fight back in me. None of us deserve to feel this way but we can't give in. I use this forum when I'm really low and it makes me feel better I'm not alone. Are you taking meds and having therapy? BTW drinking is the worse thing you can do makes you feel OK at the time but the depression comes back twice as bad the next day !
I got drunk last night to forget
BTW drinking is the worse thing you can do makes you feel OK at the time but the depression comes back twice as bad the next day !
Self medicating is most often detrimental. Sadly, it's a common theme that gets repeated time and again. Best IMO to stay away from the drink until you get a grip on your anxiety and depression.
Positive thoughts
What is wrong ...petrified of myself...you have anxiety Hun. It is very hard, but you will get through this.x
I can't understand this, I am sweating due to fear as I type this. I think I'm scared because I've lost touch with myself, my thoughts are getting crazy, I feel lost, I don't have anyone to turn to, I don't like myself, I don't ever feel content, I scared that this is my future and its only Going to get worse. I want to be a normal 22 yr old that enjoys their weekends and just lives!! I can't have it so I'm getting angry now too! Honestly, what's wrong with me? Why am I so weird? Am I bad person for having such horrible thoughts that torture me daily? Why do I wake up everyday and feel dread before I even open my eyes?
WHY ?! Please, I don't know what to do I'm really really struggling to keep it together.
Hi Elik, it can feel really terrifying when you are in the thick of an anxiety and panic attack. You are not a bad person. These thoughts and feelings are all symptoms of this anxiety that is affecting you so badly. Have you talked to a doctor about how you are feeling? They can help you or point you in the right direction for help.
I am absolutely terrified, I don't know what to do!!! I am such a scatter brain I don't think I am able to function normally I think I am seriously messed up. I am seeing my therapist on Wednesday as well as my GP about my current meds - They're clearly not working. But what I worry about is the time frame, and how everything takes a while to work because I feel I cant afford to be waiting around in the state that I am in.
You got drunk and anxiety is worse afterwards so that's why you're going to be struggling a bit more just now.
"why am I scared ?" You're locked into thinking about your anxiety but you recover by getting your thoughts out of that anxious cycle and allowing your body and mood to recover.
Who you are is still there. You're just feeling anxious all of the time at the moment. You'll feel yourself again when it lowers. When you put your mind in a better place your mood will follow. But it's about changing habits. It takes time and seeing/thinking about things differently, solving life problems and finding yourself in a better mindset/mood later on. It's not just going to be there tomorrow so know that it's going to improve and be prepared to take small steps each day to get there.
You have low self esteem and your confidence is low. An anxious mood doesn't help. You'll feel better about yourself when your anxiety/fears lower, you're in a different mindset and you've changed your life to be a lot more like you want it.
You're stressed with all of these fears on your mind so you're finding yourself getting irritable/angry. That's normal, you're distracted and stressed and finding it hard to keep hiding it. Take some time away from people and write yourself calm, find some reasons to see things with more optimism, positivity, confidence, enjoyment and hope. Then when you're back amongst people you'll feel calmer and your mind tidier - not so distracted.
You're not weird/a bad person - ignore. Nonsense suggestions because you're scared.
You wake up and feel dread even before you open your eyes because when you wake up the first thing you do is remember who you are and what's going on with you. Your anxiety is the first thought in your head everyday - habit.
Give yourself something positive today to wake up and remember tomorrow so you can start the day with more hope, confidence and the growing belief that it's going to be ok. It's just habit, practice it, EVERY day.
Ie
Something to look forward to.
The first steps in a plan to improve things.
Remembering you're going to see a person you like that day.
Just keep giving yourself something nice to wake up and remember so anxiety and the same depressing, hopeless existence can't be the first thought.
Don't get overwhelmed. You're going to keep it together and always will keep it together. It's just anxiety ! Start dismantling what it is in your own mind and take away its power and fear over you.
Yeh see about your meds. They can help but the wrong meds can also make you feel pretty numb and rubbish too. Don't put up with something you dont feel helps and keep a mood/symptom diary so you can monitor what they are/aren't doing for you in a detached way. The you who's moods change every day can't judge meds real effects as well as the you who records changes in a mood diary.
You can look back over a mood diary and see clearly what's happening with you.
You'll feel less overwhelmed when alcohol is out of your system.
Find something non fear/anxiety related to think about/lose yourself in and give your mind a break and your mood a chance to improve. Try an hours respite at first, anything just start learning to give yourself a break from that anxious thought cycle.
eg
Find 5 things that make you laugh online.
Find 5 new songs you like.
Do an hours new clothes browsing online.
Think ONLY of those things while you do them.
Don't go "oh I can't because of this". You can. It's about mind management, controlling attention. Where your mind goes your mood will follow.
If you have to think about the things you're unhappy about do it for an hour in an electronic diary with the objective being to find solutions and give you small first steps you can start with from tomorrow. Then close the diary, think of something else, carry out the steps tomorrow and remember the solutions you're working on.
If you're prone to anxiety/being neurotic you need tools to use to protect you from getting like that. Tools like the above. I have loads of them. I use them every day automatically now to keep me in a good place and to stop my mind from going down rabbit holes were my anxiety will rise and my mood will suffer.
If you don't use ANY tools on a daily basis when you're prone to being anxious/neurotic you'll slide or become trapped in that style of thinking.
Start using your own tools everyday to protect yourself and lift yourself into a better place.
Yes, in hindsight I shouldn't of drunk so much but I felt like I needed anything to grab onto that might change my mind set.
I just feel so in deep that I find it hard to put any rational thinking in because I just cant do anything.
I have no one to turn to and that's what's the worst. I feel I cant show how I feel. I don't want to go home at the moment as a lady is staying at ours and I don't know her so have to keep up this false pretence which I don't want to have to do.
I'm coasting through hell. I want my parents back like mad.
What you're saying is spot on and exactly how I should be but I just find it so hard to see it as anxiety sometimes and feel like I need to look into it because its not right.... When something petrifies me I revisit it over and over and my mind becomes pretty obsessed with it. I know this is all about controlling your mind etc which I am actually good at, but over the last couple of months, all my practicing has been outweighed by the amount of negativity in my life and now everything's gone to tatters.
I am actually looking forward to seeing my doctor and therapist because I just want to burst and I desperately want guidance :(
Thank you for your words
"But I fear it's something else" Isn't that what people with health anxiety do ?
They are living in fear that it's something ELSE, something terrifying. But isn't the only truth for them that it's anxiety, health anxiety ?
You need to monitor yourself in a useful way to see if you are carrying around these same terrors. "It's something else ! I know it is ! I must be crazy ! I must be a bad person". Can you see all of these negative meanings you can give anxiety ? And it's carrying around and believing these big fears that keeps you in a state of terror.
You can quickly reduce it because it works both ways and is only based on what you believe.
If believing it creates terror, no longer believing it quickly relieves that terror.
Recognise that you're just in fear that it's something more. Add to that you are isolated and so have to tackle these terrifying ideas on your own.
Start chipping away at any of those big fears you are carrying around. We've all done it here, with various things. I would always feel tremendous relief and a lift of my spirits when I realised that the thing I feared wasn't true.
Have a think. Write it down here if there are any really big fears you have about your current situation on a daily basis.
Again, wise words. I know this so well when I'm in less of a state and it works, I just try not to play into anxiety's arms. However, right now I am so far into this dark cloud everything's on panic alert. I can't think, let alone think straight. I know I just have to ride it through, but the panic is that I don't know how much more of this tortue I can take. Honestly, I feel sick to the stomach with fear, I am so unsettled. I want to go home to my house empty rather than have a stranger there. Honestly petrified.
Why not ask for additional meds to calm you abit so you can work on this cognitively? Sometimes our brains are just too anxious to be able to help ourselves.
What additional meds are there that can help knock some of this anxiety off? I would try anything !!!
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.