View Full Version : HIV worry
Posted this in the wrong section a few days ago. Just want this anxiety to go away:
I've been coming to these boards for the past few weeks. Mainly to make me feel better that people had been through this before and I wasn't alone. I've never been a worrier, but I've been living a nightmare for too long with worry.
15 months ago I made a huge mistake and slept with a woman with no protection. She wasn't a prostitute, just a waitress I got to know. It was brief encounter of probably only 30 seconds (vaginally). Amid my immediate drunken guilt, I said we shouldn't have done that and she said I'm healthy, for whatever that is worth.
Amid huge guilt, 2 weeks later I got a bad cold. Nothing more really. However, a bad cold had been going around my house.
I eventually made myself forget about the episode (well on and off) and for quite a while didn't think about the potential of HIV. A few months ago I started to get the odd pins and needles in my feet and hands, sometimes when running. I honestly am not sure if it happened before or I was paying more attention to it now. After googling it, this set me off big time. I spent many sleepless nights fearing the worst. Since then Ive had a coated tongue that goes white on and off. I had a cold a few weeks ago and I can still feel my glands under my jaw. I have no idea if I've always been able to feel them, as I've never tried to feel them before. I also have a sore jaw, and I don't know if that from glands or from me poking around there so often.
After this Charlie Sheen thing, it's been in the media so much with so many other stories that it's driving me crazy. For the most part I feel fine most of the time and then I go back into this spiral. I know I need to get tested just to finish it once and for all and get on with my life, but I am so, so scared that it will positive and I'll have no idea how to cope with this and my family.
I guess this post is my first step towards that. Thanks for this place and allowing me to post it. I just need some support, some wise words as I just want to be rid of this feeling and enjoy my life again.
Lifelonganxiety!
23-11-15, 16:42
The chances of contracting HIV are remarkably low in any situation, even extremely high risk activity does not guarantee transmission (and yours doesn't sound like it).
In any case, nobody here can diagnose you. You HAVE to go and get a test. You owe it to your family if nothing else. They can test you and have the results very quickly.
It will set you at ease, and is the only way to get rid of the fear you have.
Thank you so much for the reply. It really does mean a lot. One thing I think is the hardest is that I have been going no through this fear all alone. Each symptom I get just gets me more and more in fear and down.
Yes I know a test is what is needed. I am genuinely trying to gather the courage. I also know that the likelihood of having it is extremely low. I don't think I've had HA before, but I this has really knocked me about.
For what it's worth, I've been feeling pretty good the last few days in relative health terms (no colds, sore throat etc). Been for a run each day and I'm feeling fit (which I'm assuming is a good sign). HOWEVER, I still have this white coating on my tongue and a burning sensation on it. That and my lymph nodes under jaw I think are still enlarged. Again, I have no idea if their always like that or if it's partly due to me prodding them endlessly. I also wonder if both have come on due to ongoing anxiety - a few months back when the HA started to really come into force I got really run down due to not sleeping, eating less etc.
Sorry for the long rant. I just find this place very cathartic and writing it down feels good, like I'm getting it off my chest
Lifelonganxiety!
24-11-15, 00:16
For sure all the symptoms you mention can be caused by stress. This one hits home with me because HIV was what started my Health Anxiety. I wasted a year of constantly thinking I had HIV, finding all kinds of symptoms. Of course, in the end I didn't have it and I'm totally over that fear now, but the side effects of worrying just transferred into other fears i.e. well if it's not HIV then it must be Cancer or....
I've slowly come around to now accepting a lot of symptoms are just part of being human and are very rarely serious. My advice to you would be to get tested, then get on with your life and nip any of these fears in the bud.
The longer you wait, the more things like checking symptoms or fretting over something becomes a habit and when you do get the all clear the habits can remain.
I know you're right. Thanks for the advice and help.
Today has not been a great one. Feel like my nodes under my jaw are pretty enlarged. Still not sure if it's from me poking and prodding so much in the last few days. And my tongue is still white and sore.
Just really struggling mentally.
Agree with everyone, extremely unlikely you were infected. You are creating the symptoms. If I worry about a symptom or a disease sure enough I get the symptoms. Its a viscous cycle. Until you get tested it will always be gnawing away at you. Good luck!
Well, I just booked in a Drs appointment for me today. I was doing well yesterday, but my anxiety flared up really bad today which then flares up my tongue and I just had enough.
I'm so scared. Like you wouldn't believe.
I feel ashamed to talk about it firstly and then actually getting checked.
I'm really frightened.
---------- Post added at 02:54 ---------- Previous post was at 02:25 ----------
Leaving for appointment soon. Any positive thoughts would be appreciated. Feel sick to my stomach.
Obviously, getting tested will determine if your fears are valid or not. That being said, as others have stated, the likelihood is remote at best. IMO, this is a matter of actions that have given you guilt and regret thus causing anxiety and psychologically created physical symptoms.
I'm sure all will be fine physically. Once they do, I would look into ways to deal with that guilty conscious.
Positive thoughts
Thanks Fishmanpa. Yep there's a whole lot of guilt and anxiety wrapped up in me.
After going through the whole ordeal with the Dr, I was so anxious I had no urine to pass for the other part of the test. So I have to go back tomorrow and do it. Then there's a 3 day turnaround.
Can't believe I'll have to go back to actually get it done.
---------- Post added at 04:41 ---------- Previous post was at 04:16 ----------
That's it. I'm so sick of living in fear. After walking out of doctors just then not being able to get test done until tomorrow I basically spiralled out of control with anxiety and what if scenarios.
I'm sick of it. I'm going to get this test done tomorrow, I'll get the negativite results next week and I'll get on with my life! I'm determined for these next few days to not get me down with fear and anxiety.
MyNameIsTerry
25-11-15, 06:38
I'm sick of it. I'm going to get this test done tomorrow, I'll get the negativite results next week and I'll get on with my life! I'm determined for these next few days to not get me down with fear and anxiety.
If you have an anxiety disorder, it will find another target. With these disorders we need to retrain our thinking processes because they have been skewed to the negative. The subconscious changes to build new unhealthy core beliefs.
So, if you have suffered this to the extent of developing a disorder, it may take some time to work through it. It isn't as simple as having a test and then moving on, the test is part of a reassurance cycle and the gains are shortlived.
This may not be the case for you, but I think if you think it could be case, invest in your mental health and you will get to where you want to be. Just be prepared to spend a load of time & effort in doing that, with all the bumps in the road we all go through.
Having said that, in your circumstances it's also reasonable to have a test, it's just the level of anxiety behind it that has made it irrational and out of proportion with the event.
You make a good point. I guess I won't know until I get the result back and try and move on finally. I feel like I can, I hope so. I haven't been much of a worrier in the past. I think it may be more the scenario I'm in that's causing a lot of this.
Feeling better, thanks guys.
Ok, blood test done! Now just for the wait...
Barely slept last night and no appetite today. Just going out of my mind. And my tongue is as worse as ever with burning and coating.
Have started getting worried about chlamidya too, just another thing to add to the list I guess.
I've been going through periods of absolute fear and loathing and assuming I have HIV. Then periods of knowing that is is a very remote possibility. But then I remember my tongue hurting and I feel my glands and back to square one. It really is a vicious cycle.
Just want this to be over.
Sorry to rant again. Just struggling.
My lymph nodes under my jaw haven't gone down. Feel quite bad, but not sure if me prodding has not helped too.
Also my tongue is quite bad. Can only assume it is oral thrush. Coated, tingly, tastes bad.
Feel like everything is pointing me to bad news.
Please someone reassure me about these things.
dizzy daisy
27-11-15, 09:53
I get the tongue thing when I'm stressing. I too thought this was a sure sign of something wrong. I had bloods done- just because I was feeling tired and run down and worried myself out of my mind waiting for results just dreading being told that I had something wrong or that they needed more investigation. - I'm ok, it looks like it is all down to anxiety. It's a vicious thing.
Sometimes the GP can get results from the lab quicker. Could you try calling them later today just to see? Might give you a slightly better weekend xxxx
Thank you for your response, it means a lot.
I guess it's just the few thugs together, lymph nodes and tongue that are really making me think the worst. I go through periods where I'm ok and think it's just the anxiety and perhaps its anxiety, but it all seems too much. There's too many things going on right now not to make sense...
I can't get any more urgent results unfortunately.
So there are now a total of 5 lymph nodes, the two enlarged ones under my jaw, small one on my collar bone, one behind my jaw and one small one on side of armpit near chest that is sore. To go along with what I can only assume is oral thrush, I'm starting to lose any positivity I had. barely had any sleep last 3 nights. Frightened.
1 day to go.
Nodes still swollen, can't stop checking them. But I'm sure they shouldn't have stayed up for weeks like this. Doing my head in.
Tongue still white.
The only solace I am taking is that I have only really had the normal colds in the past few months, nothing out of the ordinary.
Need this to be over.
I realise at this point I'm basically just talking to myself. But what the hell.
My jaw and neck are pretty sore. Finding all little things around there and my prodding and rubbing has really made the whole area sore. Smart I know.
Funny thing is, when I was younger (talking 15-17 years ago), I had unprotected sex a handful of times and not once did I get worried or even think about being tested. Oh to be young. It's funny how your mindset changes as you get older.
in my mind right now, all I can think about is how much a role HA and stress can play in some of these symptoms. As I said, I don't feel sick. Maybe a tiny sore throat, but I've been pretty run down with lack of sleep and not enough eating. Other than that, I feel normal apart from these few symptoms.
Hey oral thrush is brought on with anxiety and stress. So the chew your getting yourself in is causing it... I feel for you... As tour getting yourself in to a rut with worry. I've u get results back and serve are negative I worry tye anxiety won't go away x
Yeah I hope I can get on with my life when (see my positive attitude there? Lol) when I get the good news. Just really hard right now.
I wonder, could lymph nodes be enlarged due to thrush, as in fighting that bacteria? Or maybe just enlarged due to anxiety? I really am trying to look on the good side of things.
I head to the Drs soon for results and after doing ok so far, I am now beginning to freak out. My tongue is burning and feel like I need to cough constantly.
Really panicking.
---------- Post added at 01:58 ---------- Previous post was at 00:52 ----------
NEGATIVE TO EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!
Ok, let me take this in and enjoy it. Will post some random thoughts later
The relief is unbelievable. The dread and fear has gone. I still have the "symptoms" but I know their due to other reasons.
Why I let this manifest itself into this awful anxiety over a year is beyond me. I wish I did this ages ago, but happy that I finally did it.
The doctor looked at my tongue and said it didn't look too bad. Said it's likely either bacterial or from acid reflux due to stress. He took a swab so will see.
Didn't even think my nodes were enlarged. The ones under my jaw are apparently not nodes at all. All the others he said are fine.
It truly is amazing what we can think is happening with our bodies when truly we have no idea. My neck is still sore but it's clearly from me prodding it endlessly for weeks.
Ok, I'm ready to move on. Thanks for everyone's thoughts. It helped me a lot and this place pushed me into getting the test done.
Sigh.
Well done u for taking the move to go..... That was the obstacle. U need to sort your anxiety out.now. I'm so happy for u mate
itwillbefine
30-11-15, 19:40
Well done! Congrats! Unbelievable how your mind plays tricks with your perceptions..
i have done unprotected sex.after 45days i h've gone to tridot test.its result is negitive for hiv.how accurate is that. I got rashes on hips and arms,sour throat. I can't concentrate on anything because of this.please help me.is it possible to me to be positive.help me please
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