View Full Version : Getting very anxious again slowly... yet trying to rationalise and reassure myself...
I've posted on here a few times over the last few weeks about Coccyx pain I've been experiencing and my fears about it possibly being a spinal tumour higher up that's causing referred pain in my Coccyx as I unfortunately read about this being a possibility. I've been doing well at keeping the panic at bay even though the pain, has been a real... well, pain. Over the last week another symptom has popped up. It's quite hard to explain, but I've been having a spasming/twitching sensation that feels as though it's coming from the muscles on the INSIDE side of my Coccyx... so not the side that you can press on on your back, but the other side, basically internally. When I lie down, I can feel the spasms a lot more. It basically feels like muscles INSIDE my abdomen/back, really low down, are twitching and spasming and it has kept me awake for the last 4 nights. It's also reinforcing my fear of a spinal tumour as I keep thinking is this symptom happening because it's pressing on the nerves in my spine causing the muscles to twitch?
Amongst all of these thoughts, I've been desperately trying to reassure myself by thinking of EVERYTHING that's happened over the last year and a half or so that all turned out to be nothing, and my goodness I have worried over a lot of things. I felt I'd take this opportunity to list everything, partly for myself, and also for others to just see how irrational the anxious mind can be.
In chronological order:
- Brain tumour
- ALS
- MS
(The above 3 things resulted in me having 2 brain MRIs, a C-Spine MRI, an EMG and nerve conduction test, and various blood tests)
- Skin cancer
(The above resulted in me seeing a specialist dermatologist privately)
- Oesophageal cancer
- Stomach cancer
- Pancreatic cancer
(The above 3 things resulted in me having an endoscopy)
- Skin cancer (again)
- Lymphoma
- Leukaemia
(The above 2 things resulted in about 3 separate blood tests)
- Stomach cancer (again)
- Bowel cancer
- Rectal cancer
(The above 3 things resulted in me having a colonoscopy)
- Skin cancer (AGAIN)
And that now brings us to the current worry of a spinal tumour.... All of the above things turned out to be nothing as far as all the tests showed. I have had one the last year and a half, about 10 blood tests, MRIs, nerve conduction tests, an endoscopy, a colonoscopy... Looking at all of this, I know how bad it looks in terms of my anxiety. I will say that of all the symptoms I had, many of them haven't gone away, but I just ignore them now. A small part of me still feels there's SOMETHING going on with me that isn't quite right (besides the anxiety), it may or may not be anything to worry about but SOMETHING is going on I feel... but I don't really worry about any of the above any more except the current thing.
Sitting here now I can feel my internal lower abdomen/back muscles spasming and twitching. It is the strangest feeling and I know it will keep me awake tonight. I am slowly getting more and more anxious about it and I just wish someone could tell me for sure that this isn't anything serious and will just go away like everything else. Unfortunately even without the anxiety, the sensation alone would, and will keep me awake again, and I really do not know what to do right now. :(
itwillbefine
29-11-15, 16:37
Sorry you're going through this. How about some exercise and after that find some yoga exercises on youtube. Then some baldrian tea or similar.
I've been stretching and doing exercises for over 3 weeks now... there has been ZERO improvement... I am getting seriously anxious about it all as the more I've read, the more seems to point towards something more serious.
Honestly I've been stretching so much that my mobility is the best it's ever been now lol, but the pain is still there. It's just so disheartening to see no improvement.
itoldyouiwasill
29-11-15, 23:56
I would suggest that even though you appear to have some pain, discomfort and weird sensations going on I wouldn't also be surprised if all of that is being made far more noticeable and problematic to you by the effect of somatic amplification.
I do have a spinal tumour and it has generated none of the symptoms you describe or anything remotely like it to be honest. The issues you describe sound more muscular to me.
I would suggest that even though you appear to have some pain, discomfort and weird sensations going on I wouldn't also be surprised if all of that is being made far more noticeable and problematic to you by the effect of somatic amplification.
I do have a spinal tumour and it has generated none of the symptoms you describe or anything remotely like it to be honest. The issues you describe sound more muscular to me.
I'm sorry to hear that you have a spinal tumour :(
It just seems like everything I read about my symptoms point towards that.. mainly the fact that my coccyx doesn't hurt to actually press on it with my finger, but just hurts... which suggests it's referred pain from higher up in the spine. I know there could be other causes but such is the mind of a health anxiety sufferer... I feel really low at the moment.
I can definitley relate to your experience. My health anxiety also had me go through several scans and tests. Colonsocopy, endoscopy, 7 MRI's, 1 CT scan , and numerous ultrasounds. There just comes a point where you have to trust the medical professionals and feel fortunate that nothing serious was found. I still get the pains that caused me to get the scans and for some time I kept arguing in my head that they must've missed something. I had to really try to control the anxiety ... and even until now it's been a struggle.
itwillbefine
30-11-15, 03:17
Being rather new to health anxiety, im wondering how you all managed to convince the doctors that MRIs, ultrasound and other costly examinations are needed? Is it because doctors don't take any chances or because the anxiety symptoms mimic real diseases?
Sorry about the spinal tumor. Very.It's one of my worries as well, even through I don't really know what it is.
Being rather new to health anxiety, im wondering how you all managed to convince the doctors that MRIs, ultrasound and other costly examinations are needed? Is it because doctors don't take any chances or because the anxiety symptoms mimic real diseases?
Sorry about the spinal tumor. Very.It's one of my worries as well, even through I don't really know what it is.
For me, all my MRI's I privately paid out of pocket for. Here in the US, you can also orde your on blood tests for numerous things as well as urine test and stool tests. The colonoscopy and endoscopy were ordered by my doctor when they couldn't see what was causing me pain in the ultrasound. I was having right upper abdominal pain and when everything came out clear in my gallbladder and liver, she ordered the scopes. The CT scan was ordered in emergency because they thought I had kidney stones from rights sided back pain...although I did tell the doctor I knew it wasn't kidney stones because I've had them before and it felt nothing like that. I was actually really upset I got a ct scan because my HA then told me I'm going to get cancer now from all the radiation.
I've paid privately for all my things except the blood tests :/
I can totally sympathize with everything you are saying. My latest worry is MS or ALS and i feel like I have already lost my life and I haven't even been diagnosed with anything yet. the constant worry and keep having time off work / back and forth to drs is just getting me down so much.
I have considered going private too - how much did it cost for the MS/ALS investigations?
itoldyouiwasill
30-11-15, 10:42
During the height of my health anxiety I had a few scans/tests for a variety of 'symptoms' and conditions. What I quickly discovered was that the more tests you have the more things they will find and just because a test result falls out of the normal range this doesn't mean you are actually ill/unwell. A good example of this was that my GP ordered some bloods and inadvertantly ticked a box requesting a smooth muscle antibody test...this can back as positive and is often a marker for autoimmune hepatitis. This led to a tailspin of worry, an ultrasound of my liver was fine and all subsequent re-tests showed that I was well within normal...basically it was just a blip but had caused me so much worry.
I had an MRI about 18 months ago due to ongoing back pain and a spinal tumour was discovered. This is benign and has not grown at all over the 18 months. The funny thing is it has been classed as an incidental finding and my specialist is pretty sure it was actually nothing to do with the pain I was experiencing...I remain convinced my pain is mind/body generated. I am very lucky as many people would get such a finding on a scan and the specialist would immediately suggest it was the cause of the pain even if the pain pathway didn't match and there are logical inconsistencies.
Funny thing backs.
I can totally sympathize with everything you are saying. My latest worry is MS or ALS and i feel like I have already lost my life and I haven't even been diagnosed with anything yet. the constant worry and keep having time off work / back and forth to drs is just getting me down so much.
I have considered going private too - how much did it cost for the MS/ALS investigations?
They're not cheap.... a brain MRI was £300 and the nerve conduction test thingy was I THINK £150... But of course that doesn't include the initial consultation you have to have first with a specialist before you have the tests done which can cost up to £250 in itself... I've spent a stupid amount of money on these things and half regret all of it, but also don't because it gave me the reassurance I needed at the time...
---------- Post added at 13:28 ---------- Previous post was at 13:26 ----------
During the height of my health anxiety I had a few scans/tests for a variety of 'symptoms' and conditions. What I quickly discovered was that the more tests you have the more things they will find and just because a test result falls out of the normal range this doesn't mean you are actually ill/unwell. A good example of this was that my GP ordered some bloods and inadvertantly ticked a box requesting a smooth muscle antibody test...this can back as positive and is often a marker for autoimmune hepatitis. This led to a tailspin of worry, an ultrasound of my liver was fine and all subsequent re-tests showed that I was well within normal...basically it was just a blip but had caused me so much worry.
I had an MRI about 18 months ago due to ongoing back pain and a spinal tumour was discovered. This is benign and has not grown at all over the 18 months. The funny thing is it has been classed as an incidental finding and my specialist is pretty sure it was actually nothing to do with the pain I was experiencing...I remain convinced my pain is mind/body generated. I am very lucky as many people would get such a finding on a scan and the specialist would immediately suggest it was the cause of the pain even if the pain pathway didn't match and there are logical inconsistencies.
Funny thing backs.
I'm glad your tumour is completely benign. I had an incidental finding of a small cyst in the centre of my brain when I had an MRI which was... interesting to hear lol. Apparently is harmless and I'm not even concerned to be honest.
I went to the GP again this morning to follow up on my x-rays etc and she thinks I should see a physio as opposed to a chiropractor before anything like an MRI should be considered... I'm still tempted to pay for one myself and just know once and for all but I'll hold off at least until I've seen the physio tomorrow...
There's no limit to the amount of tests you can have if you self-fund and go privately. Whether they bring peace of mind is another matter as there's always one more test you can have to eliminate another concern. If you decide on a private MRI will you be satisfied with the findings and accept whatever is diagnosed (or not) or will you wonder whether the pain is being referred a different site which wasn't scanned?
There's no limit to the amount of tests you can have if you self-fund and go privately. Whether they bring peace of mind is another matter as there's always one more test you can have to eliminate another concern. If you decide on a private MRI will you be satisfied with the findings and accept whatever is diagnosed (or not) or will you wonder whether the pain is being referred a different site which wasn't scanned?
Well from what I've been told and from what I've read, the only site that can cause referred coccyx pain is the thoracic or lumbar spine as that's where the nerve endings originate... So with that in mind, if I were to have an MRI of those regions and they came back clear, my mind would certainly be put at rest although I would still like to get rid of the pain.... I fully acknowledge what I'm like. A normal person would be content in waiting another month to see if it eases and wouldn't give it a second thought between now and then, but my stupid brain won't allow me to do that and messes up my entire life until I know for sure it's nothing serious :(
I know exactly how you are feeling, KayeS. I've got a similar dilemma myself and am going to go privately because I can't bear to wait a few weeks. I'm so annoyed with myself but had to do it
I fully acknowledge what I'm like. A normal person would be content in waiting another month to see if it eases and wouldn't give it a second thought between now and then, but my stupid brain won't allow me to do that and messes up my entire life until I know for sure it's nothing serious
I am totally the same! I feel like i cannot live my life for it. I also know there will be another "scare" further down the line. I keep thinking if i can just get this checked out, or if i can just have an MRI but I know that other stuff I've had done i am already thinking they missed things or has anything developed since.
Can I ask what private clinic you went through? Did you need Dr referral?
I am totally the same! I feel like i cannot live my life for it. I also know there will be another "scare" further down the line. I keep thinking if i can just get this checked out, or if i can just have an MRI but I know that other stuff I've had done i am already thinking they missed things or has anything developed since.
Can I ask what private clinic you went through? Did you need Dr referral?
If you've got the money, as in, if spending the money to go private isn't going to cause you money problems, then it definitely works to put your mind at rest, as waiting is the worst part I find. You just have to be able to make sure that this isn't going to be the start of a spiral where now with everything you get worried about, you book private tests and end up spending too much money. But that's for you to judge...
I went to a BMI hospital for my tests. For some things you need a doctor referral, but actually for the things I went for (and for most things I think actually), you can 'self refer', as long as you know yourself which type of specialist to see. For example, ALS or MS worries, you would self refer and book an appointment with a neurologist. That initial consultation will cost money but they can tell you in advance how much it will be, but you really do get to spend a lot of time with the specialist discussing your worries etc. There's no sense of being rushed there, and then he/she will arrange any tests you want to have done.
If you want to know anything else, ask away :)
---------- Post added at 14:54 ---------- Previous post was at 14:54 ----------
I know exactly how you are feeling, KayeS. I've got a similar dilemma myself and am going to go privately because I can't bear to wait a few weeks. I'm so annoyed with myself but had to do it
It's horrible... funnily enough, coincidentally I got a letter in the post today to tell me I have successfully been referred for CBT and they will be in touch soon with an appointment... lol.
I'm having an IAPT phone assessment tomorrow lol. I've no doubt the poor therapist will put the phone down on me!:D
I'm having an IAPT phone assessment tomorrow lol. I've no doubt the poor therapist will put the phone down on me!:D
Lol mine was though IAPT. I had the phone call a couple of weeks ago, they are really nice, but I had the same thought as you... the poor sod that gets lumped with me has no idea what they're in for haha. But they were really understanding and took their time...
My IAPT assessment tomorrow morning has been cancelled. I suspect that the therapist was reading this thread and got cold feet.. Apparently she is ill
My IAPT assessment tomorrow morning has been cancelled. I suspect that the therapist was reading this thread and got cold feet.. Apparently she is ill
Ah that really sucks... I'm sorry :(
Did they say when they will call?
itwillbefine
30-11-15, 20:02
I see. Then I suppose HA in the US can become a costly affair, whereas here you wait for months and months for quite basic tests. I'm waiting two months for the nerve conduction test and then another month for the results. Will definitely get a private Health Insurance after this.
Ah that really sucks... I'm sorry :(
Did they say when they will call?
Rearranged for Friday morning. I know I shouldn't pre-judge but the therapist's Christian name conjures up the image of a TV reality star.....:D
itwillbefine
30-11-15, 20:42
So if it wasn't for your HA you might never have discovered the tumor. I understand your conviction of the body/mind relation. I was glad to learn the term "somatic amplification" from you, it is useful. If you would like to tell, I would be interested in knowing what the diagnosis did for your process through HA?
I see. Then I suppose HA in the US can become a costly affair, whereas here you wait for months and months for quite basic tests. I'm waiting two months for the nerve conduction test and then another month for the results. Will definitely get a private Health Insurance after this.
Yeah, I mean don't get me wrong, the NHS over here is a marvellous thing... but those wait times... for people with HA, it's pure torture, hence why I end up going private...
---------- Post added at 21:01 ---------- Previous post was at 21:01 ----------
Rearranged for Friday morning. I know I shouldn't pre-judge but the therapist's Christian name conjures up the image of a TV reality star.....:D
LOL! I used to like him until I read on here what he said about people with hypochondria...
wait times are the same in Canada....health care is good if you're still alive when you access it...lol
So glad I'm not alone in all of this! I've got to wait 8 weeks just to see someone and then I have to wait for my colonoscopy. How much did u pay for a colonscopy everyone I've looked at are like 2000 pounds which is way too much for me :(
So glad I'm not alone in all of this! I've got to wait 8 weeks just to see someone and then I have to wait for my colonoscopy. How much did u pay for a colonscopy everyone I've looked at are like 2000 pounds which is way too much for me :(
I'm ashamed to say that it was close to that :/
So much for my savings lol.
Oh my god poor you! So glad you got the results you wanted though. However I can not afford that with Christmas around the corner and a 2 year old lol! Suppose il just have to wait. Was you put to sleep? I've heard they are so painful :(
Oh my god poor you! So glad you got the results you wanted though. However I can not afford that with Christmas around the corner and a 2 year old lol! Suppose il just have to wait. Was you put to sleep? I've heard they are so painful :(
Nope, I was too scared to have sedation, but honestly, it was nothing! You feel a bit of discomfort but honestly it's nothing to worry about at all. They gave me gas and air which was nice lol.
Hopefully you're symptoms will ease up anyway before you have the colonoscopy which will give you some reassurance :)
I don't have any pains in my stomach but I do have irregular bowel movements and just pressure in my rectum along with the coxis pain! It's literally a pain in the arse lol! Trying to keep as positive as I can for my daughters sake and think it could be anything! We're only young we shouldn't be worrying about all this just yet lol I know it can't be helped though !!! Xx
I know, but on the days where I manage to control my anxiety a bit better, I do tend to ignore the pain/discomfort a lot more so it definitely has a lot to do with it.
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