Worrywart528
30-11-15, 00:35
Here is my day today. Wake up and feel stressed out about skin cancer. Go into the bathroom and brush my teeth... taking notice of every single mole on my body. As usual I find numerous spots that get my heart racing.
I then obsess about how much sun I got growing up. I obsess about all the times at the beach and at the pool. I obsess about the stupid tanning bed use in my early 20's. I obsess about playing golf some days for 6-8 hours.
I then grab my coffee and sit down at the computer. I start googling skin cancer... doesn't matter what kind, squamas, basal, melanoma... I then read endless horror stories and my mood and anxiety heightens.
I read stories about people having hundreds of surgeries for their basal cell and squamas cell cancers and imagine myself having to do this the rest of my life... I also get stressed out thinking about how many days off work I will need to use the chemo cream on my sun damaged spots... my mood worsens even more.
I then read about melanoma risks. It appears the only thing I have going for me is I have dark brown hair and skin that tans. I obsess over the fitzpatrick scale and wonder if I am fitzpatrick 2 or 3... I look at pictures of myself when I was younger ( before I got alot of sun exposure) I find some of me looking slightly olive and others in the dead of winter where I look pale. So my anxiety heightens even more I then read that having an actinic keratosis raises the risk ( still do not know whats on my nose), Having over 50 moles raises the risk, having more than 5 atypical moles raises the risk, having sun burns as a kid raises the risk, using a tanning bed raises the risk..... I suddenly realize... The only three things I have going for me are no one in my family has ever had melanoma, I have dark brown hair and usually tan pretty well.... So In my mind melanoma is about to pop out at any second. I am now in full blown panic mode and my last day of the weekend is entirely ruined again.
I would give anything to be normal and just enjoy a day off. :scared15:
I then obsess about how much sun I got growing up. I obsess about all the times at the beach and at the pool. I obsess about the stupid tanning bed use in my early 20's. I obsess about playing golf some days for 6-8 hours.
I then grab my coffee and sit down at the computer. I start googling skin cancer... doesn't matter what kind, squamas, basal, melanoma... I then read endless horror stories and my mood and anxiety heightens.
I read stories about people having hundreds of surgeries for their basal cell and squamas cell cancers and imagine myself having to do this the rest of my life... I also get stressed out thinking about how many days off work I will need to use the chemo cream on my sun damaged spots... my mood worsens even more.
I then read about melanoma risks. It appears the only thing I have going for me is I have dark brown hair and skin that tans. I obsess over the fitzpatrick scale and wonder if I am fitzpatrick 2 or 3... I look at pictures of myself when I was younger ( before I got alot of sun exposure) I find some of me looking slightly olive and others in the dead of winter where I look pale. So my anxiety heightens even more I then read that having an actinic keratosis raises the risk ( still do not know whats on my nose), Having over 50 moles raises the risk, having more than 5 atypical moles raises the risk, having sun burns as a kid raises the risk, using a tanning bed raises the risk..... I suddenly realize... The only three things I have going for me are no one in my family has ever had melanoma, I have dark brown hair and usually tan pretty well.... So In my mind melanoma is about to pop out at any second. I am now in full blown panic mode and my last day of the weekend is entirely ruined again.
I would give anything to be normal and just enjoy a day off. :scared15: