Black Rose
30-11-15, 13:50
Im not going to try and give you all my life history as this post would get rather long! But basics are that ive had OCD since i was 7, i then went on to develop GAD, SAD and Depression. I am now 24. I am agoraphobic so i do not go out, i cannot work/do hobbies ect and dont lead a "normal" life. As im sure you guys know this will make me act in ways that arent seen as "normal" such as being awake until 6am as im so anxious and then sleeping for 20 hours as im too anxious to get up and face the world. I cannot simply pop out to the shop or take a walk. Most days its hard enough just to get dressed.
I just started CBT several weeks ago and due to my intense feeling of being unsafe all the time which was triggered severely over a month ago now, we are working on developing my self soothing system and improving my self compassion so i can learn i can look after myself and keep myself safe. This i think is a really good idea BUT i live with my Dad and Step Mum(have done for about a year now) who do not understand my mental health problems at all. Ive told them loads about it, printed off guides about it, professionals have spoken to them about it but they always go back to the same attitude of "just get on with it". My Dad is the worst for it, my Step mum mainly doesnt say anything and just is silent around me. To feel safe i feel i need the people around me to accept me how i am, not keep rejecting and criticizing me. I speak openly with my Dad about how what he says does to me and he acts like he understands then an hour later he will say something which is as if i never had the previous conversation(and many many others) with him! Like "Why dont you go to the shops tomorrow?" to which ill be gobsmacked and reply "because im too anxious you know i cant go out" to which he will reply "well you have got to try a little bit you know". And im just left feeling so upset as i try so hard everyday, if i didnt i wouldnt get out the bed! Then the intense panic will set in that im not safe.
I know im doing what is asked of me from my therapist and am "on the right path" but the instant my Dad says something to me which is against everything i and others have told him it triggers my anxiety and my feeling of being unsafe because i live in a house with him and my Step mum and they are both the same so it just reinforces my feeling of not being safe. I cant just think "well thats their opinion" i still feel unsafe.
I can imagine a lot of you have lived or still do live with people who act in a similar way towards you. Do you have any tips on how to cope with it? It just feels so overwhelming and like i cant move forward and improve with the weight of their dissaproval and my constant waiting for the next comment to set me off on me.
I just started CBT several weeks ago and due to my intense feeling of being unsafe all the time which was triggered severely over a month ago now, we are working on developing my self soothing system and improving my self compassion so i can learn i can look after myself and keep myself safe. This i think is a really good idea BUT i live with my Dad and Step Mum(have done for about a year now) who do not understand my mental health problems at all. Ive told them loads about it, printed off guides about it, professionals have spoken to them about it but they always go back to the same attitude of "just get on with it". My Dad is the worst for it, my Step mum mainly doesnt say anything and just is silent around me. To feel safe i feel i need the people around me to accept me how i am, not keep rejecting and criticizing me. I speak openly with my Dad about how what he says does to me and he acts like he understands then an hour later he will say something which is as if i never had the previous conversation(and many many others) with him! Like "Why dont you go to the shops tomorrow?" to which ill be gobsmacked and reply "because im too anxious you know i cant go out" to which he will reply "well you have got to try a little bit you know". And im just left feeling so upset as i try so hard everyday, if i didnt i wouldnt get out the bed! Then the intense panic will set in that im not safe.
I know im doing what is asked of me from my therapist and am "on the right path" but the instant my Dad says something to me which is against everything i and others have told him it triggers my anxiety and my feeling of being unsafe because i live in a house with him and my Step mum and they are both the same so it just reinforces my feeling of not being safe. I cant just think "well thats their opinion" i still feel unsafe.
I can imagine a lot of you have lived or still do live with people who act in a similar way towards you. Do you have any tips on how to cope with it? It just feels so overwhelming and like i cant move forward and improve with the weight of their dissaproval and my constant waiting for the next comment to set me off on me.