View Full Version : Sign of possible OCD???
I've been looking through my laptop and found no fewer than 108 documents that I have created documenting my retching symptom since 2013. I have looked at each one and each one says pretty much the same thing and in each one I seem to contradict myself by saying it's anxiety and it's a physical illness.
I was shocked to see that I had written 108 documents about this symptom. Wouldn't 1 document have sufficed? How have I accumulated 108?
Have I got severe OCD? Mental retardation?
What do you lot think about this?
When you made a new doc, didn't you remember making the old ones?
MyNameIsTerry
06-12-15, 05:04
It's not mental retardation. No chance, so forget about something so serious.
How many people on here have raised threads about their issues? How many of them have contradicted themselves between a better time where they accept their anxiety (but still struggle) compared to being more absorbed by the thought of serious illness? Tons. The HA board has many like that.
You have raised threads on here stating you know it's anxiety. You even raised one once stating you wanted to convince your doctors it was anxiety despite them wanting to send you for tests. Not long after you had created a new thread which was again worrying about the possibility of serious illness - I remember it because I posted reminding you about your previous thread.
Do you OCD? I don't know on that one. It is possible but there are other anxiety disorders which could also account for your retching & how you have searched for tests. As I've said a few times now, I don't think your GP is qualified to make a complex diagnosis and it was good to see you being referred to a specialist as they can answer this question for you. Have you been assessed yet?
Given the impact on your life, I think you are more at the severe end of the scale BUT this is really something for a specialist to answer because they see a lot of patients whereas we only see what we see on here.
Would 1 document suffice? No. If that was the case, why would anyone raise more than one thread on the HA board or anywhere else? 1 document should be enough but people are often chasing for answers and this one of the ways they do it. Some people like to journal too and that is only going to be repetitive because you aren't going to write your problemns down once, solve them and recover...only the dubious "gurus" do things like that and they are to be avoided.
It is a sign of obsessive behaviour though but you need to bare in mind that OCD is diagnosed because of obsessive behaviour in itself, it is diagnosed where it is impacting on your life. Obsessive behaviour is seen in many of the anxiety disorder e.g. Somatoform Disorders (a group I think you could fall into if it's not OCD) which are the common forms of HA I believe are seen on the HA board, but obsessive tendencies can be a personality trait too so anyone can have them. Being obsessive can be about a certain area of the brain as they are finding out so perhaps it can even be about how that area has developed, but I wouldn't know as I haven't delved into that but I do know that the fear centre of the brain becomes more dense in structure in anxiety disorders and other areas of the brain (the positive ones) can also become more dense as we work towards recovery as it has been shown in studies of MBSR with fMRI scanners.
When you made a new doc, didn't you remember making the old ones?
No, I did remember making the old documents but I keep feeling compelled to keep writing new documents which keep pretty much repeating themselves with pretty much the same content. Which is why I was asking if this persistent behaviour of documenting letters could be a sign of an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder???
---------- Post added at 13:16 ---------- Previous post was at 13:14 ----------
It's not mental retardation. No chance, so forget about something so serious.
How many people on here have raised threads about their issues? How many of them have contradicted themselves between a better time where they accept their anxiety (but still struggle) compared to being more absorbed by the thought of serious illness? Tons. The HA board has many like that.
You have raised threads on here stating you know it's anxiety. You even raised one once stating you wanted to convince your doctors it was anxiety despite them wanting to send you for tests. Not long after you had created a new thread which was again worrying about the possibility of serious illness - I remember it because I posted reminding you about your previous thread.
Do you OCD? I don't know on that one. It is possible but there are other anxiety disorders which could also account for your retching & how you have searched for tests. As I've said a few times now, I don't think your GP is qualified to make a complex diagnosis and it was good to see you being referred to a specialist as they can answer this question for you. Have you been assessed yet?
Given the impact on your life, I think you are more at the severe end of the scale BUT this is really something for a specialist to answer because they see a lot of patients whereas we only see what we see on here.
Would 1 document suffice? No. If that was the case, why would anyone raise more than one thread on the HA board or anywhere else? 1 document should be enough but people are often chasing for answers and this one of the ways they do it. Some people like to journal too and that is only going to be repetitive because you aren't going to write your problemns down once, solve them and recover...only the dubious "gurus" do things like that and they are to be avoided.
It is a sign of obsessive behaviour though but you need to bare in mind that OCD is diagnosed because of obsessive behaviour in itself, it is diagnosed where it is impacting on your life. Obsessive behaviour is seen in many of the anxiety disorder e.g. Somatoform Disorders (a group I think you could fall into if it's not OCD) which are the common forms of HA I believe are seen on the HA board, but obsessive tendencies can be a personality trait too so anyone can have them. Being obsessive can be about a certain area of the brain as they are finding out so perhaps it can even be about how that area has developed, but I wouldn't know as I haven't delved into that but I do know that the fear centre of the brain becomes more dense in structure in anxiety disorders and other areas of the brain (the positive ones) can also become more dense as we work towards recovery as it has been shown in studies of MBSR with fMRI scanners.
I have been referred for treatment but I have cancelled and/or missed all 3 appointments because the thought of having to go to these places made me retch and heave and I couldn't go through with it. The appointments were all far from home so this also made me retch.
The answer to your question really lies in the hands of a professional but I think you know that. Getting on the healing path truly lies within you, not on the forum. Myself and others clearly see a self destructive pattern and have advised professional help.
Concerning the documents? Perhaps it's similar to what you post here.... a cry for help? Again, a mental health professional would be better equipped to answer your questions.
The cancellation of your sessions? The way I see it, you retch and heave all the time anyway so wouldn't it make sense to retch on the way to get help?
Positive thoughts
The answer to your question really lies in the hands of a professional but I think you know that. Getting on the healing path truly lies within you, not on the forum. Myself and others clearly see a self destructive pattern and have advised professional help.
Concerning the documents? Perhaps it's similar to what you post here.... a cry for help? Again, a mental health professional would be better equipped to answer your questions.
The cancellation of your sessions? The way I see it, you retch and heave all the time anyway so wouldn't it make sense to retch on the way to get help?
Positive thoughts
I don't want to retch though, it's horrific, I even have to wear sunglasses to hide my red, puffy and watery eyes through this retching.
The sessions were in town which is a ghastly place and the prospect of having to go there made me retch violently.
But you do retch though-all the time. Why not let the therapist see for him/herself just how much retching affects you and how bad your anxiety is?
But you do retch though-all the time. Why not let the therapist see for him/herself just how much retching affects you and how bad your anxiety is?
I don't retch all the time. I can go through 7-8 hour periods without any trouble but sometimes it just happens quite suddenly and violently for no longer than 5-10 seconds and it is very debilitating and hard to supress.
It's really really scaring me. I worry I have something seriously wrong like a brain problem.
I don't retch all the time. I can go through 7-8 hour periods without any trouble but sometimes it just happens quite suddenly and violently for no longer than 5-10 seconds and it is very debilitating and hard to supress.
It's really really scaring me. I worry I have something seriously wrong like a brain problem.
Please don't go down that route. Go to the arranged therapy-it's such a wasted opportunity if you turn it down. Retching is a classic anxiety symptom as you know.
Please don't go down that route. Go to the arranged therapy-it's such a wasted opportunity if you turn it down. Retching is a classic anxiety symptom as you know.
Thank you Pulisa. I don't know how much longer I can continue. I am seriously drained both mentally and physically by the trauma of having to violently retch and heave. It's hell on earth. I hope one day it will all be resolved and I can come on here and let you know what was the underlying cause be it physical or mental.
:hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
11-12-15, 08:11
How you feel about the possibility of retching by going to an appointment is the same as someone panicking at going to one. Whilst I agree you need to go, I know it's not that simple when your anxity/panic is blocking your way. You do need to manage to find the courage to go though and yes it will likely be unpleasant for a while BUT this will change in time as you become more secure.
The choice is either to take a chance and see if it pays off or stick where you are and keep the cyle going. This is part of anxieties arsenal, ambivalence & inertia. It's trying to keep you safe hence it is telling you that going there is a threat and more anxiety will be the outcome. It is likely it will be but it will also be the start of getting some help and with a lot of work and some time you can start to reduce all of this.
I don't think the writing is a cry for help, and I don't think thats what this forum is about either. It could be a reassurance thing but I doubt it with your offline activity as if you could self reassure, you wouldn't be raising threads on here.
One thing that sticks out for me now is that if you can go 7-8 hours inbetween, Sensorimotor OCD seems very unlikely. With that pretty severe form of OCD you would be controlled a bodily process constantly and there wouldn't need to be any triggers because thats not what this form is about. It is common to be about breathing, swallowing, blinking, etc but it can be many other bodily processes too. If you think about how many times you breath, swallow or blink in a day, does that sound close to what you have with the retching?
The question is, is the retching a compulsion driven by another obsession/fear or is it more an anxiety symptom that is triggered. I think you really need to get to someone more qualifed than a GP and I would not be surprised to hear a health related OCD subtype or a Somatoform Disorder coming out of this but thats just me. Both of these include obsession behaviour and cycles. However, if OCD then I expect a comornid issue with something else as your other triggers mentioned at times don't fit to OCD, more GAD or SA.
Is your referral for actual therapy? If you miss those sessions they will cancel your treatment and refer you back to your GP. So, make sure you contact them, they will understand and work with you. If it is for diagnosis and treatment, something which I think you really need, then it's a bit different I guess as you are not enrolled in anything right now.
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