How do we stop this worry?

[tan235]

I'm 40 - I've had anxiety since I was 24 - I know when it started and it's never gotten better.
I've gone to numerous psychologists, I've taken numerous herbal remedies, never any anti depressants, I've meditated, eaten so healthy it's boring, tried to be positive - trusted my instincts with my health when I really thought something was wrong only to be told time and time again that I'm healthy.
Yet here I am, a 40 year old single woman with a gorgeous 3 year old daughter and I still worry.
I'm happy enough - but my mental state of anguish takes over.
I worry about being healthy but really I'm worried I'm unhealthy.
I focus on every little thing, my heart beat, if it's too slow, too fast, I worry about my memory - that I'll get dementia, that I have a brain tumor, that something is going on in my body and I can't control it, I worry that I"m not vigilant enough and that the Dr's miss something.
I wake up with anxiety, I have body tremors, I go through days of hyperventilating yet if you met me you'd think I was calm and lovely. ; )
I have the best advice for people like me and I don't want to continue into my older years with this anxiety.
I want to embrace the fact that i am happy but here's my piece de resistance - I worry that I stop worrying I'll miss something!!
Heck I worry I might poison myself when I make dinner.

I need help but no one can help me but myself... has anyone over-come this beast that I refuse to own yet I've built the cage for???

x we must be able to get over this and love and get on with your lives.....

[uru]

If I can ask, why have you not taken any anti-depressants?

[tan235]

I haven't taken them as I can function fine ... it's more a deep internal anxiety for me and I don't want to take anything that potentially can kill you. ;)
Im not depressed - I have anxiety - I believe there has to be a way to overcome it naturally... Anti depressants can make it worse before they make it better and i can't actually afford to have them react badly when I have a child.
My anxiety doesn't affect my child or at least I hope it doesn't - I'm pretty good around her. It's when I"m alone that i completely break down sometimes.

[Mrsk]

You describe exactly how I feel. I don't often post here but was moved to by your comments. I am coming up to 60. I've had HA for two and a half years now and still don't understand what's happened to me. As far as I'm aware my only real problem is high blood pressure for which I take medication. I've had ECG's and blood tests but still I worry constantly about every little thing. I've had CBT, private counselling, I talk endlessly to friends and family but despite periods where I almost get back to the old me, the anxiety always creeps back. I think we both sound like intelligent, well-adjusted women so how did we get here? I sometimes feel it might be something to do with wanting to be in control and the fact that my body might do something unexpected freaks me out. I'm having yet another attempt at counselling starting next week. My counsellors agree that I know my feelings are irrational and mostly I can cope - like you, if I didn't share it so much with everyone, no-one would guess I was anxious! I just wanted you to know you're not alone and I'm pleased I'm not alone either. :)

[Traceypo]

Can totally relate to you both. I function very well, but there's those underlying thoughts that creep in and catch me off guard.
I'm currently working with my therapist on control, as we believe with me there's a link. There's also a bit of I told you so for me, it's as if I'm waiting for a serious diagnosis to come so I can say I told you there was something wrong.
I too won't use medication, I'm fully aware of my irrational thoughts, it's how to break the cycle that I need to learn.

[tan235]

Thank Tracey and MRsk - i hear you!
It's so frustrating, I spent so much money going to see counsellors etc but it never helped me.
I know what to do but I don't do it.
I know to keep busy, exercise, eat healthy - avoid to much coffee, meditate - re think my thought pattern.
CBT etc but still I worry.
IF it's not one thing it's another - it's almost like I it's recurring just to keep me active.
I've even woken up going - what's wrong ..... checked my body and then what ' NOTHING?' - no somethings wrong.. it's crazy.
I don't want this to pass onto my daughter.
I think small steps but I've never realy taken them and when I do it lasts for a month and then I'll get a hot flush or a dizzy spell and I"m back to square 1!

grrrrrr x nice to know i'm not alone!

[Fishmanpa]

Have you considered therapy?

Positive thoughts

[Jennyzee]

Totally in the same boat! Ive got a great family Im a funny outgoing person who appears to have everything together. Yet, every day is a constant battle. If its not me its my kids. I find myself freaking out about their health also. Ive never been to counseling Ive just tried to handle it by myself, obviously NOT working. My mind wont let me believe that nothing is wrong. Its really awful!

[Anacbn]

Hi,
I totally relate to you. I Have had anxiety for the last 6 years, and have never taken any meds ( long story), also have a young child, go to work and everyone around me thinks I'm lovely.
For the past two months I've been doing a 8 week mindfulness course. You have to stick to the meditation, but it has helped me enormously, it makes me relate to my thoughts as they really are: only thoughts, nothing else.
I've also been reading this book, called at last a life. I definitely recommend, as for the first time I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. It taught me how not to fear my anxiety anymore, and just let it be there.
I've been trying to get better for a long time, always worrying about the what ifs.
I decided not to be afraid anymore. I know that when the time comes I will be well again.
All the best,

[nivekc251]

It's one day at a time and always have faith. You control your mind, your mind doesn't control you.