View Full Version : My mum smoking
My mum "quit" smoking about 5-6 weeks ago and was doing a great job. But then I find out that she's been smoking again sneakily. She then "stops" for a second time. And today I've found out that she's started AGAIN. I have serious worries about her health and seeing her smoking literally kills me and makes me so worried it's untrue. I can't believe she'd do this to me even though she knows what I go through every single day.. I feel like she's going to die and slip away from me just because I've let her and I'm NOT going to let her kill herself. She's being so bloody selfish and uncaring.. I know most of the replies will be "Ooooh it's really hard to stop smoking" but I've gone and bought her lozenges and she used them to quit successfully but has started again and doesn't use them anymore. What a bitch, I don't even care anymore. I give up. I can't cope.
I'm 15 and my stupid arse mum is 48.
It is hard to give up
I smoked for 50+ yrs and couldn't stop until I had a heart attack in January.
Haven't smoked since.
It is hard to give up
I smoked for 50+ yrs and couldn't stop until I had a heart attack in January.
Haven't smoked since.
I know it is, but she has the things there to help her quit but she can't be bothered to use them.
I used the Nicabate inhalator.(not an ecigarette)
You put cartridges in it and suck on it like a cigarette.
I had tried patches and gum in the past but they didn't work.
---------- Post added at 12:29 ---------- Previous post was at 12:27 ----------
It's been nearly a year and I still feel like one and probably always will
Good on you for quitting, don't give into the urges.
I'm on a mission to make my mum stop. It's worked before so it will work again.
Keep at her but don't nag !!:yesyes:
MyNameIsTerry
06-12-15, 04:57
It's been nearly a year and I still feel like one and probably always will
My dad smoked most of his life into his mid sixties. He had a few years where he gave up years ago but enjoyed smoking so had started again. He only gave up because of a possible unconnected cancer scare.
He gave up probably 7+ years ago now and he still says he misses it. It tends to be when he would be enjoying one like when on the pub or after a meal.
---------- Post added at 04:57 ---------- Previous post was at 04:51 ----------
Toby,
You need to have patience with her. I know your HA is centred around cancer in yourself and your family but you need to recognise that fear is YOURS. You need the support of your mum right now and you don't want to create arguments because you will kick yourself over it and it will increase your negative thinking about yourself making your HA worse.
She tried for a short time and managed it. Thats a success. She just needs to keep trying until she gets it going for longer and then she is unlikely to ever go back to it. She wasn't out of the woods at such a short time and relapse is common, just like it is with all of us on here.
Try to be patient. Talk to your support people about your feelings. Tell your mum how you worry about her health but don't let her see it as pressure because she may look at it negatively and berate herself which often leads to needing a fag.
My mum "quit" smoking about 5-6 weeks ago and was doing a great job. But then I find out that she's been smoking again sneakily. She then "stops" for a second time. And today I've found out that she's started AGAIN. I have serious worries about her health and seeing her smoking literally kills me and makes me so worried it's untrue. I can't believe she'd do this to me even though she knows what I go through every single day.. I feel like she's going to die and slip away from me just because I've let her and I'm NOT going to let her kill herself. She's being so bloody selfish and uncaring.. I know most of the replies will be "Ooooh it's really hard to stop smoking" but I've gone and bought her lozenges and she used them to quit successfully but has started again and doesn't use them anymore. What a bitch, I don't even care anymore. I give up. I can't cope.
I'm 15 and my stupid arse mum is 48.
Toby... really? Let me tell you a little story. I smoked for close to 40 years. Cigarettes for a long time, then switched to a pipe and finally cigars. I quite tobacco in August of 2012. I went to an e-cig and tapered down the nicotine and was totally off by October of that year. Unfortunately for me, tobacco as well as my lifestyle was responsible for the health issues I deal with today. I tried to quit many times. One of the things that always broke me was stress. When I was too stressed, the urge to smoke was 10X worse.
You said this in another post:
...she has to deal with me worrying constantly, badgering her. She told me she has been pretty stressed out by me actually and I feel really bad, sometimes she doesn't feel like eating because I stress her out and make her anxious because I'm always asking her questions, checking her temperature....
If you really truly want to help her, you have to help yourself. Causing her stress makes it difficult to remain smoke free. You're calling her a bitch and having a pity party for yourself but quite frankly you're part of the problem.
Instead of worrying all the time and badgering her you should be positive, encouraging and supporting her. The way to do that is by helping yourself. I made a suggestion about blocking websites that feed your anxiety. Having it password protected so you can't support the dragon. I suggest it again and have your Mom set it up. Showing her you're making a concerted effort to get well will do wonders for her and her efforts to quit.
I'm truly sorry you're suffering as you are. I've said it before that I'm concerned due to your age and the apparent severity of your anxiety. I truly hope you get the help you need and get on the healing path.
Positive thoughts
My dad smoked most of his life into his mid sixties. He had a few years where he gave up years ago but enjoyed smoking so had started again. He only gave up because of a possible unconnected cancer scare.
He gave up probably 7+ years ago now and he still says he misses it. It tends to be when he would be enjoying one like when on the pub or after a meal.
---------- Post added at 04:57 ---------- Previous post was at 04:51 ----------
Toby,
You need to have patience with her. I know your HA is centred around cancer in yourself and your family but you need to recognise that fear is YOURS. You need the support of your mum right now and you don't want to create arguments because you will kick yourself over it and it will increase your negative thinking about yourself making your HA worse.
She tried for a short time and managed it. Thats a success. She just needs to keep trying until she gets it going for longer and then she is unlikely to ever go back to it. She wasn't out of the woods at such a short time and relapse is common, just like it is with all of us on here.
Try to be patient. Talk to your support people about your feelings. Tell your mum how you worry about her health but don't let her see it as pressure because she may look at it negatively and berate herself which often leads to needing a fag.
I gave up many times before my heartie but went back to it pretty quickly.
It took a major health scare to get me off em.
I gave up many times before my heartie but went back to it pretty quickly.
It took a major health scare to get me off em.
Sadly, I continued to smoke cigars after my 1st heart attack. Ironically, I quit and 2 months later had my 2nd heart attack and shortly thereafter was diagnosed with head and neck cancer. Truthfully, even now after three years, I get the urge when I smell a good cigar or pipe. One of my favorite things to do was smoke a good stogie with a glass of fine brandy or scotch while watching football on Sundays.
It really is a hell of an addiction to quit.
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
06-12-15, 08:39
Yeah guys, my dad said the same. He had quit before but a big part of it was that he enjoyed it so wasn't fully behind quitting. He cut down to about 4-6 a day which is a big achievement but with no going to zero it predictably went back up to the usual.
It took sitting in a cancer ward for tests to shake him up. His wasn't connected to the smoking but I guess being around it all made him think deeply about whether at his age he could see something come along. Thankfully not.
I have smoked for a few years due to stress and anxiety .
I gave it up for a few years when I developed angina.
I have to go outside for a smoke. The weather has put me off so I have not smoked many recently.
Our local pharmacy is doing free patches and different things to help me to give up.
I have two weeks to cut down, and then I will have patches and chewing gum and maybe tablets
I think smoking is a habit that is hard to give up.
If you don't mind me asking, what is head cancer? Is it like brain cancer?
If you don't mind me asking, what is head cancer? Is it like brain cancer?
I sent you a note :)
Positive thoughts
Sadly, I continued to smoke cigars after my 1st heart attack. Ironically, I quit and 2 months later had my 2nd heart attack and shortly thereafter was diagnosed with head and neck cancer. Truthfully, even now after three years, I get the urge when I smell a good cigar or pipe. One of my favorite things to do was smoke a good stogie with a glass of fine brandy or scotch while watching football on Sundays.
It really is a hell of an addiction to quit.
Positive thoughts
I used to like a couple of Jack Daniels after work and would always have a smoke with em.
I ended up not drinking for about 6 months but can now have a couple without the smoke.
I used to like a couple of Jack Daniels after work and would always have a smoke with em.
I ended up not drinking for about 6 months but can now have a couple without the smoke.
Sadly, due to my heart attacks, cancer and treatment, I can't enjoy libations as I used to. I'm on medications that prohibit that as well. My doctor said at most I can have "a" beer with dinner once in a while. I really do enjoy a fine brew (love a hearty stout) so I reserve that for a nice dinner with my wife a few times a month. Kinda miss being able to knock down a few but if it's going to cause me issues then it's just common sense to abstain.
Positive thoughts
Not good Fish but it's for the best.
Health comes first.
My mum "quit" smoking about 5-6 weeks ago and was doing a great job. But then I find out that she's been smoking again sneakily. She then "stops" for a second time. And today I've found out that she's started AGAIN. I have serious worries about her health and seeing her smoking literally kills me and makes me so worried it's untrue. I can't believe she'd do this to me even though she knows what I go through every single day.. I feel like she's going to die and slip away from me just because I've let her and I'm NOT going to let her kill herself. She's being so bloody selfish and uncaring.. I know most of the replies will be "Ooooh it's really hard to stop smoking" but I've gone and bought her lozenges and she used them to quit successfully but has started again and doesn't use them anymore. What a bitch, I don't even care anymore. I give up. I can't cope.
I'm 15 and my stupid arse mum is 48.
It's sad to see that you are using such words to describe your mother. My mother continued to smoke even after she was diagnosed with cancer and quite honestly, I wish I could see my mother one last time whether she had a cigarette in her mouth or not! She's no longer here and I spent a lot of days worried about her too. But I wish I could just take back those days of worry and just enjoy the time I did get with her! It's a very hard habit to kick and stress makes it a million times worse. Instead of badgering your mother, be supportive of her. Stop worrying so much about her and help yourself first.
MyNameIsTerry
08-12-15, 04:49
It's sad to see that you are using such words to describe your mother. My mother continued to smoke even after she was diagnosed with cancer and quite honestly, I wish I could see my mother one last time whether she had a cigarette in her mouth or not! She's no longer here and I spent a lot of days worried about her too. But I wish I could just take back those days of worry and just enjoy the time I did get with her! It's a very hard habit to kick and stress makes it a million times worse. Instead of badgering your mother, be supportive of her. Stop worrying so much about her and help yourself first.
I'm sorry to hear you lost your mum. :hugs:
I hope Toby listens to your advice.
Jenni, I'm so sorry also about your Mum and you speak a lot of sense. Toby, you need to think about how your behaviour may be causing your Mum a lot of stress which is causing her to continue to smoke? You may actually be sabotaging your own efforts? Your mum is obviously hugely important to you-helping her may mean helping yourself by recognising just how you are behaving.
Jenni, I'm so sorry also about your Mum and you speak a lot of sense. Toby, you need to think about how your behaviour may be causing your Mum a lot of stress which is causing her to continue to smoke? You may actually be sabotaging your own efforts? Your mum is obviously hugely important to you-helping her may mean helping yourself by recognising just how you are behaving.
I found that stress is an excuse rather than a need to smoke.
If you REALLY want to give up you will.
MyNameIsTerry
10-12-15, 04:53
Perhaps it depends on what you use it for, Phill? Loads of people smoked at my last workplace and certainly the managers used it as a relief from stress so on top of them liking smoking, stress was a factor for them. I could easily see it being an excuse when it came to quitting though as the argument will be "I'll start again tomorrow"".
For me it was more a social thing and I was lucky to find it easy enough to give up. But I had a rule about anything like this and that was that I would resist the urge in the mornings so perhaps I had built up some willpower anyway, but not constantly smoking through the day would have been a massive bonus for me. I would still feel the urge though and I can say the same for cocaine when I used that over a couple of years recreationally when I was out drinking so I applied the same rule otherwise I thought it could be a very slippery slope.
I had a similiar thing with alcohol too. I rarely drink at home or alone because I always saw it as an opportunity to socialise with my mates and have a laugh. If I have started drinking I could easily carry on at home though :D
When I was relapsing I can remember one anxiety sufferer at my workplace telling me to have a drink to help me sleep. :doh: Like I need that option to abuse!
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