View Full Version : Advice please.
My best friend is at university and I had arranged (with my other best friend and a couple of other people) to go and see her. The problem is I just can't, I really don't think I can handle it. I thought we'd just go to her SU bar and watch films in her room but now there's a massive party that everybody wants to go to. I keep on telling myself that I can go to it and have a good time but there's another voice at the back of my head saying that I can't go and if I go I will faint. I just can't bear the noise, I can't bear being hot and sweaty - I'm convinced that it will make me faint. It's got to the stage where I'm thinking I wish I could get the flu or break my leg just so I can have an excuse not to go, it's so stupid but I just can't do it but I don't want to admit it. I can never admit to my friends that I can't do something, I just make an excuse. And isn't that worse? I have no idea what to do. We're leaving on Friday so I need to decide before then. I feel like an absolute failure.
Bump.
I'd really appreciate some replies people!
Hi Issy_bum,
Firstly you are not a failure! You can't help having anxiety problems.
So you're friends don't know about your anxiety? You should think about telling them, it's important to have a good support network. And if they are good friends they will want to help you and will pleased that you put your trust in them.
As for going to see your friend at university, could you arrange to see her another time when it's a bit quieter?
Don't beat yourself up about it hun.
Take care,
Zoe xx
Awww Issy, that could soooo easily have been me writing that thread, I can understand totally how you are feeling hun, I've got a trip away in a couple of weeks with 2 friends and instead of being excited, all the what ifs have started, then I get so cross with myself!!!! I too have not told anyone apart from my partner and have been through the hope I catch a cold so I have an excuse scenario!!!!!
Why not give it a go hun, see how it goes???? you might enjoy it! If not you could excuse yourself early then at least you will have given it a go?
Let us know what you decide hun.
Luv Pinky
Hi Issy_bum,
Firstly you are not a failure! You can't help having anxiety problems.
So you're friends don't know about your anxiety? You should think about telling them, it's important to have a good support network. And if they are good friends they will want to help you and will pleased that you put your trust in them.
As for going to see your friend at university, could you arrange to see her another time when it's a bit quieter?
Don't beat yourself up about it hun.
Take care,
Zoe xx
Thanks for the support. They do know about it, I made them aware of it when I first suffered from it badly a couple of years ago but they think I'm all better now and I haven't told them otherwise, I don't want to be a problem or someone they have to look after. I know they must be completely fed up of me. I think I may try and meet them up there on the Saturday, therefore missing the party but I just worry too much about what they'll think of me. I've realised recently that I care far too much about pleasing others and about what they think of me. I don't know how to stop doing it. Sorry, I am just completely self-pitying but I don't know, I feel down. I just want to feel normal.
Awww Issy, that could soooo easily have been me writing that thread, I can understand totally how you are feeling hun, I've got a trip away in a couple of weeks with 2 friends and instead of being excited, all the what ifs have started, then I get so cross with myself!!!! I too have not told anyone apart from my partner and have been through the hope I catch a cold so I have an excuse scenario!!!!!
Why not give it a go hun, see how it goes???? you might enjoy it! If not you could excuse yourself early then at least you will have given it a go?
Let us know what you decide hun.
Luv Pinky
A big part of me wants to go and I know I need to push myself into doing things I don't want to in order to overcome my fears but I don't know if I'd be able to cope with it. I feel completely irrational and stupid to be honest. Another worry is that I'll ruin it for my friends if I go and just look anxious and whatever. I just really want to be able to go out and have fun, I feel incredibly boring.
I hope you have fun on your trip, I'm sure you'll be fine :].
hello, i've just joined up to this website and read your thread, i feel for you so much, everything you say is exactly how i feel. last year my now boyfriend wanted me to go to a small one-day music festival, I WAS TERRIFIED.. i tried everything to get out of it, phoned around to see who could babysit me for the day (i'm 21 by the way, a little old for babysitting :) ).. everyone was busy.. my two options were either go with him and probably freak out/faint/and look stupid or stay at his house on my own all day (a thought, in my head 100 times scarier than the 1st).. i went.. i had a great time.. you've got you're friends with you.. imagine the worst case scenario, you faint. so what? i know, i know, i know it's hard trying to explain how you feel but put yourself in their shoes for a sec.. if you went out with mates and one of them turned around and said they felt faint you wouldn't think badly of them. all you need to do is ask one of them to geta bit of fresh air with you, go outside, cool down and do some breathing exercises, you should try it.. who cares if you fail, you tried. a panic attack cant hurt you, remeber that, the only thing that can hurt you is your fear of it.. go to the chemist and buy some rescue remedy and a homeopathic remedy called arg nit. it really helps me, good luck, let us know if you go x
Thanks. But fainting is my phobia, if I felt faint I think I would actually die because when I was younger I lost vision in one eye for a couple of months and since then I've hated the idea of losing control of my body/senses. It's just the what if questions, they're getting to me.
when was the last time you fainted??
I've actually never fainted. *Touch wood*. It's just the way people have described it to me, even thinking about it makes me feel ill. I just hate the idea of it so much.
wobily_lin
20-02-07, 19:48
Elo Zoe,
I know how you feel..wanting to go but then worrying wot it's gona b like blah blah..
I have that phobia too, but it did happen to me..
How it works for me is.......if it is in my head that I really want to do something...then my mind won't rest until I do it....I am not goin out again atm but I do know how this feels..
Family partys etc..god hated the thought of it...but I so wanted to go to my sis bday party in a pub...so wot i did was get meself ready n sat there at home....didnt put any pressure on myself to go or not...eventually altho I was anx..i thought I have to do this..even if i come straight back home..I have to do it...so i did......
And I was fine and I had a great time and everyone was so pleased for me to b there.....I didn't stay the whole time just hour or so.
I was so pleased I had done it.....but the face that I even wnt was a huge achievement...
My advice is try it..go for it.. if you can't do it..pat urself on the back for tryin and there will always be other times to meet up....
The fact you want to go is a huge thing in itself...let us know how you get on n hope it helps x
I've actually never fainted. *Touch wood*. It's just the way people have described it to me, even thinking about it makes me feel ill. I just hate the idea of it so much.
hello, dam you're lucky, i've fainted lots of times, i'm a bit of a wimp really, try and rattionalise your thoughts.. if you've never fainted what are the chances of you now? by the time you faint/sit down/come around it'll be a total of about 10/15mins. if you feel faint, sit down in fresh air with your head down, breath slowly and there's hardly any chance at all you actually will.. try and challenge your thoughts, trust me, its not that bad, i used to faint every month from period pains, i'd know when i was gonna faint so i'd lay down on sofa, if i did it would be just like going to sleep and waking up and feeling hot, sending ya love
Thanks, I mean I almost fainted when I had the flu because I was kind of delirious but my Mum just pushed my head between my legs and I felt alright again pretty quickly. I think the fact that I haven't actually ever fainted just makes it worse because I've built it up so much in my head. I don't care about the actual passing out, it's just the idea of helplessness and losing my vision or hearing. I just hate the idea of not being in control of my body. I just don't have any idea about how to stop worrying about it and it's making me feel ill. I get lots of headaches and keep on losing weight.
Thanks to everyone who has said nice things.
At the moment it looks as if I may skip the party and go up on the Saturday instead by myself, even doing that would be a great achievement for me and I know I'll feel better once I've done it.
Under~The~Stars
21-02-07, 15:59
Hey Issy_Bum,
It sounds like a really tough decision you have to make, and I'm sorry you're feeling really crappy about it. :hugs:
I can totally relate with how you are feeling, as the amount of times I have had to cancel going out with my friends due to my anxiety etc is unbelievable! :shrug: :sad:
The actual thought of it is the worse than the thing itself for me, it's the waiting for it to happen that I can't handle i.e. the night before I am meeting them is bad, but the day I am meant to be going is worse, and I just can't bring myself to go, so I cancel. But I know from past experiences that if I go I would be fine and I would be distracted so would have quite a good time.
I feel great if I have managed to meet them even if I haven't had that good a time. And I feel crap if I haven't managed to meet them, I feel relieved that I haven't had to go at first, but that quickly wares off.
I think you should try and go, maybe not to the party if that would be too daunting, but it will eventually come where you can go to parties and have a great time. But even if you just go and meet your friends, and don't go to the party is still an achievement, and you will be really glad you went. :)
Take one step at a time, try and walk before you run. You will get there :D
Let us know what you decide :)
Thanks.
I just spoke to my friend and told her the truth, she comepletely understands which is kind of a relief. She said that she'd like for me to come on the Friday but she'll still love me if I come on the Saturday.
I agree with the walking before you start running idea, if I can have the courage to go up there and stay a night or two this time then maybe next time I'll be able to tackle the party too.
Hey everyone!
I just wanted to say thanks for the support you gave me last week.
I went to my friend's university a day late, I missed the party but no one gave me a hard time about it and I really, truly enjoyed myself. I went through stages of feeling a bit ill and worried but I generally felt really confident and happy. It felt great, lol! And seriously, if I can do it - ANYONE can.
Love to all.
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