Need some advice on counsellor

[MetalYeti]

I'm currently four sessions into a short course of counselling provided by my work, this is my first experience of any kind of counselling/therapy and I went into it having no idea what to expect. I've found it has helped to talk to a neutral party, get things off my chest, get my thoughts a bit straighter and realise some things about my thought processes. However, the counsellor has basically just let me talk myself round the houses, apart from a very few suggestions for things I could do differently (and I have to say, all pretty obvious things I'd already tried) she hasn't actually given me any tools for dealing with my problems. Is this all that counselling is? I kind of expected there to be more to it! I can see the value of waiting for a client to talk themselves around to their own conclusions but I fell I've got past that point now. I've said all I have to say, I've concluded all I'm going to conclude and now I need the information, professional expertise and tools to deal with my issues and move forward but I'm not getting it. Last session I was very careful to pose direct questions to my counsellor in case I hadn't been clear in what I was after, but I was just met with silence as if she was waiting for me to figure it out for myself. It has become very awkward, I don't have anything more to talk about and I don't feel I'm getting anywhere at this stage. Is this a normal counselling experience? Do I need a different type of therapy? Am I missing something? Help!

[swgrl09]

It all depends on the counselor or therapist and their style honestly. Some work like that whereas others are more directive and structured. It's usually a matter of their training and perspective. Have you asked her to be a bit more directive? You could also look for a different counselor and request that in the beginning.

[debs71]

Hi,

Your experience with counselling sounds very much like mine, and as good and lovely as my counsellor was, I felt the same afterwards.

At my first meeting/session with her, she straight away told me that all the sessions would be led by me, and dictated by what I wanted to talk about, and we would take it from there. She also said that if I didn't want to even say a word, and just sit there then that was ok too (which I found most strange to be honest)

Like you, I found offloading to a totally neutral person, who had no relation to me, and no agenda VERY, VERY helpful. Like you describe, she gave me helpful advice as to whatever I was talking about, and how to maybe see things differently, or not read so much into things, etc......but apart from that - and particularly when it came to my actual mental anxiety that was causing me a lot of grief and issues - she didn't actually address that.

I think that this TYPE of counselling may be the problem here, as you say.

This type is a talking therapy. I think the theory is that it addresses the deep seated causes of our anxiety - general life stuff - and gives us a chance to offload and discuss specific things in our lives that may have contributed to our anxiety, but it does not seem to actually be designed to deal with the anxiety ITSELF, and the mental and physical effects of it.

My depression and GAD and breakdown was caused my a variety of things in my life, and I think that is why my GP referred me for counseling through MIND, but I agree with you wholeheartedly that I was not left with any tools to deal with my anxiety, or any suggestions as to how to manage my thought processes better to inhibit the anxiety....not a thing....just a general good feeling about having got things off of my chest, but 11 years later, I am STILL battling my mental health issues, and have frankly found my own ways of addressing it!!!

I don't think you are missing anything.....I share your confusion with this. Is it possible you could address your concerns with your counselor? I would definitely bring it up if you can, as the whole point of counseling is that it is helpful in the right way, and if it is not then maybe she can suggest other ways to tackle this, or find a better avenue of therapy for you. x

[uru]

My first counsellor wasn't great. She kept saying all this inane stuff about 'rewriting my life script' and making weird leaps of logic. I persisted for about 6 sessions but then gave up. It didn't help me at all and I'm pretty sure she didn't like me.

[MetalYeti]

Thanks for your responses guys, it sounds to me like this isn't unusual for this type of therapy which makes me wonder if it's really going to be much help at the stage I'm now at. I suppose the best thing would be to go to the next session and be blunt with her and just ask where this is going or if it's just more of the same, but that feels awfully confrontational and gets my guts all in a twist! I feel like i shouldn't just give up because it was really hard to get myself to seek help in the first place, but it's really starting to feel like a waste of time and having come this far i don't want to feel like i'm stuck in a rut in case that sets off the anxiety cycles again.

---------- Post added at 21:17 ---------- Previous post was at 21:10 ----------

I'm also wondering if she's really qualified to help me, the biggest problems i have at the moment are having bad physical anxiety symptoms when there's really nothing much going on in my head at all, she implying that there must be this big, undisclosed issue that i'm keeping buried but there's really not! I've pretty much been through my entire life and for life of me i don't know why my body is reacting this way! I know she's not a doctor and i can't expect her to deal with physical issues but apparently i can't expect doctors to deal with mental issues either, they're more than happy to slap the anxiety tag on me and call job done. Blah, dunno what else to try.

[debs71]

I'm also wondering if she's really qualified to help me, the biggest problems i have at the moment are having bad physical anxiety symptoms when there's really nothing much going on in my head at all, she implying that there must be this big, undisclosed issue that i'm keeping buried but there's really not!

I must admit, when I first read that your counselling was through work, my immediate thought was 'but is she a qualified, accredited counselor' but then I thought that maybe I was being a bit snobby and presumptuous.

That does sound a bit odd, that she is suggesting stuff rather than taking her lead from you and what you are saying. Often, not even the anxiety sufferer themseves are aware of what has triggered their anxiety.

Please don't worry about seeming confrontational. I think it is just being honest with her. The counselling needs to be helping you, and if it isn't she needs advising of that and your concerns. As her client - and if she is a decent counselor - she should understand that. x

[MetalYeti]

Well it's a branch of Relate, i have no idea what their qualifications are though, i'm getting it for free so i suppose I'm hardly in a position to quibble but equally there's no point me wasting the sessions if they're not helping when other people could benefit from them.

[debs71]

Well it's a branch of Relate

Relate is just for relationship counselling as far as I am aware.

I am not sure this is the correct counselling for anxiety issues....not sure if anyone else has any info about relate to contradict that? :shrug:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Debs is right. Unless your anxiety is specifically about relationships, Relate aren't the right people. Whilst they will be trained inline with the requirements they have for their people, they may not have the right experience to help someone with anxiety outside of their scope. Individual counsellors may have a wider background but it seems a poor strategy to me and a more appropriate service is needed.

Some employers just add these types of services just to show they are a good employer, whether they are helpful or not. It's just like how some companies actively recruited the disabled years ago so they could look good to the public.

If it's not appropriate for you, can your employer change you to another provider? If they only contract Relate, they aren't geared up for mental health conditions.

If you want to work with someone to both understand and learn strategies, a therapist seems more appropriate as it will be more solution-focussed.

[MetalYeti]

Yeah that sounds about right, I think they've just contracted relate because they have a local branch and it allows them to tick a box to say they have provisions for employees with 'issues'. From what you've all said I think I need something more appropriate. Any suggestions for therapy that won't require me to re-mortgage my house?!

[debs71]

Yeah that sounds about right, I think they've just contracted relate because they have a local branch and it allows them to tick a box to say they have provisions for employees with 'issues'. From what you've all said I think I need something more appropriate. Any suggestions for therapy that won't require me to re-mortgage my house?!

MetalYeti, I would defo try contacting MIND. I had my counselling through MIND and despite my issues, they were very nice and very good, and offer loads of information re. therapy, accredited therapists, etc.

If anyone can point you in the right direction it is them.

You should have a local MIND branch somewhere nearby. Here is a link to their website: http://www.mind.org.uk/

[MetalYeti]

Thanks for the advice, there is a mind local to me so I'll definitely look into that X

[MyNameIsTerry]

Rethink too, they are the other major charity. Many of the local partners of MIND and Rethink are funded to provide therapy services within the IAPT framework.