CharleneMac
11-12-15, 13:41
hey all,
well here goes with day one of another ssri to see if they can help. ive tried a good few in the past ... fluox, cit, sert ... and none of them have worked.
well thats a bit unfair to say really because i didnt stick to them, i never stick to anything. one little side effect and im off them and making out like they where killing me purely so no one would force me to keep taking them.
Basically what led me to here was a mental breakdown nearly 4 months ago. i cant say im surprised about it happening and looking back i can see the slide i went on to get into it.
if u wanna read up on it then this is the link ...
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=173722&page=17
so basically ive had the escit sitting in the house for about 6 weeks and i was determined not to take them. its only a 5mg dose so i know its literally a baby dose but me being me i was trying to be the hero.
im going through CBT and have support workers 3 times a week right now so i had convinced myself that this was enough and i didnt need meds.
Another thing is i have a phobia of meds ... bigtime phobia. i dont take anything other than paracetamol and amoxicillin because ive taken them all my life and i know what they do, them and the odd buspirone for anxiety.
But i knew i needed something because if anything it was getting worse, id just gotten better at hiding it from everyone, id even managed to hide it from myself alot of the time too :(
i ended up with the anxiety taking over my whole body with shaking, facial twitches, spasms and jolts all over and i convinced myself i had a sinister illness.
i got out of breath when i was out working and yeh i had a serious illness, my womanly things got messed up and yep another serious illness.
i knew i couldnt go on like this anymore and my fiance and kids deserved better.
because ive got agoraphobia ive gotten to the point where im too scared to be on my own so my fiance hasnt left the house either in months. im too scared about the illnesses i falsly believed i had, the panic etc so i literally stay in my bed day in and day out. its very rare im anywhere but in my bed so he does all the housework, cooking, everything.
so the load of guilt with all of this heaped onto the anger i was having about the fact i was never getting better has led me to take the dreaded meds. i also think i was in denial for a very long time that i was actually ill ... well that was a big mistake on my part.
so here goes with the meds.
i took it roughly an hour ago and of course im convinced ive got every single one of those side effects in the 1 go.
the rational part of my brain is telling me its not even in my system but of course that wee black monster is in there telling me different and that i shouldnt be taking them !! eeeekkkk
i cant really report much other than im freaking out and my own mind is taking over .... not much in the way of actual side effects but il more than likely be reporting back a few times a day right now until i can establish what is what.
good luck to anyone else starting this journey too and remember to be proud of yourself because the road to getting here is a difficult one and between us we can do this !!! :bighug1:
charlene xx
well here goes with day one of another ssri to see if they can help. ive tried a good few in the past ... fluox, cit, sert ... and none of them have worked.
well thats a bit unfair to say really because i didnt stick to them, i never stick to anything. one little side effect and im off them and making out like they where killing me purely so no one would force me to keep taking them.
Basically what led me to here was a mental breakdown nearly 4 months ago. i cant say im surprised about it happening and looking back i can see the slide i went on to get into it.
if u wanna read up on it then this is the link ...
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=173722&page=17
so basically ive had the escit sitting in the house for about 6 weeks and i was determined not to take them. its only a 5mg dose so i know its literally a baby dose but me being me i was trying to be the hero.
im going through CBT and have support workers 3 times a week right now so i had convinced myself that this was enough and i didnt need meds.
Another thing is i have a phobia of meds ... bigtime phobia. i dont take anything other than paracetamol and amoxicillin because ive taken them all my life and i know what they do, them and the odd buspirone for anxiety.
But i knew i needed something because if anything it was getting worse, id just gotten better at hiding it from everyone, id even managed to hide it from myself alot of the time too :(
i ended up with the anxiety taking over my whole body with shaking, facial twitches, spasms and jolts all over and i convinced myself i had a sinister illness.
i got out of breath when i was out working and yeh i had a serious illness, my womanly things got messed up and yep another serious illness.
i knew i couldnt go on like this anymore and my fiance and kids deserved better.
because ive got agoraphobia ive gotten to the point where im too scared to be on my own so my fiance hasnt left the house either in months. im too scared about the illnesses i falsly believed i had, the panic etc so i literally stay in my bed day in and day out. its very rare im anywhere but in my bed so he does all the housework, cooking, everything.
so the load of guilt with all of this heaped onto the anger i was having about the fact i was never getting better has led me to take the dreaded meds. i also think i was in denial for a very long time that i was actually ill ... well that was a big mistake on my part.
so here goes with the meds.
i took it roughly an hour ago and of course im convinced ive got every single one of those side effects in the 1 go.
the rational part of my brain is telling me its not even in my system but of course that wee black monster is in there telling me different and that i shouldnt be taking them !! eeeekkkk
i cant really report much other than im freaking out and my own mind is taking over .... not much in the way of actual side effects but il more than likely be reporting back a few times a day right now until i can establish what is what.
good luck to anyone else starting this journey too and remember to be proud of yourself because the road to getting here is a difficult one and between us we can do this !!! :bighug1:
charlene xx