honeybee
20-02-07, 14:59
hello guys and gals. i've just come across this website and felt the need to introduce myself.
i'm 21 and have suffered from general anxiety/panic attacks/agoraphobia for the last three years. before it had all started i was a really confident bar/restaurant manager, living with friends and had been travelling around spain. i was in a quite destructive relationship when i went on holiday with my boyfriend. whilst in majorca i got a mild case of food posioning and spent practically 3 days having a major panic attack, little did i know then it was a panic attack, i just thought i was either going mad or dying or even both. i came home early and have never been the same since.
i managed one more shift at work before i went on sick for a month then resigned. i moved back in with my mum, brothers and sisters. i was too scared to even text my friends incase they called me and i'd have to speak to them.i stopped going out. over the next couple of years i was my mothers shadow, practically living her life, which admittably was quite easy since she was a stay at home mum, i also went through nuromous amounts of other s**t including my 11 year old sister being sexually abused by her grandfather, which resulted in court cases and all the other necessary stressful procudures, my little brother and sisters dad also commited suicide after battling with depression for many years. after that my mum decided to move away from the area for a fresh start, it was at this point i decided to change my life around.
i arranged to move in with friends, i finished the relationship with my boyfriend, things that scared the living daylight out of me. i happened to get in touch with an old male friend that i lost touch with before my panic attacks started which resulted in us both admitting we were madly in love with each other and always had been. that was last summer and i'm just in the process of moving in with him.he's very ambitious and is really pushing me to overcome my fears. last year i managed to make it to the big chill festival, surrounded by thousands of people and i only had a few attacks.. great.
i try and go out as much as possible by it does make me anxious, i'm pretty much ok going anywhere if i'm with my mum or boyfriend but i can't even get out the front of the garden gate if i'm on my own. this is an exercise i'll be starting daily in a min. i'm going to try and take a small walk on my own every day. i just feel so so so trapped. i feel like i should be doing so much more with my life yet i'm disabled by this irrational, stupid stupid stupid fear of making a fool of myself in public by having a panic attack. i've tried anti-depressants (had an allergic reaction) cognative behavioural therapy, hypnotherapy, reflexology, cranial sacral therapy, spiritual healing, reki, absolutly everything it seems, any advice for me whilst i'm about to attempt reaching the other side of my garden path???
i'm so so so sorry for going on and on and on
i'm 21 and have suffered from general anxiety/panic attacks/agoraphobia for the last three years. before it had all started i was a really confident bar/restaurant manager, living with friends and had been travelling around spain. i was in a quite destructive relationship when i went on holiday with my boyfriend. whilst in majorca i got a mild case of food posioning and spent practically 3 days having a major panic attack, little did i know then it was a panic attack, i just thought i was either going mad or dying or even both. i came home early and have never been the same since.
i managed one more shift at work before i went on sick for a month then resigned. i moved back in with my mum, brothers and sisters. i was too scared to even text my friends incase they called me and i'd have to speak to them.i stopped going out. over the next couple of years i was my mothers shadow, practically living her life, which admittably was quite easy since she was a stay at home mum, i also went through nuromous amounts of other s**t including my 11 year old sister being sexually abused by her grandfather, which resulted in court cases and all the other necessary stressful procudures, my little brother and sisters dad also commited suicide after battling with depression for many years. after that my mum decided to move away from the area for a fresh start, it was at this point i decided to change my life around.
i arranged to move in with friends, i finished the relationship with my boyfriend, things that scared the living daylight out of me. i happened to get in touch with an old male friend that i lost touch with before my panic attacks started which resulted in us both admitting we were madly in love with each other and always had been. that was last summer and i'm just in the process of moving in with him.he's very ambitious and is really pushing me to overcome my fears. last year i managed to make it to the big chill festival, surrounded by thousands of people and i only had a few attacks.. great.
i try and go out as much as possible by it does make me anxious, i'm pretty much ok going anywhere if i'm with my mum or boyfriend but i can't even get out the front of the garden gate if i'm on my own. this is an exercise i'll be starting daily in a min. i'm going to try and take a small walk on my own every day. i just feel so so so trapped. i feel like i should be doing so much more with my life yet i'm disabled by this irrational, stupid stupid stupid fear of making a fool of myself in public by having a panic attack. i've tried anti-depressants (had an allergic reaction) cognative behavioural therapy, hypnotherapy, reflexology, cranial sacral therapy, spiritual healing, reki, absolutly everything it seems, any advice for me whilst i'm about to attempt reaching the other side of my garden path???
i'm so so so sorry for going on and on and on