Relationships and anxiety/breakdown

[beatroon]

Hey guys,

I'm new here, but a longtime lurker. I find the boards really helpful to see how many other people are going through similar things, and as I'm in a bit of a fix, I thought I would see if anyone has any thoughts...

I have always had GAD but two months ago went into a real slump of anxiety and depression - to the point where I couldn't work or do anything much, just wanted to crawl into bed. I'm having CBT and take Citalopram, but recently all my worries have focused on my relationship and spiralled out of control...

We have been married for 5 years and it has been a very loving relationship, with minor stresses, some to do with my anxiety! It was a serious of relationship stresses that led to my recent period of ill health, but they are now resolved - or I thought they were. But now I just feel so negative, like everything just feels 'wrong', and cut off from my life, and can't help feeling that the relationship is the problem - even though I know logically that two months ago things were OK.

Has anyone else experienced this awful desperate urge to flee when their anxiety is high? I don't want to make any rash decisions but just want to run and hide, and it's so hard day to day to hide how I'm feeling, which is awful and guilty. What on earth is going on???

Any thoughts so much appreciated - and I hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Beatroon

[Hypochondriac27]

Yes I have sort of had this feeling. I have GAD plus hypochondrias. It got really bad when my boyfriend started talking about babies. I did lots of research on pregnancy and what could go wrong which is a big no no if you really want kids. I therefore started thinking that these horror stories will come true for me, I had few episodes of just crawling up in a ball crying cause I'm afraid of the future and what if I die while pregnant. I still fear this big time. Then I had to get my wisdom teeth out but they wanted me asleep even though I was fine being awake. I freaked out over that thinking I would not wake up, for two months straight I would basically just cry weekly. Anyways that being said...it crossed my mind that maybe I should just leave my boyfriend because I hate putting him threw this and I know how much he wants kids. I want kids so bad too but my fear is so great.

I found out my boyfriend is ring shopping because he told me and I'm excited. I know though I got to make up my mind for sure now. It be wrong to marry someone then say no I can't try to have kids even though I promised him I would try and fight my fear . So I think I might just go against my fear, I know if I don't I'll be depressed over losing my best friend and not living my life.

I'm so thankful for him though, I'm surprised he is not running away, I can tell he gets annoyed but he is there for me.

Think about the pros and cons before you make a decision to leave.. if you think it will just make you more depressed then that's a sign stay where your at and try to relax and be happy with your husband. Your husband sounds like he has patience too like my boyfriend. We are one lucky chicks:)

[beatroon]

Thank you! That's really helpful. I think leaving would definitely send me off the rails into an even worse depression, so I'm going to stick with it and hope for the best. Logically I know the feelings are there but perhaps I can't feel them because of the anxiety if you see what I mean...

I hope you are feeling OK about things - like you say, we are lucky to have such supportive people in our lives! :)

[Hypochondriac27]

No problem :) anytime. I'm glad I helped a bit. Its hard with anxiety, I have my good days and bad days but guess we all do we just got to try think positive and live our lives as best we can. Guess it's like everyone says "can't worry about stuff we have no control of"...that's very hard sometimes but I'm doing a bit better as in not crawling up in a ball crying lol wish you best of luck with everything! Happy Holidays!

[darksword1]

Hey there! Hope everythings feeling better!

First of all I suggest you read my post from a few days ago titled 'Relationship anxiety'.. I think you will find comfort to see others are going through the exact same thing as you!

I know full well I have every reason to be happy and alot of the time I am.. but sometimes I just find myself questioning my feelings and I hate it!

Ive been takings some meds for 3 weeks now, things are looking up but it hasnt been easy.. especially when the meds make you feel anxious which results in you creating thoughts in your head based off the physical feeling.

Feel free to message me if you want to chat! I'm right there in it with you at the minute.

[beatroon]

Hi Darksword,

Phew, that's really reassuring to hear! (Although I'm sorry to hear you're going through the darkness too!). It's such a funny one, isn't it. In my case, I feel that it is because we went through a period of stress, where my anxiety was high, and now that is all sorted and better, I can't seem to get back to my usual stress levels. I became very anxious about fearing being abandoned, and wonder whether I am pushing my partner away so as to forestall the possibility of abandonment.

It's all so confusing! But, I think we just treat it like any other kind of intrusive thought, and try to gain some perspective on the problem. CBT helps with this I find!

[darksword1]

I see.. well let me give you a brief history lesson about myself and I'm sure we can relate!

I was left by my partner for someone else after many years together, it was very sudden and I had no idea it was going to happen.. it was just another happy day in my life when I woke up! This literally broke my emotions for quite some time and it took a long time for me to recover.. the person I'm having anxiety over now is actually the reason I managed to move on.

EVERYONE I have spoken to about this, doctors included, have told me that what I'm going through right now is happening because I'm afraid she will leave me and I'll go through the same ordeal my last partner put me through. Subconsciously they think I am trying to push her away before she can hurt me (sounds familiar right?).

I do a lot of meditation nowadays using an app called "Headspace".. I'd definitely recommend it to help you out on the darker days. The CBT however I didn't have much luck with, I found it difficult to get fully involved. What about it have you found so helpful if you don't mind me asking?

[beatroon]

That's awful about your previous partner, sorry to hear it. I can quite see how it left you feeling massively vulnerable about starting again.

To be honest, I find the CBT techniques only partially effective with this one - I can remind myself to set aside a time in the day to worry/problem-solve on most days, but some days it just feels so completely overwhelming that it isn't enough. I think the problem is I'm just exhausted with it all and not exactly unwilling to try, but feeling like it's hopeless!

[ray.olsen]

Hey beatroon

I'm sorry to hear about your past couple of months. :weep:
GAD just works that way, it affects us on the most important aspects of our lives to bring us down. It makes us worry and think negatively. I know you think that your relationship has a problem but I urge you to speak with your partner first before making a regretful act. I would consider couple's therapy since your negative involves your partner it would be beneficial if you can communicate with your therapist to supervise you. Communication is essential in a relationship. If you feel that you are pushing your partner away or he is pulling away on purpose then he should know about those feelings.