Masonn
14-12-15, 04:22
Hi, my name is Mason. I'm 17 and I've been suffering from health anxiety on and off since I was 13. When I was 13, I started to think that every mole on my body was skin cancer. I've been having shoulder jerks (still do, I guess it's just my body?) since I can remember and other weird pains and aches and I automatically associated all that to my moles and cancer. I saw doctors, dermatologists, cancer centres, and all clear. I wasn't convinced. I never got a biopsy either. I have a giant mole on my ankle since birth as it grew with my body, it's at least 4cm x 4m now, and it terrifies me but I can't get it removed without a skin graph which are expensive and painful as it is too big. I had other issues but this is just an example of my mindset back then.
On and off on and off worrying about different things and 4 years later here I am again, locked up in my room terrified I have leukemia. My symptoms are easy bruising, I've got a weird purple rash/bruise all over my left thigh and a little on my right, I've had a cut for months that hasn't healed and I am having difficulty breathing. I also have red dots all over my arm and back. I just got home from my first blood test ever, and I will get results next Tuesday. Basically, until Tuesday, I'm going to be anxious worried sick not being able to do anything or enjoy anything.
I got a new mole just under my hair on my forehead too and that is worrying me sick. On top of all this, I am terrified of needles, or just messing with my body in general. Things like surgery, needles or even medication, just freaks me out that they mess with your body like that. Despite years of success and proof it helps your body, I can't help but be scared something will go wrong with me.
I am scared I won't live very long. People say that dying at 50 is too early, I'd feel incredibly lucky to live till 30. I'm scared that if I don't get cancer now, I'll get it next year or in 10 years or 15. My grandmother had MS (multiple sclerosis) and I have some symptoms of that too. I am just terrified of dying and getting sick that it is stopping me from living.
This is the first time in the ever in the 4 years I've been like this, I've actually googled for help with my health anxiety rather than further googling symptoms and making myself worse.
On and off on and off worrying about different things and 4 years later here I am again, locked up in my room terrified I have leukemia. My symptoms are easy bruising, I've got a weird purple rash/bruise all over my left thigh and a little on my right, I've had a cut for months that hasn't healed and I am having difficulty breathing. I also have red dots all over my arm and back. I just got home from my first blood test ever, and I will get results next Tuesday. Basically, until Tuesday, I'm going to be anxious worried sick not being able to do anything or enjoy anything.
I got a new mole just under my hair on my forehead too and that is worrying me sick. On top of all this, I am terrified of needles, or just messing with my body in general. Things like surgery, needles or even medication, just freaks me out that they mess with your body like that. Despite years of success and proof it helps your body, I can't help but be scared something will go wrong with me.
I am scared I won't live very long. People say that dying at 50 is too early, I'd feel incredibly lucky to live till 30. I'm scared that if I don't get cancer now, I'll get it next year or in 10 years or 15. My grandmother had MS (multiple sclerosis) and I have some symptoms of that too. I am just terrified of dying and getting sick that it is stopping me from living.
This is the first time in the ever in the 4 years I've been like this, I've actually googled for help with my health anxiety rather than further googling symptoms and making myself worse.