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I've been offered a place to study at university part time. The course is a 2 year Creative Writing Certificate. Writing is something I enjoy doing, especially as it is my main way of communicating, and I know it will be good for me to have something to focus on.
I applied a while ago (in a brave moment!) but now the start day is approaching I am feeling very anxious. I declared my social phobia on my application but I didn't give any details. I thought it might be easier if they are forewarned as I have panic attacks if I am asked to speak in group situations.
I am particularly worried because the course description mentions 'discussion' quite a lot and feedback on your work from other students. I'd feel very uncomfortable about this. Another main obstacle for me is the first end of term assignment, which mentions 'putting together a portfolio that you will deliver in class, consisting of a number of edited pieces of writing with an introduction'. I would be unable to do this and it might mean I have no chance of passing the course.
I don't feel I am progressing very much with speaking or dealing with my fears of being with people. I really want to do the course, I am just not sure I am ready to take this step.
There is an induction day on Saturday which I have to attend and I am panicking about it. My friend is going to come with me for moral support but I am still getting very anxious.
Briary
Hi Briary
Be brave and go along. I am doing a course at university and it really helps to have something to focus on other than anxiety. Why don't you arrive a little early and have a word with the tutor. Just mention you have a social anxiety and would prefer not to talk at first, I'm sure they'll be very understanding. The other thing you can do is contact the university's disability office - they helped me and can offer solutions to any problems your anxiety causes you - for instance I had a separate room and extra time in my exams in case I had to leave for a bit.
Good luck, I bet you'll really enjoy it once you get into it!
Emily
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad
Hi Briary
I know exactly how u r feeling. I would try if you can, to explain to the tutor. He/she would understand then and wouldn't put you in those certain situations. Hopefully it wouldn't effect the outcome of your qualification. It shouldn't do anyway, especially if it's a writing course. Don't let the tutor patronise you either..I know from experience they think it is just natural nerves and try and bring you into the conversation but it would be better for you to explain to them, even if in a letter about your phobia. Maybe if you put that you'd rather observe any group discussions and would prefer not to participate ..any comments you have you could put in writing to the tutor? I know it's so difficult but if they understand you might find you'll really enjoy it and it could give you confidence..and when you get used to the surroundings etc you might want to talk at times..
It's great your friend will be there to give you support. I'm sure all will be ok Briary.. I will be thinking of you
KW
H Briary,
I think it is imperative that you meet with the course tutor prior to it starting and get these points raised and answered so you know what to expect when you attend .
If it is mandatory to present the portfolio to pass the course will you continue to do it for interest sake and see how you progress ?
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Caz Fab Pants
20-09-04, 18:24
Briary,
Only you know if you are ready to take this step but if you're asking what the general opinion is I think its clear. GO FOR IT!!! :D
Do what Meg suggested and meet with your tutor before the course begins to explain fully the extent of your fear about talking. I think this will be good for lots of reasons and gives you the chance to ask lots of questions.
Been thinking about doing a course myself but would probably have to opt for an Open University course due to my travelling difficulties.
Let us know what you decide.
Caroline :)
x
Thanks for all the suggestions.
I think trying to find out from the tutor what exactly is expected with regard to group discussions and presentations is a good idea. I have an email address for the course convener so I think I will send an email to him before Saturday's induction day explaining a bit about my problems talking.
Meg - I want to do this course. I am going to try at least. I would obviously like to get the certificate but I know it will be good for me to do the course anyway.
Briary
Hi Briary
Like Meg says find out what is expected of you. But even if you think it may be too much to take on i would give it your best effort to at least start the course.
The confidence you will gain from that will be of great benefit to you.
This is a good chance for you to overcome a lot of your fears.
Really hope you go for it.
Love Sal xxxxx
hi there Briary,
I think it's a great idea that you are going to try to do this course!! I'm sure it took a lot of courage for you to apply in the first place but you did it, so deep down inside you must really want to do this course. This might be exactly what you need to help yourself slowly get through your phobia.
I agree that you should find out exactly what the course consists of and I'm sure you and the tutor can sort something out from there. Good luck and take care.
Sarah :D
nomorepanic
20-09-04, 19:58
Hey Briary
Well done you for applying for it in the first place. That in itseld proves that you want to get out there and do some stuff and I am sure you will be very good at a writing course.
Presenting is quite a strain I know that from my degree course - I used to hate it and it does take practice.
I think that if you explain your limitations they will want to work with you to help you all they can. I am sure people are more open to such problems today than years ago.
Good luck for Saturday and let us know how it goes - we will be thinking of you ok?
Nicola
I think it's a good idea Briary. I don't really know what you're like in social situations, but you'll probably find that these 'discussions' are very informal and relaxed. If you did have to do anything that you think may be too much, then like the others have said, you should be able to talk to the tutor and they will give you any help that you need to reach your qualification.
If you need to do a presentation, then they are more difficult, but I done one a couple of years ago and was quite pleasently surprised that everyone else was just as scared as me. They normally give you them towards the end of the year too, by which time you're familiar with everyone in the group. Or again, if needs be, then your tutor may well allow you to do it just in front of him/her. Or if your really at your wits end, then you may still be able to achieve the qualification without it, but by that time I'm sure your confidence will have come a long way.
Good luck
mico
Hi Briary
GO FOT IT what have you got to lose??????
You can only try and benefit from that.
Love Sal xxxxx
Caz Fab Pants
22-09-04, 10:24
Briary,
So are you any closer to making a decision about what to do?
Try not to put yourself under too much pressure. It would be great if you do the course but remember its not a problem if you decide not to. Would hate to see you set yourself up for a fall as I know what that can be like.
Give it a try and if its not for you then give it a miss and find something else more suitable.
Good luck
Caroline :)
x
Thanks for all the replies and encouragement.
I have sent an email to the course convener to ask for more information on the amount of discussion/presentation work required.
I am still planning to attend the Induction Day on Saturday. I should be able to meet the course tutor then and take things from there.
Briary
Hi Briary
Good luck for Saturday, I'm sure the induction will be fine and you'll be able to have a clearer picture of the course after talking to the tutor. Well done, go for it
KW
I'm starting to panic about the Induction tomorrow. Jac was supposed to be coming with me for moral support (I know it is relying on someone else again but I don't think I can do it alone), but now she is not sure whether she can come.
I'm panicking about getting there. I will be driving which is okay because I know where the university is but it is finding out where to go when I get on campus that I am anxious about. My biggest fear is obviously all the people that will be there and having to talk. I'm scared I will have a panic attack and make myself look stupid. When I thought Jac would be coming with me I was feeling more positive that I could do it. Just having someone I trust with me helps me feel more confident in case I do have a panic attack. I know she won't be with me when the course starts and I will still struggle when I have to go alone but at least I would have met the tutor once by then.
I have sent a couple of emails to the university raising questions about the amount of verbal communication required for the course and letting the tutors know my concerns but no one is replying. I know it would be so much easier if I could only telephone but then I wouldn't have this problem in the first place.
Briary
Hi Briary, good luck with today.
I can understand you getting apprehensive about going into the Uni, I would be too!!
What I would do is turn up really early and go in for a look around first.
You know, all those people around, many of them may be there for the first time like you. It's natural to feel nervous.
Also remember that nobody knows who you are or where you are going, so it doesn't matter that you don't know the way, just try to relax and enjoy the experience.
If you can't find where you are s'posed to go, just ask someone. I'm sure they will be really helpful, and certainly won't think you stupid for not knowing.
Get out there and have fun :)
All the best,
Marc
Hey Briary
Will be thinking of you today.
Hope you get the answers you need.
Meg
Hi Briary,
I hope it all goes well for you today!!
Let us know what happened.
Sarah :D
Hi Briary
Have been thinking of you this morning and hope you managed to get there are see what it is all about.
Let us know how you are and how it went hon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi everyone
Thanks for all the good luck messages. I was very relieved because Jac was able to come with me after all which was a huge relief. We left early this morning because I hate being late anywhere and having to worry about getting there on time and so we arrived in plenty of time.
The registration process was chaos because a lot of people, including me, hadn't been allocated registration numbers due to a new computer system. It means having to wait for this to be sent and then going back again to register, which I didn't really want to have to do because of worrying about talking again.
I then had to go to a welcome speech from the Director of the Centre for Continuing Education before collecting the student packs. There was a break for half an hour before a meeting with the course conveners going through details of what is involved in the course.
I didn't have to talk to anyone, apart from just giving my name at the registration stage, so it wasn't too bad. I did have one panic attack though in the lecture theatre when one of the course conveners was on his way to talk to me but he got diverted by someone else luckily.
The course convener replied to my email last night about my worries concerning the amount of group discussion and the presentations. He said he would have a word with my course tutor and ask her not to ask me direct questions in the group and so she is aware of my difficulties talking. He also said that if I feel I couldn't give presentations they could make some other arrangements.
I am still anxious about the amount of group work involved in the course. When we received the course programme today there is a lot of discussion work, including a big emphasis on discussing and evaluating each others work. I suppose I can only start the course and see how it goes.
Briary
Well done Briary!
It sounds like you coped with a busy situation really well. Uni's will help you as much as possible as they make a lot of effort to encourage people with disabilities. Can I ask which Uni you are going to?
Anyway well done again, I bet this will be one of the best things you've ever done:D
Emily
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad
hi Briary,
Well done!!:)
It sounds like they are going to take your situation into account, which is great news. I'm sure that it will get easier for you once it starts and you get used to it. Well done for going and coping pretty well!!
Sarah :D
Starting is usually the toughest part Briary, once you get that out of the way you should find yourself relaxing a little more and it will become more of a routine.
Like I said before, the 'discussions' will more than likely be very informal, and you may well find that the tutor is doing most of the discussing. But I guess you'll just have to wait and see. You never know, you might even enjoy it.
mico
Hi Sarah
Thanks. I hope it does get easier when I get into it but at least they are aware of my situation now which is a relief.
Briary
Hi Emily
I'm going to Sussex University.
They do seem willing to help any way they can which is good. I've only discussed it with them via email but at least they are aware of my problems.
Briary
nomorepanic
25-09-04, 17:10
Sorry Briary - I hit the wrong key and replied using Em's post. You must have thought I had gone mad!!
I shall start again!!
I wanted to say what a fantastic achievement it was to get there today and good news that they will let the course tutor know that you have some issues.
This could be a great step forward for you and I bet you are quite excited about it now.
Good luck with the course and I hope it goes well.
Nicola
Hi Mico
I think from what we were told today there is a lot of discussion which students are expected to take part in but I hope they won't push me too much now they know my difficulties. Even informal discussions would be very difficult for me at the moment.
Briary
Hi Briary
Just wanted to say well done for going through with today. We're all behind you and just attending the induction was a huge achievement. At least you've some idea of what is expected now and it sounds like they are going to take your difficulties in to consideration which is reassuring for you
KW
Hi Nicola
Thanks for your message. I know this is a great opportunity for me and it is a big step forward.
I am looking forward to it but still anxious about the first class. O haven't come this far to give up though.
Briary
Hi KW
Thanks for your support. I am feeling pleased that I got to the Induction and although still anxious about the course, I am also looking forward to starting.
Briary
Onwards Briary.
Well done for doing today.
Meg
Hi Briary
You did it mate. You got there and went through what you had to however hard it was for you and you had Jac with you which did worry me when she couldnt do it.
Well done you mate.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Thanks. Now for the next hurdle - the first class on 5th October.
Love
Briary xx
Just remember you got through it and you have a couple of weeks to prepare for the first class.
I am sure you will be fine.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Yes I've got just over a week until the first class, so a bit of time yet.
I'm trying to find the cheapest place to buy the books on my reading list. The grant system for part time students has been a complete shambles and we have been told they probably won't be through until after Christmas. I have 6 books to buy just for this term, and another 8 for the Spring term.
I am searching the internet trying to find them as cheaply as I can. We were told yesterday the tutor wants us to have read at least the first book on the list by the first class. Not much time to get the book and read it.
Love
Briary xx
True there isnt too much time to get the books and read one, but it will keep you busy and it is something to achieve over the next week.
Love Sal xxxxx
Often uni do a scheme where last years 1st years can sell their old books off to this years freshers. No help for the first books but maybe for next terms ones.
It may be worth an email to the coordinator person.
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi Meg
Thanks for that. It is definitely worth a try. I'll send an email.
Briary
nomorepanic
26-09-04, 16:45
Briary
Not sure if you have any 2nd hand book shops near you but they may be able to help too.
Also check out Ebay, QXL and Amazon (they now do 2nd hand books).
I know how expensive they can be!
Nicola
Hi Nicola
I have thought of second hand book shops - it might mean having to talk to someone though!
I've been checking out Amazon and Ebay. I've found a couple on Ebay that I've bid on. I'll check out QXL too.
Thanks for the suggestions.
Briary
Merlinssister
26-09-04, 20:13
Hey briary,
Only just caught up with this. It all sounds very exciting, and you are showing real courage by sticking with it.
Actually one of my colleagues did the same course as you at Sussex. She really enjoyed it and said the tutors were really supportive. Take your time, and try not to worry too much about class discussion. There are always two or three people desperate to discuss things, so let them get on with it. When you feel ready give an occasional considered comment. You'll be fine. I went through 3 years of full time uni and I swear there were some people on my course who never spoke!
Good luck!
MS
hello Briary,
I'm very happy that you have decided to go along with the course. I know that you're worried about having to talk but, trust me, they won't force you to. I am finishing a Masters degree and I didn't speak once this whole year in class due to my panic attacks. Most of the tutors know about my situation and they are really understanding. I'm sure yours will be the same with you!!
Sarah :D
Hi Merlinsister
Thanks for your message. It's good to hear of someone else who has done the course and enjoyed it. It is also reassuring to hear that the tutors are supportive. I haven't met the tutor yet.
I hope there are some people in my group who enjoy getting involved in the discussions.
Briary
Hi Sarah
It's reassuring to know that you managed to go through the year without talking and you weren't pressured to.
I hope it will be the same for me.
Briary
hello Briary,
I'm sure it will be the same for you. Tutors at uni are really friendly and understanding and they would never make you do anything that you don't want to do. Try not to worry about it too much - stay strong and I'm sure that it will all work out for you.
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
Thanks. I don't start until next week so I'm trying not to worry about it until then.
I've ordered all my books now. I found a couple on Ebay and the rest from the used section of Amazon. I will be busy reading when they arrive!
Briary
Great news .
That should give your Dad something to muse about when he sees those being sorted !!
More stuff from Amazon. How are you going to deal with it ?
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi Meg
I don't know how I'm going to deal with dad. I suppose if he opens these packages there isn't anything he could possibly object to but it will probably make him suspicious.
I haven't told anyone in my family that I am going to University. Dad wouldn't approve of the course I am doing so I felt there was no point telling him about it.
I'll have to try to think of something because he will definitely wonder why I have ordered so many books.
Briary
so.. think through your options here and take control before he does and then you end up reacting and not being in control .
What do you see as your options ?
Meg
Hi Meg
I should've given this some thought before ordering. I'm not really sure what options I've got.
One option is to just tell him the truth about the course, knowing he will think it is a waste of time.
I could tell him I bought them for something to read but I don't think he would believe that and he would only start going on about wasting money.
I suppose I could keep trying to avoid him but then if he takes the packages to give to me I won't get the books.
Why does everything with him have to be so difficult? This isn't good timing because he is already annoyed that I wouldn't go round on Thursday morning at the time he wanted me to. I can't think of any other options at the moment.
Briary
Hmm
You could :
Tell him upfront about the university course and thus the books .
Tell him you're doing some studying for a qualification but you haven't told him previously because you find it hurtful when he constantly criticises you.
Tell him you are expecting books and he is not to open them himself but you will show them to him
Tell him you're expecting some books and he's not to open them or have a repeat of last time
Tell step mum first.
He will be expecting some more of the same as last time so these will take him the wind out of his sails ...
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi Meg
I think telling my step mum first is probably the best course of action. It is either that or just tell him about the university course. I don't think I've got the courage to say any of the other things you mentioned to him.
When I think about it, I am so used to him criticizing me anyway, so it won't be anything new if he doesn't approve of my course choice. I'm not doing it to impress him.
Briary
hi there Briary,
I think that telling your step-mum first would be the best way to do it. Don't let your dad get you down no matter what he says!! As you said, you aren't doing the course to impress him, only for you. Take care.
Sarah :D
No, I won't let him get me down this time, Sarah.
Briary
Hi Briary
Can you not get the books delivered to where you live?
Emily
Emily
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad
Hi Emily
Sorry this is probably a little confusing but we have been referring to a previous incident that happened when I ordered a book. I am having them delivered to my address but my dad is a postman and can get hold of my post.
He did that before and opened the package. He didn't like the book I had ordered and proceeded to come round and abuse me because of it.
Briary
Hi Meg
Well, my plans to talk to my step mum first went out the window. Dad has been round this afternoon with two packages, which were the first two books I ordered. I am sure both had been opened again but he had re-sealed them - obviously not interesting enough this time!
I decided to just come out and tell him starting university and about my course. He seemed quite pleased when I mentioned university, but as I expected he was less than impressed with my choice of course. He told me it is a waste of time and wanted to know why I picked a course that wouldn't be any use to anyone. He went on to say I should be doing something important such as business studies like my brother did.
I would really have let this get to me not so long ago but to be honest, I don't really care what he thinks anymore. I think no matter what I do it would never be good enough for him and I can't live my life trying to please him anymore.
The last thing I wanted was a full out confrontation with him so I didn't actually challenge anything he said. I don't know if I should have but I just let him rant and say his piece. When he finished I thanked him for delivering the books and told him I had things to do. I think he was quite shocked that I didn't get upset or react in any way to what he had said.
He left and just said see you tomorrow as usual. I still can't break free of this weekly visiting routine yet but I think I did okay today.
Briary
hi there Briary,
I think you did the right thing with your dad. If you had tried to argue with him, he would have just got angrier and there would have been a full-blown confrontation, which I doubt you really wanted or needed. As you said, your dad was probably quite shocked that you didn't argue back and maybe that has made him think a little. I think you handled it really well!!
Sarah :D
Thanks Sarah. I never argue with dad but I usually get upset and cry. This time I didn't react.
Briary ,
What an achievement . Mission achieved for today - to get Dad on the back foot and waiver his control .
He may have seen the books.
He knows you must have applied for this ages ago but didn't tell him.
Well done for underreacting so well and not reacting as you usually would have done. Thats great .
Now he'll be a bit confused .
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Wow Briary, that's brilliant. I bet its a liberating feeling not letting your dad's comments upset you!
Once he learns you have your own life and will live it the way you want perhaps he will be less controlling and you can build towards a more equal relationship.
Well done on such a positive first step! Do your books look good?
Emily
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad
Hi Emily
Yes, it does feel quite good not letting dad get to me for a change. I have started the first book. I have to read 2 by next Tuesday.
Briary
Hi Meg
I think dad is definitely confused. He expected me to cry again because that is how I always react. But he couldn't get to me about this. There are more important things to worry about than whether he approves of the course I am doing.
I still have to go round there tomorrow evening and my step mum is away, so I'll have to see how he is then. He might be too busy continually ringing and texting my step mum to worry to much about saying anything to me.
Briary
My course starts on Tuesday and I'm beginning to feel anxious now. I suddenly had a thought about the first class. I know on some courses I've done before the tutor gets everyone to introduce themselves to the rest of the group. I am really beginning to panic that this might happen and I won't be able to do it.
I sent a reply to the email the course convener sent me saying he would speak to my tutor about my problems with speaking, but he hasn't replied since. I don't know whether the tutor will know about my difficulties. I'm worried I will have a panic attack.
Briary
Email the convener tomorrow again and ask for a 'today' reply and get there really early on Tuesday and catch the tutor prior to it starting .
Meg
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi Briary
Know how anxious you feel but i am off work on tuesday so feel free to text me if you need some support mate. With you all the way.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Thanks for that. I really appreciate it. I might well need to text you.
I am anxious but determined to go.
Love
Briary xx
Merlinssister
04-10-04, 07:01
Hey briary. Good luck for tomorrow. How about putting the situation into a letter to take with you. That way if you catch the tutor before the class, and there has been a communication break down, you can ask them to read it and not have to feel pressurised to tell them everything there and then.
Hi Briary
Good luck for tomorrow. Remember the other people will be feeling anxious too. I'm sure the tutor will understand that you don't want to speak.
KW
hello Briary,
GOOD LUCK FOR TOMORROW!!!!!!!! :)
I'm sure you will do brilliantly - I will be thinking of you.
Let us know how it goes, ok?
Best wishes, Sarah :D
Thanks for the encouragement Sarah, KW and Merlinssister. I'll let you know tomorrow how I got on.
Briary
Hi Meg
I sent an email last night to the convener. I think the way I marked it urgent in big letters must have done the trick. I got a reply this morning. He said he has spoken to the tutor and that she will be very understanding about my situation.
He said I should introduce myself to her before the class tomorrow. I am going to take your suggestion and get there early. But I'm not sure exactly how I am going to be able to say anything to her. I know I do need to see her before the class and she will know about my difficulty speaking, but I am still worried I will go to talk to her and just clam up like I usually do.
I haven't been feeling too well today either because I have another migraine.
Briary
As MS so rightly suggests says write it down succinctly and if you do happen to clam up then plan B is to give it to the tutor. Either way they get the information .
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
nomorepanic
04-10-04, 20:37
Good luck Briary
Knock them dead ok?
Will be thinking of you and know that you can do it.
You will love the course once you get going.
Nicola
I will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending good vibes down your way .
Good luck
Meg
Hi Briary
Hope tomorrow goes really well for you and you enjoy it.
Will be thinking of you and it you need some time out text me.
Just remember how well you have done since first posting on here as i am sure then you would never have considered doing something like this.
Best of luck and with you all the way.
Love Sal xxxxx
Thank you Sal. It is a comfort knowing I can contact you by text if I need to.
I'm just off to bed now to try and sleep but it's quite early for me. I have an early start tomorrow though so I need to try.
Love
Briary xx
Hi Briary
Hope you have managed to get some sleep and feel ok.
Good luck and we are all thinking of you.
Let me know how it is going hon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Thanks Sal. I did get some disturbed sleep. I kept waking and had some very weird dreams. I suppose it was just the anxiety about today playing on my mind.
I woke early this morning so have had plenty of time to get ready without having to rush. I will be leaving soon and will text you if we have a break to let you know how it is going.
Love
Briary xx
Hi Briary
Hope you have a good day, will be thinking of you.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hello Briary,
GOOD LUCK FOR TODAY.:D
THINKING OF YOU.
LOVE JILLXXX
May you toubles be less
and your blessings be more
and nothing but happiness
come through your door..
I'm sorry everyone but it didn't go very well today. I feel I've let you all down. I was anxious this morning but feeling quite positive about the course. I arrived early and hoped to speak to the tutor or give her a brief note I had written to explain about my fears. However, she didn't arrive until the last minute and loads of other people were already there, so I couldn't talk to her.
First she went round and asked everyone's names. I was already panicking by this point but did manage to answer. She talked a bit about the course and then said we were going to do introductions. This was something I had been worrying about for a few days. But it was even worse than I had imagined. She said she wanted us to talk to the person next to us and then introduce them to the rest of the group.
This was worse than I thought. The person next to me told me some details about herself but I hardly managed to say anything in return. Then it came to my turn to talk about her to the group. I couldn't. I had a panic attack, couldn't say a word. It was an absolute disaster. I seemed to be sitting there for ages and I could feel everyone looking at me. They probably all thought I was mad.
After what seemed like an eternity, the tutor finally said to the woman next to me would she introduce herself. I just wanted to run out of the room and I would have done if I hadn't been frozen to my chair. I spent the rest of the class unable to look at anyone and just looking down at the desk. I feel I've failed at the first hurdle. I don't know how I can go back next week. I made such an idiot of myself in front of everyone.
The remainder of the weeks of this term sound like they are going to be just as bad. There is a different theme of writing each week and we are going to be set pieces of writing to finish at home and then discuss in groups the following week. This term focusses on autobiography, and there is a lot of focus on looking back to childhood and early adult life, and family relationships and writing about our experiences. This isn't something I'm sure I feel particularly comfortable doing when the work will be discussed with the rest of the group. There is a big focus on discussion work. I think I've made a big mistake thinking I could cope with this course.
I don't want to give up and I'll feel like I've let you all down and failed again, but I don't think I can do it. This will be one more thing to confirm to my mum and dad that I'm no good at anything.
Briary
Merlinssister
05-10-04, 15:25
You have let no-one down. You have done fantastically getting there and going through with it even when you were scared. You may want to book some time with your tutor though to both explore tactics for inclass work and also to see whether it is the right course for you. There is no shame in reviewing your options. Perhaps a distance course might be better for you, and they may offer one of those. Whatever you do though, be kind to yourself. You are not a failure.
Hi Briary ,
You went and you stayed . That is really great on its own.
I would be emailing the convener and saying how disappointed you are with the arrangements and the effect it had on you, especially when you had taken the trouble to pre warn them about your needs and requesting to see/email that actual tutor before next week.
I agree that as things stand you will be dreading going back next week - so you may try to make progress with the situation before the day comes round again .
How many in your class ?
I think the theme sounds really good for you - but not discussing it .
If there are other students its never going to be possible to discuss everyones so you may well be able to get away with it with the tutors agreement.
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi Briary
You did really well. You have not failed or let anyone down at all.
You went there and stayed the duration however hard it got for you.
I agree with Meg regarding emailed the convener.
Try to build yourself up ready for next week, i know it is a big challenge for you but you have got this far.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Meg
There were 12 others that turned up today, but a couple more registered but weren't there for whatever reason.
I suppose I can try emailing the convener again. The tutor acted like she didn't know anything about my problems so I don't know if she did but just didn't act on the information, or if the convener didn't speak to her in the first place.
I will try emailing again though and see what response I get. As things stand at the moment I can't face going back next week and having the same kind of experience again.
I just thought I would cope better than I did and I'm disappointed in myself for reacting in the same way I always have.
Briary
Hi Sal
Yes, I stayed but I made a complete idiot out of myself again. If nothing changes before next week I don't think I can face going back. I can't go through that every week.
It will only get worse. From next week we have to take our writing assignment in to be discussed by the rest of the group. It will be a nightmare.
I just thought I was stronger than this but today has reminded me that I'm not and I still can't do something as simple as talk.
Love
Briary xx
Hi Briary
It sounds as though you couldn't of been handed a worse situation for today. None of it is your fault. However, starting something like this can be daunting for a lot of people, nevermind when you suffer from anxiety/social phobia, so I would say to try and stick with it and go back next week, you may even find that the rest of the group are very sympathetic. You've got the introductions out of the way, talk to your tutor (maybe try to get her direct email) and I'm sure they will be able to make things a lot easier for you.
A course like this could be a very good confidence builder for you, it'll not happen over night, but by the end of the course you may well notice a dramatic improvement. It's difficult, but you need to try and get yourself into that positive mindset that you had before. The first couple of weeks will always be hard, if your still not happy after then, then at least you've tried.
The university will also have a department to help students with any kinds of disability, I think Twister mentioned this before, but it may be worth talking to them. They also usually have Counsellors (free of charge I presume) to help you with any dificulties you are having (doesn't necesarilly have to be directly related to university).
Anyway, well done for today. You stayed, your confidence may have taken a knock, but you got through the day. One step at a time.
And good luck to whatever you decide to do.
mico
hello briary,
Sorry to hear that it didn't go too well for you this morning!! I do think that it is unbelievable that the tutor didn't seem to know anything about your phobia and that you were just expected to talk openly in front of the class. That was a horrible position for them to put you in!!
Before you decide to give up, I do think that you should email the course-leader again and try to explain to him what happened today. It could just be that he didn't get around to telling the tutor, etc.
I think you did brilliantly just by going so don't be too hard on yourself, ok?
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
I will try emailing the convener again before deciding to give up, but in an email yesterday he assured me he had spoken to the tutor and that she would do all she could to help. It didn't seem like it to me today.
I don't want to give up because I know how good it would be for me to do this course but I can't cope with this every week. I'm worried I'll end up back at square one again.
Briary
hi briary,
I completely understand that you don't want to have to go though that each week - I'm sure that your experience today was more than enough!! Maybe as well as emailing the course tutor again, you could also try to give your letter to the tutor again. The course leader might not have explained your situation very well and I think the tutor might understand it much better if it came from you.
Sarah :D
Hi Briary
Firstly you are not a failure. Maybe the tutor didn't receive the correct details or just doesn't understand your phobia?
I know all too well how you felt but people won't dislike you for it Briary. The group probably didn't think much of it..they certainly wouldn't have thought you were going mad..it's only us that blow things up in our mind. Did the tutor discuss it with you during the day?
Another thing Briary..i've found when i get angry with myself over these situations it only makes me more determined to go through with it... don't let this thing beat you. Try and let your tutor know your difficulties and explain you just can't be put in that situation again but you are keen to continue the course.
You did so well to even attend today... we are proud of you Briary. You are a fighter and i'm sure you'll be able to get through this.
KW
Hi KW
No the tutor didn't talk to me about it today. I don't have any contact details for her, so I've sent another email to the course convener. I'm going to wait for a response from him before deciding what to do next.
I'm annoyed with myself I suppose because I couldn't control the anxiety or the panic and I let myself get into the same state I always do. I really thought the tutor would understand my difficulties. I had clearly stated my problems with communication, both on my original application form and in an email to the convener.
I'll have to wait to see what happens next. At the moment I am panicking too much to think about going next week and having the same thing happen again.
Briary
nomorepanic
05-10-04, 21:24
Hi Briary
Hey you did so well. You went, you stayed, you didn't run out and you DID IT.
I have to do that silly "introduce the person sitting next to you" this Friday at an Intro meeting to the company I now work for.
Even I am not looking forward to that and I don't have any issues with talking in front of people.
Please don't give it up now - you really wanted to do this and you did so well to get this far down the road.
Give it a few more weeks and if you then decide that you really can't do it then stop going, but at least try again next week.
You have not let anyone down and we all so proud of you just for going in the first place.
Big hug to you cos I bet you feel really bad tonight and that things will never get better. They will and you CAN do this.
Take care and try to chill out tonight and not dwell on it ok?
Nicola
Hi Nicola
I suppose I felt pretty stupid today because I was the only one who couldn't do the introductions today. I know that talking is my fear. It also brought back a lot of horrible memories from school when the same thing used to happen every time I was asked a question or to speak in front of the class.
It is difficult having to face the fact that I haven't got any further with my speech problems in all the years since then.
I really don't want to give up on the course. I'm not going to make any decisions now. I'll at least wait to see what I hear back from the convener first.
Thanks for the hug, definitely feel I need it tonight. I do feel really bad and like things will never get any better. Hopefully things will seem better tomorrow.
Briary
Merlinssister
06-10-04, 07:07
Hey briary,
How you feeling today? Any news from the convener?
Just keep reminding yourself how well you've done. You got up and did something you wanted to, even if it didn't quite work as well as you wished. Keep going.
MS
Hi MS
I'm feeling a little better today thank you, calmer at least.
I haven't heard anything from the convener so far. I can't do anything until I hear from him so I'm trying not to worry about it for the moment. Not always easy though.
Briary
I was feeling a little more positive this morning, after the upsets of yesterday. I felt I'd taken a positive step my emailing the course convener and had done all I could do for the moment. I was really hoping that there could be some way round these problems with my course.
I had an email this morning from a student adviser. The convener had passed my email to her. Her response to me didn't sound very sympathetic at all. She said I will have been away from the course description in the prospectus that the class is based on group discussions. She went on to say that someone called Yvonne discussed this with me at the time of my application. I have never heard of this woman and no one discussed the course with me when I applied. I have heard hardly anything from the university since I originally sent my application. She suggested I telephone her to discuss the situation. I feel like no one understands my difficulties or she wouldn't have suggested I phone her when talking is so difficult.
I was about to send a reply by email when my phone rang. I have caller display so I only usually answer when I know who is calling. However, I thought it was dad when it said 'private no' because he has his number permanently blocked. So I answered it. It was this lady from student services wanting to discuss my situation. I panicked again and have just had another panic attack. I couldn't discuss anything with her and just about managed to say yes and no a few times.
She basically told me that I am on the wrong course if talking is such a problem for me. She made it sound like it is my fault for applying for a course which I knew involved discussions, but I didn't realise how much until recently. She said "no one can talk for you". She wants me to make an appointment to go in and see her to discuss the situation. She said my only option will probably be to change to a different course.
I'm feeling really upset and low again now. I almost cried when I came off the phone from her. When I first contacted the convener about my concerns, he said there would be ways to work around the problem but now it looks like there is no other option than for me to pull out of the course. Now I do feel like I've failed again. I lasted for one class and am feeling so bad that I don't think I can continue.
I don't know what to do now.
Briary
Hi Briary
Please don't feel too bad - none of this is your fault. It seems to me like its shoddy service on the universitys behalf. If I were you I would contact the university's disability officer. Sorry to paste such a long piece here but this is the university's policy on mental health and I think it might be wise to bring this to their attention. Their website has lots of other stuff on helping people with disability's too.
Also Briary referring back to your previous posts that things can only get worse - On the contrary I feel that things can only get better from such a low base.
[quote]<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">The University of Sussex Student Mental Health Policy
Worried about a student's mental Health? Guidance Notes: (gif image | pdf)
1.1
Going to University is a major life event which involves a number of significant changes. Students arriving at University often have to adapt to separation from family and friends, moving to a new area, managing on a limited budget and, for international students, adjusting to a different culture. Most of the problems arising from the adjustments to change can be resolved quickly by talking to friends or seeking help from tutors or advisors. However, a small number of students may experience difficulties which are more persistent. These difficulties may take the form of a long-term mental illness or a temporary, but nonetheless distressing, condition. Also, some students arrive at university with pre-existing difficulties.
1.2
The University has specific legal responsibilities towards students whose mental condition falls within the definition of disability under the Disability Discrimination Act and the Special Educational Needs and Disability Act (SENDA) extended our responsibilities in respect of educational and non-educational services provided to students. Under the legislation, discrimination is defined as
Failing to make a reasonable adjustment where any arrangement or physical feature places a disabled person at a substantial disadvantage
Unjustifiably treating someone less favourably for a reason relating to his or her disability.
1.3
Disability is defined as a physical or mental impairment which has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on a person's ability to carry out normal day to day activities. Thus it will include students with mental illnesses, including schizophrenia and long-term depression.
1.4
The University welcomes applications from students with disabilities, including students with mental health difficulties, and all applicants are assured that any pre-existing mental health difficulty will not adversely affect any decision regarding their application. Applicants who have experienced, or are continuing to experience, mental health difficulties are encouraged to declare this on their application forms as this enables the Mental Health Co-ordinator to make early contact with the student to discuss how best their needs can be supported once they have arrived at Sussex.
1.5
In general, Sussex aims to provide a supportive environment that will help students with mental health difficulties to realise their full academic potential and to successfully complete their course. It also aims to facilitate and promote positive mental health and well-being by:
Providing a range of support services, including a mental health co-ordinator, a counselling service, a learning support service, a team of School-based student advisors, services provided through the Students' Union
Encouraging students with mental health difficulties to seek support
Promoting understanding and recognition of mental health difficulties
Meeting the support and study needs of students with mental health difficulties
Ensuring that the sources of support are clearly communicated to both prospective and current students
Establishing consistent procedures across the Unive
Hi Briary
None of this is your fault. I am absolutely appalled with the way the uni have treated this matter. There has obviously been a huge lack of communication.
Maybe send an email and state that you were not informed of the course contents until very recently and from contacting the convenor you thought that there would be support and allowance for your difficulties as he had assured you of this.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this Briary but please don't think you are a failure
KW
Hi Emily
Thanks for the advice and copy of the document. I've got this in my Student Handbook.
I think a key phrase in this document though is Failing to make a REASONABLE adjustment where any arrangement or physical feature places a disabled person at a substantial disadvantage.
I guess it depends what they consider to be a reasonable adjustment. They obviously don't think they can accommodate my problems on this course, although looking through the other courses on offer through CCE they all involve discussion, so I don't see how I would be any better off on a different course.
Maybe the Disability Officer can help. This is all getting so complicated and I can't cope with having to deal with all these different people. It is at times like these that I realise just how much my communication difficulties really impact on my life. I have become quite proficient at getting round verbal communication in my everyday life and avoid it where possible. This situation just highlights how big a problem I have.
Briary
Hi KW
I am just feeling so disappointed and upset that this has all gone so wrong. At the moment I can't see how I can continue with this course, or any other at university. All the other courses involve discussions too and there isn't anything else I am really interested in doing, not something that is part time.
I will have to contact the student adviser by email but I am not sure what to tell her yet. She wants me to go in and see her but she sounded so unsympathetic on the phone that I don't think I can face seeing her.
Briary
perhaps you could ask the mental health support officer to go with you?
Emily
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad
On another note why don't you take a look at this
http://www.open.ac.uk/Arts/a215/text/index.html
much less contact there although there is some.
Emily
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad
hello briary,
So sorry to hear that the uni has been so unsympathetic with you. It seems like they haven't taken your phobia into consideration at all. The bestvthing for you to do is probably talk to the disability officer as he/she will probably be the only person who understands your situation. Don't give up yet, ok?
Sarah :D
Hi Emily
Thanks for that link. It's a shame it doesn't start until February 2006. I have taken a course with them before and the tutorials aren't compulsory which is why I was able to cope with the course.
Something to bear in mind.
Briary
Hi Sarah
I am feeling so upset and confused at the moment, I just don't know what to do.
I'm not sure I can face contact with yet another person who might turn round and say they can't do anything. I certainly can't ring the disability officer. No one there seems to understand anything about my phobia.
Briary
hi Briary,
I can understand why you are feeling the way you are - I don't blame you at all. I know that talking to the disbility officer seems daunting to you but would you rather just give up?
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
No I wouldn't rather just give up, but talking to the disability officer doesn't just seem daunting, it seems terrifying.
I'll see if there is an email contact, but the more people I involve, I'm probably going to have to have meetings with them which is just as frightening.
Briary
Hi Briary
Just read your last message.. why don't you put that in the email..that you don't think you'd be able to handle talking to anyone in person. Or maybe put it all in a letter to the disability officer?
KW
Hi Briary
A message from my boyfriend who has done a training course in this kind of thing 'Once you have made the university aware of a disability they are obliged to provide every reasonable accomodation which has not happened in this instance. '
He suggests that you email the disability office and make them aware of what has happened as they have a legal obligation to make allowances for you
Hope this helps and that you are feeling better now
Emily
xxxxxxxxx
Emily
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad
Hi Emily
Thanks for that information. I will try emailing the disability office and see what happens.
Briary
Hi Briary
How are you today?
KW
Hi KW
I'm doing a bit better today thanks. I still haven't sorted this situation out, but I've had some reassurance on other worries I've had at the same time, which has helped.
I'm still not sure what to do at the moment. I'll feel like I have failed if I can't continue with this course and everyone here, and on another site is encouraging me to fight to be able to continue with it. I'm just not sure I am up to this fight and to facing the anxiety and panic every week at being under pressure to talk and also feeling very self conscious and uneasy at having the other students discussing my work. I suppose a big part of this worry is that I don't really have any self belief and don't think I am good enough.
I have to really do something I know because it is already Thursday and there isn't much time to sort things out before the next class on Tuesday. At the moment I don't really feel I can go and I the reaction I have had from the university staff has made me feel like I'm not really welcome there.
Briary
Hi Briary
Glad you are feeling better. Only you can decide what you think is best to do, although from personal experience i try not to avoid these situations. But i understand it's all been a bit too much for you this week. If you find time maybe email the uni? Mark it urgent for the attention of the Disability Officer. Explain all and see what the outcome is. Just a suggestion as you may always wonder and regret not contacting them again.
KW
I shall put on my best voice and make some calls tomorrow am and see what which of the people I can get to speak to.
Thanks Em for those details. I shall quote some of it at them !
Meg
my son is the worst socially - wouldnt use the telephone for years or answer the phone. these informal type presentations are designed exactly for that purpose to help you to be able to speak in public. everyone is in the same boat - especially the girls who dread it - but it is only speaking for a few minutes and you have the support of the members in your group. it is just a case of getting through it and everyone else feels the same. after youve done it once it is so much easier and socially it really helps so go for it - youve nothing to lose.
fran
Hi Fran
I appreciate what you are saying. Unfortunately, I had a panic attack and couldn't speak. I've had this problem for many years.
I'm sure everyone gets nervous but they all managed to do it. Maybe with my continued treatment I will in time.
Briary
Hi Meg
Thank you so much for offering to make the phone calls for me. I really do appreciate it.
Briary
Thank you Meg so much for making the phone calls for me to the university this morning.
It was really kind of you and I appreciate it so much.
Briary
It was fine. Lets see what happens on Monday .
Meg
I don't think I can go to my class tomorrow. I had an email back from the Mental Health Liaison Officer today but he is not sure he can do anything about the discussion and presentation work involved in my course.
He has asked me to make an appointment to go in and see him, but I don't think I can do that. What is the point when I won't be able to talk to him and I will feel very uncomfortable if I have to see him on my own. I did ask Jac if she might be able to come with me to the appointment but she said she can't.
I don't know what else to do. I keep hitting brick walls and with the way I am feeling at the moment, I don't think I can cope with this.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
nomorepanic
11-10-04, 19:27
Briary
You may not have to do any more talking tomorrow.
Why not go along and see how it goes.
If you think they are going to make you talk then just leave. I know it won't be easy but we know how much you want to do this so at least try and that way you may be able to carry on without all the hassles of talking etc.
You should email that guy back and tell him that how can you go in when you have these problems - how inconsiderate eh?
I hope you can make it in and it goes ok.
Nicola
Hi Nicola
I want to go in tomorrow, I am just feeling anxious that I will be asked to talk again. There are supposed to be a group discussion of each of our writing assignments that we had this week. This is doubly worrying for me because I am not only scared of being expected to take part in the discussion, but also of having my work discussed.
I know others in the group will probably be a bit worried of reading their work out or having it read out, but for me it is even worse because it places the focus of attention on me, which is another fear.
The trouble is that if I go and I start to panic, I am not able to get up and walk out. When I get a panic attack I freeze and feel unable to move.
I will have to send the mental health chap another email because there is no way I can go in and meet him. I thought he at least might have understood why that would be so difficult for me.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
nomorepanic
11-10-04, 19:57
Briary
Seems that the system is letting you down big time isn't it?
I find it very sad that people like you want to do these things and you hit hurdles at every turn. Doesn't look good for society does it?
I am so sorry that this has been made so hard for you after you have tried so hard to make a go of it.
I would hate that you had to give it up at the first hurdle but I understand how hard it is for you.
I know this sounds really mad but is there anyway you can do a similar course at home - say with the Open University. It is obviously something you really want to do and it would be so sad that you had to stop now cos of the talking issues?
I am not sure how to help you on this one I am afraid as they seem to be blocking you at every turn.
If you get the courage tomorrow then go along and see how it goes - if you can't then please don't feel bad about it - you have tried so HARD to make it work.
Sorry I can't help anymore, but I hope it works out ok for you.
Nicola
Hi Briary
I know you are feeling low at the moment but why don't you just go along. If they ask you to speak what is the worst that will happen? The worst is you'll freeze and not be able to speak and they'll move on like last week. You'll still get the benefits of listening to others and once they realise you can't speak they'll probably stop asking you!
A technique to prepare is to think of the worst thing that could happen and then replay the scene over and over again in your mind replacing the worst case scenario with the scenario you want to happen. Perhaps with a bit of practice and some courage if they ask you a question you could say 'I'd rather not speak today'. Even if you can only manage to say this to the tutor beforehand - and if she's late like last week simply wait outside.
I really want you to go tomorrow, try your best
Emily
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad
Hi Nicola
They definitely don't make it easy for people that have problems to return to study.
I definitely don't want to give up and I haven't completely given up on doing the course yet, I would just rather have some proper arrangements in place before I attend the next class. I am still hoping they can work something out but it won't be before tomorrow and I don't think I want to go through the same humiliation as last week.
I have considered the Open University. They are planning a creative writing course for February 2006, so that is a possibility to consider for the future. I have been looking into other courses with them and if these problems at university can't be solved, there is a computer course I might apply for.
I know there is nothing else anyone can do to help really, but it means a lot to have your support.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
nomorepanic
11-10-04, 21:22
Briary
2006 is a long way off though isn't it? Shame to wait that long.
I appreciate that you don't want to go in tomororw - don't blame you but would hate to think you missed out on something too.
Maybe you could try it and I know that will be hard for you and maybe embarrassing, but you may miss some work if you don't go in.
Think about it ok and we will support you whatever you do ok?
Nicola
I'm afraid I didn't feel able to go into university this morning. I had a really bad night. I didn't sleep well and had nightmares, and I just couldn't face it.
Meg very kindly found time between packing to ring the Mental Health Liaison Officer for me this morning, to help to sort the situation out. He still said I have to make an appointment to see him but when Meg explained just how bad my speaking problems are, he said he understood that I might need to communicate with him by writing my replies on paper. He did say though that at the end of the day it is up to the tutor whether I can do the course without taking part in the discussions etc.
So, although it is going to be really difficult to go in and see him, I have emailed him to make an appointment, hopefully for this week. I don't have an email contact for the tutor, so I emailed the convener this morning, explaining why I didn't go in and asking if it is possible to forward today's assigment to me.
I know a lot of you thought I should have gone in today, and I do feel bad that I avoided it because I thought it too difficult, but I just felt it was too much on top of feeling so low at the moment.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Rennie1989
12-10-04, 14:48
briary
i let my self down when i refused to do a sailing course, well i didnt want to anyway lol, but if you felt that you really REALLY didnt want to go then that is A OK!
i hope ur feeling better today
Scooter Girl
if i was hungry would you feed me, if i fell you help me up, if i was crying would you brush away my tears
Thanks Jade.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Briary
It's great you haven't given up. You're going to see the Officer so that's a step in the right direction.
I do hope they can help you so that you can continue the course.
I think you've done really well Briary. I know last week was embarrassing for you, but you did it and now you're willing to see the officer - all positive.
KW
Hi KW
It is all still a bit up in the air at the moment. At the end of the day it will be up to the tutor whether I can do the course without participating in the discussions.
I'm really anxious about having a meeting with the Mental Health Liaison Officer, but I know I have to go if I want to have any chance of doing the course. I'm still waiting to hear back from him.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Well good luck Briary. I'm sure all will be ok. Try not to worry too much about being nervous with meeting the offficer as he is now aware of your difficulties so i'm sure he'll be very understanding.
KW
Well it looks like I've had the shortest time at university on record. I had an email from the mental health chap this morning arranging an appointment for me to go in to see him at 1.00 on Friday. The thought of going terrified me, but I wanted to be able to continue with the course so I was going to get there somehow.
But, then a couple of hours ago I had a second email from him. He said he had been in touch with the student adviser this morning to see what options might be available to me. The student adviser had been in contact with the course convener who has said that certain course requirements have to be met. He said the situation is that discussion and feedback is an essential requirement of the course and there isn't any way round it. If I only do the written work I will fail and not be able to continue with the course anyway.
I feel a bit let down because it was the course convener who told me that these problems could be worked around.
So, it looks like I now can't continue with the course and I feel I have failed again. My dad will have a good laugh at this one.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Iām sorry to hear this Briary,
I do think the university have let you down in several ways in this.
I wonder whetehr there are any less formal writing courses available at the local adult comunity college that you could swap to .
Your Dad doesnāt need to know anything about it. There is no need to up front tell him.
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
nomorepanic
13-10-04, 20:17
Briary
So sorry to hear that. Don't give in ok? I am sure there are other courses that we can find you to do.
Chin up ok?
Nicola
Sorry to hear about this - just tell your dad that the course wasn't what you expected it to be so you are looking at alternative ones.
Emily
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad
Hi Meg
I've been searching the internet this afternoon trying to find a different course to do but no luck so far. I think a distance learning course would be better now because I can't go through all this again but anything I've found has been expensive. At least with the uni course I would have been eligible for a grant.
The only good thing about today was that I got out of going round to dad's, so at least I've avoided him knowing anything about this for the time being.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Thanks Nicola. I still want to do something but I just don't know what. I feel such an idiot for how this has turned out. I don't want to start something else and then not be able to do that either.
I thought I could cope with doing this course but when it came down to it and being with people, I found it too difficult and gave up.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Emily
I didn't have to see dad tonight so I haven't had to tell him anything yet.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
hi briary,
Don't let yourself get down about this!! It's not your fault that the uni told you one thing and then went ahead and did something different. Maybe it just wasn't to be. I'm sure that something better will come along soon! Take care.
Sarah :D
I'm trying not to Sarah, but I can't help feeling like a failure.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Briary
A failure is someone who doesnt try at all whatever the consequences and you did and that in itself is a positive step forward.
Trying is a step forward a failure is someone who wont even try and you did.
Guess circumstances were against you on this one and through no fault of your own and i can totally understand how you feel, but remember you did your best and it wasnt to suit you and they werent there to give you the support you needed.
So by no account is this a reflection on you. Just shows that you have it in you if the circumstances are right.
I am sure together we can find something that can suit you and will give you something to focus on.
You did so well going on first day and accepting it wasnt for you as they werent their to help you, so failure doesnt even come into it, only ones to fail are the college who werent prepared to give you the support you needed mate.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sal
Thanks for your support. I think how I am feeling generally at the moment is affecting how I am viewing this situation too. I have been trying to find something else to do instead but no luck so far. I've been looking into distance learning courses, although I know if I go down that route it won't exactly be pushing me to get used to being with people more.
I was just feeling a bit better about myself that I was actually going to university finally and when it all went wrong it knocked my confidence and self esteem again.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
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