View Full Version : Feeling very down and don't know where to turn :-(
Bonnibelle
15-12-15, 08:35
I had no idea where to post this but I feel I need some advice as I am stuck right now :-(
Background I have anxiety and agoraphobia that flares up occasionally. My anxiety has always been more mental symptoms than physical. A few months ago I had a panic attack having a blood test and since then my agoraphobia flared back up. My son was badly bullied all year and as a result became very withdrawn, panic attacks and told us he wanted to end his life. After he told me that my life changed. We battled with the childrens mental health team to see him, our GP referred us there then they said I would be the best person to help him having an understanding of anxiety myself. Well that month my son became worse as he felt noone would help. I was left taking care of him every day, leaving him in school begging me to take him home mid panic attack, texting me all day begging me to pick him up... it was a living hell. My daughter then became unwell and was in hospital 2 nights due to a bowel infection. She has since become unwell again. This is all in the last 2 months. I was feeling immense stress all day, heavy chest and constant panic feelings.
Then 4 weeks ago I started feeling a little off balance like the ground was moving under me. It wasn't every day so I thought nothing of it at first. Then 3 weeks ago it became all day, it's the feeling like when you get off a trampoline and you still feel you're bouncing under foot and in your head you feel strange. Occasionally I get a feeling like my throat and chest goes like lead. With this sensation the floor moving feeling seems to get worse too. I then panic what this heaviness is.
3 weeks ago my GP came out to see me, he checked my eyes, bp, oxygen, balance test, muscle strength etc.. and he said all fine. He told me it was probably anxiety and stress as he couldn't find anything wrong in my ears and the room doesn't spin so he was sure I was struggling with stress and he wasn't surprised.
Yesterday I called him out again and he did all the same tests and also ran a key under my feet, checked I could feel his fingers on my arms, legs... reflexes.. and he said again he was sure this was still anxiety. I told him I get this heaviness in chest, throat and the floor moving is much worse. I feel I am walking on marshmallows. Sometimes if I open a cupboard or a door I feel like I go off balance with it. It's so strange. He checked my ears again and he said normal. He has given me stemetil to try but he doesn't think it's an inner ear thing causing balance issues. He ran some bloods yesterday too.
I am worried sick and I can't seem to be ok with this. I haven't been out much the last few weeks, I am even scared walking around my house and I cry every time I see how many days it is until Christmas. 2 weeks ago after I first saw him I decided to believe it was anxiety and keep going, the unsteady feeling did ease a little and I stopped panicking so much. It never went completely but it was a little better, 40% better I'd say. Now I feel bad again the last 5 days and I am struggling to be ok with this and carry on. Everytime i walk around I feel intense anxiety when I fee the ground moving. Everytime i feel that heaviness in my throat and chest I panic what it is. I keep worrying it's a brain tumour or something in the brain and my GP is missing it. I am also just so sad that it's almost Christmas. I feel a let down to my children like this. I see other mums on Facebook taking their kids out doing Christmas things and I can't so I feel tearful. I can't even get excited or go shopping like this. I said to my husband if I had a wheelchair I could go, it's not the anxiety stopping me :weep:. 4 weeks ago I never had this and I could function as normal, I had anxiety but I still went out and I was fine, I lived life. Since having this I feel life is awful, every day feels scary and I am finding it hard to trust my GP. Surely anxiety cannot cause what I am describing :weep:
My husband was home yesterday when the GP came and he said he felt totally reassured and when he let the GP out he had a chat with him outside the house and he said to him that it isn't anything serious, he doesn't even think it's my ears but he has given me stemetil to try. I hate taking meds as I am terrified of side effects. He said this should go on it's own with time.
Can anyone give me some wise words or reassurance please :blush:
Reassurance from so many people isn't working for you though.
Bonnibelle
15-12-15, 08:50
Right now I just feel very alone in this and really could do with some reassurance that i am not alone in this or others have experienced the same thing. It helped 2 weeks ago but then the dizziness hit hard again.
Reassurance from so many people isn't working for you though.
People on here ARE trying to help you through this though. I don't know what else they can do?
Bonnibelle
15-12-15, 09:15
I know I've had some lovely replies and appreciate them. Sorry I posted again.
Please don't think you can't post - post away...we are here to help.
It sounds to me like you've just reached your tolerance level.
When I speak to my parents (I'm 34) about what has happened to me the last 4-5 months, they think it's almost like a mini-breakdown. I'm working full time but I can't lie..it is hard to motivate and be positive.
I honestly think if the GP has seen you twice, he has checked what he/she needs to, and is happy with that.
The 'what ifs' are part of your anxious response to what is happening. Panic and dizziness cause a LOT of anxiety, which in turn makes you dizzy again, stressed, and I bet you think 'this won't end'.
It will. I seriously think you need a huge break...a nurse who saw me when I first told the GP etc I felt I'd had enough told me she went through something similar and had 6 months off.
When you said it got 40% better, that is you calming down...focus on the fact that you calming down make it better....
You may think I'm being harsh but I'm honestly trying to help you stop the panic/reassurance cycle. I've been there and know how panic can take over your life. For the sake of your children I think you need to trust your GP's opinion and also believe just how powerful an effect anxiety can have on the mind and body. If you honestly don't believe this is "just" anxiety then see a neurologist privately. It may be worth a couple of hundred pounds for peace of mind? You still think you have a brain tumour and nobody can reassure you that you haven't.
Bonnibelle
15-12-15, 11:00
Thank you so much for your kind reply. I really appreciate it.
Yes things had got a little better for about 10 days. I still had the dizziness when walking but it was much better than it was and I could function better.
Now I'm afraid because it's back in full force and this heaviness feeling is scaring me. I feel heavy in my throat and chest and I feel my dizziness is worse. When I walk u feel alot more off balance like the ground is moving, I feel off balance in my body and on top I panic why I feel heavy in my chest and throat. I worry something is really wrong but my husband says that heaviness will be anxiety. Why does it make my balance worse though?
It's that scaring me more today. I'm not very active at the moment so I keep worrying about blood clots. Another reason the heaviness scares me.
I can breath I just feel so heavy in throat and chest but I've been having this on and off recently.
Thank you for helping me.
B x
Please don't think you can't post - post away...we are here to help.
It sounds to me like you've just reached your tolerance level.
When I speak to my parents (I'm 34) about what has happened to me the last 4-5 months, they think it's almost like a mini-breakdown. I'm working full time but I can't lie..it is hard to motivate and be positive.
I honestly think if the GP has seen you twice, he has checked what he/she needs to, and is happy with that.
The 'what ifs' are part of your anxious response to what is happening. Panic and dizziness cause a LOT of anxiety, which in turn makes you dizzy again, stressed, and I bet you think 'this won't end'.
It will. I seriously think you need a huge break...a nurse who saw me when I first told the GP etc I felt I'd had enough told me she went through something similar and had 6 months off.
When you said it got 40% better, that is you calming down...focus on the fact that you calming down make it better....
---------- Post added at 11:00 ---------- Previous post was at 10:58 ----------
Thank you Pulisa.
I've not said you're being harsh I just know when anxious it's hard not to seek help and reassurance from others that have experienced it. That's why I posted here again.
You may think I'm being harsh but I'm honestly trying to help you stop the panic/reassurance cycle. I've been there and know how panic can take over your life. For the sake of your children I think you need to trust your GP's opinion and also believe just how powerful an effect anxiety can have on the mind and body. If you honestly don't believe this is "just" anxiety then see a neurologist privately. It may be worth a couple of hundred pounds for peace of mind? You still think you have a brain tumour and nobody can reassure you that you haven't.
Thank you so much for your kind reply. I really appreciate it.
Yes things had got a little better for about 10 days. I still had the dizziness when walking but it was much better than it was and I could function better.
Now I'm afraid because it's back in full force and this heaviness feeling is scaring me. I feel heavy in my throat and chest and I feel my dizziness is worse. When I walk u feel alot more off balance like the ground is moving, I feel off balance in my body and on top I panic why I feel heavy in my chest and throat. I worry something is really wrong but my husband says that heaviness will be anxiety. Why does it make my balance worse though?
It's that scaring me more today. I'm not very active at the moment so I keep worrying about blood clots. Another reason the heaviness scares me.
I can breath I just feel so heavy in throat and chest but I've been having this on and off recently.
Thank you for helping me.
B x
---------- Post added at 11:00 ---------- Previous post was at 10:58 ----------
Thank you Pulisa.
I've not said you're being harsh I just know when anxious it's hard not to seek help and reassurance from others that have experienced it. That's why I posted here again.
See that is anxiety. You are now in a cycle of worrying about physical problems. It is like heightened hypochondria. Worrying about blood clots will make you feel anxious/dizzy/stressed and depressed. In turn your body will react with physical sensations, a feeling you can't cope, and more worry, which leads to frantic panic and googling about health. I've been there. I almost did it again on Sunday...
Some people with Anxiety are fortunate enough to get an explanation for their current symptoms, take reassurance and this be enough to stop it in its tracks, for others it takes a little more time, the reassurances sinks in slowly, but it takes the symptoms to ease a little before you start to believe. Ive been there, I know how that feels, this in itself is part and parcel of the anxiety you are experiencing - its part of the protective fight or flight response.
The exact chain of sensations you describe, I experienced in the summer. This rather than the day to day anxiety you experience is a response to the stress you have experienced, its a higher level of anxiety to make you take notice!
If you read back your original post, you say normally you live life inspite of anxiety - you have reached a point where you disregard those inappropriate threat warnings (anxiety sensations). Then you experience some very real stress, your mind says "hang on we need to make you take action to protect yourself" how can your mind do this when you are ignoring the sensations its givings you already? it gives more intense/different sensations to make you stop and take notice. So although there is no actual threat, and the warnings not appropriate, your body and mind are working exactly as they are intended to.
This will calm down regardless of what you do or dont do, it may take a few weeks, but it will, you will return to the lesser sensations you know and previously lived inspite of. Try to take the pressure off yourself, christmas will be what it will be ..... allow your panic to soothe itself and the warnings will switch off all by themselves :)
Bonnibelle
15-12-15, 12:38
Thank you so much.
I have read stress can mess about with balance.
I think what scares me is its constant every time i walk arpund. If it was intermittent I'd not be as worried.
Every time I walk I feel I'm walking like on marshmallows or just got off a trampoline. I feel I'm bouncing and then that in my body makes me feel woozy. Panic then hits.
I fear it's not anxiety because I don't have a racing heart, shakes etc which are typical signs of anxiety? So can this unsteady feeling really be from anxiety? If that makes sense.
Thank you for your help. I am dreading walking around at the moment and feel useless as a mother.
Some people with Anxiety are fortunate enough to get an explanation for their current symptoms, take reassurance and this be enough to stop it in its tracks, for others it takes a little more time, the reassurances sinks in sl
....owly, but it takes the symptoms to ease a little before you start to believe. Ive been there, I know how that feels, this in itself is part and parcel of the anxiety you are experiencing - its part of the protective fight or flight response.
The exact chain of sensations you describe, I experienced in the summer. This rather than the day to day anxiety you experience is a response to the stress you have experienced, its a higher level of anxiety to make you take notice!
If you read back your original post, you say normally you live life inspite of anxiety - you have reached a point where you disregard those inappropriate threat warnings (anxiety sensations). Then you experience some very real stress, your mind says "hang on we need to make you take action to protect yourself" how can your mind do this when you are ignoring the sensations its givings you already? it gives more intense/different sensations to make you stop and take notice. So although there is no actual threat, and the warnings not appropriate, your body and mind are working exactly as they are intended to.
This will calm down regardless of what you do or dont do, it may take a few weeks, but it will, you will return to the lesser sensations you know and previously lived inspite off. Try to take the pressure off yourself, christmas will be what it will be ..... allow your panic to soothe itself and the warnings will switch off all by themselves :)
I think the others are right, you've come to the end of your tether.
Are you eating enough??? even little and often. Drink more water aswell.
You need to try and break down the things going on in your life at the moment.
1) Your son who is being bullied?? Speak to the school, if they don't listen, speak to the local education authority's school welfare officer. If still no joy, threaten to take him out of school for home-schooling, if that happens the school loses money!!!! or threaten to go to the local newspaper, anything to make them sit up and take notice and put a stop to it.
2) Your daughter?? She has had medical attention in hospital, so she's hopefully on the mend.
No amount of tests and medications can deal with the 'dramas' of everyday traumas, you need to try to learn coping strategies and how to stop you feeding the panic, so maybe ask for some counselling aswell. I bet you're thinking when something happens ' what next?? can't cope with anything else' ??
hi - oh I do feel for you and I'm sure that this is all pure anxiety - your body has had enough and you need to try and chill and relax a bit - personally I feel so much for better for just taking a few days off work and slowing down - the kids are at school so have had a couple of chill out days at home, just me, been for a couple of walks and feel a bit normal again - last week I was ready to keel over I felt so awful!!
we're not superhuman and I have to tell myself that now - I just keep on going and never switch off whether its work kids home friends etc....there's always something to do my note to self is to do that from now on - who cares if I haven't hoovered today etc haha .....I work full time too and am a single mum so life is really busy but am determined to slow down from now on and please do try that too - hope you feel better soon xx
:):):)
Believe me when I say this, stress does mess with balance! Your description could have been mine word for word last summer, the good news is it doesn't last!
I remember dreading standing up, dreading walking, putting off doing things, it was a real worry for me too, but it passed and yours will too
You are far from a useless parent, it was caring so much about your children that created this blip you are now in, you're a fighter remember that :winks:
Out of interest, do you find these sensations are worse at a particular point in the day, or pretty much steady from waking until bed?
Thank you so much.
I have read stress can mess about with balance.
I think what scares me is its constant every time i walk around. If it was intermittent I'd not be as worried.
Every time I walk I feel I'm walking like on marshmallows or just got off a trampoline. I feel I'm bouncing and then that in my body makes me feel woozy. Panic then hits.
I fear it's not anxiety because I don't have a racing heart, shakes etc which are typical signs of anxiety? So can this unsteady feeling really be from anxiety? If that makes sense.
Thank you for your help. I am dreading walking around at the moment and feel useless as a mother.
Crystalhiggs
15-12-15, 14:17
Well just to put a different slant on things, I currently have viral induced labyrinthitis which has given me the same symptoms and it can apparently last up to 8 weeks. I'm 9 days in and had to spend the first week in bed, I'm just picking up a but #justsaying it could well be that too! You take care lovely. Xx
Bonnibelle
15-12-15, 14:54
Oh I'm sorry to hear this..can I ask if you've felt like I do? I have no room spinning?
Have you had medication for it?
Well just to put a different slant on things, I currently have viral induced labyrinthitis which has given me the same symptoms and it can apparently last up to 8 weeks. I'm 9 days in and had to spend the first week in bed, I'm just picking up a but #justsaying it could well be that too! You take care lovely. Xx
---------- Post added at 14:51 ---------- Previous post was at 14:29 ----------
Thank you Dexter.
Did you really feel like this?
Even stood now on the spot I feel I'm woozy and heavy inside and the ground beneath me is moving. It scares me so much that most days lately I won't walk about. Which then makes me worry every calf pain is a dvt.
Believe me when I say this, stress does mess with balance! Your description could have been mine word for word last summer, the good news is it doesn't last!
I remember dreading standing up, dreading walking, putting off doing things, it was a real worry for me too, but it passed and yours will too
You are far from a useless parent, it was caring so much about your children that created this blip you are now in, you're a fighter remember that :winks:
Out of interest, do you find these sensations are worse at a particular point in the day, or pretty much steady from waking until bed?
---------- Post added at 14:54 ---------- Previous post was at 14:51 ----------
Thank you so much.
I.am.finding it so hard to believe anxiety and stress could cause this. I'm avoiding walking around because of it. I feel so useless like this.
Thank you for being so kind. Everyone has been lovely.
hi - oh I do feel for you and I'm sure that this is all pure anxiety - your body has had enough and you need to try and chill and relax a bit - personally I feel so much for better for just taking a few days off work and slowing down - the kids are at school so have had a couple of chill out days at home, just me, been for a couple of walks and feel a bit normal again - last week I was ready to keel over I felt so awful!!
we're not superhuman and I have to tell myself that now - I just keep on going and never switch off whether its work kids home friends etc....there's always something to do my note to self is to do that from now on - who cares if I haven't hoovered today etc haha .....I work full time too and am a single mum so life is really busy but am determined to slow down from now on and please do try that too - hope you feel better soon xx
:):):)
Crystalhiggs
15-12-15, 15:38
Hi yes I feel exactly like this! The only thing I don't have is the chest heaviness but everything else sounds the same. The doctor told me the virus is invisible so you can't exactly know what it is but couldn't see anything wrong with me either but did say all signs point to viral induced labyrinthitis and having read up on it it makes sense. Xx
If it is labyrinthitis then the stemetil will be the best treatment. But your GP has said that your ears are fine and the room isn't spinning....? Normally you'd get intense vertigo and nausea with it.
Why not try the stemetil anyway?
Bonnibelle
15-12-15, 16:59
Thank you. Is it doing the rounds?my son is having dizziness now similar to me.he has since last week a few weeks after I started with it.
So your gp didn't give you any medicine for it?
Are you having any spinning in your head or is it all on walking the ground moving feeling and off balance?
Thank you for replying.
B
Hi yes I feel exactly like this! The only thing I don't have is the chest heaviness but everything else sounds the same. The doctor told me the virus is invisible so you can't exactly know what it is but couldn't see anything wrong with me either but did say all signs point to viral induced labyrinthitis and having read up on it it makes sense. Xx
---------- Post added at 16:59 ---------- Previous post was at 16:58 ----------
Yes my ears were normal and no room.spinning. I think he just suggested the medication as it helps balance and maybe thought it's worth a try.
If it is labyrinthitis then the stemetil will be the best treatment. But your GP has said that your ears are fine and the room isn't spinning....? Normally you'd get intense vertigo and nausea with it.
Why not try the stemetil anyway?
I think you need to be very careful as to how your son is reacting to your symptoms, Bonnibelle. I know it's hard but you really don't want to trigger his anxiety. I have the same problem with my daughter and it's not easy
Bonnibelle
15-12-15, 17:24
I think he is actually poorly. He has had a bad headache for days and very pale. Poor boy.
I think Pulisa is right Bonnibelle. Anxiety can be picked up, especially with someone prone to it.
I have to try so hard not to speak about my anxiety symptoms because my son picks up on them. It is so difficult to try and disguise how you are feeling, but maybe your son worrying about you is triggering similar symptoms for him?
Its hard being a Mum with anxiety,especially if your children have the same condition. I do understand xx
Bonnibelle
15-12-15, 17:34
They're aware I'm dizzy yes. It's quite hard to hide it as they've seen me resting a lot more than usual. I've just told them mum has been unwell. My daughter is ill and been in hospital and has croup. There's a lot going around.
Yes there is a lot going around.
Crystalhiggs
15-12-15, 19:11
Sorry I just saw these messages, have sent you a private message but forgot to say no the room wasn't spinning for me either, I had one horrendous bout of vertigo where I almost fainted but I'm generally just feeling dizzy and spaced out. I had the feeling of walking on marshmallow last week which my mum said was a classic symptom. Perhaps it's a combination of things. Sending you a big hug xx
Absolutely, as I said, you could have been talking about me word for word in terms of the sensations.
Try to apply a little logic to the situation, you have had these sensations for quite a while now, you havent come to any danger, you havent fallen over, you havent passed out - if it hasnt happened by now, its not going to. The only thing keep these sensations alive is you worrying about them.
Your calf pain? I had this too - its because you are trying to hold yourself rigid to counteract the perceived risk of falling over. Its muscle tension ;)
Oh I'm sorry to hear this..can I ask if you've
Thank you Dexter.
Did you really feel like this?
Even stood now on the spot I feel I'm woozy and heavy inside and the ground beneath me is moving. It scares me so much that most days lately I won't walk about. Which then makes me worry every calf pain is a dvt.
Bonnibelle
15-12-15, 22:17
Thank you Dexter.
It's been going on a few weeks now which I guess is why I worry.
Thank you for your support today it's really helped.
Bonnibelle
16-12-15, 14:25
Thank you all for your support I really appreciate it. I'm finding this so hard and frightening.
Today I'm trying to walk about the house and Potter about a bit but every time I do I feel the floor moving and I feel off balance. I feel weak in my legs and exhausted. I've had a slight burgling my left eye for a few weeks but my gp says it's fine but that's worrying me too. I can't help but worry anxiety can't make you feel weak and ill like this. I feel everything around me is hazy and I am so wobbly. It's horrible. It's been 4 weeks and I am worried what if this never goes away? Will it without taking the stemetil? My gp said the tablets will only help if it's being caused by the inner ear not if it's anxiety. I'm scared to even take them ��
Sorry to post again. Finding this so tough.
I can't give you the answers you desperately want but I think you may have to at least try the stemetil just to eliminate an ear problem? I know you're scared of the drug but you're also scared of your symptoms...however I know it's not as simple as just popping a stemetil and seeing what happens (if anything).
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