robin321
15-12-15, 16:51
I have had a rough few months.
My HA flared up in October. I was worried about my crohns (real issue, but the worry wasn't rational. I have had it for 23 yrs and am fine). Quick summary:
-That led me to eat less, and to obsess over bowel movements.
- Lost weight - worried about that
- Started to wake up during the night anxious about these issues
- Then started to have trouble sleeping. First up early (4am) then 3am, 2am, and finally almost no sleep.
I have been able to control the worry about the original issues now (crohns + weight) but am left with bad insomnia.
For the past few weeks I have nights where I cannot fall asleep until 2, 3 even 4am (last night). This will go on for a few days. Then I sleep ok for a few days and it starts again. It seems worse during the week, as I feel pressure to be up and alert for work. When I am up I am not 'worried', but when I try to sleep I get panic attacks.
Anyway - my HA has turned to the insomnia. I think about it constantly - like I would a perceived illness. I read all about it online. I worry, and worry.
And then I started to read about OCD and intrusive thoughts. Low and behold I am having intrusive thoughts described in those articles. Yesterday I wasn't worried about the insomnia since I slept, but I was worried about the thoughts.
My fear of physical illness has now turned to mental illness. I read about depression. Am I depressed? Depression and insomnia go together. But I am still up and about, I don't feel 'down' except for my fear. I can feel good when I make the effort to fight it.
So it feels like my HA - only it is turned inward mentally - with mental checks of how I feel. Mental checks of how I am sleeping, what I am thinking. I am finding this worse!!! Has anyone had this?
I also find my anxiety worse at this time of the year. I feel like I should be happy, and am not. And I know the doctors and my therapists offices are closed for most of January. In addition, I am supposed to go away next week. My trip involves 3 days of driving. I am worried about how I will do that if I am tired.
My HA flared up in October. I was worried about my crohns (real issue, but the worry wasn't rational. I have had it for 23 yrs and am fine). Quick summary:
-That led me to eat less, and to obsess over bowel movements.
- Lost weight - worried about that
- Started to wake up during the night anxious about these issues
- Then started to have trouble sleeping. First up early (4am) then 3am, 2am, and finally almost no sleep.
I have been able to control the worry about the original issues now (crohns + weight) but am left with bad insomnia.
For the past few weeks I have nights where I cannot fall asleep until 2, 3 even 4am (last night). This will go on for a few days. Then I sleep ok for a few days and it starts again. It seems worse during the week, as I feel pressure to be up and alert for work. When I am up I am not 'worried', but when I try to sleep I get panic attacks.
Anyway - my HA has turned to the insomnia. I think about it constantly - like I would a perceived illness. I read all about it online. I worry, and worry.
And then I started to read about OCD and intrusive thoughts. Low and behold I am having intrusive thoughts described in those articles. Yesterday I wasn't worried about the insomnia since I slept, but I was worried about the thoughts.
My fear of physical illness has now turned to mental illness. I read about depression. Am I depressed? Depression and insomnia go together. But I am still up and about, I don't feel 'down' except for my fear. I can feel good when I make the effort to fight it.
So it feels like my HA - only it is turned inward mentally - with mental checks of how I feel. Mental checks of how I am sleeping, what I am thinking. I am finding this worse!!! Has anyone had this?
I also find my anxiety worse at this time of the year. I feel like I should be happy, and am not. And I know the doctors and my therapists offices are closed for most of January. In addition, I am supposed to go away next week. My trip involves 3 days of driving. I am worried about how I will do that if I am tired.