View Full Version : I'M BETTER (hopefully) (fingers crossed)
Just thought I'd update my update (see This advice DOES work in Success Stories)
For you oldies out there (and by that I mean those of you who have been using the site for a while), I'm still alive. I've just not had chance to get onto a pc. Ours at home has decided that it is too old, and it can't be upgraded, so I'm saving for a new telly. My mum has volunteered me a lap top, but I'm a proper touch typist, and can't be doing with such new fangled contraptions!
For those of you new to the site, I've been a member for quite a while. I've suffered on and off with panic, anxiety and depression for a number of years, and am living proof that listening to Meg, Nic, and the others out there can get you back somewhere near close to living a normal life.
Well to update from my last success story in April. . . . .
April and most of May came and went quite successfully - I didn't do anything too adventurous, but then I didn't gib out of anything either. I got into a routine of three weekly visits to the gym, continued with the healthy eating, CBT, and daily doses of prozac. I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
THEN ..... within the space of 24 hours, I discovered that my darling horse (one month off his 32nd birthday) had a lymphoma, and had to be destroyed, and I was about to be made redundant.
I waited for the inevitable return of the panic/anxiety. Back to square one. And ........
Nothing bad happened. Of course I was shi**ing it, not having a job, but I started applying, and (ok so I admit it wasn't easy), I managed to go to several interviews. Talk like a normal person. Not throw up, spontaneously combust, talk gibberish, or otherwise give the game away, that I was not a "normal" person.
And I got all the jobs (bar one) that I applied for (and to be honest, everybody who knows me had hysterical laughter when I told them I'd applied to be a wedding planner). Something inside me clicked though, and I decided that I didn't want to spend the next eleven years working for somebody who ultimately had the power the dismiss me, without a thank you or backward glance.
So I got in touch with Business Link, went on lots of courses and seminars, and I'm now self employed.
As well as doing some freelance bar work, which includes running the local pub one day and evening a week for the landlord and lady to have a day/night off, I have set up my own business, housekeeping, and house and pet sitting, and doing basic book keeping. I've also been working on my writing, and am hoping to have my depression article published soon (I'll let you know how I get on with that).
I can honestly, and genuinely say that I have never felt this good in AGES.
A few weeks ago I had to visit my GP for a medication review as I had been on prozac for six months now. I walked in, and she said "you look great - have you been away - you look really well - whats your secret?"
"Well, I've just had my horse put down, and been made redundant, it's been a pretty ****ty time actually. And I've more than coped. " It's a good job she already knows I'm totally mad, or else I'm sure she would have certified me right there and then.
Ok, so for one month, whilst I was sorting my head out, I was on 40mg of fluoxetine a day, but after a month, I went back to 20mg, and it served it's purpose. I got through a time, that frankly anybody would have found tough. And came out the other side fighting.
The point is that until all this happened I didn't realise just how much progress I'd made. Nor how unhappy, depressed, and miserable my job was making me. I'd not got stuck in a rut, I'd fallen into the bottom of a crater!
I still try very hard not to think about anything, and could easily make myself feel wobbly again, without any effort. However, I did allow myself to compile a list of things I've not done for ages and have managed (mainly without any panic, and only the tiniest bit of anxiety) to do, or am planning to do.
House sit for Brian and his four "babies" (the cats) for two weeks.
House sit for Judy
Great to hear from you Charlie !!!
and so Well Done. I know how hard you've slogged away at this..
lots of love
Meg
Hi Charlie
What a great piece, i have read it a couple of times, and you are prove it does get better with hard work and determination.
You have done so well and achieved so much, and i can totally understand your point that if it ever came back you know you could beat it again.
Good luck with all that you are doing and i hope your business takes of really well.
Hope you get a good result taking your old employers to tribunal.
That story is an inspiration to all on this site. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Love Sal xxxxx
thanks Meg and Sal!
Meg you are right, I have put a lot of work in, but ultimately I believed that I would get better, cos you and Nic were so persistant that if I followed your tips, it would happen! And it did.
Sal, I'm glad you found it useful. I think the most useful thing that I can say I learnt is that panic/anxiety will always be "there". But I can learn skills, techniques and life style changes that will keep it at bay, where I want it, and under control. There is no "answer" or "solution". Each of us has to find the things that work for us, however, CBT, medication, and a healthy lifestyle go a long, long way to help. Changing your outlook, and believing in yourself also make a huge difference.
Listen to advice, but don't necessarily dwell on it for too long. I've lost count of the number of people who thing I am "mad" for taking Prozac (thanks Daily Mail for all the negative publicity). However, personally speaking, I know that taking a course of medication, combined with all the other things I've made a part of my life, has helped immeasurably. I'm not saying I wouldn't be where I am now without it, but it has made it so much easier to get there. Reikei is another example of this - it really works for me, I've done yoga and other relaxation things, but reikei really wipes me out, and I feel so much better. I only go once a fortnight now, but I still feel a huge benefit - and Jane has to wake me up at the end of each session. This from the woman who couldnt get to sleep unless she went to bed after 11.00pm. I am now so chilled if I'm tired at ten, I go to bed. And sleep.
I've still got a long way to go yet - holidays, flying etc. etc. But I'm taking each day at a time. And I'm getting there. Life isn't a race, and I've decided that I;m going to take my time enjoying it - who says we have to live to a timetable anyway?
Best of luck Sal - I hope you're feeling better now.
Love
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
nomorepanic
20-09-04, 19:51
Hey Charlie mate [^]
I missed you loads and your funny posts - you entertained us for hours [:P]
I am so pleased it has come together for you and thanks for coming back to let us know cos we do like to know what happened to people!!
I am like you at the moment in that there are things I can't do (and want to) but I am happy with my life and I will get all the other things done soon[:O]
You sound so much happier now and I am sure you will get over that last little hurdle soon.
So proud of you mate.
Keep in touch ok.
xxx
Nicola
HI Charlie,
I wondered where you had got to as I hadnt seen you post on here for awhile. Its such good news to hear how well you are feeling and how much happier you are. You are living proof that we can learn to live with anxiety and live happy and normal lives.
Take care and I hope your business and writing are successful for you.
sadie
hi there Charlie,
Well done!! You have been through a tough time and you have pulled through so well!!
Sarah :D
Hi Charlie
Can understand that feeling it will always be there, but it is knowing how to handle it and control it which you have done so well.
Admire you for how well you have done and when i am struggling with it will remind myself of how well you have done.
Thanks mate.
Love Sal xxxxx
**Can understand that feeling it will always be there**
No it won't !! Lets not give up at 3rd base ..
I think the potential is always there - just like a broken limb always aches in damp weather but it doesn't actually cause you any pain or trouble .
You will have months and years without any issues at all but in times of stress or after difficult situations you may find the initial feeling returning which is when you need to take extra special care of yourselves again.
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi Charlie
I'm so so so so so (ok you get the idea) pleased for you.
Yeah ok I'm still not talking to you for having standing tickets for the Darkness but I'll learn to live with that.
You're an inspiration to me and I'm sure loads of others.
We all know how hard it is to get back on top and you've definitely had to do it the hard way.
So good for you girl.
I'll speak to you soon and hope you are still on for the 2nd Oct, (provided Dave doesn't whisk me away somewhere exotic - I wish). Is 2GTBT coming a long?
Take care
See you soon
Love
Jules
Jules
Hi Charlie
Well done. You have done so well overcoming your problems. It is good for those of us still struggling to read such a positive story.
Briary
Hi Charlie,
Well done you! WOW! You have come a long way and have achieved so much! I really admire your positive attitude its FAB! Keep up the good work!
Take care
Love PIP'S XX XX
Hiya Charlie,
God haven't you come such a long way from a year or so back when we posted all day everyday (and I was supposed to be working too!!)
I' m so proud of you Charlie, you deserve to 'get better'!!!
Love
Lucky
PS Letter will be in post soon!!
Hi Charlie
Well done you and thanks for the reply. If you can see the light why cant anyone else.
Not personally talking as i know there is a way out and i am finding it slowly but posts like yours give you the encouragement you need.
Best of luck and i hope the progess continues and you keep us up to date with how you are doing.
Love Sal xxxxx
Thanks so much for your replies.
NIC - I haven't abandoned you at all - it's just that now I'm self employed I have discovered that I actually have to work for a living!!!! Not as Lucky said, back in the old days when we spent every day e-mailing each other.
MEG - I'ts a positive always there. I still get bad days - but I just review what I have let slip, put it right, and think that it was only a day.
It's good to think it always is there, cos then it keeps you more determined to look after yourself and STOP it from coming back.
LUCKY - I so miss our e-mails - and where's the response to my letter (ok so it took me so long to write I've had two haircuts during writing it, but thats not the point)
JULES - Sorry, but we are still standing at the Darkness, but that's only AFTER we've been to see Keane at Rock City!!!!!! (E-bay and redundancy are a fatal combination).
As if Dave is going to whisk you off, he knows you wouldn't go without weeks of planning and hand wringing - another incentive to get better, so he can!!!
2G2BT is going to Rock City (providing of course I don't end up having a wobbly and not going - sorry Meg, but those bad thoughts are still there!)
CAN I JUST MAKE THIS QUITE CLEAR HERE AND NOW THAT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS HE TO FIND OUT HE IS 2G2BT, OR THAT HE IS OFTEN UNDER DISCUSSION ON THIS FORUM :D
SAL - Think of your recovery like a diet.
SADIE - Hello, glad you're still about. Hope things have improved for you too?
One day you decide to loose weight.
The next day, you join the gym, chuck out all your crisps, biscuits, cakes and chocolate, and replace with fruit, veg, and all things brown.
By the third day you will not have lost weight. You will have made a decision to make some life style changes, and if you keep going to the gym, eating healthily, and disciplining yourself, you will eventually end up thin, with shin splints, calloused feet and sick of the sight of salad.
However, you will have achieved your goal.
So try looking at your recovery as a slow and gradual thing you have to work at, make life style changes, and alter your mindset.
One day you will realise that your old favourite jeans are a bit looser. A few months later, you;ve got a new pair of favourite jeans, cos the old ones were too big.
It's been gradual, but eventually I've realised I've started doing less and less of the things that I thought I could do, and more and more of the things I was convinced I couldn't.
(I hope that makes sense - I'm quite famous for my dodgy parallels, but I know what I mean!!!!!)
P.S. - NIC / MEG / JULES - anybody else - what about another meet up again before Xmas???? Anybody up for it??
Lots of love
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Hi Charlie.
Another meet up would be a brilliant idea, if anyone else is up for it.
Jules
Jules
Count me in if you have another meet up, would love to meet you all Tara xxx
I would definately like to meet up again.
Love Sal xxxxx
nomorepanic
04-10-04, 19:26
I think Sarah was going to do one in Surrey - not sure when.
Charlie, Jules and I met at Megs in Notts. We can see if Meg will do another one sometime.
As long as I don't have to go to Wales and cross that bridge again [:P]:)[:O]
Nicola
Nic wherever it is i'm gonna have to cross the severn bridge lol I've done it loadsa times but that was before the anxiety and panic!! I'll get a train to where ever you hold it i think
Would be good to meet up again. Would have it here but maybe a bit too far up North for everyone to travel.
Hope we can decide when and where soon so we can all meet up.
Love Sal xxxxx
It'd be nice if we could get together before christmas!!! I'd hold it here but none of you would get over the Severn Bridge LOL Tara xxx
You're always welcome here - J 24 of M1 and Tara can come up the M50 onto the M5 instead !
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
nomorepanic
05-10-04, 21:10
Yeah Tara, when I last did the bridge (over 11 years ago) I thought you had to pay both ways and I had no money to get back over it, so I drove up the edge of Wales lol.
I know better now.
Thanks Meg for the offer.
Nicola
MEG
Can we set a date please? I need to progress further with Sophie exposure. And it would be great to see everybody again.
We could do it before the dreaded C word, that we aren't mentioning as that was what tipped me over the edge last time.
Maybe we could have that barbeque that didn't happen last time (or maybe grilled sausages - weather permitting)
TARA - if you can do the train, I can pick you up from the station at Derby, on the way. (Thats brave of me isn't it)
Maybe we could have a Guy Fawkes party, and if you're really unlucky, I'll make some of my grans special recipe toffee (and bring Fred the alleged ex-dentist to repair any damage)
I know you're really busy Meg, but would this be possible. It would be great to meet up with everybody again.
Love Charlie
(p.s. Jules and I can vouch, that although we had a few wobbles during our last meeting it was VERY enjoyable, and well worth making the effort)
(pps TARA - I must confess that I got lost on the way back last time (yes Meg I know it's a straight road), so I can't guarantee to get you back to the station on time - or maybe even at all )
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I'm flat out now till 14th November but after that any day is fine- sorry about missing Guy Fawkes
Sat or Sun - someone pick a date.
Lottie - this is a few months further on and you will be fine.
Who wants to come ?
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Me - obviously!
We can still do bonfire toffee - and hot dogs for that matter (although for the sake of hypothermia, possibly better under grill).
Jules will come too I know, and Nic. Basically I have no weekend plans, so I can work around everybody else - maybe best to base it around yourself and Nic - as she will have to sort her shifts out!
Looking forward to it already x
(Meg - you are right - I've been doing too much and stopped looking after myself as well as I should! Slap wrists all round, but at least I can pin point my trigger this time!)
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I'd like to, but don't know if I can do it. I probably wouldn't be able to talk to anyone.
I'm not sure about travelling that distance on my own.
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
I've got a huge white board.
Meg
Hi Meg
I've got a huge white board.
For me to write on? Thanks, that will be interesting!!
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi all!
Excuse my forwardness but could I come along too please? I would love to put names to faces! :)
Im in Derby and we often hold internet meets in our house for my son and hubbys gaming community so cooking for up to 40 is no problem! If I can help in any way with food or anything else I would be happy to!
Love Minny...xx
Rennie1989
17-10-04, 15:02
sorry folks, im stuck here again
when im older like 16 then ill come up
Scooter Girl
if i was hungry would you feed me, if i fell you help me up, if i was crying would you brush away my tears
hi,
Can Ed and I come to the get-together at Meg's please?
We can easily drive from Durham. Thanks.
Sarah :D
Minnie - you are welcome to come to Costco with me beforehand !! My favourite shop ever .
As noone has picked a date yet can I suggest Saturday 27th November .
Meg
hi Meg,
Ed and I can come on that day!!
Sarah :D
Hi Meg
I'm free on that day too, if I can find the courage to come!
Briary
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
nomorepanic
19-10-04, 18:25
Yeah sounds good to me too!
Nicola
Thanks Meg
Now I'm back from the Ark - I've managed to log on, and I'll be there too!
See you all soon x
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
p.s.
If anybody wants picking up from Derby station, I can drop by and pick you up on the way through.
Nervous passengers need not apply .......
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
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