Vomited my blood

[Beckybecks]

I have got into a bad habit of putting my fingers down my throat to cause vomiting.
I do this when I'm very anxious because the anxiety causes nausea and vomiting brings very ome relief.
But the last two times I did this there was blood in my vomit.
I am so scared.
I worry of course that it's something terrible.
But could it be that be caused damage by retching so much?

[Fishmanpa]

Certainly, you could have caused some irritation from retching that's causing the blood but what really concerns me more is the behavior that's causing it.

Are you getting help for your anxiety?

Positive thoughts

[Beckybecks]

I know it's really not good what Ive been doing, but it always bring some relief when I panic.
I've had anxiety, panic attacks and depression for over 20 years and have had a lot of help from doctors, psychologists and counsellors. I've managed to overcome a lot of it.
But I'm left with extreme health anxiety. Every little symptom now sends me into panic. Pointless to keep running to the doctor when I know it's just anxiety so I try to ride it out and reason with myself.
I'm actually quite healthy and look after myself for exactly that reason.
This blood thing has absolutely terrified me.
I don't know whether to go to a doctor or just accept that it's because of the retching and will heal itself. I have such a fear of doctors....
One things for sure I will never force myself to vomit again.
Trouble is in the back of my mind I now have this big question of what's caused the bleeding

[Fishmanpa]

Unless we're talking about literally vomiting blood, I would think this is more an irritation and would heal itself. You would know if it were serious as you would be pooping nasty foul black tar from swallowing a lot of blood. I know, I had it happen with a bleed from throat surgery. Just don't be doing that anymore!

Positive thoughts

[MissyMischief]

I know it's somewhat common for bulimics to start vomiting blood. This is, I believe, due to the stomach acid irritating the esophagus. It's not normal or natural to vomit as often as you are...no wonder it is irritated and bleeding.

I really hope you seek out some professional help. Good luck.

[Beckybecks]

Thank you. Reading your comments has brought me some relief.
I've spoken to someone who has advised I see a doctor even if it's just to address the problems that lie behind the vomiting.
So I'm going to be brave and make the appointment tomorrow. Even though I know that the shock of what I've done is probably enough to ensure I never do it again.
Thanks again. So much.

[MissyMischief]

Anxiety can take so many awful forms. It's such a horrible disease. I wish you luck. Take good care of yourself :).

[pulisa]

You are very much doing the right thing. You need to nip this behaviour in the bud now before it takes a firm grip. Good luck with your appointment.

[Beckybecks]

Just a bit of feedback for those who were kind enough to comment here.
I went to the Doctor. He was fairly confident having listened to my story of repeated vomiting that I had developed a tear in the lining of my esophagus called a Mallory-Weiss tear. He just prescribed a bland diet and some anti acid meds and obviously advised me to stop making myself vomit. I've learnt my lesson and will never use this as a panic coping strategy again.
Unfortunately the anxiety hasn't moved on yet as the panic left me with various symptoms such as chest pains which once again cause more anxiety.
The joys of this condition......
Dr told me to come back in the new year to address my anxiety problems for possible referral for some help. Hope I can find the courage to go back.