Panic attack. Xmas. Visitors. doom thoughts

[dally]

I used to love Xmas and host Xmas day for 10=12 people.
I was stressed. Took Valium, but overall enjoyed the day.

Last few years have been a nightmare. The expectation that I can still do everything I once did is overwhelming. I cannot guarantee I will not have a major PA and be able to cook Xmas dinner! The thought of letting people down is catastrophising.

I have tried rationalising it, by saying in the worse case scenario I will order Chinese take away on Xmas day, but I am overwhelmed with the responsibility and fear of becoming hysterical in front of people and ruining their Xmas day!

I have also just been 'forced' to have visitors for 8 days over Xmas!!
Theyre FAM, they just asked to stay, I have the room, I DONT have a reason to say no, except admit I am a 'nutter' which at this stage, I am not willing to do and I honestly do not believe they would truly understand my anguish. Especially as I have hosted Xmas before.

I hate feeling so pathetic, I want to build\keep\make happy memories, but my mental health is crucifying me.
I have a severe overwhelming feelings of doom, which is sparking major panic attacks
I am 10 months off Valium and have only betalockers to take, which do help a little with PA. but not with doom thoughts

[TheChiroDoc12]

Hi Dally, I am new here, and you will be my first reply. However, I am not new to anxiety and panic. I must say that you sound exactly like my mother! Always trying to satisfy everyone. The good news is that you have a good heart and are a good person, and you are not in any danger. The bad news is that you are not taking care of your internal self. I deal with anxiety/panic attacks associated with my health. It can really take a toll on your life, so I know what you're going through. Anyway, I used to always tell my mom that it is a guarantee that these people(family, close friends, etc) that you're trying to make comfortable are not as worried as you are, so they will not react and feel the way you will expect them to, assuming that you failed in doing something correctly. It's not as important as you think. Assertiveness and sharing thoughts is the key here. Let all of them know how hard you have worked with preparing everything, and even feel free to share your anxiety problems with them. It took me awhile before I did that, and you'd be amazed as to how helpful it is. The Holidays are stressful, believe me, I understand. I have a mother who goes insane about decorating, cooking, what days to do things, etc....she was also on several medications including valium. I got her off of those. Over time, she is doing much better now. You have to realize the facts. The facts are:
1. Nobody is going to feel the way you would anticipate them to feel if you "failed" at anything. Even if they did, that makes them the problem, not you. So, either way, it's a win-win for you.
2. You are a good person with a kind heart.
3. You need to be more assertive and share your thoughts with them.

Everything will be fine! Don't fret!:shades:

God Bless,

-Adam

[Justanutter]

Dally....this is exactly me today...having a complete meltdown over Christmas. I hate it more each year ....I am so worn out, work is really busy and because I have severe HA nobody will listen to me. OH just says I am pathetic and his answers to everything is just don't do it....he doesn't help at all. It if he does he makes it worse and is so untidy so I feel like I can't get my head straight as so u h to do yet. I am also terrified that I will let everybody down...last year was dreadful as I was in a state over some bowel tests and was convinced I had cancer so was miserable and in astute all Christmas and spoiled it for everyone. This year it's chest pain all the time and I am convinced that I have angina and will collapse before Christmas and won't get the right help quickly enough so panicking about that. It's just awful and I don't know how to control this Anymore. I used to talk ADs but can't now. Feel like running away. Everybody loves Christmas around me and I am the horrible negative one so you are not alone.