KayeS
20-12-15, 01:37
Earlier today I was thinking about how I was a couple of years ago before this particularly serious bout of health problem/health anxiety began.
2 years ago I was 29. I'd been weight training for about 11 years and was probably at my peak of physical fitness. I felt GOOD about myself. I felt CONFIDENT. My life wasn't perfect, but I was happy. I was going out with friends every weekend and having fun.
Fast forward to now. I'm 31. In terms of physical fitness/gym, I am probably at my worst in 13 years. I still go but my consistency and diet is awful. I'm far from in BAD shape but for me, it's not good. I rarely go on nights out with friends. I look older. And not 2 years older, I think I look at least 5 years older. I feel terrible, and I always feel run down.
This is all due to the health issues and health anxiety I've had over the last 2 years. I say health issues as well as anxiety as the things/symptoms I've experienced have definitely not ALL been down to anxiety/imagining things. Granted, none of them turned out to be anything serious but I feel like I've been pretty unlucky over the last year in particular in regards to ailments, one after the other like I've never had before in my life. From a strained oesophagus in Feb of this year that meant I was pretty much only eating liquids for 2 months, to horrible bowel issues for months that have only just recently begun to resolve and have been put down to IBS. I sit here now with horrible back pain that has come on for no apparent reason and has meant I can't go to the gym at the moment. And then ontop of all of this is the anxiety that comes with it. Outside of these actual real things, there have also been a MULTITUDE of irrational worries about having more serious health problems.
Between each health issue, I try and get back into training, and eating properly, and going out again, but each time, after a few weeks, something else crops up and puts me right back at square one again. I really do feel like I am fighting a losing battle. I just want to feel how I felt 2 years ago. I know I'm not 20 any more but I honestly feel like an old man right now. I feel in pain, run down, exhausted and just mentally drained from it all.
2 years ago I was 29. I'd been weight training for about 11 years and was probably at my peak of physical fitness. I felt GOOD about myself. I felt CONFIDENT. My life wasn't perfect, but I was happy. I was going out with friends every weekend and having fun.
Fast forward to now. I'm 31. In terms of physical fitness/gym, I am probably at my worst in 13 years. I still go but my consistency and diet is awful. I'm far from in BAD shape but for me, it's not good. I rarely go on nights out with friends. I look older. And not 2 years older, I think I look at least 5 years older. I feel terrible, and I always feel run down.
This is all due to the health issues and health anxiety I've had over the last 2 years. I say health issues as well as anxiety as the things/symptoms I've experienced have definitely not ALL been down to anxiety/imagining things. Granted, none of them turned out to be anything serious but I feel like I've been pretty unlucky over the last year in particular in regards to ailments, one after the other like I've never had before in my life. From a strained oesophagus in Feb of this year that meant I was pretty much only eating liquids for 2 months, to horrible bowel issues for months that have only just recently begun to resolve and have been put down to IBS. I sit here now with horrible back pain that has come on for no apparent reason and has meant I can't go to the gym at the moment. And then ontop of all of this is the anxiety that comes with it. Outside of these actual real things, there have also been a MULTITUDE of irrational worries about having more serious health problems.
Between each health issue, I try and get back into training, and eating properly, and going out again, but each time, after a few weeks, something else crops up and puts me right back at square one again. I really do feel like I am fighting a losing battle. I just want to feel how I felt 2 years ago. I know I'm not 20 any more but I honestly feel like an old man right now. I feel in pain, run down, exhausted and just mentally drained from it all.