Spikie
21-12-15, 09:46
Hi all
I have a thing where I am fine at group gatherings (such as family parties) but then, suddenly, I switch to it being unbearable to be there and everything is wrong and horrible.
I was at a wedding yesterday and I'm t-total so thought I'd try an experiment and have a few drinks - no real effect (but that's by the by).
Anyway it got to disco time and it was just overwhelming, so many people in a small space, noise and feeling crammed in, so I went to another room and felt much better. But that meant leaving my wife in the disco room and of course then it was all 'I shouldn't be leaving her, she will get annoyed she has been abandoned, she won't be enjoying herself either', because I was now comfortable in myself having left her there.
So I made myself stay for the social niceities (first dance and cake cutting) then went back and asked if she was ready to leave. I then had to play the 'what did I do wrong' game all the way home, then before bed, until I had given up by the time we went to bed (I actually ended up laying on the living room floor for a while after she had gone to bed as I couldn't handle going upstairs, then once we were in bed I got up again and went downstairs for half an hour to see if I could sleep down there).
My issue was that all I could think of was 'I was clearly upset and needed to be away from there, but she either doesn't notice how distressed I was or she does but doesn't care.
By this morning I was back to being apologetic and said I was sorry for ruining her night, to which she replied 'you need to explain to the bride why you left the wedding early'. I thought this was a good opportunity, so asked her what I should say and she pretty much got it right.
Which means she knew how upset I was and that it was legitimate, but decided to give me silent treatment and then make me feel bad by implying I've upset the bride by leaving her wedding after 7 hours of being there (plus didn't say 'it's ok, I understand' or anything helpful).
I really really want to email her back and say 'in future could you not make me feel bad for feeling bad, I was very clearly struggling, this is a known issue and we agreed we would leave when it got too much for me. Instead I was made to feel like I had ruined everyone's evenings despite my reaction to my issues being calm and collected' but I know it will only make things worse, so I'm saying it here instead.
On a lighter(?) note, I was this close to going and sitting under a table where no-one could see me like I used to do when I was little, and I'm a 33 year old qualified accountant...
I have a thing where I am fine at group gatherings (such as family parties) but then, suddenly, I switch to it being unbearable to be there and everything is wrong and horrible.
I was at a wedding yesterday and I'm t-total so thought I'd try an experiment and have a few drinks - no real effect (but that's by the by).
Anyway it got to disco time and it was just overwhelming, so many people in a small space, noise and feeling crammed in, so I went to another room and felt much better. But that meant leaving my wife in the disco room and of course then it was all 'I shouldn't be leaving her, she will get annoyed she has been abandoned, she won't be enjoying herself either', because I was now comfortable in myself having left her there.
So I made myself stay for the social niceities (first dance and cake cutting) then went back and asked if she was ready to leave. I then had to play the 'what did I do wrong' game all the way home, then before bed, until I had given up by the time we went to bed (I actually ended up laying on the living room floor for a while after she had gone to bed as I couldn't handle going upstairs, then once we were in bed I got up again and went downstairs for half an hour to see if I could sleep down there).
My issue was that all I could think of was 'I was clearly upset and needed to be away from there, but she either doesn't notice how distressed I was or she does but doesn't care.
By this morning I was back to being apologetic and said I was sorry for ruining her night, to which she replied 'you need to explain to the bride why you left the wedding early'. I thought this was a good opportunity, so asked her what I should say and she pretty much got it right.
Which means she knew how upset I was and that it was legitimate, but decided to give me silent treatment and then make me feel bad by implying I've upset the bride by leaving her wedding after 7 hours of being there (plus didn't say 'it's ok, I understand' or anything helpful).
I really really want to email her back and say 'in future could you not make me feel bad for feeling bad, I was very clearly struggling, this is a known issue and we agreed we would leave when it got too much for me. Instead I was made to feel like I had ruined everyone's evenings despite my reaction to my issues being calm and collected' but I know it will only make things worse, so I'm saying it here instead.
On a lighter(?) note, I was this close to going and sitting under a table where no-one could see me like I used to do when I was little, and I'm a 33 year old qualified accountant...