If your in bad place... read this 1 year on !!!

[Boydo]

Hey everyone a few might know me ... spoke to me either I've asked for support or offered it, those who do remember will remember how dark and how far down i was.

A year and 1 month ago i got bad depression and anxiety ... i was so scared and suicudal ... i sat by the canal thinking I've wasted my life as i had no job, no security and more then everything my ptsd was coming back as i quit cannabis few weeks before hand... ill be honest i cried that morning after it felt asif i was dying ...this is were the road of anxiety started ... ill spend endless nights tossing and turning having the most wild vivid and scariest dreams .. waking up so scared and feeling like i had consumed 3 litres of vodka... i got to point were i was going to take my life i couldn't cope... i was back and forth to the doctors everyday! i got put on many meds... diazepam, mirtazapine, beta blockers, sertaline, venfaxline, citolpram you name it they drugged me with it... my anxiety got so bad i got agoraphobia, i felt dizzy and my head felt like led i quickly thought i had a brain tumour and convinced myself that was it ... i had codeine for the sheer migraines i was giving myself... i really thought i was dying and that i was going insane .. i got to derealisation and was even more scared spent months at a time sweating all day everyday after dry mouth .. purposely being sick and having ibs symptoms it was a living hell.

I found this site and got a lot more help then what the doctors was recommending ... i met some great people but i was still anxious day in day out ... my memory was a reck and i felt totally disconnected to everyone around me to the point ill look at my mum and be like thats my mum what no i don't feel owt for her tho .. i couldn't sleep even tho i had chronic fatigue and wasn't fun to be with,i was terrified point blank i had been through a lot of symptoms and stressful times with this anxiety. was on ESA as i couldn't work at all! the idea was laughable and thought ill be house bound forever.


WHAT CHANGED IN A YEAR THEN?!
Well my anxiety pretty much gone i still get very odd bits ... but i sleep normal hours, i get nervous but not a mess anymore i can normally control myself, i go for days out ...The biggest change is .. am working fully time ! 6 days a week am also a manager .. which a year ago didn't seem like i wasn't going live my life ever again .... i have a beautiful baby boy on the way and not even worried .. i can go out with friends, family and feel love and connection for those around me!
i have a life which is amazing feat !

so when your at your worst don't worry in time we can all heal or help are selfs !!
if anyone need someone talk to weather it advice or just someone to help you along feel free to pm me ! all the best everyone !

[Danath]

thats great Boydo, good to hear a success story amongst all the sorrow we (understandably) see here :)

[uru]

Hey thanks for posting this!

We need more stories like this :)

[Boydo]

thanks :) not a problem it was success story's that gave me hope to coming out of this mind state ... today little bit out of it but because i now accept it i don't get so anxious and worked up i start googling or try find answers to why i feel the way i do .. i simply accept it for what it is and live each day as it comes and if i have a bad day or week i keep going with routine that what seems to help alot

[swgrl09]

So glad to hear you are doing so well and congratulations on your baby boy :) You are right. Everything is temporary. I like to think "Will this worry me in 1 year? how about 5?" Puts things in perspective.

[Boydo]

thank you not saying am cured but am in a lot more comfortable place i do get times of spacing out etc like today but woke up with my right eye infected and feeling out of it but as day of I've got anti botics and I've strugged it off

[atki]

I have been on seroxat since age 14. at 30 years of age I swapped to fluoxetine which didn't work. im now on venlafaxine which I do not find is working very well. I actually feel its created obsessional thoughts which I did not previously have. I have decided I have going to go medication free. I will start my gradual withdrawal tomorrow and see what I actually feel as I can no longer remember why I started in these ssri's. I am very scared but I feel its something I have to try. wish me luck!

[eternally optimistic]

Well done on your improvement, long may it continue.

Good luck with the future.

Yaaaaaaaah��

[Boydo]

best of luck AKTI am not a doctor but being on ssri's that long you may want talk to your doctors about getting something to ease the withdrawals short term as it will be harder come off if your freaking out,

thanks eternally optimistic

had small set back tonight got anxious and everything went bright couldn't work out why..... then i felt fatigue and had bad stomach.... silent migraines are killers!

[Shazamataz]

Well done! So good to hear of people doing well when they've been so low.

I'm new to this site, currently in a very rough place, and this gives me hope :)

[bekw89]

Great news boydo!

[boston999]

Yes, there is life after anxiety and panic. I was house ridden several years ago. Had all I could do to walk outside and get the mail. I was lucky enough to have a job I could perform from home so that was good. The drugs and counseling didn't really help that much. I used to wake up at 3:00 am and think I was dying. Ripped off my clothes and walked around taking my pulse.
What worked was self talk. I replaced the negative thoughts with positive. "I am happy" "I am relaxed"- all the things I wanted to be.
It works believe me. You have to push through the hard times as well....let your heart race, it won't kill you! Eventually your body will respond and relax anywhere you go. At least it works for me. I just flew to Europe...8 hours on a plane!
Best wishes!

[jadedreams]

Boydo thanks for posting this, it's good to see success stories. It helps to give us hope!

Boston, thanks for your reply too - so good to hear you have improved so much. I need to work on my self talk I know!

[Kenton]

Its good to hear some good stories
Well done