i think i am having a nervous breakdown

[KOKO23CAT]

i think i am losing it guys. i don't think i have ever felt this bad before and it was so out of the blue as well. i thought i was over it adn that i would never be here again but i just have had enough. i think i am having a nervous breakdown. i have been freaking out now without a break since friday. i don't think i've actually had a panic attack but i am in full blown anxiety mode and i can't cope. i came off Cipralex in nov/dec last year and felt a bit ropey but since xmas its gone from bad to unbearable. i wake up in the night panicking and i wake up in the morning early with a pounding heart and that awful burning feeling of dread. i've tried so hard to manage without drugs, lavender, rescue remedy, homeopathy, massage etc . . . i've tried everything and yesterday i succumbed and took a Zopiclone to get me to sleep. Even then i was awake by 5.30am shaking and crying. i don't normally suffer with depression, ita always the anxiety that comes first and if i was never anxious i don't thik i would ever be depressed but today i would honestly rather be dead than living like this and that scares the hell out of me. i really don't know what to do. i know i just have to get on with it but i feel really hopeless at the moment, i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, it was there a few weeks ago but its gone out for now. i trust myself not to actually do anything stupid but if it was not for my daughter and H2B i wouldn't be to sure. Everything just seems so hard, i've got to go out for luch tomorrow and i would honestly rather die at the moment.
i'm so sorry to be so negative and to go on so much. i do believe recovery is out there for all of us. its just today it seems out of reach for me.

koko:(

[ade]

so sorry you are feeling the full force of anxiety,i can really understand that sense of it feeling like an enending road of misery.ihope you will achieve some calm and peace
keep going
an ocean of love and kindness
ade x:)

[Issy_Bum]

Aw, sweetie. It sounds like you're having it really tough right now. I can understand how terrible you must feel but you can't just stay at home by yourself, you have to go out and do things - try and get some normality into your life. Going out for lunch might just take your mind off things.
But I think you need to go back to your doctor - make an emergency appointment. You can't go on feeling like this, it's not fair on your or on your daughter.
Good luck.

[KOKO23CAT]

i went to the doctor yesterday and they gave me the zopiclone. I really really don't want to go back on SSRIs and i'm a bit scared of Benzos' so they were my only option really. I've got a new course of CBT which started this week but you know what its like when you start it, you think its never going to work. i know i've just got to get on with it. i'm just so low at the moment i know its because the anxiety is getting me down. Part of me is tempted to back on anti depressants but then i would just have to go through this again when i came off them. Also they are such a long term commitment, i'm getting married in the summer and i really want to have another baby next year. ( i actually just looked at the picture of my wedding dress and decided there was no way i am killing myself as i really want to wear it!)
I still have my sense of humour so all is not lost and i am lucky to be marrying a man who can make me laugh until i cry. i just need to find the way out of this particlular cave i seem to have trapped myself in.
Any help and advice gratefully received

koko

[Issy_Bum]

Well, just concentrate on what you have got and what you've got to look forward to.
Hope you feel much better soon - hang in there!

[KOKO23CAT]

Thank you very much for your support. i'm going to go out by myself and buy some new essential oils in a bit, Then its on with the wellies and off to the country park. You should have seen me on tuesday evening, H2B was away for the night and i was having a major anxiety moment so i thought to myself i'd have a nice warm bath with lavender, clary sage, ylang ylang and few candles. Not only was the bath on the cold side of tepid, i also set fire to the plant in the bathroom. right, i'm off out now JFDI!

Thanks Issy and thank you Ade

koko

[kimmy]

Hehehehe set fire to the plant! Type of thing id do lol
How are you now hun? Do you think your going through this because youve come off the meds? I was wondering do you ever worry about because youve come off the meds that you anxiety will come back- and thats what your experiencing? Im still on meds and im actually dreading coming off them. I know the thought of doing it and having a mental illness will make me anxious and start the ball rolling again.

[KOKO23CAT]

kimmy,

i don't know if its because of coming off meds to be honest and that is what is stoppig me going back and asking to go back on them. i don't want to have to do this again in a year or so time. But then of course i'm worried that its because i need the meds to survive. i'm so scared at the moment, i'm scared of waking up tomorrow feeling like this. i've tried everything to stop it but i'm just so anxious and i need a break from it. i've been like this for a week now and i'm starting to lose it.

[kimmy]

Your not losing it hun!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been in the same place too. YOur fully aware of what is happening and thats a positive. I can understand your concerned about the medication, but maybe if you just accept that it may be a possibility you may need to go back on them its a bit of tension release on you. Im not sure if that makes sense at all, im sorry if i dont. Just try to tell yourself your NOT losing it, its anxiety.

I used to cry thinking i was losing it, thinking i was schizohrenic etc- how much more could I handle but I did, I never lost it at all.

Why dont you go see your gp and see about some counselling?