Please help me help my self.

[Em.ma]

28 weeks pregnant here and really suffering with anxiety and depression.
I have all the skills in my head to help myself but for some reason these last few weeks I am really struggling to put them into practice and I am at a loss as to what to do.
I have been suffering with my sleep recently. Abut 3/4 weeks ago I had five nights in a row where I got anywhere between 2-4 hours sleep a night. Before this I was a very heavy sleeper. I needed a min of 8 hours and most nights got between 9-12 hours sleep. It doesn't help that once I fall asleep I am up again within an hour or two needing the toilet as baby is putting pressure on bladder. I can wake anywhere between 3-6 hours a night for the toilet. I have been checked over (urine infection etc) and they have said it is a normal pregnancy thing. So then when I do wake up I panic that I will not fall back to sleep again and it is a never ending cycle.
I am also suffering with restless legs as well. I am 99 per cent sure this is caused by anxiety as ever since I have had those few nights where I could not sleep I have become fixated on my legs. It's an obsession and I am well aware it is. Every time I sit down I get a very specific feeling in my left calf like it should be moving. It doesn't move but I get very irritable and feel like someone is pulling on it until it twitches. The twitching was very bad last night I had a rough night about four hours sleep between 9pm-8am. It has got to the point that I am now scared to even sit down as I fear my legs will start playing up. I also fear bed time. For example as soon as it gets dark I know bed time is getting closer and I start to panic badly about it.


Now I have the tools in my head to help but my self but I am at a loss as I don't seem to able to use them effectively.
I will tell you some of the things I know. Worrying about whether my legs are caused by restless leg syndrome or anxiety is not helping me and won't make them better. I know this but I can not stop worrying about that even though I know that is all I can do.
Telling my self 'If I sleep that's great, if I don't then I don't my body will sleep eventually because it is made to' I know this! But saying it still does not stop me worrying.
If I can't sleep after what feels like 20-30 minutes try and get up and go to the toilet and read/colour etc. All I end up doing is crying/on my ipad which is not helping me.
I have cut out caffeine and limit sugar intake. I especially limit sugar in the evening. I don't know if this has made a difference or not.
Distraction during the day. I have bought my self puzzles, colouring books, knitting stuff etc. I have tried my damn hardest to use these too distract my self but it is not working. I still focus on how my damn legs feel.
I have taken up walking. Today I walked for two hours but the whole walk instead of enjoying it I just kept worrying about how my legs will feel when I sit back down again. Why can't my mind relax.
I keep telling my self one bad night last night does not equal tonight being bad but I can't just forget it even though I know I should.

I have a GP appointment tomorrow as I just can't help my self but any advice would be great. I have the skills their I just need something extra to help me and I am lost.

[Fishmanpa]

Believe it or not, you must be doing something right! This thread is more calm and collected than your previous threads. It shows you're at least using the tools you were taught. Maybe they're not working as fast as you would like but IMO, they are working.

I would say to keep on using those tools. Think of it like a hammer, a nail and piece of wood. Right now you're that piece of wood. You're going to have to hit that nail with the hammer harder and several more times but eventually you'll get it in.

Positive thoughts

[Em.ma]

Thank you. That's a great way of putting it. I guess I am just so desperate to feel like my self again and I have to accept the change is not going to happen over night and keep going. It's a long process. It really isn't easy is it sometimes. I am blessed to be having this baby girl and I just want the best for her and me.
Hope your well

---------- Post added at 19:06 ---------- Previous post was at 17:52 ----------

Anyone else around to talk to? :)

[Em.ma]

Had a much better night last night. 11 hours ish sleep. Body must of needed it.
Throughly misterable today though. Sitting on the sofa focusing on my leg. It's not even moving but feels like it should be!
Ahh. Why can't my head accept that trying to question is it anxiety/restless leg syndrome won't do anything! I know this. Why can't I do it and just accept it. Doctors at 3:30 today. Might go for a walk after/before.

[swgrl09]

I agree with FMP, Emma, you sound like you are coping much better than in previous posts/previous years even. You recognize you are anxious but you are doing something positive about it and coping by going for a walk. You should be proud of how you are handling this.

[Em.ma]

Thanks been back to the doctors today and went for a walk into town as I needed to pick up a few bits.
Doctor was good. We discussed anti depressants but being pregnant they want me to use them as last resort if I really find I am not coping which I agree with. They said keep in contact with the mental health team which I will. Have a follow up app in a week.
I guess I just feel stuck and even though I know how to combat this I find putting it into practice really difficult. Even though I am the only one who can change this.
Also was sent for bloods to check vitamin levels etc to check if restless legs is caused by anything physical.

[winduptoy]

Hi Emma,

Sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. I imagine the hormones and stress or pregnancy, combined with this time of year, aren't making things easier.

I just wanted to let you know I'm going through something similar at the moment - that feeling of knowing you have learnt the tools and that you are the only one who can take those steps, but yet you struggle to do a single one. I don't know about you but the less I use the tools the more depressed I become. But in writing to you one thought just popped in my head, and it's similar to the hammer and nail analogy...if we want mastery over our thoughts and feelings then we need to practice. You wouldn't wake up one morning and expect yourself to know how to play the saxophone without having put in the hours of practice required to produce the right notes, so then how can we expect to get a handle on our difficulties if we don't practice?! I'm taking to myself here too btw.

I was going to suggest you make a promise to your partner or someone close to you that you will use at least one or two of your tools each day, but I think we need to be learning to do this for ourselves; I know I do! Resigning myself to the "I can't", "But it's so hard!", "It doesn't work", "Just not now, I'm too overwhelmed" etc (im sure you know the drill) just leaves me in the same place, which ironically is the very place I'm loathed to be in.

So I guess it really doesn't matter what the worry is, be it restless leg/insomnia or in my case my panic inducing thoughts, the answer is the same - the way out of your head, and your worry, is via the skills and tools we both have.

I'm going to now get off this couch and go do something to face my fears, that's my monkey on my back. I'm hoping that you can pick something at random from your box of tools and use it today too. We do it once, then twice and then before we know it we're on the path to where we want to be, which by the way isn't being rid of anxiety, it's living a life despite it.

Dealing with anxiety whilst pregnant is tough so I think you're doing great btw. Keep going!