connection with other people

[another_adam]

I have trouble connecting with other people, its like im on a different frequency sometimes. Im talking more of small talk to people.

Does anyone else have similar feelings? and know any websites to help me with this. Its not really social anxiety i used to suffer alot from that but now the anxiety has gone which is nice, but the unsocial part is still there.

Thanks
adam

[KW]

Hi Adam

Yeah I used to get this, still do at times. I used to beat myself up about being 'too quiet' but i've learnt to accept that's who i am and so think to myself if people don't like it.. tough! Small talk is better than nothing Adam so you're doing well. I find talkng about events that are happening around the world create a good discussion, like on the news, or even the basics like the weather! If you ever find you and the other person are not talknig ..don't think it's your fault. It takes 2 people to make conversation. You'll find the other person is also finding it difficult to know what to say. There was a time i wouldn't say boo to anyone but now i try and be more interested in people..ask questions, be curious, ask their opinion, etc... hope this helps

KW

[KW]

Just another thought Adam..is there anything you're interested in,any hobbies such as art, pottery, or any social clubs you know of in your area? I found going to college and mixing with people really helped me come out of my shell. If you can connect with people who have the same interest as you it's a good basis to start off on as you'll both be able to discuss what you enjoy and you'll find this will give you confidence in future conversations with other people.

KW

[seh1980]

hi there Adam,

If you used to have a bit of a social phobia, then what you feel now is probably left over from that. If you know that you are going to be spending time with someone and you know that you will have to talk quite a bit, why don't you prepare beforehand by making a list of topics that you can talk about? Once you have done this a few times, it will probably just come to you naturally. Take care.

Sarah :D

[Meg]

Adam,

Listen to what people have to say and ask them about themselves.

Who, what, where, why questions . Always works .


People love to have some attention paid to them and someone to talk to .



Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

[another_adam]

thanks alot guys, is social phobia different to social anxiety?.. to me it sounds like SA is a more extreme case of social phobia if so i would say i have social phobia still. Yes KW joining a club is a very good idea, i hope to join a windsurfing club when they decide to reply to my email.

Now im thinking about it, i have trouble making eye contact with people, especially ones i dont know. I have this idea in my head that people will think im stareing at them! or maybe its more of a defence thing to stop people getting close to me, anyway im going work on that and it should help solve the connection issue.

thanks again,
i feel like im always talking about mememe sorry if it looks that way.

[Caz Fab Pants]

Adam,

Dont worry about talking about yourself, sometimes it a good thing and has to be done. However, I do find this forum has a way of making us do this, I'm forever going on about me, me, me! lol

Think Meg's comments are very true. If you ask people about where they live, what they do for a living, where they got nice hat from, what there dog is called etc it means the focus is taken away from you. It means the other person has to do all the talking which I find helps to put you at ease, especially if you're not feeling very sociable.

On the subject of eye contact, I think its very common for people to struggle to maintain eye contact. I look people in the eye when I talk to them but if the conversation is prolonged it can be quite uncomfortable. Its a good idea to have a bag with you because you can fiddle with stuff like your mobile or get some chewing gum out, put some lip balm on etc.

What you need is a child, you can borrow one of mine LOL. They are perfect for creating topic's of conversation and distracting you so you dont worry about what to talk about or where to look!

Caroline :)
x