Freaked out

[Munki]

So last year hubby and I went snowboarding and this year he's adamant he's going again. That's totally fine. However, despite him offering to pay for me, I'd never go away without plenty of money and without a proper job currently it's putting pressure on me (I'm coming to the end of a degree in 4 months so only working part time).

So I've told hubby that I can't go away again and come back broke and trying to tread water again for a couple of months. It knocks me back royally. Plus my mindset just isn't there for going away right now.

He's upset but agreed to going with a friend but now I feel really depressed. Depressed that I'm 40 and can't keep up with my husbands lifestyle, depressed that I've had to turn something down and can't keep up with his friends, depressed that I'm 40 and broke.

I feel a real let down at the moment and that he should be with someone else who can do this sort of stuff. I'm also worried that he'll go away and realise he's happier as we never spend time apart and this will be the first time apart from one night apart for a hen/stag do.

I'm totally overreacting but need some words of reassurance right now. I know I'm working to a future. I'm a professional actress and will soon (all being well) be the owner of a Psychology degree.

I feel so sad at the moment that I can't stop crying :-(

[Pepperpot]

Awwww Im sorry you're feeling so down about this.
I dont understand when you say your hubby offered to pay for you, maybe I am speaking out of turn here but isnt it both of your money, not just his??? And what do you mean you cant keep up with his lifestyle? x

[Munki]

We have separate accounts still, we haven't doubled up yet as I dont earn enough to. Plus we're quite modern in that respect and keep our own funds separate (though we are about to set up an additional joint account).

He's always done this sort of thing and I'm new to it so it just makes me feel inadequate that a) I can't justify the expense and b) I have uni work on. I'm just berating myself for being a lousy wife right now.

[Pepperpot]

Ahh I see. My hubby works full time and pays all the bills. I work part time and pay for luxury items, or things like Xmas. I just wrongly assumed everyone would do something similar lol.
You said he was upset but has agreed to go with a friend. It's healthy for yous to have separate interests - it doesn't make you a lousy wife at all. x

[Munki]

I know, I'm sure you're right. It just makes me feel terrible. But you're absolutely right. I'm used to dating fellow actors or musicians so we do everything together as we share interests. It wasn't too healthy I imagine.

Therein lies the issue that I feel the need to be amazing at everything. I love snowboarding but this year it just isn't going to happen. You know what, you're right. I shouldn't be catastrophising and seeing this as the start of the end! It's ridiculous. One week apart and I feel like we're going to break up! !

[Pepperpot]

You clearly are amazing to him as he married you. You're at uni doing something that will improve both of your futures - shitty wives don't do that :)
Let him go snowboarding and you do something that makes you happy. Whats that old saying - absence makes the heart grow fonder x