View Full Version : Really really scared, sick, fed up and at the end of my tether.
Just went to an Osteopath at the recommendation of a friend who told me they are better than Chiropractors a lot of the time. I was hoping for maybe some reassurance about my back pain.
I can't be bothered to go into detail but in a nutshell, he said that the combination of the Coccyx pain I'm experiencing, back pain that hasn't gotten any better in 3 weeks despite me seeing various people about it, the fact that the back pain is deep and seems to be originating from the spine but causing the rib pain... he said that all of that is telling him that I should get further investigation done into this in the way of an MRI.
I asked him flat out, could this be a spinal tumour? And he said quite honestly, that he has had first hand experience with people with spinal tumours before, and there have been times where the spine feels rigid to him which is a telltale sign of one, and although he didn't find this with me, he said that he's learnt to never be too certain with this specific thing and it's a possibility based on my symptoms, but to get a scan done and see what it shows. He said it may not be, but it's a possibility based on the fact my symptoms aren't improving, and the location of the pain basically.
I feel like vomiting right now. I'm waiting for him to fill out a referral form for me so I can get a private scan done at a place in central London maybe tomorrow and they do a 24 hour turnaround on the results.
Try be calm, he should never have reacted in that way. Could have just suggested getting it looked at so that they could provide something for it to get better for you. Relax, watch some TV or read a book and try not Google or think things through. All will be ok xx
MyNameIsTerry
05-01-16, 12:58
But remember, he only said possibility and that he couldn't say for sure that it wasn't. Prior to that it was recommending a MRI only to check why something expected to going, isn't.
username001
05-01-16, 12:58
Hey, I'm suffering from back pain too - lower back pain which has been going on about three weeks. Back pain in any form is the single most common pain we can get, and it's responsible for 80% of all work related sicknesses (ie getting signed off) - very rarely is it anything serious. One of the major symptoms to look out for my GP told me is bladder or bowell incontinence, meaning loss of control. I assume none of this has happened to you, and I know it's easier said than done - but try to remain positive. Stress can cause all sorts of horrible symptoms that add to your worries.
MyNameIsTerry
05-01-16, 13:06
You said this in an earlier thread:
Anyway, for the last week, it was actually SLOWLY improving. I was being very careful not to aggravate it, moving carefully etc and I was seeing some improvement. I had a physio appointment booked last night so I went and told him that my pain was getting a bit better. He had me lie on my front and was pressing quite hard on the area and manipulating parts of my back etc...
So today, the pain is basically back (har har) to where it was a week ago, and all the improvement that I saw has gone out the window.
Is it normal to feel worse the day after a physio session? I kind of expected maybe some muscle pain and tenderness afterwards but what's actually worse is the SPECIFIC pain I've been experiencing for the last 3 weeks. Not around it, but the actual issue is worse. Is this a normal occurrence? Thankfully it was my last physio session... lol.
You said it was getting better. In this thread you say the osteopath is concerned partly because it not. But that's not correct.
Is this something you are missing because you are in a spiral of anxiety & panic? To me you are catastrophizing a lot in some of these threads and when in these negative automatic thought chains you have tunnel vision and downplay (without realising) factors that oppose the bias your anxiety is driving. I learned this from learning CBT and think I we all need it to spot when we are doing it. If you can learn to do it, it will help you greatly when it happens as you well learn to catch yourself before it develops.
My GF had a tumour a couple of years back. Not spinal and in fact it was a non cancerous form that people are born with. She was 38 before it caused a problem and that was only because it started growing and wrapped around one of her ovaries. The specialist said otherwise she would likely have never known it was there through her normal life time and if they grow they only bother with them if they cause a problem with pain due to something like this. Her pain was originally diagnosed as kidney stones, it was that painful. It didn't get better and anyone doing what that physio did to you would have immediately caused excruciating pain because it would have constricted the ovary further. So, until you get a medical professional telling you otherwise, I think you need to also try to focus on all these counter evidence issues.
What I see often on the boards is someone chasing a diagnosis. Time after time, they go to the doctor, sometimes many times and sometimes several different doctors and are told the same thing. Then, one doctor will, for the sake of being thorough, suggest further testing and all hell breaks loose. Ironically, this is what the sufferer was pushing for all along.
Then, the anxiety increases to a fever pitch until the results come in and 99.9999% of the time it's normal.
With respect Steve, this is a pattern I've seen with you. You wanted to get to the bottom of your symptoms and you're getting exactly what you asked for. So, this specialist said he doesn't believe there is anything sinister going on is sending you for a test to confirm his diagnosis. That's what a good doctor would do. You would have felt fobbed off if he done anything less.
Let us know how you get on.
Positive thoughts
Sunflower2
05-01-16, 13:23
KayeS, I've replied to another one of your threads - I was referred to get an MRI because my pain in my back got worse from seeing a physio and doing stuff that should make it better. There are hundreds of things that it could be, many of which are harmless or not serious. My MRI came back with nothing substantial found, despite having had pain for much longer than you. Remember that anxiety will focus on the worst case scenario! I was worried that my spine structure itself was abnormal and needs surgery to fix it!! Turns out it was fine (although a little bit of me still doesn't think so ha)
The osteopath is just covering his back. He doesn't know what is causing your pain but he can tell you are highly anxious and you did mention previously that you were on the point of booking an MRI privately anyway.
Have the MRI scan tomorrow. You will get the results very quickly. Just have it done. If nothing sinister shows up all well and good BUT then you have to be very careful about your "bout". If it turns out to be a spinal tumour at least you know. (In all likelihood it won't but it's living with the uncertainty that we find so difficult) If you can't reason with yourself and have the funds for a private MRI then go for it?
Well my scan is booked for 15:40 tomorrow. Can honestly say I never envisioned myself seeing a private clinic in Harley Street... Always thought of that place as more of where people go for botox lol. Anyway... I have a CBT session at midday before my scan... ironic. Unfortunately the clinic told me that they have changed their policy now and they don't email the results any more as they deem it unsafe to send medical information in this way, which is fair I guess. So they send it via first class post... so it just means waiting a day or two longer than I thought I'd have to for the results... not looking forward to that at all.
Hey, I'm suffering from back pain too - lower back pain which has been going on about three weeks. Back pain in any form is the single most common pain we can get, and it's responsible for 80% of all work related sicknesses (ie getting signed off) - very rarely is it anything serious. One of the major symptoms to look out for my GP told me is bladder or bowell incontinence, meaning loss of control. I assume none of this has happened to you, and I know it's easier said than done - but try to remain positive. Stress can cause all sorts of horrible symptoms that add to your worries.
Not having any incontinence but it's the combination of the back pain and non-palpable coccyx pain that worries me....
You said this in an earlier thread:
You said it was getting better. In this thread you say the osteopath is concerned partly because it not. But that's not correct.
Is this something you are missing because you are in a spiral of anxiety & panic? To me you are catastrophizing a lot in some of these threads and when in these negative automatic thought chains you have tunnel vision and downplay (without realising) factors that oppose the bias your anxiety is driving. I learned this from learning CBT and think I we all need it to spot when we are doing it. If you can learn to do it, it will help you greatly when it happens as you well learn to catch yourself before it develops.
My GF had a tumour a couple of years back. Not spinal and in fact it was a non cancerous form that people are born with. She was 38 before it caused a problem and that was only because it started growing and wrapped around one of her ovaries. The specialist said otherwise she would likely have never known it was there through her normal life time and if they grow they only bother with them if they cause a problem with pain due to something like this. Her pain was originally diagnosed as kidney stones, it was that painful. It didn't get better and anyone doing what that physio did to you would have immediately caused excruciating pain because it would have constricted the ovary further. So, until you get a medical professional telling you otherwise, I think you need to also try to focus on all these counter evidence issues.
I did think it was improving for a couple of days but to be honest, in general it goes up and down regardless of any treatment. One day it's not as bad, the next day it's worse etc...
What I see often on the boards is someone chasing a diagnosis. Time after time, they go to the doctor, sometimes many times and sometimes several different doctors and are told the same thing. Then, one doctor will, for the sake of being thorough, suggest further testing and all hell breaks loose. Ironically, this is what the sufferer was pushing for all along.
Then, the anxiety increases to a fever pitch until the results come in and 99.9999% of the time it's normal.
With respect Steve, this is a pattern I've seen with you. You wanted to get to the bottom of your symptoms and you're getting exactly what you asked for. So, this specialist said he doesn't believe there is anything sinister going on is sending you for a test to confirm his diagnosis. That's what a good doctor would do. You would have felt fobbed off if he done anything less.
Let us know how you get on.
Positive thoughts
I know how I'm coming across and I can hardly believe I'm here again either... I've got a CBT session tomorrow just before my scan... I'm trying to tackle the anxiety as well as getting investigations done for piece of mind... It's a real struggle and I just feel like I am failing at at the moment.
KayeS, I've replied to another one of your threads - I was referred to get an MRI because my pain in my back got worse from seeing a physio and doing stuff that should make it better. There are hundreds of things that it could be, many of which are harmless or not serious. My MRI came back with nothing substantial found, despite having had pain for much longer than you. Remember that anxiety will focus on the worst case scenario! I was worried that my spine structure itself was abnormal and needs surgery to fix it!! Turns out it was fine (although a little bit of me still doesn't think so ha)
It's reassuring to hear that you had a similar experience and all was fine... I really am not looking forward to the wait for the results :(
Sorry I forgot what you said in the other thread, where was your back pain?
The osteopath is just covering his back. He doesn't know what is causing your pain but he can tell you are highly anxious and you did mention previously that you were on the point of booking an MRI privately anyway.
Have the MRI scan tomorrow. You will get the results very quickly. Just have it done. If nothing sinister shows up all well and good BUT then you have to be very careful about your "bout". If it turns out to be a spinal tumour at least you know. (In all likelihood it won't but it's living with the uncertainty that we find so difficult) If you can't reason with yourself and have the funds for a private MRI then go for it?
I know... right now I just want to know either way. Good or bad, I'd just rather know and then I can start dealing with it.
(btw - "the osteopath is just covering his back" made me laugh lol.)
Good luck for tomorrow, KayeS. Do you reckon your Harley Street outfit has a post-Xmas sale on re MRI scans?:D
I believe that when you've reached this stage it's best to know for sure and there is only one way to do this providing you will believe the evidence shown up by the scanner? It's a good investment but it shouldn't be allowed to become a habit with subsequent successive health scares. You know this all too well though.
Maybe taking things this far will also be more proof that meds may be needed to complement your CBT? The wait for results will be awful, there's no getting away from that, but at least it will be better than the NHS's snail mail
Good luck for tomorrow, KayeS. Do you reckon your Harley Street outfit has a post-Xmas sale on re MRI scans?:D
I believe that when you've reached this stage it's best to know for sure and there is only one way to do this providing you will believe the evidence shown up by the scanner? It's a good investment but it shouldn't be allowed to become a habit with subsequent successive health scares. You know this all too well though.
Maybe taking things this far will also be more proof that meds may be needed to complement your CBT? The wait for results will be awful, there's no getting away from that, but at least it will be better than the NHS's snail mail
Funnily enough they actually had an xmas sale on during December lol! £60 cheaper! Missed out on it by a week :/
Good luck tomorrow, you'll finally know for sure. Hang in there :hugs:
Good luck tomorrow, you'll finally know for sure. Hang in there :hugs:
Thank you, I just want to fast forward to the weekend by when I'll hopefully know... The next few days are going to be agonising...
Thank you, I just want to fast forward to the weekend by when I'll hopefully know... The next few days are going to be agonising...
But at least you'll have a definitive answer as to whether you have a tumour or not. Whether you will have any other answers as to the cause of your pain is debatable but I guess you just want to know about the worst case scenario...
But at least you'll have a definitive answer as to whether you have a tumour or not. Whether you will have any other answers as to the cause of your pain is debatable but I guess you just want to know about the worst case scenario...
That is true. Even if the pain remains, if the anxiety/not knowing is taken away, I can handle pain pretty well...
Hope the scan goes smoothly this afternoon. You may want to enquire about a loyalty card while you're there?:D (Sorry, I know it's not funny really). Maybe they could ring you with the results as opposed to relying on Royal Mail?
Hope also the pre-scan CBT has helped a bit?
Hope the scan goes smoothly this afternoon. You may want to enquire about a loyalty card while you're there?:D (Sorry, I know it's not funny really). Maybe they could ring you with the results as opposed to relying on Royal Mail?
Hope also the pre-scan CBT has helped a bit?
Haha thanks :)
They actually just rang me and said that they called my Osteopath and spoke to his secretary just now and apparently although they don't have a fax machine, they have given a number which faxes can be sent to and they then come in via email so hopefully I will have the results at some point tomorrow.... I really do hope so because I woke up in a LOT of pain today. My entire back feels like it's on fire :(
The CBT session was ok... talked more about my anxiety and then discussed the plan of action which will really begin next week.
Heading off to Harley Street in 10 minutes... not looking forward to getting on the tube :/
Hang in there. You are doing everything you can and that's something to be proud of. After tomorrow, hopefully you will be able to feel a little better.
Make sure you sit down on the tube even if you have to elbow a few pensioners and pregnant women out of the way...
Not long to wait now
Anxiouscow
06-01-16, 14:25
Good luck for your scan tomorrow, let us know how you get on :)
Just had the scan... They gave me the scan on a cd. I am so tempted to look at them. I have the software... But I'm scared I'll see something that looks abnormal... But then I'm thinking if it all looks like a normal spine, at least I'll get some reassurance until the report comes through... What do you think?!
Just had the scan... They gave me the scan on a cd. I am so tempted to look at them. I have the software... But I'm scared I'll see something that looks abnormal... But then I'm thinking if it all looks like a normal spine, at least I'll get some reassurance until the report comes through... What do you think?!
For what it's worth. Do everything within your power NOT to look at them. There's no way in hell you could possibly know what to look for and if you do, you'll just head down another spiral of unnecessary worry.
Positive thoughts
Sunflower2
06-01-16, 17:32
Unless you know what you're looking for it just looks like a spine really! I got a cd as well and looked at it, but even looking at it with the report, I could still barely tell anything that was wrong!
What I mean is, that if I have a quick look and there isn't anything there that glaringly looks like a massive tumour... it will at least settle my anxiety until I know for sure. But then there's always the risk that I do see something really abnormal looking and that will make things worse. I guess I'm just looking for anything that will POSSIBLY lessen my anxiety.
LEAVE IT TO THE PROFESSIONALS!!
You're bound to spot a "tumour" and unless you're a trained radiographer you will not make a competent and accurate analysis. Look at it at your peril!
Do not look at it!!!! I was so tempted when I had a CT of my head for sinus issues. They gave me the CD too and I gave it to my husband so I couldn't get my hands on it.
I'm not looking at it but I'm not feeling good at all right now. Anxiety aside, my back pain has spread around my entire back now. It really hurts to breathe in, my ribs hurt, my spine hurts... What the hell is happening?!
Personally, I just think you're wound tighter than a double humbucker on a Les Paul.
Positive thoughts
I just know you will have looked at it by now........:D And compared your result with images provided by Dr Google?
---------- Post added at 20:36 ---------- Previous post was at 20:35 ----------
I'm not looking at it but I'm not feeling good at all right now. Anxiety aside, my back pain has spread around my entire back now. It really hurts to breathe in, my ribs hurt, my spine hurts... What the hell is happening?!
Compare and contrast to what happened prior to your colonoscopy?
I just know you will have looked at it by now........:D And compared your result with images provided by Dr Google?
---------- Post added at 20:36 ---------- Previous post was at 20:35 ----------
Compare and contrast to what happened prior to your colonoscopy?
I really haven't looked at it... I just can't bring myself to, even though I really want to.
I guess my back pain today could be exasperated by anxiety but I just have such a hard time believing that anxiety can do so much in terms of causing pain!
I really haven't looked at it... I just can't bring myself to, even though I really want to.
I guess my back pain today could be exasperated by anxiety but I just have such a hard time believing that anxiety can do so much in terms of causing pain!
Oh it can. I've got the T-shirt.
You won't have to wait much longer but it'll be very hard for you until you know for sure. Do you have any diazepam? It would also act as a muscle relaxant
Oh it can. I've got the T-shirt.
You won't have to wait much longer but it'll be very hard for you until you know for sure. Do you have any diazepam? It would also act as a muscle relaxant
I never got the prescription... I'd be too scared to take it :/
It does help in situations like this. I don't suppose you can distract yourself at all like this?
It does help in situations like this. I don't suppose you can distract yourself at all like this?
Just stuck on the PS4 and tried to take my mind off things but it's not helping much. I'm not somebody that can do activities to take my mind off of things when I'm anxious... it just never works. I took some Ibuprofen and it's actually helped with the pain but my anxiety is still there...
Just stuck on the PS4 and tried to take my mind off things but it's not helping much. I'm not somebody that can do activities to take my mind off of things when I'm anxious... it just never works. I took some Ibuprofen and it's actually helped with the pain but my anxiety is still there...
I'm the same when in your situation. Distraction is impossible. I'd carry on with the PS4-anything which helps. Probably a general anaesthetic would be your best bet or a time machine to fast forward you to the results...
Would they really give you a CD of the MRI if it contained something awful?
I'm the same when in your situation. Distraction is impossible. I'd carry on with the PS4-anything which helps. Probably a general anaesthetic would be your best bet or a time machine to fast forward you to the results...
Would they really give you a CD of the MRI if it contained something awful?
You gotta remember, this place I got the MRI at isn't a hospital... you can pay to have any type of scan there. The waiting area was full of people that were there for various scans, and as soon as I was done with mine, they called in the next person for their MRI.
I chose to get a scan here because when I paid to have an MRI at a private HOSPITAL a year or so ago, they couldn't do a 24 hour turnaround on results or anything like that. I had to wait a week firstly for an available booking, and then 4 days for the results. This place today, I literally made the appointment yesterday and will HOPEFULLY have the results tomorrow... but probably Friday.
I wish I could just sleep until my results were in....
You are doing GREAT with not checking. It is sooo hard, I've been there. I literally did not trust myself with it because if it was in my home and I had access, I would have looked. You are so close though, not long now!
So it's basically an MRI conveyor belt outfit? Well you didn't want any frills, did you? Just the basic scan asap. It's not a great idea to just hand out the CDs though in my opinion because misinterpretation of the scans in the wrong hands could cause a lot of anguish.
I hope you get the results today. I know what it's like to be waiting for results such as these and no amount of telling you that things will be Ok will work. I just hope you know today and please let us know as and when?
I managed to sleep last night finally...
Got an appointment with the Osteopath at 3pm... I'm hoping he will have the results faxed to him by then, but he told me to bring the CD with me either way. If he can access the images I guess I'll know something today at least....
Will a radiologist have written a report on the scan or will your osteopath be able to interpret it correctly? I'm not sure how much medical training osteopaths have?
Will a radiologist have written a report on the scan or will your osteopath be able to interpret it correctly? I'm not sure how much medical training osteopaths have?
On the scan images I have on the CD, there is no report... that should either be faxed to the osteopath today or arrive by post tomorrow. I think the osteopath just wants to have a look himself in the meantime. I don't think he can interpret an MRI as well as a radiologist but I think he'd be able to spot any glaringly obvious abnormalities... bones and muscles of the body are their speciality I guess lol.
MyNameIsTerry
07-01-16, 13:26
For him to even suggest it, you would hope he would since if he messed it up could face legal action. If it's a regulated industry then it should be covered in a code of ethics at some level. Are they regulated?
If in any doubt (daft thing to say on here!) then take it to a doctor.
For him to even suggest it, you would hope he would since if he messed it up could face legal action. If it's a regulated industry then it should be covered in a code of ethics at some level. Are they regulated?
If in any doubt (daft thing to say on here!) then take it to a doctor.
Not a GP though....:whistles:
Haha, yeah he's fully registered and recognised by all the regulatory boards required and he's recognised by all the major private health insurers... Better him to look at it than me right?
Definitely!:D Good luck for 3pm!
MyNameIsTerry
07-01-16, 14:16
Not a GP though....:whistles:
:ohmy:Are we allowed to say that on this board? ! :winks:
True though. A chiro maybe?
---------- Post added at 14:16 ---------- Previous post was at 14:04 ----------
Haha, yeah he's fully registered and recognised by all the regulatory boards required and he's recognised by all the major private health insurers... Better him to look at it than me right?
Are they industry regulated? As in, by the government? If so, things should be as good as any other in the medical sector. If not, it doesn't mean they may be any worse, just that self regulated industries offer less assurance. I have professional experience of self regulation hence I know the pitfalls but if individuals are good at what they do, it will show so it doesn't mean anything more than them not having the incentives to keep to standards.
Certainly none of us can look at one. It takes years to train as a radiologist and most of that is in vivo under supervision. I knew someone who changed careers to do it. It took him years of working daily in two hospitals.
I don't want to appear to be adding doubt but I think pulisa has a very fair point about the training of the osteopath. However, I would feel confident in the notes of the radiologist. They are trained to spot things doctors aren't and more experienced with doing it daily so those notes should be a very important reassurance tool.
Sunflower2
07-01-16, 14:25
The radiologist that saw mine noted things that the orthopaedic surgeon didn't, who then told my GP about a disease he hadn't ever heard of and had to look up. A radiologist is the only one that can properly read an MRI.
Well I just got back from the osteopath. He had a look at my scan images and showed me also. He took me through it all and showed me that there was nothing obviously wrong. On one of my vertebrae he did note that there was a small abnormality but he thinks it's nothing and probably some sort of fatty deposit or something. He actually then showed me images of MRI scans with spinal tumours and also ones with benign things on them and the thing he saw on mine looked like the benign things which are apparently quite common.
He was honest and said that he sees about 100 scans a year whereas a radiologist will see 10,000 so they might see something that he doesn't, but I do feel a BIT more reassured now... Just gotta wait for that report I guess....
---------- Post added at 16:26 ---------- Previous post was at 16:18 ----------
The radiologist that saw mine noted things that the orthopaedic surgeon didn't, who then told my GP about a disease he hadn't ever heard of and had to look up. A radiologist is the only one that can properly read an MRI.
If you don't mind me asking, what did the radiologist note that the surgeon didn't see?
Wait for the radiologist's report-far more experienced than an osteopath at reading MRIs. It sounds like reassuring news though. Keep us posted?
Definitely will do. Gonna call them in a bit to see if they've sent the report yet....
Sunflower2
07-01-16, 17:16
I can't really remember sorry, I didn't understand the words as it was in medical talk!
If nothing is blaringly obvious then that is probably a good sign! Agree with Pulisa though, a radiologist will be able to give a clear answer
I can't really remember sorry, I didn't understand the words as it was in medical talk!
If nothing is blaringly obvious then that is probably a good sign! Agree with Pulisa though, a radiologist will be able to give a clear answer
And you do need a clear and definitive analysis of this scan otherwise the doubts will creep in......
So my anxiety is slowly starting to rise right now...
I contacted the MRI place and asked if the results had been faxed/posted, and the receptionist told me that it had been posted first class, but they didn't fax it in the end because the fax number looked strange... I told her that I told them yesterday that the fax number isn't a fax machine, but it's a number where faxes can be received and converted into an email, so she sent the fax right there while I was on the phone.
I knew this would happen... I actually was sure to confirm with them while I was there yesterday to make sure they FAX AND POST the results.
Anyway I emailed my osteopath to ask him to check to see if his receptionist service had received the faxed results but he hasn't gotten back to me yet...
So anyway now I'm just going over things in my head... that small abnormality that he saw on my scans... it was on the right side, which is where I'm getting the pain... It's because my back is hurting quite a bit now... I know none of these thoughts are justified as I really don't know anything yet but all I have is thoughts at the moment as I have no definitive results and I am just waiting....
You got this. The results will get there. You've waited this long, so keep going. Take it one hour at a time. I used to say "I won't let myself think or worry about it for one hour." If I made it that long, I'd try another hour. Eventually it got easier to put it to the side.
Well I'm about to head to bed... Hopefully an email with the results will await me when I wake up :/
Still waiting... I emailed the osteopath last night to see if he'd received the fax and I haven't had any reply from him yet. He should have actually received it by post now as well. I understand he's busy but he knows this is extremely important and that he's the only one that's receiving the results.
Fingers crossed he will be in touch soon. I think if it was anything urgent you definitely would have had a call or something though. Mine is both sides but I'm pretty sure I have had a lot of back rib pain with other anxiety spells. Just had ultrasound 2 weeks ago of digestive organs and was completely clear
My anxious mind is now thinking that what if the results/report showed something bad, and now he feels he has to contact my doctor instead of the osteopath telling me directly....
Over the last week he's always replied to emails within an hour. I emailed him last night at 6pm...18 hours ago. And it was to ask if he's received anything. So either way he should have replied with either yes or no.
Give them a call if it eases your mind. I called 3 times for bloods yesterday and it was just cause they were having a really busy day but they were fine!
I think I'm going to at 1pm...
---------- Post added at 13:00 ---------- Previous post was at 12:32 ----------
Right now I really am scared.
I rang the osteopath and it went through to his receptionist service who said they will try and get him to call me. I asked them if they received a fax for him yesterday and they said yes they did and that they emailed it straight over to him last night.
Why on earth hasn't he told me the results yet? All week he's been replying to my emails within 1-2 hours...this is over 18 hours now since he should have received the results, and this is now the one time I can't seem to get hold of him. I am really worried that the results were something bad now and he feels he needs to send them to my doctor to discuss them or something...
MyNameIsTerry
08-01-16, 13:18
I remember when my anxiety made feel everything had to be NOW NOW NOW! All you will do is read into the situation and create yourself options to worry about. Then the situation resolves itself and you feel daft for getting in that state.
Whether it's about health, the DWP, the leccy company calling you back, etc it's all the same. Anxiety makes us very impatient. We have to learn to accept that the world goes on in the way it always will and not how our anxiety is portraying it, that we are the centre of if. Fight or flight zooms in on the one issue and tries to tune out the rest of the world.
Honestly, distract yourself and let time pass on it's own rather than endless clock watching. It's just like how looking at the clock in bed when you can't sleep just stops you sleeping even more. Don't allow if to own your day. Even do some chores, anything, it doesn't have to take the anxiety away when if it just makes time speed up for you because you focus on every minute less.
You are catastrophizing here again. This is exactly why you need to give the CBT a go because you need to recognise these negative automatic thoughts so that you have strategies to challenge, distract, accept our diffuse them.
Whatever is going on is out of your control, and there is one of the big problems. Try to tell yourself that just because he hasn't jumped to call you doesn't mean only the bad things your anxiety wants you to believe. For all you know he could be buried under a mountain of paperwork or perhaps even he has 10 other clients just like you all wanting it right away? The possibilities for a mundane reason ate literally endless. He could be dealing with a family problem, feeling ill himself, doing some online shopping or massaging a bad knee from tripping over his desk.
18 hours? He sleeps, he eats, etc. Anything outside of business hours is irrelevant unless you are rich or a celebrity who pays for top service. What about his other clients? So, is it really do many hours? Not to him.
Do some breathing exercises, get on with something else and STOP triggering yourself by looking at the clock.
I just feel convinced that it's something bad now. It really doesn't help that my back is in a lot of pain as well today. I seriously thought I'd definitely know by now. It just really angers me that he KNOWS how anxious I am about these results. He got them LAST NIGHT! Why didn't he just email me then?? Everyone has email on their phone, it takes 1 minute.
Steve,
It may be in your best interest to log off for a while and find something to distract yourself for a while. It's quite apparent you're spiraling and staying logged on and posting is keeping you totally focused on the negative thoughts. Go take a long walk or watch a movie or something.
Hope you find some peace in the mean time.
Positive thoughts
Honestly there is nothing that can distract me right now.
This is a delay that doesn't need to be a delay. That's what is really angering me. The results have been sent and received and passed onto him. He should have let me know straight away considering he knows how bad my anxiety is over this.
MyNameIsTerry
08-01-16, 13:40
But you only see it from YOUR point of view, he has other clients. He has a personal life too and as a professional he has to distance himself from his work unless he wants to be on this forum with us lot!
Pain is obviously one of your major triggers the CBT needs to help you with BUT also, probably like most HA people, you need to work on controlling the frustration that just feeds it further. You will only make yourself worse than you need be.
---------- Post added at 13:40 ---------- Previous post was at 13:30 ----------
Honestly there is nothing that can distract me right now.
This is a delay that doesn't need to be a delay. That's what is really angering me. The results have been sent and received and passed onto him. He should have let me know straight away considering he knows how bad my anxiety is over this.
Why should you jump over all other clients? He has to balance the needs of all of them and any employees, his business, his obligations to higher authorities, etc.
I know it's the anxiety talking. I may not have HA but I've been where you are with impatience and it's one of the challenges of recovery, learning to accept how things really are, not how anxiety makes them feel.
We have to learn to be reasonable. I'm hoping this doesn't come across poorly because it's only meant to help you from someone who's been in the maelstrom and learned to deal with it better than when I was like that. I can't feel how you feel right now, you tend to forget how bad it can truly feel in some ways, but I can tell you it doesn't have to be this way and it can get easier to control. Trust me, I can look back on myself and see me doing just what you have been doing. And yes, you probably won't be able to properly distract yourself or even at all BUT you are faced with a straight choice here TRY or keep making yourself stay in the cycle. It may not help, it may do, but it may make time speed up.
As others have said, you're just one of his many clients. He may not have a gap in his schedule in order to ring you to give you the official results? He may not wish to email a detailed report to you without an accompanying professional explanation . You may just be a "routine" case to him who will have to wait his turn for feedback. It's not always the worst case scenario
It's just the combination of the fact that when he looked at the scan yesterday he said there was something he could see that, in his words, "could be anything from a tumour, to completely nothing", the fact that he always responded to emails quickly before, my back is in REAL pain today... It just all makes me think the worst.
What a ridiculous and unprofessional thing to say! I'm not sure I would trust anything he said after that assessment
MyNameIsTerry
08-01-16, 14:01
Well I just got back from the osteopath. He had a look at my scan images and showed me also. He took me through it all and showed me that there was nothing obviously wrong. On one of my vertebrae he did note that there was a small abnormality but he thinks it's nothing and probably some sort of fatty deposit or something. He actually then showed me images of MRI scans with spinal tumours and also ones with benign things on them and the thing he saw on mine looked like the benign things which are apparently quite common.
He was honest and said that he sees about 100 scans a year whereas a radiologist will see 10,000 so they might see something that he doesn't, but I do feel a BIT more reassured now... Just gotta wait for that report I guess....
---------- Post added at 16:26 ---------- Previous post was at 16:18 ----------
If you don't mind me asking, what did the radiologist note that the surgeon didn't see?
I thought he said this? ^
I asked him if it could be anything bad and he said "honestly it could be anything from a tumour to absolutely nothing".
---------- Post added at 14:27 ---------- Previous post was at 14:04 ----------
Just spoke to him. Scan results are normal. I'm not even gonna post the usual "I'm so relieved bla bla" because even though I am, I feel so low right now.
I honestly can't keep going through this.
MyNameIsTerry
08-01-16, 14:42
Don't kick yourself too hard. How many of us can say we haven't been the same about something?
The thing to do is take all this back to your GP and see if they think it is worth trying meds alongside therapy based on severity rather than the fob off you got from that locum.
They also need to give you a hand with this back pain whether it means some meds physio, etc.
Your GP should be concerned about anyone pursuing private tests who had HA like this. Not concerned about being out of control but concerned that it could be a severity escalation or that they judged it to be milder than they may think now. They need the information to at least decide.
You don't have to stay like this though. It's hard to see a way out or accept this as they are at more severe stages. I was lost for beyond 6 months in my endless OCD daily hell. Little improvements started to show me perhaps things could change but even then it took another year or so to look back and see a ton of improvement. Some people are quicker than others but there is always a way to gain some ground and recover your life.
Can I also just say thank you to everyone who's been posting in this thread. Every time I get like this, you all try and reassure me and I know it might not have seemed like it, but I would have been a LOT WORSE in my head if it wasn't for your comments.
My back is still in serious pain today so I will go back to my GP on Monday for some sort of pain relief because this is just ridiculous... I am glad obviously that there's nothing serious on the scan, but at the same time, outside of anything like cancer, a little disheartened that it didn't provide me with a less serious cause of the pain which could then be treated...
From the outside looking in, it's disheartening, frustrating and sad to see someone in the jaws of the dragon getting eaten alive. I understand how that can make you feel down. It's not even ~Whew~ anymore, it's "Dammit! I did this to myself again!"
It's a huge positive that you're starting CBT. Grab on with both hands, work hard at it and you'll pull yourself out. Talk to your doctor about meds again or maybe have your therapist recommend it or send a note.
Positive thoughts
I will 100% stick with the CBT, and I'm definitely going to ask about medication next week for anxiety also. I seriously can't keep living like this. It's destroyed the last 2 years of my life.
Really pleased all is well
Sunflower2
08-01-16, 15:29
KayeS, you mentioned you had bad posture.. While not a severe issue, this can certainly cause a lot of back pain. I'm pretty fit and active as well so I was shocked at how sore my back became. I still don't have a reason for the pain either but I'm just going to let the physio and/or someone else figure out what's wrong with it and how to fix it.
I do have bad posture but nothing TERRIBLE... I always considered myself in good shape. I've been going to the gym 4-5 days a week for the last 13 years and actually used to take pride in my physical shape. I haven't been for over 4 weeks now and just feel so crap.
I'm relieved for you, Steve but sad that you are suffering so much mentally. Don't take any more crap from the GPs. You do need some extra help from meds-it's really hard to do this on your own with just CBT. CBT is all very well for mild to moderate stuff but when things escalate then extra help could be very beneficial.
Whether there is anything minor going on with your back or not anxiety can magnify the pain out of all proportion. You know that now. It's not just us trying to fob you off. We've been there.
I wouldn't bother going back to that osteopath either.
I do have bad posture but nothing TERRIBLE... I always considered myself in good shape. I've been going to the gym 4-5 days a week for the last 13 years and actually used to take pride in my physical shape. I haven't been for over 4 weeks now and just feel so crap.
I would go back to the gym if I was you. I stopped the gym and felt so lethargic and crap and then started to focus on every pain and twinge. I have returned to the gym and feel much better.
I still get pains and aches, but now there is a reason, which makes me less worried! Glad the scan went well
Honestly there's no way I can train right now with the pain I'm in. The smallest movements just catch and I have to literally freeze.
First I am thrilled everything was normal. That is wonderful news.
Second I can empathize with this feeling of frustration with letting it get this bad again. I've been there. It feels humiliating. But there is no shame in the honesty and work you are putting in through getting CBT. This is what HA does to us. It is hell. But it can be altered.
I have found gentle yoga extremely helpful in my ongoing neck and back pain. It wasnt overnight but slowly has alleviated a lot of it.
I've been there too. You will get better, Steve. You have the determination to do so and you have great insight despite the hold HA currently has over you.
Thank you guys, it means a lot. I know this won't be the last time I get into this state although I really will try my hardest to control my anxiety... I just feel so drained from it.
I know, there will be more times. There will be more times for me too! But try to just enjoy the moment. Enjoy that right here, right now you know you are okay. And remember this next time a scare comes up. Remember that you can get through it and the anxiety will pass. Rest and rebound from this. :hugs:
I'm definitely gonna sleep a lot better tonight... I've taken some pain killers to make sure of it lol.
I'm going to my GP on Monday and not leaving until I have some anxiety medication as well. I'm gonna explain how I've been and show them I paid out for another private scan otherwise I would have imploded.
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