itwillbefine
05-01-16, 21:45
I have a huge fear of flying. I am posting here though, because I feel that it is not just a phobia of flying. I have developed some HA too over the past few years, andI have had long periods of anxiety come and go since I was nine.
Anyway, the thought of flying triggers me. I am going in eleven days. For work. Long distance, I do that three times a year. It never bothered me until a I had a slightly unpleasant flight 2 years ago. I do face my fears, because I go.
I have spent many hours in airports and toilets telling myself I need to quit my job. Asked crew to offload my bagage only to have them convince me to go. It is not fair to me or my family. I am a wreck, and tonight I had my worst attack ever. And the trip is still eleven days away. I know that quitting would be expected to make my anxiety worse. I may not have to travel, but my anxiety would find another place in my brain to do its work. I can't deny that facing my fears and getting on those planes has not really helped. My anxiety has worsened, even though the flights have been fine. Thanks to benzo.
Tonight I took half a benzo. Then I booked a one day trip to London on Friday. For practice and facing. I feel very good about that. I hope it gets me into the airport atmosphere, the sound of airplanes etc. and helps me prepare for the long trip a week later.
Is it fair to need medication for weeks before a business trip? To me? To my kids? Would I be right to quit? I'm still keeping that door open.
Another huge question: How to be there for your children during an anxiety/panic attack? Can you prepare for dying while reading bedtime stories and playing with Lego? It is a huge challenge for me. How do others cope with being an anxious parent?
Anyway, the thought of flying triggers me. I am going in eleven days. For work. Long distance, I do that three times a year. It never bothered me until a I had a slightly unpleasant flight 2 years ago. I do face my fears, because I go.
I have spent many hours in airports and toilets telling myself I need to quit my job. Asked crew to offload my bagage only to have them convince me to go. It is not fair to me or my family. I am a wreck, and tonight I had my worst attack ever. And the trip is still eleven days away. I know that quitting would be expected to make my anxiety worse. I may not have to travel, but my anxiety would find another place in my brain to do its work. I can't deny that facing my fears and getting on those planes has not really helped. My anxiety has worsened, even though the flights have been fine. Thanks to benzo.
Tonight I took half a benzo. Then I booked a one day trip to London on Friday. For practice and facing. I feel very good about that. I hope it gets me into the airport atmosphere, the sound of airplanes etc. and helps me prepare for the long trip a week later.
Is it fair to need medication for weeks before a business trip? To me? To my kids? Would I be right to quit? I'm still keeping that door open.
Another huge question: How to be there for your children during an anxiety/panic attack? Can you prepare for dying while reading bedtime stories and playing with Lego? It is a huge challenge for me. How do others cope with being an anxious parent?