Problems with eating out etc.

[septimus]

Hi all, I have a problem with eating out in restuarants, pubs etc. At home (or away) with friends, relations is OK. I feel trapped in public, unable to leave, having to endure lots of strangers sitting around me, maybe looking at me or me looking back at them. Occasionally I feel threatened and am not able to eat or even chat. I can't wait for the meal to be over, and then pay up and escape to safety. All sounds irrational, I know, but this is how it's been for over 10 years. Don't know how it started, slowly crept up on me and now it's preventing me from enjoying my life.
I'm on AD's (Citalopram), but they don't seem to help in this area. Anybody got any good suggestions?
Many thanks, Septimus.

[honeybee]

hello, i used to be the same.. i do still get it if i have to be with someone i don't know very well or be with someone who doesn't know i get panic attacks but it has got a lot better. i found going out with my boyfriend for a drink somewhere then building it up to having a quick lunch, then dinner, then maybe going with a friend.. just building up the experiance slowly from something wjhich just seems a little scary then when i feel comfortable in each sitation making it a bit more scary, for example staying longer or going somewhere different. i think consistancy is the key. if i haven't been out for a while i'll be quite anxious when i go again but once i'm there and maybe a panic attack later i'm fine and have a great time. just try and not avoid it because thats the worst thing you can do.. quite often with me its the anticipation of it all that gets me worked up.. x

[septimus]

Thanks for the reply honeybee, you're right that the anticipation is the worst part. I start worrying about the event days or even weeks before, until the whole thing starts to overwhelm me and I make excuses not to go. Unplanned, at a moments notice, it's not so bad, but how often is that going to happen?
I have taken Valium in the past to calm my nerves, but that is defeatist, or is it?
Septimus.

[Wenjoy]

\hi, i am exactly the same. We do eat out, in pubs mostly coz I feel less people will look at me and I can leave food and not feel bad about it. I alwasy dread eating out - even with my husband who knows about my panic attacks - I get hot, flustered and breathless and keep looking for the door so I can get out - I never leave before themeal has ended but I wish I could sit back and love eating out like he does. The work xmas party is always the worst thing!! Wenjoy x

[honeybee]

hmmm.. not sure about medication, i put it off for two years then turned to it because i was desperate, my doctor put me on anti-depressants (for anxiety rather than depression - im a very happy person) but i had an allergic reaction to them. maybe the way forward is to be spontanious.. if you get used to being in a certain enviroment and you realise there's nothing to be scared of after all, the anticipation anxiety will surely reduce and therefore you're less likely to be a jibbering wreck throughout the meal.. well thats what happened for me anyway.. all the best

[honeybee]

p.s.. does the vallium help???

[septimus]

Yes, the Valium does help, but I don't want to be dependant on it. I've taken tranquilizers for many years and they do work, no doubt about it. Doctors are reluctant to prescribe them because of addiction but I keep a few around as and when I need them. Seems to me that exposure to my fears may be the answer, but that is easier said than done.

[Meg]

You're so right. Exposure is the key here.

But you can do it in your own way and in your own speed.

Maybe find a eatery that you sort of can cope with and go there more than you would usually and get yourself accustomised and familiar with it before any more events appear and notice how noone is really interested in what you're up to plus you can always escape out to the loos or car park if it all gets a bit much, but as you settle you'll need that route less and less.

[Karen]

Hi Septimus

Gradual exposure to these situations and learning that nothing bad will happen if you stay does really help and there is always the option of nipping off for a while if it gets a bit much.

I've had social phobia for many years, mine manifesting more with a fear of speaking to people, but I too felt people were watching me and feared making a fool of myself. Gradually I have been making some progress and now talk to a lot more people and can socialise easier than in the past.

What also helped me was hypnotherapy and using hypnosis CDs. You might find this Anxiety Eating Out (http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/self_improvement/dining-out.html?1388) hypnosis download might help. I also used this Social Excellence (http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/cd/social-excellence-cd.shtml?1388) CD which has been very beneficial to me.

Hope this helps.

Karen

[Melina]

Hi Septimus

Ive had the same problem too for many years, some months/periods being worse than others. Since I left work because of this a few months ago, to try and regain my confidence (I used to be a highly social person, who enjoyed others company, with no 'out of the ordinary' hang-ups or anxiety, but was reduced to a shaking nervous reck in social situations, with a real fear of talking in front of other people, especially a group when my anxiety was at its worst) I have been putting myself in social situations, but in small, short doses and gradually building up. For instance, I started going to the gym, and then a dance class, then doing a 1/2 day week volunteer job, then 2-day week volunteer job, then starting part-time college. At first, I would at times, say during dance class experience overwhelming social anxiety (i often start to think others are laughing at me, or if I had to speak that they were laughing at the way I talk) but now, some 3 months later, it has definately gradually been getting better! so totally agree with what others have said above. I now know it IS possible to get better and I am believing it more and more each day.

[septimus]

Thank you all very much for your replies. It seems to me gradual exposure is the probable answer to my problem, even if it takes a long time. Has anybody had hypnosis to try and cure this more quickly?

[Karen]

Hi Septimus

Yes, I've have hypnotherapy for social phobia generally, rather than a fear of eating out, and found it extremely beneficial.

Once I'd finished seeing the therapist I carried on using the CDs and downloads I'd got.

I also find that the more I keep at the exposure of socialising the easier it gradually becomes. It is when I isolate myself away at home alone that it gets worse. So I know avoidance definitely doesn't help.

Karen