View Full Version : So upset (possible trigger for respiratory condition)
My mam has been complaining of feeling unwell for about 5 months now.
She took a funny turn around the same time I did, and the doc sent her to the stroke clinic saying he thinks she has had a stroke. MRI scan didn't show a stroke, but the doc insisted she had had a stroke (the GP). Anyway, she took the statins her gave her, and felt weak. The weakness made her trip, and she can hardly walk. She went back to docs and told him she didn't think she had had a stroke (she is not stupid - she is a nurse), and she was gonna stop the statins, and that there is something else wrong, and basically he was awful to her and told her to leave his room as there was nothing he could do for her.:mad:
So, I insisted she went back to see a diff doc, who sent her for a chest X Ray. Cut a long story short, it showed a shadow. So a ct scan was arranged. 2 days later (today), the hospital rang and asked her to go in this afternoon. So, obviously, we know something is wrong. Then, half an hour later, the nasty GP rang, and told her matter-of-factly over the phone she has lung cancer.
As you can imagine, I am distraught.
I have my own health issues - and now I'm feared for the same. (My mam's mam had it too and died at 42). I am sad for my mam, and sad for my kids. I am just sad. But I am livid with the doctor - I know they are not experts, but they are there to refer to experts. People are aware of their own body, and know when something is up.
I just wanted to let you know (without causing distress - this is why I have put the warning in the title), the symptoms my mam had/has. She had originally just took a funny turn, which resulted in her feeling faint. A cough developed, but not that bad at first (now she is breathless). Weakness in mainly her leg, but just a general feeling of weakness all over her body. Come to think of it now, she also has had these horrid boils under her armpits, which antibiotics didn't shift. Now I know this could be a range of things, and her bloods were ok (apart from high cholesterol), but I just wanted to share.
I don't often pray, but I will be praying for her. I hope some of you can too.
Thanks for listening, and I am sorry if I have caused any distress.
x
Sylver1975
06-01-16, 15:40
Sorry to hear about your Mam Pepperpot. What's the saying "Doctors differ and patients die" - unfortunately all too true, you hear so many stories of mis-diagnosis. My 90 year old mother in law with dementia was mis-diagnosed with a broken hip and got as far as they marked her hip with marker before an operation when at the last minute another doctor examined her and said she'd not a broken hip at all.
It's good your Mam persevered and didn't take the first diagnosis, many people would just have accepted what the doctor said. I hope that though the diagnosis is devastating, at least now she can be treated.
Love to you both.
x
Sylver
MyNameIsTerry
07-01-16, 05:52
Hi Pepperpot,
I am really sorry to hear this. You must be all over the place right now with this and your own health worries. :hugs:
That GP sounds very arrogant. The type of person who kicks you out if you question their advice. Like you said, your mum is a nurse and understands when to question things...and I bet nurses question doctors all the time anyway?! It's not like they just change bed pans and the sheets for us! It staggers me that this idiot rings up knowing she is going in to talk to the right people in a supportive setting. It seems to me that this was about covering his arse, not helping anyone and it should have been left to be dealt with in person as arranged. :mad::mad::mad:
I truly hope that this ignorant incompetent GP hasn't turned something so hard into an even harder battle. I think I would be slamming a complaint in about him later on and especially if this has changed anything. But right now I think there are more important things to deal with as it's all too raw. As a nurse, your mum must be scared because she knows things we don't and it will probably do her a lot of good to get to see the cancer support team so that the specialist can tell her the real facts and she can have a chat with a cancer support nurse to understand more.
From here she will get tons of support from people who do this everyday. Please make sure that you get your questions into them and don't rely on Google for it because they have the up to date info on all of this. They will quickly devise her treatment plan, give advice on diet & exercise and there are plenty of support groups out there to help her.
And as far as this being triggering...tough! This is just a valid a thread on here as any other and you should be able to talk about whatever you want.
:hugs::bighug1::hugs::bighug1:
Hang on there, get support on here (and don't feel guilty for asking for it!!!) and please try to separate this from your own current health concerns. Not all doctors are arrogant pigs like this guy!
I'm so sorry to hear this, Pepperpot. It is thanks to you that your Mum will get the urgent attention that she obviously needed all along. You must be very shocked and exceedingly angry. Incompetence over a diagnosis such as your Mum's is unforgivable.
Don't worry about upsetting people-as Terry says it's just tough and you are dealing with real life not speculation. You are entitled to receive the highest level of support on here in view of what you are going through xx
Pepperpot I was horrified to read your post. My heart goes out to you and your family.
I really hope that she gets the care she so obviously needs.
I don't have anything particularly helpful to say but just wanted you to know that I am thinking off you.
You are dealing with a horrible situation and, if it helps, I would urge you to continue posting.
Take care of yourself
Elen
Hi pepperpot,
I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, I hope she can now get the support and treatment she needs to aid a recovery.
It's a very tough time for you both and it will no doubt test you to your limit.
Please remember, we are here to support each other. I come to NMP not for reassurance, but to remind myself I have anxiety and I'm not alone (although I do love the odd moan now and again).
Feel free to message me if you need too, you have actively supported me and many others through difficult times and I truly hope that others can support you.
Xxx
Thanks all.
I went in to the docs today and played hell.
It is incurable. It's on her brain now.
X
I'm so sorry to read your news.
I don't have any words, just support, and sending you a hug :hugs: xx
So sorry to hear that, I can't imagine how you must be feeling.
No words can make you feel any better, but knowing you're not alone might.
Xxx
I just echo what everyone else on here has said. Please keep posting on here if it helps you just a tiny bit? We can at least try to help you in some small way. I can't imagine what you must be going through xx
Damn... :( I'm so sorry to hear the news. As was said, this is real life and even people with fears of perceived illnesses have to face it. There no words that make it easier but please know that your Mom and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Positive thoughts
Thanks everyone. We are off for a bronchoscopy soon which she is not looking forward to.
I also think I am gonna have to take a trip to the docs for this pain - it's really bad now. Yeah, I understand people have to face it, I just didn't want to cause anyone any distress; however it really makes me think just how ridiculous my health anxiety is now :(
I'll keep yous updated - it helps me to be on here x
MyNameIsTerry
07-01-16, 13:10
Pepperpot,
I am really sorry to hear this.
So, she's stage IV then with it spreading? With it being in the brain I understand they do radiotherapy as it's more targeted. I want you to know that whilst hearing it is on the brain sounds terrifying, I know someone who has faced this and the therapy has quickly dealt with it via this treatment and surgery. So, please don't see that as an impossible scenario, they may have options.
The sad thing about lung cancer is it is usually found at stage III or IV because that's when the symptoms really start. It's horrible that is the case.
There are also newer treatments available for certain types on top of chemo and whilst this may be incurable, it may be treatable. They suggest in the future with new advancements that it be treated as a chronic condition for some people and so these are all things to hang onto right now.
Very sadly I have someone in my life going through the same scenario as you minus the GP problem so I urge you to listen to the experts and what they believe they can do. I can't imagine how you feel, like I can't for the person in my life and all I can try to do is listen & talk, like we are all doing for you here as much as you need us.
I am so sorry. I know what it's like, went through it with my mom, there are no words to help but just know I'm thinking of you and wish there was something I could do to make this easier. :hugs:
Go to the GP and get yourself seen as soon as you can, Pepperpot. You need to get your own health problems treated too or else you'll be in no fit state to help your Mum?
I went to A&E tonight as the pain is just under my ribs now and is making me sick. I thought I was gonna pass out. They took bloods which came back fine, all obs were ok, and wee was same: white blood cells no infection. Sent me home with painkillers which aren't working.
Anyway, thanks for your support guys. I'm going to call Macmillan tomorrow and get mam some support as she doesn't want to see her friends/family and I think it might help to have a stranger. She was so brave for her bronchoscopy bless her. I think she's holding it together for me and my sister. She must be cos she is just being so matter of fact. x
Oh wow, I am glad you went in and got some medication. Also good all your tests were ok too. I wish the meds would kick in for you ... you could use some relief :hugs:
Your mom is being very brave. Do they have support groups for people going through this? Maybe she would feel comfortable talking to people with similar diagnosis.
MyNameIsTerry
08-01-16, 05:37
It must be such a huge shock and with these other issues it is bound to start a lot of questions in your minds and you are bound to be kicking yourself too because of the actions of this GP but you mustn't blame yourselves, any of you, how you could ever have known? It could easily have been something with a far different outcome.
So, your mum must have a lot to process. The things about mums, and you've demonstrated this yourself on here, is they tend to think about what will happen to their loved ones more than themselves. They tend to look at how they can stop them hurting. It's typical mum behaviour, you spend many years bringing us up and you can't turn that off, it's who you become. Didn't you tell me the saying "the biggest kid you will ever have will be your husband"? So, perhaps she will reconcile it and be able to open up more with a bit of time?
It's worth giving it a go. It can be easier to talk to a stranger, just look at all of us on here. MacMillan are a great charity with a lot of experience. The Douglas Macmillan Hospice is near me and I've known people who's loved ones have been in there and they speak extremely highly of the treatment they have all had. I've never heard a bad word about them in all the years. They have charity shops locally and are very popular with volunteers. I expect the same can be said about Macmillan Cancer Support who were derived with the same values of the founder but have a longer history than the hospice and who made the original grant to start the hospice.
I know for fact that the hospice attract many types of volunteer and some just sit and talk to the people in there. There are some amazing people in this world and that can't be an easy thing to do emotionally. So, I expect your mum will get the same from Macmillan in support and they will have some local groups she can attend for support which might help her come to terms with this. I bet they offer support to families too and perhaps that is worth considering?
I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. How awful for you. I think everyone's advice is good and am wishing you the best!
Pepperpot, I have only just seen this. :hugs:
What a stupid Doctor, you must be fuming! I currently know of two people that that were diagnosed with terminal cancer and got it WRONG! The poor families as well.
You need all your strength and courage at the moment to deal with this.
And like others said, we are all here for you if you need to vent or any support. x
All I can do is be there for you, my Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer too when I was 8 years old. (They got that wrong too). She's 83 now. x :hugs:
Bloody hell carnation. That must have been awful. Well this is terminal deffo. I've got a letter which is at the council now for the housing situation and some kind of form to receive benefits. Not claimed benefits before so that should be fun times.
I've decided today I'm coming here everyday in between school hours to be with her. I asked her if she minded and to tell me to sod off if she did but she said she liked having me there and was only concerned that it would interfere with looking after my kids, which they are at school so won't. I can work from her house too so that's a bonus.
Thanks for all of your support. Means a lot. X
My Dad's wife is dealing with something similar (end stage COPD and cancer) and here in the US, their benefits and situation allows hospice care.
Is there anything like hospice care to help assist you and your mother?... or is that what the benefits are about...
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
08-01-16, 22:44
We certainly do have hospice care over here and charities that offer it. DMH if you are local to me or charities like Marie Currie do a lot of care support.
I'm glad she wants you there. Typical mums eh? Thinking about their kids more as usual.
When my mom was diagnosed, we had hospice nurses come to the house to help her every day. They were wonderful. I cannot say enough nice things about them. One was so great, she came at midnight in a blizzard (literally 2 feet of snow on the ground) because we were struggling. Hospice workers are a special type of people to do the work they do. It was a wonderful help.
I know it can sound scary to decide to get hospice involved, as the name is associated with end of life care, but when a lot of people live a long time with it. It was a tough decision to make, but we were very glad we did.
MyNameIsTerry
09-01-16, 06:24
Yeah, that must be quite a job to have. They must have counselling support as that must be emotionally draining, it's not like you can do something like that and turn your emotions off and be a robot. Stop giving pointless celebrities OBE's, MBE's, etc, give them to people like this!
Marie Curie do send out nurses I think. I seem to recall it being mentioned on their TV adverts.
However, outpatient support may be all that is needed right now anyway. Some people do live beyond the medical expectatuions with these and there are always the inspiring stories of people like Carnation's mum. District nurses and private care firms probably pick this up.
The HA board is a place where people raise threads because a rare or uncommon case in the media has triggered them and all the same comments will get posted about it being rare and how we don't hear about all the others that are treated fine, etc. But the flipside of this is that we also have uncommon & rare cases we can also be inspired by, tales of hope. Look at some of the people that have defied medical science, the babies born to live many years beyond what their parents are told, the people told they will never walk again and now they are running marathons, the people who have their life support turned off to come back out of their comas, etc. All these people who defy medical science are something that give us hope and remind us that whilst we should trust science, it's not everything because we aren't masters of it at this stage in human evolution - there is always hope. Of course we should be realistic too and prepare but statistics aren't everything, the individual is what counts.
Our local hospice provides all types of palliative care either in the hospice, at home or in the community at certain venues. I'm sure all the information and benefits stuff will seem really daunting, Pepperpot, but there must be people who can assist you with making a claim etc. I think it's really important that you try to get your own health issues sorted too as what you're dealing with with your Mum can only exacerbate your physical pain?
Sending you a hug Pepperpot. :hugs:
Thanks all.
I decided to have a bottle of wine tonight. All of my anxiety symptoms have vanished since I am dealing with this.
X
Not at all the way to put a stop to them though..
You are very brave and very strong, Pepperpot. You do whatever it takes to keep on being that wayxx
Yeah, you're right, it's a rubbish way isn't it. Wish it was different.
Anyway, thanks for your message. It means a lot that people read my posts. x
Enjoy your wine. I think that macmillan etc can also advise on benefits etc.
We certainly do and will do all we can to help you in some small way xx
Thanks Pulisa.
Elen, I rang them today and they were helpful. I am enjoying my wine although it probably isnt the best thing, it is helping tonight. It will be a one-off though as I wont be letting myself get back into the state I used to get into - plus I need to be on form incase anything happens.
x
I am so very sorry to hear about your Mum, Pepperpot.
My best wishes and thoughts are with you both.xxx:hugs::hugs::hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
12-01-16, 06:09
Yeah, I think I know what you mean there, Pepperpot. Sometimes when things are so big they are taken out of our hands we seem to switch into "action mode" and get productive. Our anxiety falls by the wayside.
I've had a few examples of that myself in the last few years. It was only after the emergencies that it all hit me. I guess it makes sense really since that's really what fight or flight is actually supposed to be doing!
But please remember, if you feel anxious or the thinking gets worse tomorrow, try to remember you had some alcohol and that it could just be that and it will pass. Sometimes we just need a release, who wouldn't in your situation, I just don't want your HA side to kick in and panic you if you feel increased anxiety...try to let it go as the alcohol, it will pass.
I went into action mode when my mom was sick. It's just kind of how we deal with a crisis. Fight or flight, right? Acknowledge and accept today for what it is. No shame in having some wine.
I don't blame you for having a drink Pepperpot. It will hopefully make you sleep too. :) Thinking of you. :hugs:
Hi all, I did sleep, and woke up feeling like shit lol. I was hungry too as I hadn't ate nothing the day before but I couldn't eat as j had my ultrasound at 10am. Ate after though. So tired now, it's exhausting just sitting in the house all day.
At least you survived the day.
Hope you get your results back quicklly
Cheers elen. 5 working days they said. This time I didn't even look at the screen as last time I did and all I could see was big blotches which my mind told me were tumours; they weren't, and I clearly don't know what I'm looking for so its best just not to look at all. I hope it's all ok cos my mam is worried, and I don't want her to be worried. She doesn't need it.
It's a horrible way to get to grips with your HA. Hope you get the results back asap and glad you are taking care of yourself too xx
MyNameIsTerry
13-01-16, 08:45
Yep, there is no point looking unless you ask them to explain what it all means. They get plenty of training on tests.
The waiting can be tough but regardless of that test, the issue yesterday is the same as it was today and the rest is inconvenience so try and blot it out with distraction. I just hope the pain has calmed down for a bit so the symptoms aren't triggering you as well.
Mum's always worry, they will tell you it's their job, like I bet you would be with yours. You haven't got a plonker for a GP messing you about and you are being proactive in getting to the bottom of it and as a nurse she must know there are so many possibilities that can be treated, like the stones one. I guess right now her worry could be skewing her thinking too? So, perhaps you both need to try to remember there is more reasonable possibilities?
:hugs:
During my Father's crisis I found that my physical symptoms worsened and just wouldn't go away. I just wanted to say this in case you find this happens to you, Pepperpot. I hope they tell you the results asap-under the circumstances they really shouldxx
I agree with that Pulisa. Since my Mum collapsed my Anxiety worsened and I have not managed to shake any of it off yet. I worry constantly about her. :ohmy:
Well kidneys are fine. Doc is putting me on anti spasm drugs though and my gynae app is on 27th. At hospital in morning with mam for results - feel it is gonna be bad news. Will keep you informed. x
Keep Strong Pepperpot :hugs::hugs::hugs:
Thinking of you today. Glad your kidneys look alright. My back and neck pain were through the roof when my mom was sick. Stress, neglecting taking care of myself, etc. You deserve a nice massage.
MyNameIsTerry
14-01-16, 06:11
Pepperpot,
Don't read into it, these specialist teams like to talk to people face-to-face and it's the professional thing to do. Her GP doing it over the phone was insensitive, disrespectful, uncaring and lacking compassion...as well as being unprofessional and for reasons other than the patient.
So, these people want you all in because it is the right thing to do to discuss this face-to-face. My GF's mum has been having the same no matter what it is about. It's a very scary area of medicine, they understand this and if you are there they can make sure you understand things and are ok. That's potentially all is.
Anxiety is going to play it's part in things like this, as does with you.
I hope everything goes OK for you & your mum. Hang in there, don't guess at things. :hugs: and :flowers: for your mum.
I echo all of the above. Am hoping the news is better than you expect and that you are both treated with dignity and kindness as is only your due.
Your Mum must be so proud of you as you are battling on and fighting her cause despite your own health concerns. That's no mean feat especially when anxiety is rife xx
Thinking of you and your mum today.
And agreed this should never have been done via the telephone.
Hopefully the hospital will be able to give you a better idea of what is going on.
Thinking of you and your mum, take care xx
MyNameIsTerry
01-04-16, 12:12
Pepperpot, I hope you are holding up. :hugs::flowers:
Just a bit of hope for you. My GF has just told me she (her mum) is due her 4th round of chemo hopefully today. She was responding from the first round. Yesterday she saw the consultant and from her x ray it appears the mass in her lung has decreased.
There's always hope!
That's very positive news, Terry! Sending warm wishes to you too, Pepperpot! xx
---------- Post added at 12:41 ---------- Previous post was at 12:40 ----------
Thanks for elaborating, Terry. You all must be very encouraged by this news! Your GF's Mum has done so well!
MyNameIsTerry
01-04-16, 12:44
Thanks pulisa, that's appreciated. Just had to amend the post as I changed a sentence after the original and it ended up making no sense.
A very mixed day for them. Great news for her mum but they got up to find their eldest cat had passed away. He was 18 and his health was up & down, poor thing. He recently had a tumor in the jaw but they dealt with that. He had a lovely nature. One of the other cats was with him when he went and has been very subdued since.
Am so sorry..that's horrible news. Cats are so much part of the family-I still miss my Lucy very much and it's been a year now. Grieving for pets is very real and necessary when you have such a strong bond. I'm really sorry.
Pepperpot I too hope that you and your family are coping.
Terry so glad to hear that things are looking better for your MIL. Fingers crossed that the remission continues.
MyNameIsTerry
02-04-16, 05:02
Pepperpot I too hope that you and your family are coping.
Terry so glad to hear that things are looking better for your MIL. Fingers crossed that the remission continues.
Thanks Elen, it's looking good. She's half way to the infamous 8 month statistic so I'm hopeful she will have some years in her yet.
---------- Post added at 05:02 ---------- Previous post was at 04:53 ----------
Am so sorry..that's horrible news. Cats are so much part of the family-I still miss my Lucy very much and it's been a year now. Grieving for pets is very real and necessary when you have such a strong bond. I'm really sorry.
Thanks.
He passed peacefully in his favourite place in front of the fire and had some company from one of the other 2 cats so it's better than it could have been. They said they thought it could happen as he had gone down hill the last couple of days but they didn't want to drag him off to the vets for all the testing (and the stress) if it was going to be nature taking it's course.
They've always had cats and lost a few to accidents, some lost, some ill, etc so I think they are quite prepared, as much as you ever can be. They lost the other old cat a few years ago to old age. So, two left now (one replaced the old cat, the other "adopted" them as he turned up a stray). They always have rescue cats and have had quite a few over the years.
Last time I bought my GF a plush toy that looked like the one they lost with a note thanking her for looking after him and giving him love. I think I might try to find the same over the weekend to see if it helps a bit.
Loving pet owners see them as members of the family, it's natural to miss them but giving them a happy life is what we can do and remember them for. I'm sure you have many happy memories of Lucy and whilst they can't talk, they show us love back too:flowers:
I think that's a lovely idea about the plush toy, Terry and very thoughtful.
My Lucy was a real character who had been through a lot of major health issues in her kittenhood which resulted in removal of her colon. She was put to sleep at home following a major neurological collapse which destroyed her coordination and left her unable to move in a matter of hours..It was horrible. I won't get another cat because I mentally can't. I do miss her wonderfully calming presence and ability to know when I needed her "attention"..
I hope you are able to find that plush toy relatively easily..I have a lovely remembrance book of Lucy which my daughter put together and it's priceless.
Sorry to hear about the cat Terry.
Like you said, for some people they are part of the family.
My boy is my life saver at times. He gives so much and asks for nothing back.
Well apart from dreamies.
The plush toy is a brilliant idea if you can hunt one down.
I put my other cat's ashes in a potted plant. She was with me for a very long time, she was 20! I also got some lovely photos of her in a frame.
That's a lovely idea too Pulisa about the book.
Pepperpot, I hope you are ok. I think about you a lot. :bighug1:
MyNameIsTerry
03-04-16, 08:14
That's a lovely thing your daughter did for you. Yes, definitely priceless as very thoughtful as well as about your beloved Lucy.
I am scouring for plush moggies!
Carnation, thanks for the thoughts. Ha, they do love their dreamies!
20! That's a big age. I know she has plenty of photo's of him. I think I have a few somewhere. I may have a think about putting pics of the last 2 old cats into a frame for her...thanks for the idea! :yesyes:
They have passed him to the vet for cremation since they can't bury him as they have foxes and badgers in the garden. I've asked what they are doing with ashes.
I have Lucy by my bed in a wooden casket-it's not everyone's cup of tea though...
Hi everyone :)
Thanks for the well wishes. And Terry that is mint news!! I have the same news - the mass on her lung is not even on the scan any more. Same with the brain :) I don't quite understand it though. They didn't say "oh you're cured", but they didn't say "it's still terminal" either. They just said that she can have 6 rounds of chemo (another 2 to go). And I can't really butt in and ask - cos we agreed we didn't want to know a timescale. She is still poorly though (obviously) - her legs are dead as she puts it. It is very hard to watch an otherwise fit woman in her early 60s deteriorate before your eyes. She has NEVER had anything wrong with her. One thing I will never do again though, is smoke. My mam's mam died from lung cancer too.
How has everyone been? I always have a quick check at least once a week, maybes more, but often don't post lengthy replies, just the odd word here and there lol. I am still a bag of nerves - I still panic about my health (terribly) and my kids' health (even more terribly). Last week my daughter who is a teenager presented meningitis symptoms all of a sudden (I did mention this in another thread), and I panicked and rang 999. It turned out she had a chest infection. Anyway, several days later, my son was poorly - he had a chest infection too - it was obviously viral, but they are both asthmatic so it goes to their chests. Now, I am not well! And Mr Pepperpot is not well, but he is a man, so is clearly far worse than all of us put together, and no one has ever felt as bad as he does. Ever.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.