Relationship OCD & Intrusive Thoughts

[stressball123]

Hi all,

I'm looking for some advice from anybody who can offer some / may have a similar OCD issue going on as I am at the end of my tether with it all. Here's my story...

I've always showed mild signs of OCD my whole life - ticks when I was a child, my need for tidiness & order and great satisfaction from it, compulsions when i'm nervous (magical thinking), worrying about loved ones dying and feeling like I'm actually grieving when I think about it. However most recently, i've had a really bad bout of relationship OCD - which has pretty much ruined my life for the last 2 months and don't know what to do about it.

I've had quite a stressful year and I've recently stopped taking hormonal the birth control pill after 10 years on it (which funnily enough is when this ROCD seemed to come on) - does anybody else find that their OCD gets worse when they have PMS or have come off the pill? I'm wondering if it has anything to do with a hormone imbalance.

A few months ago I started back at a company I used to work for (I worked there for a few years previously) and I was so happy to be back as I really enjoyed my job there in the past. The first couple of weeks were really stressful as I was trying to learn the ropes with my new position and get to grips with it, and then as soon as I felt confident with the job and could finally enjoy being back there BAM this horrible ROCD comes out of absolutely nowhere.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years now and am still absolutely madly in love with him still and can't imagine my future with anybody else. We have such an amazing relationship both emotionally and physically and he's the total light of my life and always will be, so I know for 100% fact that this is not a case of being bored with my partner or falling out of love with him etc, which is exactly why these intrusive thoughts have come as such a shock and caused such depression.

There's a guy at my work who i've worked with previously when I was last there, he's an attractive guy and really sweet but he's always just been my friend and that's it. I may've thought 'ah he's a nice guy' in the past but never anything more and would just be a totally casual thought. All of sudden out of absolutely nowhere this horrible thought popped into my head that maybe I was attracted to him. He is fairly good looking and a nice person and obviously i'm not blind just because i'm in a relationship, and it would be totally natural to think he's attractive but my brain is telling me it's more, which is just total rubbish as I never thought that before and I can't even imagine kissing him or anything!

This thought has come with such force and has made me beyond miserable for the last 2 months - i've been depressed, had a complete lack of energy, i'm not enjoying the things I used to enjoy, i've been crying uncontrollably every other day and i can't take it anymore. The thought is is my head as soon as I wake up and right up until I go to bed. It makes me feel so guilty as though i've cheated on my lovely boyfriend which absolutely kills me inside! It's making me want to quit the job I really love just because I have to see this guy every day and it triggers it every time. I can't even enjoy my weekends anymore as I know i'll just have to deal with it again come Monday and all through the week. It's like i've associated that horrible thought with being at work and seeing this guy triggers it, which I have to deal on a daily basis.

I've even told my boyfriend about all of this and bless him, he's so understanding and loving. I thought that telling him would make it stop as I felt I was harbouring some kind of secret in a way, but it doesn't seemed to have helped at all in the long run!

I know quitting my job because of this is completely irrational as is the whole thing, but I don't know what else to do to get rid of this thought and it ruining my life. I feel as though i've somehow tainted my relationship with my boyfriend and I will never feel comfortable with him again because of this which I know is just RIDICULOUS but I can't seem to shake it somehow!

If anybody has experienced a similar experience and can share some advice that would be most appreciated as I really don't know what to do anymore.

[Girl18]

Hi all,



There's a guy at my work who i've worked with previously when I was last there, he's an attractive guy and really sweet but he's always just been my friend and that's it. I may've thought 'ah he's a nice guy' in the past but never anything more and would just be a totally casual thought. All of sudden out of absolutely nowhere this horrible thought popped into my head that maybe I was attracted to him. He is fairly good looking and a nice person and obviously i'm not blind just because i'm in a relationship, and it would be totally natural to think he's attractive but my brain is telling me it's more, which is just total rubbish as I never thought that before and I can't even imagine kissing him or anything!


This sounds like OCD and anxiety to me because I've been through the same thing. It's apparent you truly love your boyfriend and you care deeply for him. There's no doubt about that by the way you describe your relationship with him. Our minds are so powerful - they can twist and turn thoughts and OCD tends to latch onto things that we care deeply for, in your case, your boyfriend.

We've been programmed to think that if we fall in love with someone we shouldn't be allowed to find other people attractive. That's not true though! We're human! It's natural to find another guy attractive. I bet your boyfriend has found plenty of other women attractive. But it doesn't mean anything. You don't suddenly develop romantic feelings the instant you find someone attractive -- and your OCD will probably trick you into thinking this, but don't listen to it, just let it be.

To be short, it's okay to find other people good looking. You didn't do anything wrong.

I hope you feel better! :)

[citcats]

Totally relate to this feeling. It's always been a mayor spike for me in my relationships, being afraid that I'm attracted to others, that someone else would be a better fit, that Im trying to deny my feelings for someone else and OCD even makes it feel like you're somehow draawn to them.

Of course it makes you feel terrible because you value your relationship and your husband, and it simply doesnt seem to correlate with who YOU are, and your values and your wants.

Quitting your job seems extreme, Im sure OCD will only then tell you "You see, you actually did like him sooo much you needed to quite your job". It always finds ways to get to you.

I know It's dificult to do when you feel like you're loosing it, but you COULD see this as an opportunity to battle your ocd. Remember that we are our actions, and not our thoughts. You CHOSE to be with your husband, you've CHOSEN to have him as a friend. I know Rocd makes it feel like there's this underlying urge, as if its our TRUE nature, telling us that we are attracted or lik someone that isnt our boyfriend. But I guess we always need to keep looking at the symptoms. if it causes confusion, anxiety, depression, stress, makes you paralyze and feel horrible, its not just any normal situation.

It's so "easy" telling this advice to someone else, but having rocd, I do know how difficult it is to apply it on our selves.

Have you ever gotten help for it? I havent, and im more and more realizing therapy with a really strict plan is my only solution from all of this. I fidn it too difficult to help myself when im so emotionallly and mentally unbalanced so often.