tmh1991
06-01-16, 21:16
Hi All,
Having a bit of a rough time of it at the moment. I’ve known about this forum for a while but decided to post today as I’m in need of a bit of support and encouragement. Apologies for the wall of text!
I’ve struggled with anxiety for several years and I’m currently in my worst state with it. I’ve gone through two six-week group therapy courses in 2013 and 2014, both of which did help for quite a few months afterwards. Things started getting worse again in the spring, triggered mainly by worries at work and the relationship I was in at the time. I made another self-referral for treatment in June and shortly after I split up with my girlfriend which made things more tough.
I started working at a secondary school in September and I’ve not really felt settled since I starting. There’s been a few aspects of the job which hasn’t helped with my anxiety. I also had a few weeks off recently following knee surgery which I felt pretty bad about. My anxiety has severely affected my job performance - procrastinating being the main problem. Putting things off because of a fear of doing it wrong or making a mistake, and going through in my head what would happen if I did.
I had my first wobble a few weeks into the start of my job. I had received a bit of criticism from a parent which affected me quite badly. I was already having doubts about my abilities at this point and this just further reinforced those concerns. I became very upset and had to go home for the rest of the day. It was at this point when my employers became aware of my anxiety issues. It’s something I did not declare to them before I started (although I did to occupation health). At this stage they were supportive and asked if there was anything they can do to help. I explained that I was just about to start CBT over the telephone (this is from my self-referral in June) so I said I would give that a go and see how I get on.
The CBT was about a 20 minute conversation with a therapist once a week that last over seven weeks. I did initially ask to see someone face-to-face, as speaking on the phone isn’t great for my anxiety. They told me that I should give this a go first and if it doesn’t work then I could perhaps try some face-to-face sessions. These sessions have since come to an end and I have been discharged from the service. The scores from the questionnaires I was asked to complete before each session showed that I had a non-clinical level of anxiety. I expressed my concern that, despite me making a small amount of progress, it wouldn’t take much to set me back again and requested some further support in the form of face-to-face sessions. I was told though that I would need to be discharged.
I had a few weeks off work in November following minor knee surgery. This increased my anxiety again for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I felt guilty for taking time off work. Secondly, I felt that any small amount of confidence I had built up prior to having the surgery would be undone by having time off.
Things came to a head a few weeks ago, a couple of days before we broke-up for the Christmas holidays. I had a 1:1 meeting scheduled with my boss, which I think was intending to be quite positive however it turned out to be completely the opposite. I won’t go into too much detail about the conversation, however I came out of the meeting feeling very upset, disheartened and at an all time low. Again, I went home as I was too upset to see out the day. I didn’t go into work the next day either - the first time I’ve taken a day off work due to anxiety.
For a long time I had been putting off going to see a doctor about medication. I felt it was sort of admitting defeat, or that it would make me feel like I was insane. After what happened the previous day though, I finally decided it was time to go to see my GP. I was prescribed Citalopram - 10mg to start with and then to increase to 20mg after the first two weeks.
I didn’t have too many problems with side effects at first. I had a cold at the time though so any side effects may have been masked by the symptoms of that. Along with the fact I was at home anyway so I was able to take it easy.
I doubled-up to 20mg on January 1st and I was sick within the first couple of hours of taking the tablets. I had been drinking a bit the night before (with it being New Years Eve and all) so I thought this might have been the reason.
I wasn’t really able to relax at all during the Christmas holidays. Worrying each day about going back to work which got worse with each day as the time for going back got nearer.
I managed to go back to work on Monday despite feeling absolutely dreadful. I took my tablets with breakfast as I had been doing normally. I felt more and more sick as I was driving into work (it’s a 30-mile journey, which can usually take an hour in rush hour). I was sick shortly after arriving at work and was feeling very panicky. I really couldn’t see me lasting the day and didn’t think it would be too long until I was on my way home again. However as the day went on I had more belief I’d be able to stick it out. And in the end, I did! I thought I was perhaps over the worst. I’d managed to get through the day I had been dreading about for a fortnight, so the next day was bound to be easier, right? Wrong.
On Tuesday I was feeling equally as bad as the morning before. Again, I was sick shortly after arriving at work and feeling very panicky. I decided to go and see my boss (the one who I had a disagreement with before the holidays) who recommended I go home. I wasn’t in a fit state to drive back so I sat and had a coffee whilst speaking to a colleague. I had calmed down a bit, although far from feeling great still. I was in limbo about whether to go home or not, however come 11:30 I was still there. My boss had seen that I was still in though and after having a bit more of a chat about my symptoms, she requested that I went home.
I’ve been off work all day today. I didn’t get a great deal of sleep so thought I’d feel just as bad if not worse if I attempted to go in. At the moment I’m feeling very anxious, tired and fatigued. I’ve also been feeling quite nauseous the mornings shortly after taking my medication. I’ve read that all of these are common side effects of Citalopram so I’m hoping it’s the case with me and they will pass soon. It’s tough at the moment though and they’re not exactly filling me with much hope.
I’m feeling incredibly bad about myself at the moment. I feel guilty for having more time off work after having three weeks off following knee surgery and then a further two weeks off for the Christmas holidays. I feel guilty that my absence from work is putting more strain on my colleagues. I feel bad that I’m not able to do the job I was employed to do.
Sorry for such a long post. Thank you to those who have taken the time to read it. I hope to be able to provide more positive updates soon!
Having a bit of a rough time of it at the moment. I’ve known about this forum for a while but decided to post today as I’m in need of a bit of support and encouragement. Apologies for the wall of text!
I’ve struggled with anxiety for several years and I’m currently in my worst state with it. I’ve gone through two six-week group therapy courses in 2013 and 2014, both of which did help for quite a few months afterwards. Things started getting worse again in the spring, triggered mainly by worries at work and the relationship I was in at the time. I made another self-referral for treatment in June and shortly after I split up with my girlfriend which made things more tough.
I started working at a secondary school in September and I’ve not really felt settled since I starting. There’s been a few aspects of the job which hasn’t helped with my anxiety. I also had a few weeks off recently following knee surgery which I felt pretty bad about. My anxiety has severely affected my job performance - procrastinating being the main problem. Putting things off because of a fear of doing it wrong or making a mistake, and going through in my head what would happen if I did.
I had my first wobble a few weeks into the start of my job. I had received a bit of criticism from a parent which affected me quite badly. I was already having doubts about my abilities at this point and this just further reinforced those concerns. I became very upset and had to go home for the rest of the day. It was at this point when my employers became aware of my anxiety issues. It’s something I did not declare to them before I started (although I did to occupation health). At this stage they were supportive and asked if there was anything they can do to help. I explained that I was just about to start CBT over the telephone (this is from my self-referral in June) so I said I would give that a go and see how I get on.
The CBT was about a 20 minute conversation with a therapist once a week that last over seven weeks. I did initially ask to see someone face-to-face, as speaking on the phone isn’t great for my anxiety. They told me that I should give this a go first and if it doesn’t work then I could perhaps try some face-to-face sessions. These sessions have since come to an end and I have been discharged from the service. The scores from the questionnaires I was asked to complete before each session showed that I had a non-clinical level of anxiety. I expressed my concern that, despite me making a small amount of progress, it wouldn’t take much to set me back again and requested some further support in the form of face-to-face sessions. I was told though that I would need to be discharged.
I had a few weeks off work in November following minor knee surgery. This increased my anxiety again for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I felt guilty for taking time off work. Secondly, I felt that any small amount of confidence I had built up prior to having the surgery would be undone by having time off.
Things came to a head a few weeks ago, a couple of days before we broke-up for the Christmas holidays. I had a 1:1 meeting scheduled with my boss, which I think was intending to be quite positive however it turned out to be completely the opposite. I won’t go into too much detail about the conversation, however I came out of the meeting feeling very upset, disheartened and at an all time low. Again, I went home as I was too upset to see out the day. I didn’t go into work the next day either - the first time I’ve taken a day off work due to anxiety.
For a long time I had been putting off going to see a doctor about medication. I felt it was sort of admitting defeat, or that it would make me feel like I was insane. After what happened the previous day though, I finally decided it was time to go to see my GP. I was prescribed Citalopram - 10mg to start with and then to increase to 20mg after the first two weeks.
I didn’t have too many problems with side effects at first. I had a cold at the time though so any side effects may have been masked by the symptoms of that. Along with the fact I was at home anyway so I was able to take it easy.
I doubled-up to 20mg on January 1st and I was sick within the first couple of hours of taking the tablets. I had been drinking a bit the night before (with it being New Years Eve and all) so I thought this might have been the reason.
I wasn’t really able to relax at all during the Christmas holidays. Worrying each day about going back to work which got worse with each day as the time for going back got nearer.
I managed to go back to work on Monday despite feeling absolutely dreadful. I took my tablets with breakfast as I had been doing normally. I felt more and more sick as I was driving into work (it’s a 30-mile journey, which can usually take an hour in rush hour). I was sick shortly after arriving at work and was feeling very panicky. I really couldn’t see me lasting the day and didn’t think it would be too long until I was on my way home again. However as the day went on I had more belief I’d be able to stick it out. And in the end, I did! I thought I was perhaps over the worst. I’d managed to get through the day I had been dreading about for a fortnight, so the next day was bound to be easier, right? Wrong.
On Tuesday I was feeling equally as bad as the morning before. Again, I was sick shortly after arriving at work and feeling very panicky. I decided to go and see my boss (the one who I had a disagreement with before the holidays) who recommended I go home. I wasn’t in a fit state to drive back so I sat and had a coffee whilst speaking to a colleague. I had calmed down a bit, although far from feeling great still. I was in limbo about whether to go home or not, however come 11:30 I was still there. My boss had seen that I was still in though and after having a bit more of a chat about my symptoms, she requested that I went home.
I’ve been off work all day today. I didn’t get a great deal of sleep so thought I’d feel just as bad if not worse if I attempted to go in. At the moment I’m feeling very anxious, tired and fatigued. I’ve also been feeling quite nauseous the mornings shortly after taking my medication. I’ve read that all of these are common side effects of Citalopram so I’m hoping it’s the case with me and they will pass soon. It’s tough at the moment though and they’re not exactly filling me with much hope.
I’m feeling incredibly bad about myself at the moment. I feel guilty for having more time off work after having three weeks off following knee surgery and then a further two weeks off for the Christmas holidays. I feel guilty that my absence from work is putting more strain on my colleagues. I feel bad that I’m not able to do the job I was employed to do.
Sorry for such a long post. Thank you to those who have taken the time to read it. I hope to be able to provide more positive updates soon!