Stickyriver
08-01-16, 00:49
Hey everyone. I am so happy to have found this site. When I first realized what I had was health anxiety, I felt really alone. My husband, friends, and family cannot understand what it feels like, so it's nice to know other people like me exist.
Anyway, I have really been struggling lately with the idea that I have cancer (specifically late-stage cervical cancer). It all stems back from when I delivered my twins in October. The delivery went well, but I had a severe hemorrhage the day after. I knew immediately something wasn't right, even though three different nurses told me a lot of bleeding was expected for someone trying to nurse. My own doctor almost didn't check me, because he assumed that everything was fine. It was nearly too late by the time someone finally took me seriously. I ended up having an emergency procedure and a blood transfusion. Because of this, I have a serious fear of not being listened to when it comes to my health.
Everything was fine with me mentally until mid-December. I started having an odd discomfort in my lower abdomen accompanied by lower back pain. That's when I became obsessed with the idea that it was cancer. The feeling went away after about a week or so, and it was replaced with a dull ache to the right of my belly button. That ache slowly spread to right under my right rib and then my left. Cue panic, again.
I lived with it for as long as I could before frantically making a doctor's appointment. By "live", I mean lay on the couch or in bed all day feeling entirely hopeless. My fear was debilitating. I wasn't eating. I was hardly sleeping. Luckily I have an amazing husband that picked up the slack while I was down. It was two days before Christmas when I made my appointment. The doctor I saw barely took note of my abdominal pain and just wrote me a prescription for Zoloft to help with the anxiety. He also took blood, which came back clear. I went away feeling pretty distraught. I still had no answers. I got a call from his office after Christmas to tell me my blood work was fine and that we can investigate the stomach pains in a month if they are still there.
Well, they are. I've still had a hard time eating, so I've lost weight mainly in my stomach. What I thought was some deep internal pain, I now know are little nodules under my skin. They ache and burn. I have no idea what they could be, but my mind has several horrible ideas. I can feel them all over the place in my abdomen. I saw a doctor closer to where I live today, and after telling me she has no idea what they are, she said she wants to take the wait and see approach. I don't know if I can live with that. I don't know if I should go somewhere else, or if I should go back and demand that she investigate.
I still feel pretty horrible. I have a hard time not catastrophizing. I just want to watch my little boys grow up with my husband, and the thought of not being able to do that sends me into a panic attack.
If you made it through all that, thank you for reading!
Anyway, I have really been struggling lately with the idea that I have cancer (specifically late-stage cervical cancer). It all stems back from when I delivered my twins in October. The delivery went well, but I had a severe hemorrhage the day after. I knew immediately something wasn't right, even though three different nurses told me a lot of bleeding was expected for someone trying to nurse. My own doctor almost didn't check me, because he assumed that everything was fine. It was nearly too late by the time someone finally took me seriously. I ended up having an emergency procedure and a blood transfusion. Because of this, I have a serious fear of not being listened to when it comes to my health.
Everything was fine with me mentally until mid-December. I started having an odd discomfort in my lower abdomen accompanied by lower back pain. That's when I became obsessed with the idea that it was cancer. The feeling went away after about a week or so, and it was replaced with a dull ache to the right of my belly button. That ache slowly spread to right under my right rib and then my left. Cue panic, again.
I lived with it for as long as I could before frantically making a doctor's appointment. By "live", I mean lay on the couch or in bed all day feeling entirely hopeless. My fear was debilitating. I wasn't eating. I was hardly sleeping. Luckily I have an amazing husband that picked up the slack while I was down. It was two days before Christmas when I made my appointment. The doctor I saw barely took note of my abdominal pain and just wrote me a prescription for Zoloft to help with the anxiety. He also took blood, which came back clear. I went away feeling pretty distraught. I still had no answers. I got a call from his office after Christmas to tell me my blood work was fine and that we can investigate the stomach pains in a month if they are still there.
Well, they are. I've still had a hard time eating, so I've lost weight mainly in my stomach. What I thought was some deep internal pain, I now know are little nodules under my skin. They ache and burn. I have no idea what they could be, but my mind has several horrible ideas. I can feel them all over the place in my abdomen. I saw a doctor closer to where I live today, and after telling me she has no idea what they are, she said she wants to take the wait and see approach. I don't know if I can live with that. I don't know if I should go somewhere else, or if I should go back and demand that she investigate.
I still feel pretty horrible. I have a hard time not catastrophizing. I just want to watch my little boys grow up with my husband, and the thought of not being able to do that sends me into a panic attack.
If you made it through all that, thank you for reading!