.Poppy.
11-01-16, 17:18
I had really bad health anxiety for a few years. It was absolutely awful. Then, slowly, I started to learn how to cope and not fixate and a few years ago I thought I had "beaten" it (though I still had/have anxiety). I was really proud of myself.
Now, as can be seen from some of my more recent posts, it has all come screaming back. I have no idea what to do, I feel so low, I just want to sleep all the time.
I think the medication I'm taking right now (Accutane) plays a part - I've been here before so it's not directly responsible but indirectly for sure. Frankly, it's exhausting.
I spend my days scrutinizing my face in different mirrors and under different light, just seeing how bad it is. I constantly wonder if I'm getting new spots or feel bumps on my face that I can't see but wonder if they "count" as new spots. Overall my acne is much, much better but between the scarring and the not knowing it's hard to tell/get excited about it. I'm also incredibly afraid that once I stop the med it will all just come back.
Additionally, I'm afraid of side effects. My joint pain is pretty much gone but now I'm worried about other things. I read stuff about people who experienced hair loss - I've not lost any hair and am actually shedding less than I normally do, but still I tell myself that it's thinner or that I'll just wake up one morning half bald. My scalp now feels hyper sensitive and almost like it's burning - which I know is anxiety but I can't believe it is. I'm also concerned that I'm developing new scars - everything I've read says that doesn't happen and I have so many it's impossible to tell if one is new or not anyway, yet I've completely convinced myself.
I feel incredibly vain to worry about this stuff to begin with but I've had such bad skin and such low self esteem for so long now I was hoping for a bit of a break. And now my HA is back. I'm experiencing it all: the major urge to spend hours scrutinizing my skin in the mirror or Goolging others experiences, that low sinking feeling when you find "proof" that your worst fears are confirmed, and just not wanting to do anything at all because what's the point.
I'm so tired of all of this, I have no idea how to make it right.
Now, as can be seen from some of my more recent posts, it has all come screaming back. I have no idea what to do, I feel so low, I just want to sleep all the time.
I think the medication I'm taking right now (Accutane) plays a part - I've been here before so it's not directly responsible but indirectly for sure. Frankly, it's exhausting.
I spend my days scrutinizing my face in different mirrors and under different light, just seeing how bad it is. I constantly wonder if I'm getting new spots or feel bumps on my face that I can't see but wonder if they "count" as new spots. Overall my acne is much, much better but between the scarring and the not knowing it's hard to tell/get excited about it. I'm also incredibly afraid that once I stop the med it will all just come back.
Additionally, I'm afraid of side effects. My joint pain is pretty much gone but now I'm worried about other things. I read stuff about people who experienced hair loss - I've not lost any hair and am actually shedding less than I normally do, but still I tell myself that it's thinner or that I'll just wake up one morning half bald. My scalp now feels hyper sensitive and almost like it's burning - which I know is anxiety but I can't believe it is. I'm also concerned that I'm developing new scars - everything I've read says that doesn't happen and I have so many it's impossible to tell if one is new or not anyway, yet I've completely convinced myself.
I feel incredibly vain to worry about this stuff to begin with but I've had such bad skin and such low self esteem for so long now I was hoping for a bit of a break. And now my HA is back. I'm experiencing it all: the major urge to spend hours scrutinizing my skin in the mirror or Goolging others experiences, that low sinking feeling when you find "proof" that your worst fears are confirmed, and just not wanting to do anything at all because what's the point.
I'm so tired of all of this, I have no idea how to make it right.