crayola
11-01-16, 19:10
I often read what others have posted on the internet on this and numerous other site but have never posted before. I'm doing so now partly as a line in the sand for myself on health anxiety (which has plagued my last 2 years) and partly to detail my recent medical issues in the hope that others will find it reassuring.
You may well have found this post and indeed this forum by googling your symptoms. You fear the worst, this time it really is serious, people aren't taking you seriously because they know you have a tendency for anxiety but this time it is different because you have had a discomfort in x part of your body for x days.
Googling your symptoms is like a quick fix. For me there were two steps:
Google your symptoms - Immediately you are hit with cancer symptoms or other serious conditions and you start to worry more
Google the condition you are most scared of where the symptoms are present eg you have a feeling of a lump in your throat so you google throat cancer.
You want to find something that will provide that instant fix. eg "if I had x then I would be coughing up blood". However this hardly ever works, instead it is sure it increase the worry.
You start off with good intentions. I'll just look at cancer UK or NHS but then you soon start look at any old website, reading numerous war stories of people who know someone who had that and now they are dead.
The point is the internet is not going to solve this for you. If you are ill, seek medical advice, don't look on the internet - you will only feed the anxiety. Google can't examine you, can only see what you have typed in and misses things that your doctor will see.
This is me and this has been my past 2 years. I'm stressed and I'm consistently anxious but I want my life back so enough is enough.
1. Stomach cancer/prostate cancer/bone cancer/testicular cancer
Was actually - Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome/a bit in my head/down to stress and anxiety
I had a feeling of as if someone had shoved a golf ball in my bottom. If was constant. Sometimes it was at the top of my legs, or in my pelvis but mostly it was in my back. I had problems going to the toilet with my flow and was going much more frequently.
After a few days I started to worry. I had had prostrate trouble before when I was around 30 that lasted a couple of months but this was less painful but more constant.
I googled to try and rule out more scary disease like cancer. It didn't work. It made it so much worse. At that point I was trying to rule out prostate cancer. I did seem a little young for it but the nagging feeling in my head was that some younger men do get it and it would be just typical if I was to get it - someone has to. Even worse I found other cancers it could be. Testicular cancer manifests itself like that sometimes.
The pain stated to get worse. Particularly in my back. I couldn't pick up my kids toys on the floor, my wife had to tie my shoes. s back cancer a thing? Bone cancers are pretty scary and are pretty much end of days.
I saw various doctors. One scared the life out of me and referred me to a consultant. The appointment was months away and it was getting worse. I saw another doctor. He told me I was too young and the symptoms didn't match cancer in his experience - wait for the consultant appt was his advice. His words comforted me for a day or two but then the words of the previous doctor and more google searches replaced the comfort with worry.
I'll miss my daughter growing up, Will she even remember me when i'm dead? How can I be expected to function at work with all this worry? It was difficult to get by. I couldn't concentrate on every day tasks at home or even play with my toddler. I snapped at my wife. The symptoms got worse.
After months went by I saw the consultant. At this point I should say that my worst fear, my nightmare is being told by a doctor I have cancer. I think this partly why I google and fear the worst. If I know that I have cancer then when he tells me I do the shock won't be so bad and i won't be so totally devastated by those words. Or if I fear the worst then it is less likely to happen. Both thoughts are dangerous traps to fall into and feed anxiety, creating worry before there is anything to worry about.
I hate news articles talking about cancer or programmes on tv about it. I feel compelled to read the articles and it always makes me worried. I avoid the programmes like the plague as if watching it would make me more likely to get it. The pain involved just seems too real and scary. Like I said my worst nightmare.
Anyway I saw the consultant and it was quite clear he didn't even consider cancer. I worried that he was trying to be gentle on me so I asked him directly whether it was a consideration. He dismissed it saying he treats cancer patients daily and there was nothing in the symptoms I was displaying to suggest cancer. Cancer he said, apart from a few areas rarely manifests itself with pain at least until the later stages. He categorically dismissed these concerns (in a very professional, nice way). I had Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome CPPS - painful and annoying, not very treatable but nothing that was going to kill me. The relief was incredible. I literally walked out of hospital a different man and I stared to feel better, much better from that moment on. The symptoms didn't go but they got much better and after a few months were gone. I still get a re-occurrence (usually with stress and anxiety) but I knew they weren't cancer so it was a massive relief and I was able not to think about them and worry about them.
This in itself was fascinating. The worry and anxiety had exacerbated the symptoms. It wasn't like the CPPS didn't exist, but there was no doubting what the real concern was.
I did have all the symptoms that were listed on the internet but when I saw an actual expert he didn't even consider factor to be a possibility. What does that tell me? At this moment at least google can't examine me and treat my specific case like a dr can. So anything I read is potential misleading, there is no examination of the subtly, just generic lists that might or might not apply to me.
From that moment I resolved not to google symptoms any more, not to worry so much. I had been given another chance and I was going to seize it.....or so I wanted to believe....
2. Skin Cancer
I have skin so pale it is translucent. I have freckles and moles and I sunburn easily. I can't take heat and I stay out of the sun where possible. Both parents have had various different types of skin cancer. If there is one cancer I need to worry about it is this one.
I went to the dr to check out numerous moles and they all checked out ok. I did of course google them all beforehand and created a lot of worry but they checked out fine. The last time I did it, the dr checked a couple out. As I was leaving, I remembered I had forgotten one. However as the others had been so quickly dismissed I thought that one could wait so i just left -- I didn't want to bother the dr. I immediately regretted and started to worry i was going to die because of my unusually foolhardy decision.
Months passed. The CPPS issue I described above was happening and I was beginning to think the drs thought I was crazy. I didn't mention it above but they had been asking questions about stress and anxiety. I talked to them about it, refused medication, took up running (which helped whilst it lasted). The main dr I talked to about this caught me on a bad day. I was concerned about the prostate pain but he wasn't listening to me he was watching how anxious I was - I couldn't get the words out and was a mess. I kind of knew at the time he had a point about the anxiety but I was frustrated he wasn't taking me seriously. It wasn't helped by the fact that I thought I had to communicate to the hospital about my CPPS via my GP. I didn't realise if you had been referred you dealt with the hospital directly on that issue. I still had this odd mole but I was embarrassed to go back to the doctors. I was about to move house so I thought, I would see a different doctor at the new surgery. I started to get more and more worried. I googled and googled skin cancer pictures and found one that looked exactly like mine. Skin cancer isn't serious I thought, but a quick google search showed that that wasn't true and it can actually be quickly deadly. From the dr appointment where i forgot about this mole to the point i saw the new dr was about 18 months which overlapped the CPPS condition. A ridiculous amount of time for someone with medical anxiety to wait! I was too anxious about what the drs thought of me.
Anyway I saw the new doctor. I waited to hear the words that it would be ok. Instead he said. "this concerns me a bit". I started to panic. He told me not to worry, I had scratched it so he couldn't be sure,and to come back again in 3 weeks when it would have healed for a re-examination. He said it probably wasn't but even if it was it could be left for a year and it would "probably still be ok". I told him that I had had it for at least 2 years. He of course didn't mean a defined period of time in which it would not be ok, just that it would take a while to be a greater threat. The next 3 weeks were like torture. Again I found "solace" in the internet. It was possibly a BCC. The internet said it rarely spread to other parts of the body. What does rarely mean? I found more sites that explained the scientific research. It was based on size and length of time. I calculated my chances as 1 in 32000. Typical - I'll be that 1 in 32000 I thought. I went back to the dr after the longest 3 weeks of my life. The scratch had cleared. Even with my anxiety his reassurance had convinced me that it was probably going to be ok so I was floored when he said he still didn't like the look of it and he was referring me to a skin cancer specialist. This was my worst fear - I wasn't sure yet but I could have cancer. I went over the time period and chances of spreading with him. "Never say never" he said but said it was unlikely and not to worry. I was terrified. It took months and months for the consultant appt to come around. Every time I felt an itch on forehead I wondered if that was the cancer. Does it itch when it spreads? I found another tiny bump that looked exactly the same. If it was spreading in my body would I get more lesions? The wait was agony but finally I got to go to the hospital.
The consultant too one look and said, "yes, a little bit of skin cancer". So the moment of my worse fear came but I was strangely calm. "I have had it 2 years" I said, "do I need more tests", "has it spread?" The consultant told me it would not spread but needed to come off. "I have read on the internet it sometimes can spread". "It won't spread" she said. I questioned her 3 more times and she became increasingly angry and frustrated at me. "IT WON'T SPREAD" she declared.
I guess the problem was I had been doing amateur research on the internet about BCCs in general and here I was arguing with someone who was an expert in this and had examined my actual bit of skin cancer. I had got so bad that I was dismissing her experience over something I had read on random websites that offered no expertise or insight on my particular lesion.
I have had to wait another 3 months to have it removed (it gets done next week). Despite her words, I still worry it is spreading, that was until something more immediate happened to deflect my worry elsewhere....
3 Throat cancer
It started with a feeling that I had swallowed a hair. This was 2 months ago. The feeling progressed and grew to feel like someone was strangling me and that I had lump in my throat. The feeling would move around my throat, consistently "there" but not always in the same place. gave it a couple of weeks hoping it would go away. Of course I started googling various throat cancers. I found this forum and globus and the rest but as I started to read about throat cancer I became more and more convinced. I had problems swallowing. I could eat big things but after every meal it felt like a bit was stuck in my throat. I couldn't shift it with water. I drank so much water. I kept hoping each time I woke up it would be gone but it never did. Eventually I felt it consistently to the left. I checked my symptoms against cancer symptoms:
something stuck in throat/food sticking - cancer symptom
feeling of lump in throat - cancer symptom
persistent in one side - cancer symptom
I saw the dr who said it was globus and gave me an inhaler. I wasn't convinced. The last thing he said to me was "the thing with throat cancer is it changes your voice. that would be worrying".
It progressed and got even worse. I ate a mince pie and it felt like it was just clogged in my throat. That particular mince pie triggered feeling eventually went away but I saw another dr the next day. He said he thought it was still globus but referred me to an ENT specialist as it had been going on for months.
A few weeks later the symptoms still persisted and my voice started to get hoarse. I became more sure than ever it was cancer. That was the full house of symptoms. I was terrified. I was still waiting for the letter that would start the process to arrange the appt with the consultant from ENT. I decided that I would pay £600 for a private consultation. I had this today. The doctor examined me and did an endoscopy. He ruled out anything serious to my great relief. My throat is very red and i have sinusitis but nothing sinister. I am going to change my diet and approach to see if it is acid reflux and will go back in 6 weeks if it persists. If it does it will probably be some kind of infection.
What a relief! No cancer. I had read how rare it would be in someone my age, a few cases each year in the UK. I don't smoke or drink or work with chemicals but still i was convinced i was the rare case, or worse still the skin cancer had spread - if so, where else would it be?
Just like my previous cancer "experiences" I had had all the symptoms, frightened myself to death with google but got it very wrong.
I feel I have wasted a large part of the last 2 years with unnecessary worry. I was unable to sit through a film as I would start worrying, i couldn't concentrate at work (which led to more worry), i couldn't concentrate on household chores, putting my kid to bed, I couldn't do anything to relax.
All that worry for nothing. I have my skin cancer surgery next week and at the moment I am not concerned. I am not going to google anything about it. I spoke to an expert consultant and she was adamant that it would not spread, she had examined this specifically and she is an expert. I believe her.
So my resolution is not to google. It could be argued that it helped me identify the skin cancer but a dr check would have been better and moved things on rather than just kick off worry. If i hadn't been worried about what she thought of me if i had asked her to examine another mole, I would have had this skin cancer treated 18 months ago
Even when I had skin cancer websites and the consultant's advice didn't match up
Even when I had pretty much all the symptoms for throat cancer - i didn't have it.
The internet is just not worth it. I'm not going to google any medical condition again. If I ever get the urge I'm going to reread this post as it will show just how damaging it can be.
Instead I am going to trust the medical professionals. Yes in my stories above they got a bit wrong but they were right about so much of it - all the stuff that mattered.
I have been prescribed meds for anxiety but have delayed starting them. I'm going to try mindfulness, exercise, a healthy diet (based on the acid reflux/throat issue), CBT and no googling and see how I get on first. It won't be the first time but I have added resolve this time.
Therefore if yu found this by googling medical symptoms - stop! It is not worth it. You'll find no relief here. Go seek medical advice, only worry when you have something to worry about and live in the moment not in the future that might never happen.
I know it is easy to say, and in a few weeks I might be back googling an unusual cough but I am going to try my hardest not too and you should too
You may well have found this post and indeed this forum by googling your symptoms. You fear the worst, this time it really is serious, people aren't taking you seriously because they know you have a tendency for anxiety but this time it is different because you have had a discomfort in x part of your body for x days.
Googling your symptoms is like a quick fix. For me there were two steps:
Google your symptoms - Immediately you are hit with cancer symptoms or other serious conditions and you start to worry more
Google the condition you are most scared of where the symptoms are present eg you have a feeling of a lump in your throat so you google throat cancer.
You want to find something that will provide that instant fix. eg "if I had x then I would be coughing up blood". However this hardly ever works, instead it is sure it increase the worry.
You start off with good intentions. I'll just look at cancer UK or NHS but then you soon start look at any old website, reading numerous war stories of people who know someone who had that and now they are dead.
The point is the internet is not going to solve this for you. If you are ill, seek medical advice, don't look on the internet - you will only feed the anxiety. Google can't examine you, can only see what you have typed in and misses things that your doctor will see.
This is me and this has been my past 2 years. I'm stressed and I'm consistently anxious but I want my life back so enough is enough.
1. Stomach cancer/prostate cancer/bone cancer/testicular cancer
Was actually - Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome/a bit in my head/down to stress and anxiety
I had a feeling of as if someone had shoved a golf ball in my bottom. If was constant. Sometimes it was at the top of my legs, or in my pelvis but mostly it was in my back. I had problems going to the toilet with my flow and was going much more frequently.
After a few days I started to worry. I had had prostrate trouble before when I was around 30 that lasted a couple of months but this was less painful but more constant.
I googled to try and rule out more scary disease like cancer. It didn't work. It made it so much worse. At that point I was trying to rule out prostate cancer. I did seem a little young for it but the nagging feeling in my head was that some younger men do get it and it would be just typical if I was to get it - someone has to. Even worse I found other cancers it could be. Testicular cancer manifests itself like that sometimes.
The pain stated to get worse. Particularly in my back. I couldn't pick up my kids toys on the floor, my wife had to tie my shoes. s back cancer a thing? Bone cancers are pretty scary and are pretty much end of days.
I saw various doctors. One scared the life out of me and referred me to a consultant. The appointment was months away and it was getting worse. I saw another doctor. He told me I was too young and the symptoms didn't match cancer in his experience - wait for the consultant appt was his advice. His words comforted me for a day or two but then the words of the previous doctor and more google searches replaced the comfort with worry.
I'll miss my daughter growing up, Will she even remember me when i'm dead? How can I be expected to function at work with all this worry? It was difficult to get by. I couldn't concentrate on every day tasks at home or even play with my toddler. I snapped at my wife. The symptoms got worse.
After months went by I saw the consultant. At this point I should say that my worst fear, my nightmare is being told by a doctor I have cancer. I think this partly why I google and fear the worst. If I know that I have cancer then when he tells me I do the shock won't be so bad and i won't be so totally devastated by those words. Or if I fear the worst then it is less likely to happen. Both thoughts are dangerous traps to fall into and feed anxiety, creating worry before there is anything to worry about.
I hate news articles talking about cancer or programmes on tv about it. I feel compelled to read the articles and it always makes me worried. I avoid the programmes like the plague as if watching it would make me more likely to get it. The pain involved just seems too real and scary. Like I said my worst nightmare.
Anyway I saw the consultant and it was quite clear he didn't even consider cancer. I worried that he was trying to be gentle on me so I asked him directly whether it was a consideration. He dismissed it saying he treats cancer patients daily and there was nothing in the symptoms I was displaying to suggest cancer. Cancer he said, apart from a few areas rarely manifests itself with pain at least until the later stages. He categorically dismissed these concerns (in a very professional, nice way). I had Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome CPPS - painful and annoying, not very treatable but nothing that was going to kill me. The relief was incredible. I literally walked out of hospital a different man and I stared to feel better, much better from that moment on. The symptoms didn't go but they got much better and after a few months were gone. I still get a re-occurrence (usually with stress and anxiety) but I knew they weren't cancer so it was a massive relief and I was able not to think about them and worry about them.
This in itself was fascinating. The worry and anxiety had exacerbated the symptoms. It wasn't like the CPPS didn't exist, but there was no doubting what the real concern was.
I did have all the symptoms that were listed on the internet but when I saw an actual expert he didn't even consider factor to be a possibility. What does that tell me? At this moment at least google can't examine me and treat my specific case like a dr can. So anything I read is potential misleading, there is no examination of the subtly, just generic lists that might or might not apply to me.
From that moment I resolved not to google symptoms any more, not to worry so much. I had been given another chance and I was going to seize it.....or so I wanted to believe....
2. Skin Cancer
I have skin so pale it is translucent. I have freckles and moles and I sunburn easily. I can't take heat and I stay out of the sun where possible. Both parents have had various different types of skin cancer. If there is one cancer I need to worry about it is this one.
I went to the dr to check out numerous moles and they all checked out ok. I did of course google them all beforehand and created a lot of worry but they checked out fine. The last time I did it, the dr checked a couple out. As I was leaving, I remembered I had forgotten one. However as the others had been so quickly dismissed I thought that one could wait so i just left -- I didn't want to bother the dr. I immediately regretted and started to worry i was going to die because of my unusually foolhardy decision.
Months passed. The CPPS issue I described above was happening and I was beginning to think the drs thought I was crazy. I didn't mention it above but they had been asking questions about stress and anxiety. I talked to them about it, refused medication, took up running (which helped whilst it lasted). The main dr I talked to about this caught me on a bad day. I was concerned about the prostate pain but he wasn't listening to me he was watching how anxious I was - I couldn't get the words out and was a mess. I kind of knew at the time he had a point about the anxiety but I was frustrated he wasn't taking me seriously. It wasn't helped by the fact that I thought I had to communicate to the hospital about my CPPS via my GP. I didn't realise if you had been referred you dealt with the hospital directly on that issue. I still had this odd mole but I was embarrassed to go back to the doctors. I was about to move house so I thought, I would see a different doctor at the new surgery. I started to get more and more worried. I googled and googled skin cancer pictures and found one that looked exactly like mine. Skin cancer isn't serious I thought, but a quick google search showed that that wasn't true and it can actually be quickly deadly. From the dr appointment where i forgot about this mole to the point i saw the new dr was about 18 months which overlapped the CPPS condition. A ridiculous amount of time for someone with medical anxiety to wait! I was too anxious about what the drs thought of me.
Anyway I saw the new doctor. I waited to hear the words that it would be ok. Instead he said. "this concerns me a bit". I started to panic. He told me not to worry, I had scratched it so he couldn't be sure,and to come back again in 3 weeks when it would have healed for a re-examination. He said it probably wasn't but even if it was it could be left for a year and it would "probably still be ok". I told him that I had had it for at least 2 years. He of course didn't mean a defined period of time in which it would not be ok, just that it would take a while to be a greater threat. The next 3 weeks were like torture. Again I found "solace" in the internet. It was possibly a BCC. The internet said it rarely spread to other parts of the body. What does rarely mean? I found more sites that explained the scientific research. It was based on size and length of time. I calculated my chances as 1 in 32000. Typical - I'll be that 1 in 32000 I thought. I went back to the dr after the longest 3 weeks of my life. The scratch had cleared. Even with my anxiety his reassurance had convinced me that it was probably going to be ok so I was floored when he said he still didn't like the look of it and he was referring me to a skin cancer specialist. This was my worst fear - I wasn't sure yet but I could have cancer. I went over the time period and chances of spreading with him. "Never say never" he said but said it was unlikely and not to worry. I was terrified. It took months and months for the consultant appt to come around. Every time I felt an itch on forehead I wondered if that was the cancer. Does it itch when it spreads? I found another tiny bump that looked exactly the same. If it was spreading in my body would I get more lesions? The wait was agony but finally I got to go to the hospital.
The consultant too one look and said, "yes, a little bit of skin cancer". So the moment of my worse fear came but I was strangely calm. "I have had it 2 years" I said, "do I need more tests", "has it spread?" The consultant told me it would not spread but needed to come off. "I have read on the internet it sometimes can spread". "It won't spread" she said. I questioned her 3 more times and she became increasingly angry and frustrated at me. "IT WON'T SPREAD" she declared.
I guess the problem was I had been doing amateur research on the internet about BCCs in general and here I was arguing with someone who was an expert in this and had examined my actual bit of skin cancer. I had got so bad that I was dismissing her experience over something I had read on random websites that offered no expertise or insight on my particular lesion.
I have had to wait another 3 months to have it removed (it gets done next week). Despite her words, I still worry it is spreading, that was until something more immediate happened to deflect my worry elsewhere....
3 Throat cancer
It started with a feeling that I had swallowed a hair. This was 2 months ago. The feeling progressed and grew to feel like someone was strangling me and that I had lump in my throat. The feeling would move around my throat, consistently "there" but not always in the same place. gave it a couple of weeks hoping it would go away. Of course I started googling various throat cancers. I found this forum and globus and the rest but as I started to read about throat cancer I became more and more convinced. I had problems swallowing. I could eat big things but after every meal it felt like a bit was stuck in my throat. I couldn't shift it with water. I drank so much water. I kept hoping each time I woke up it would be gone but it never did. Eventually I felt it consistently to the left. I checked my symptoms against cancer symptoms:
something stuck in throat/food sticking - cancer symptom
feeling of lump in throat - cancer symptom
persistent in one side - cancer symptom
I saw the dr who said it was globus and gave me an inhaler. I wasn't convinced. The last thing he said to me was "the thing with throat cancer is it changes your voice. that would be worrying".
It progressed and got even worse. I ate a mince pie and it felt like it was just clogged in my throat. That particular mince pie triggered feeling eventually went away but I saw another dr the next day. He said he thought it was still globus but referred me to an ENT specialist as it had been going on for months.
A few weeks later the symptoms still persisted and my voice started to get hoarse. I became more sure than ever it was cancer. That was the full house of symptoms. I was terrified. I was still waiting for the letter that would start the process to arrange the appt with the consultant from ENT. I decided that I would pay £600 for a private consultation. I had this today. The doctor examined me and did an endoscopy. He ruled out anything serious to my great relief. My throat is very red and i have sinusitis but nothing sinister. I am going to change my diet and approach to see if it is acid reflux and will go back in 6 weeks if it persists. If it does it will probably be some kind of infection.
What a relief! No cancer. I had read how rare it would be in someone my age, a few cases each year in the UK. I don't smoke or drink or work with chemicals but still i was convinced i was the rare case, or worse still the skin cancer had spread - if so, where else would it be?
Just like my previous cancer "experiences" I had had all the symptoms, frightened myself to death with google but got it very wrong.
I feel I have wasted a large part of the last 2 years with unnecessary worry. I was unable to sit through a film as I would start worrying, i couldn't concentrate at work (which led to more worry), i couldn't concentrate on household chores, putting my kid to bed, I couldn't do anything to relax.
All that worry for nothing. I have my skin cancer surgery next week and at the moment I am not concerned. I am not going to google anything about it. I spoke to an expert consultant and she was adamant that it would not spread, she had examined this specifically and she is an expert. I believe her.
So my resolution is not to google. It could be argued that it helped me identify the skin cancer but a dr check would have been better and moved things on rather than just kick off worry. If i hadn't been worried about what she thought of me if i had asked her to examine another mole, I would have had this skin cancer treated 18 months ago
Even when I had skin cancer websites and the consultant's advice didn't match up
Even when I had pretty much all the symptoms for throat cancer - i didn't have it.
The internet is just not worth it. I'm not going to google any medical condition again. If I ever get the urge I'm going to reread this post as it will show just how damaging it can be.
Instead I am going to trust the medical professionals. Yes in my stories above they got a bit wrong but they were right about so much of it - all the stuff that mattered.
I have been prescribed meds for anxiety but have delayed starting them. I'm going to try mindfulness, exercise, a healthy diet (based on the acid reflux/throat issue), CBT and no googling and see how I get on first. It won't be the first time but I have added resolve this time.
Therefore if yu found this by googling medical symptoms - stop! It is not worth it. You'll find no relief here. Go seek medical advice, only worry when you have something to worry about and live in the moment not in the future that might never happen.
I know it is easy to say, and in a few weeks I might be back googling an unusual cough but I am going to try my hardest not too and you should too