Loved ones not understanding

[Miss.Katyy1990]

Does anyone have a hard time with partners understanding how we feel? Atm im not currently worrying about myself (makes a change) my mums being having some heart thumps/flutters which is worrying her in turn its worrying me. Im trying to talk to my boyfriend about it as the doctor says it may be aniexty related but hes going to test her anyway. My boyfriend and my boyfriends mum do not understand aniexty they dont believe in it. (Lucky them is all i can say)

So picture this im trying to explain this aniexty theory to my boyfriend hes looking at me like im a total moron and hes mum is basically laughing at me. It makes me feel like an utter idiot and also alone. I wish he understood me, i never laugh off his worries it really hurts my feelings and upsets me

I wish he would try and understand and not make me feel so bad about it

[Hopefulmi]

So sorry they made you feel this way. Can you not print off some info or something and ask him to read it so he understands a bit better?

[Traceypo]

My thoughts are, that unless you've suffered anxiety or had training in that area, it's really hard to understand it.
There are some people who will do all they can to understand so they can support someone, but most wont as to them, our fears are so irrational.
Try to explain it to them in a way they may understand, for example most people will have a fear, ask them to imagine living with that fear every hour of every day, whether it be snakes, spiders or aeroplanes.
Everyone understands fear, and my interpretation of anxiety is constant fear.
Xxx

[artist12]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this, I know exactly what you mean.

My friends and family don't understand and make a big joke of my HA whenever I try to discuss it. I have to stop and remember that their brains are literally hardwired differently when it comes to this and they truly cannot relate to how I feel in this specific case.

Traceypo has great advice to discuss it in terms of fear, I'll have to try that as well.

Best of luck to you!

[Savvy_Darling]

Oh yes I can totally relate. My boyfriend hates when I get myself worked up over a symptom. He'll say things like "why do you think the worst all the time" or "your fine..stop stressing out" it really hurts me because in turn I feel like I can't talk to him when I'm scared because he'll just think I'm being dramatic again. It frustrates me so much and I wish he could feel what I feel sometimes so he would know I'm not just being crazy. It's like to us anxiety - health anxiety - sufferers our fear feels 100% real and we are sure we are dying this time. But our partners will just look at us confused as hell and say "you're fine". It totally sucks but like others have said.. It's not their faults and they aren't trying to be mean they just don't understand what anxiety feels like. Their brains are more rational and logical than ours.. We let fear rule our brains and that's where the irrational and illogical thoughts come from. Fear is extremely powerful if you let it take over. Fear will make you think horrible things and it will take you over if you let it. Stay strong honey. I know it's hard but it's possible. You aren't alone.. All of us here know how you are feeling!:hugs:

[KeeKee]

I completely understand this. My family always laugh at my health anxiety or say it's all in my head. One even said I want something to be wrong with me which to be honest really annoyed me as that is the exact opposite. I don't expect them to understand me as it's hard when you haven't been there but to ridicule me? I feel that due to them putting me down I'm starting to resent (not sure if that's the correct word) them and now get physically anxious whenever I am around them. I hope you can find somebody to confide in. Nothing beats the comfort of a loved one.

[DaveCH]

My wife has banned me from mentioning any health matters. My parents live abroad and I would never tell my mates as we know what guys are like they would just make fun of me lol. So I literally have nobody to speak to which makes it so much harder. Its a battle I face in my head every day. My wife has been sympathetic but is so sick of it she has told me to man up and I will only be happy when I actually get a serious disease. She told me to leave for a week about 6 months ago because she was so fed up of listening to me. It really has affected my marriage but Im getting good at putting on a happy face and pretending to be happy and not showing my fear but it is so damn tiring. That along with being in charge of constantly finding and running contracts to keep 50 people in a job and 2 young kids to look after and fit the gym in 4 times a week I am far from weak and actually think I am very strong to be dealing with all this but unless you suffer from health anxiety that person will never understand.

[Fishmanpa]

My wife has banned me from mentioning any health matters. My parents live abroad and I would never tell my mates as we know what guys are like they would just make fun of me lol. So I literally have nobody to speak to which makes it so much harder. Its a battle I face in my head every day. My wife has been sympathetic but is so sick of it she has told me to man up and I will only be happy when I actually get a serious disease. She told me to leave for a week about 6 months ago because she was so fed up of listening to me. It really has affected my marriage but Im getting good at putting on a happy face and pretending to be happy and not showing my fear but it is so damn tiring. That along with being in charge of constantly finding and running contracts to keep 50 people in a job and 2 young kids to look after and fit the gym in 4 times a week I am far from weak and actually think I am very strong to be dealing with all this but unless you suffer from health anxiety that person will never understand.

I find your post quite interesting from the aspect of the sheer amount of daily responsibility you undertake, functioning at a high level. Your fears, at least from what you posted take a back seat and don't interfere with these responsibilities. It's in the off time that they raise their hand and interfere more with your personal relationship with your wife.

So logically, while being occupied, they may still pop into your head but you manage quite well in quieting them. I wonder if you could apply the same methods to quell them while not occupied? Perhaps CBT could be useful in learning some methods, complimenting your already effective methods of dealing with your health fears?

Positive thoughts

[Sam Winter]

my mum used to think it was me overthinking but after she went with me to the doctors and saw the results from my anxiety test she knew,
maybe if you gave them an article to read or something like i do with people all over the internet,
its a possibility but i agree with tracy, if they've never experienced it they wouldn't know, especially in parents times, my mum said if you had anxiety people would tell you to stop worrying and suck it up x

[HATH]

Hi,

I am going through a bout of HA for about a month now. I have an understanding partner but she lives away so she is minimally effected. My father on the other hand thinks a hot bath and a beer solves everything and I will just snap out of it. Not the case at all. His attitudes completely changed when I invited him in to one of my doctors appointments.

I would advise making a GP appointment to address your anxieties and take one of the family members with you for support and education.

[white1989]

hi hun, I know how lonely it can feel when people mock your feelings of anxiety. many people close to me find it really difficult to understand what I'm going through, so I tend to keep most feelings to myself now as it seems easier that way. I feel like I'm just the girl that makes everything up, is always flapping about something, is always thinking of the worst, etc etc. I get laughed at a lot too and it can make you feel really stupid and low, my best friend recently told me that I was turning into a 'mad woman' and often tells me to shut up moaning, which of course is pretty insulting and hurtful.

the reality is that no one except yourself can fully understand exactly what difficulties you are going through daily with your anxiety, it really is life destroying and only other fellow suffers can unfortunately understand how it can affect your life. I would possibly suggest sitting down with your boyfriend when its just the two of you and gently mentioning the severity of your anxiety and that just because he doesn't feel the same way, it would mean a lot to you if he could try to understand, maybe do some research etc or come to one of your gp appointments. he could also mention to his mum that the laughing is hurtful, without saying that its come from you.

anxiety is a difficult illness to battle without the added stress of worrying about what people are thinking of you as a result of it, but rest assured that you are certainly not alone xx