Struggling

[freshy666]

Hi everyone. A couple of months ago I had a severe bought of anxiety (I've always had anxiety, but the terrorist attacks in Paris threw it into high gear). I went to the doctor and he gave me two forms of Benzos (Prazepam for immediate relief and Victan, a benzo derivative aka Ethyl loflazepate, to take morning and night). The relief was huge...I was slowly but surely able to start thinking about things other than death, terror, existentialism, etc. I also start seeing a therapist once every 2 weeks.

But after about a month and a half I was starting to see signs of depression, which prompted me to slowly come off the Victan and stop taking the Prazepam (I was taking it quite regularly, at least one 10mg pill a day).

It's been about a week and a half without the two, and the last 3 days I have been wrought with anxiety again. I am fighting it hard on my own, but it is soooooooooo difficult!!!! I am also having physical issues which I am not sure are from stopping the drugs, from my anxiety, or from actual health issues.

I want to keep off the drugs, but I can't keep living like this. My brain is so powerful in overtaking any peaceful moment I find: 'worry about this, worry about that, what if this happens, what if that happens'. The worst is at night when I let my guard down on my brain to try and get some decent sleep. The thoughts just grow bigger and worse when I close my eyes. It is so absolutely horrible. I really hate this, especially feeling like every day is a struggle. I just want some peace. Please!

Anyway, I just had to write something to try and get it out of me. If anyone has any experience with these drugs or is in a similar situation, I would love to hear about how you are coping and if you have any advice ;-) I will continue to fight alongside the rest of you! Thanks for reading/listening.

[freshy666]

Quick update: I'm still struggling with the anxious feelings (especially the way it makes me feel like I want to jump out of skin), but I'm trying to focus on my breathing and tell myself that it will pass. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm avoiding triggers like the news, facebook, conversations about life in general or anything sad, etc., but I can't avoid this stuff forever (okay, maybe facebook :winks: )

I think at this point I more worried that it won't go away (without taking any meds). I can't keep living like this, day to day just hoping that the next day it will all be over. In between the worrying thoughts and horrible imagery, all I do is try to hold on until it just won't be there anymore (if that is ever possible).

This is really a terrible affliction and I think everyone here is extremely brave and I am inspired by all of your stories!