A Bridge too Far

[nomorepanic]

Ok so what bright spark decided that it was a really good idea to build the Second Severn Bridge into Wales. I guarantee you it wasn’t someone that suffers from panic or anxiety!

On Tuesday I had to drive to Wales and I was aware that there was a bridge to drive across but wasn’t really sure how I was going to be as the last time I did it was over 11 years ago (before I started suffering). I could have planned my journey around it but after last weeks success with the M25 I was ready to face any challenge.

So, I drove on to the bridge and was only on if for about a minute and then suddenly got this horrible “Oh ****” feeling (I am sure you all know it well). This of course escalated out of control and I started getting very panicky/anxious.

I turned the air-con on full to cool me down but was suddenly overcome with an awful dizziness and feeling of terror.

My next reaction was to call my partner. “Help!” I screamed down the phone, “I am on the bridge and want to get off now”.

I was very conscious of the water underneath and the height (I don’t like heights) and then I started thinking that I couldn’t pull over cos it was a) dangerous and b) what was I going to do – get out the car and admire the view!!

Alex talked to me till I was nearly at the end and could see land again and felt a great relief! Phew I was off it.

This is the 1st real panicky feeling I have had this year so it took me completely by surprise and I felt dreadful.

I then saw a sign that said “restricted hard shoulder for 6 miles” and I already knew that there was a tunnel coming up which is something that I know I am not happy to drive through. I just pulled off the first motorway junction I could, pulled over into a side road and sat there in complete shock. I was shaking and feeling really dizzy and didn’t feel as though I could drive at that moment in time.

I called work to ask my boss about the tunnel cos I knew that he went through it last week and he said it was for a few minutes but there was no hard shoulder. Well that made my mind up I had to avoid it. Anyway for the next 20 minutes he was on the phone navigating me round the roads and back on the M4 past the tunnel junction.

I only had another 30 minutes of driving till I got to Bridgend but I was sobbing away in the car. What had just happened to me? Why didn’t I cope?

I got to the hotel and cried my eyes out in the bedroom for a while and then went for a swim and tried to take my mind off it.
I felt dreadful but called Meg and had a good chat about it and I had already decided that I HAD to go back over the bridge today whether I wanted to or not cos I couldn’t avoid and I didn’t want to start avoiding things again. Meg and I discussed the tunnel and decided that I didn’t need to do both on one day so I was going to avoid that again and get off the M4 and then back on again.

So at 3.40 pm today I left Bridgend and set off on the venture home. I was feeling really positive and ready to do both the tunnel and the bridge in one go! Then I decided not to push myself and just do the bridge.

I came off the M4 to avoid the tunnel and got completely lost!! 1 hour later and being on the phone to one of the guys at work who eventually navigated me back to the M4 and I was on my way again.

Now the anxiety was building up cos I knew I had the bridge again. As I got near I had to pull off at the services to calm myself down before I could face it. I called Alex, sent Meg a text who was on standby for helping me (lol) and then set off again.

I was not controlling it very well at all and as soon as I pulled on to the bridge I called Alex and asked him just to talk to me. He was gibbering away about sheep and mint sauce and what I wanted for dinner (bless him). I then realized that if I pulled into the fast lane it wasn’t quite so bad as I couldn’t see the water. I just put my foot down and went for it!

Off the other end in one piece and not so much panicky feelings – just the anxiety that had built up.

To cut a long story short cos I am sure you are all a

[KW]

Hi Nicola

Firstly sorry to hear that you went on an emotional rollercoaster. I think you did very well. You didn't give up and that's the main thing. You showed determination and tried no matter what, even when finding it difficult and that is a great achievement.

KW

[seh1980]

Hi Nic,

You poor thing!! Your post made me want to laugh and cray at the same time lol. I looked at THE bridge and I must say that it does indeed look pretty scary, especially if you are suffering alone and suffer from anxiety and panic attacks!! lol.

But hey, you did it so well done!! It doesn't matter how long it took and how many obstacles you tried to avoid...you still did it!! Well done mate.

Sarah :D

[Jules31]

Hi Nic

You did absolutely brilliantly. You might have got in a state but you got through it and went back to do it again.

Thanks for the inspiration and I'm sorry you had to suffer so much but it's another one in the eye for anixety.

Love

Jules


Jules

[lainey]

Well done you Nic for doing the bridge! I have driven over it on numerous occassions and although it doesn't bother me I can fully understand how it can be quite scary so well done you. If you had my no. I could have come to rescue you as I only live 20mins away and you practically passed my house to go to Bridgend! So if ever you need help again let me know.

P.S. Of course you have to pay to come into Wales! LOL:D

[Merlinssister]

Well done Nic!

You've proved yet again the feelings are awful but they can be got through.

[pips]

Hi Nic

A big WELL DONE to you! You did so well even though you felt like total and utter poo at times you sucseeded and you gave the panic monster a run for his money! I hope you threw him over the bridge at the same time LOL! treat yourself to something nice now you deserve it!

How did the course go? I hope it went well did you cope ok during the week?

Take care

Love Pip' XX XX

[Sue]

Many congratulations! It must have been awful to feel like that in amongst lots of traffic and being on a bridge. Sounds like a complete nightmare.

This raises a question that I have had on my mind for a while.

Do you think that once we have ahad a dose of panic/anxiety that it will ever go away 100%. This is your first attck this year and thats great but it still happened.Sorry if this sounds negative, and i am not belittling your achievment at all, I just wondered?

[sarah]

Hiya Nic

Ruddy big bridge innit....lol

I think you are amazing mate...WELL DONE!!!!

love Sarah
xx

[nomorepanic]

Hi all :)

Feel a bit better today just very tired. Doesn't this panic/anxiety wear you out!!

KW - thanks for the kind words and support.

New sarah - it looked so lovely in the sunshine till I got on it LOL.

Jules - thanks mate - I am gonna keep fighting it!

Lainey - Oh I wish I new you were so close lol - you could have come to rescue me!! I paid £4.60 for the pleasure of that panic lol.

MS - thanks - yes it was the awful feeling that started it and the doubt that I suddenly planted in my mind! Then that grew!

Pips - I would have thrown the monster over the bridge if I actually dared look over the side :( It was high up and I guess claustrophobic cos I couldn't get off! Thanks mate.

Sue - I don't think it ever really goes away and it lurks waiting to pounce. This particular episode took me so much by surprise that it knocked me for 6! Did you read my post about Mind Games cos I played them on the way home to kind of prove to myself that it was in the mind. I think that I will always have this anxiety in the back on my mind but the episodes are much less now so I must be doing something right to control it. Some people get over it and never get it again but I have lived with this for 11 years so it is kind of part of my life now and old habits die hard and it is taking time to re-train my mind.

Sarah - thanks mate. I know that I will be doing it again in the near future as they want me to go back again so I will have to just keep doing it till I can do it like Lainey and not even think about it.

I spoke to my mate last night and she said "no way would I drive over there" and she doesn't even suffer with any form of panic/anxiety. I asked her why and she said "well I don't like heights for one thing and it would feel like I was trapped". Now she is slightly claustrophobic (not to the point of anxiety or complete avoidance though) and I had already spoken to Meg about this and it was the not being able to get off easily that made it claustrophobic.

I will let you know when I am going to try it again and perhaps all the members in Wales can come and escort me across lol.

Thanks all.

xx




Nicola

[lainey]

Hi Nic

I'll escort u over the bridge anytime chuck, easier than going via Gloucester! lol:D

Elaine

[nomorepanic]

Elaine

I will call you next time and you can come and meet me lol. I know I have to do it again and I WILL. Each time will get easier.

I still don't get the paying bit though LOL!!
x

Nicola

[Andrew Sinclair]

well done, what a hero, you are a credit, and all should look at your example to see how you can overcome at times of great stress.
I knew there was a reason you opened this site, that would be the reason, to show the strength that you have to help others.
you are a wonderful, brave,friend.
Love allways.
Andrew.:D

[sal]

Hi Nic

Sorry didnt reply to post as didnt come on site last night but you know by text i was thinking of you.

Knew you could do it and you have done well mate.

Can imagine how bad you felt not coping with it and feeling like you did for the first time in ages but you faced it head on and did it.

Whether you needed help to do it is non factual mate, you did it and that is what counts.

Can imagine how hard it was and was thinking of you all day and i bet as we all think negative that you took as step back.

Not at all mate, you hit a hard one and it took you by surprise which is a big shock to anyone but you faced it again and conquered it.

How many would have dismissed it and made alteranatives, you didnt.



Love Sal xxxxx

[Caz Fab Pants]

Hi Nic,

WOW, hats off to you girl!!! HUGE pat on the back and special treat for you I reckon.

Cant begin to imagine how it must of felt because I'm still at the stage where I'm so scared of panic that I daren't venture to far from home. Panicking so far from your 'turf' AND being alone must be the worst feeling. I'm always worried that the panic is going to affect me so much that I wont physically be able to carry on but you've proved that wrong.

Let us know if you have any repocussions or similar following this episode, be interesting to hear how you get on.

Well done again, you're a little star!!

Caroline
x

[nomorepanic]

Thanks Sal and Caz

I am much calmer now and hoping that next time I go to Wales it will be much easier and not such a trauma.

I know I have to keep facing these things until I can do it with no panic - that is the challenge.

Apart from being knackered I have managed to get back on track and won't let it beat me.



Nicola

[sal]

Hi Nic

However bad the first run felt you didnt bail out on the way home and you managed however you felt.

That is determination and not letting the anxiety beating you mate.

I knew you would do it however hard it was and knowing you knew ou wouldnt avoid it.

An achievement again, even if you didnt feel it would affect you how it did, you didnt give up and did it again. That is what we all need to do, if we struggle first time dont avoid it but take it head on like you did.



Love Sal xxxxx

[jo-jo]

Nic, you have done soooo well [^][^][^]

I've taken a look a the picture of the bridge... Blinkin' 'eck, its enough to scare the pants off most folk, anxiety sufferers or otherwise. You were so brave to go over it again and your determination and bravery are second to none [^]

Well done you, fantastic achievement!

Love Jo xxx

[nomorepanic]

Jo

Thanks for the kind words.

I knew that once I had done it I had to go back but that was the hardest part lol. Once I was on it I coped better. I am sure I will be seeing it again in the near future.

Nicola

[Mouse]

I read what you wrote with great interest and it felt as though I could have written it myself. I live in France with a town that has 5 bridges ranging from suspension, large and only one short one that is not very accessible and in the centre of town. My panic attacks started one day going over the suspension bridge in 2001 and I didn't think I was going to make it to the bottom. I haven't driven over the bridge since. The strange thing is that I don't have any problems at all if anyone else is driving. Last Saturday, I when to visit a friend who lives a little way out and thought I'd take a different route back home. It had been such a long time since I'd gone the "quicker" way that I was convinced the exit came out on the motorway after the bridge. When I got onto the motorway, I started having my doubts and I could feel the panic rising. Suddenly, mum who's sitting next to me says "wow that's quite some bridge". I just froze, pulled up on the hard shoulder and didn't know how on earth I was going to be able to drive over it. I tried to calm down and control my breathing, switched the air-conditioning on. I knew I couldn't stay there forever as it was a very dangerous spot so I eventually waited for a break in the traffic and started off. When I saw there was a hard shoulder I felt so relieved you can't imagine as it's not always that way and then when I was halfway across and could see the otherside I stopped biting my tongue - I do this as I think otherwise I'll pass out and my heart started slowing down but my legs were still like jelly. I had a splitting headache for the rest of the weekend. I don't know why I'm afraid of bridges. I'm not afraid of the water and I'm not afraid of driving elsewhere. I feel so, so stupid sometimes. Everyday, I have to drive over another long bridge twice a day to get to work. I have my good days when it's not a problem and my bad days and I have to go miles out of the way as I can feel the panic coming on. Saturday shook me up so much that I started wondering if anyone else had the same problem. I decided to key in "fear of driving over bridges" and that is when I came across this website. It's quite a comfort to know that other people feel the same way as I do and it is not a unique thing. Have you or has anyone who reads this tried anything in particular to try and combat this fear?

[nomorepanic]

Hiya Mouse

I can really relate to your story as it freaked me out too. I never knew I had this phobia of bridges until I was on it!

You sounded just like me - freaked out and also relieved that there was a hard shoulder.

I am not sure wht it was with me - maybe the height or the fact that once on it I couldn't get off or turn around.

I have now done the bridge 6 times and it is still hard but I am getting there.

What I do is one of the following:

1) sip some Rescue Remedy in water
2)Put on a CD very loudly and literally sing along to my hearts content
3) Wind the window down or as you say out the air-con on
4) Call my partner and ask him to talk to me about anything atall to distract me
5) When I get over I pat myself on the back for doing it

I am not sure if any of this helps you but I hope so.

Welcome to the forum by the way.

Nicola

[Mouse]

Hi Nicola,

Thank you for your welcome. As soon as I saw what you were going through I had to join the forum. It seems to be quite a common problem as there are even hypnosis sessions you can follow. I just wish they had a big warning sign up for some of the bridges like "this is the last exit before the bridge". What I don't understand about my fear is that I'm fine and feel totally relaxed if anyone else is driving - how do you feel when you're a passenger? I haven't dared drive over the suspension bridge again - I need to overcome my fear a bit better over some of the less hair raising bridges first. They've also put a speed camera at the bottom so you can guarantee that if I do get down it won't be without a fine as I'll need to get away asap. The name of the bridge is Pont d'Aquitaine and you can see a couple of photos of it here: http://www.photoamateur.net/bordeaux.htm As I said in my last message some days are better than others and I usually feel more confident in the morning than in the afternoon this is probably as there is no hard shoulder when I go back across the bridge in the evening. You can see a picture of it here: http://www.structurae.info/structures/data/photos.cfm?ID=s0004510 and I can ususally drive over it but sometimes I just feel as if I have to go the long way round and come off at the last moment. I'm not worried about the structure of the bridge or whether it's water or buildings below I think I'm just really afraid that I might pass out cause and accident. It stems back to 2001 when we were driving back to France from England in February. 2000 was a very bad year for us, a lot of our friends had divorced and then my father in law died over Christmas. We went back to UK for a break in Feb. 01 and I was doing the first bit of driving. We were just about to get onto the M25 and I was overtaking. It was a sunny day and I with the sun coming through the trees on my right it was a bit like being in a nightclub when they put those flickering lights on. All of a sudden I felt really dizzy and just had to pull in really quickly before I passed out. Thankfully my husband was in the car and was able to help me but it really freeked me out. The year that followed I got to know the everyday roads really well and I felt ill at ease if I was driving anywhere where there wasn't a hard shoulder in case it happened again and I couldn't pull over. Now I've got my confidence back on that one but I'm still working on bridges. My mother has always been scared about driving over bridges and I wonder if it's not heriditary. I remember driving over the Dartford bridge once with mum on the floor of my car! The bridge you have to drive over looks very impressive and if ever I have to go over that one I'll make sure my husband's driving! Thanks for your advice

[nomorepanic]

Hi again Mouse

Wow we sound so alike!

Those bridges look scary too lol. Don't fancy yours much as they say lol!

You mention the sun coming through the trees and freaking you - you ought to read my story on the Website - www.nomorepanic.co.uk/mystory.htm

Here is an extract ...

Strobe lights/sunlight - I remember once watching a Pink Floyd convert on video with the lights turned out, as their stage show effects are fantastic. The light show freaked me out and I had a Panic Attack. I also find that I do not like driving up a particular stretch of the A1 when the sunlight streams in between the trees lining the road as it gives a kind of strobe effect.

Weird aint it?

I daren't do the Dartford bridge and I can picture your mum in the footwell lol.

I don't like being a passenger in the car with anyone except my partner but I still freak when he drives - particularly in road works etc.

Driving is my biggest pain at the moment but I am getting there slowly.

Did you read my other posts about the bridge too - it was hard work all times but I did it and you have done it too so we should be proud of that !

I hope we can both overcome it soon!

Nicola

[Mouse]

I agree, it would change my life being able to drive over bridges again. We do seem to have a lot of similarities that seem to stem from one bad experience! My husband had a horse riding accident last night and broke his collar bone - he's now trying to convince me to drive over the suspension bridge for various appointments, my hands go all sweaty just thinking about it. I think I'd rather try at some ridiculous hour in the morning first when there is hardly any traffic, no doubt I'll end up getting stopped by the police for driving wonky [:P]. Anyway, I'm on holiday tonight until Thursday to look after him so I'll catch up with you then. I've printed out your link and will enjoy reading it at home. Take care Mouse

[nomorepanic]

Mouse - I don't have the issue as much as the only time I HAVE to cross a bridge is when I go to Wales and that has only been 3 times in 6 months (with work). I don't avoid going anywhere because of the bridge because they aren't any near me so it is not a problem.

It must be hard if you HAVE to go over a bridge each day.

I found it easier at night when I couldn't see as much and I imagined I was just on the Motorway.

Sorry about your husband and I hope he gets better soon and catch up with you next week.


Nicola