Struggling a lot :(

[Ssmith]

Hi guys,

I guess this post is more of an outcrying of how I'm feeling. I'm really struggling at the moment. This anxiety and depression has been going on for so long now and i can never properly relax. I'm so so tired all the time, i have dark circles and bags under my eyes no matter how much sleep i get. I feel like crying uncontrollably. I just feel like i will never conquer this. I'm 25 and this is all I've known since i was 19. I just want to feel normal. I read so many stories of people who recover and i can't do it. I feel like I'm an exceptionally extreme case and I'll be like this for life. I just want to be normal :(

Sorry for this post. I just need to reach out to someone as I'm full of despair and hopelessness

[Revalibur]

Hey friend,

Do not despair. It's been a long time, I agree, but read this very well: It's a small part of your total life.
Better times are coming, but you really have got to believe in it, even though the cards haven't been in your favor the last couple of years.

And then a tip that has helped me the last two months (I'm having panic attacks for 2 years and depression was on the rise in my mind), Mindfulness. I thought it was something cheesy new-age bullcrap that was meant for bored housewives (with all due respect!), but it works. Slowly, but it does.
And writing stuff down, in an honest not exaggetared way, about how you feel, what you think is nice in life (animals, chocolate, science fiction) and what you are feeling as if you're looking at it from a distance, every day, helps.

That's what I do.

Good luck friend, I firmly believe you'll get through, happy and fine on the other side of the dark clouds in your mind. There's always a blue sky.

[debs71]

Hi Ssmith,

Don't give up or give in. I, and many others have been where you are, in fact I have been struggling again with my anxiety and panic this past couple of months, and I do know how it feels to feel like you will never feel right again or conquer this.

Try if you can at the moment not to be so hard on yourself. People always talk about recovering or conquering mental health stuff, but sometimes that is a hard goal to aim for, and puts too much pressure on you. What I WILL say is that it is DEFINITELY possible to get back to living a pretty normal life, even with anxiety and depression. I know that sounds strange but it is about finding ways to manage anxiety and depression......having the bad/down days and finding a way - be it medicinal or self-help or therapy - to make your way through those times.

THAT IS ACHIEVABLE, PLEASE BELIEVE IT!!

At the moment, everything you are feeling will be negative and horrible. This is the anxiety and depression talking, though I know that doesn't help to know.

Are you receiving any help or support? You don't need to be struggling with this and there is help and support out there (NMP is a good place to be for starters)

Don't despair, please. You can't see the light at the end of the tunnel at the moment, but you can reach it, I assure you. xxx:hugs:

[shiznit76]

Hey friend,

Do not despair. It's been a long time, I agree, but read this very well: It's a small part of your total life.
Better times are coming, but you really have got to believe in it, even though the cards haven't been in your favor the last couple of years.

And then a tip that has helped me the last two months (I'm having panic attacks for 2 years and depression was on the rise in my mind), Mindfulness. I thought it was something cheesy new-age bullcrap that was meant for bored housewives (with all due respect!), but it works. Slowly, but it does.
And writing stuff down, in an honest not exaggetared way, about how you feel, what you think is nice in life (animals, chocolate, science fiction) and what you are feeling as if you're looking at it from a distance, every day, helps.

That's what I do.

Good luck friend, I firmly believe you'll get through, happy and fine on the other side of the dark clouds in your mind. There's always a blue sky.

That is interesting about mindfulness, my GP said I should look in to it, read a bit but like you thought was new age rubbish, but do you see it otherwise now? How does it work?

[Ssmith]

Thanks for the response guys. I saw the GP yesterday and I've been put on pregabalin which I'm nervous to start (due to my GAD saying I'm gonna have a bad reaction while taking it). I'm also due to start IAPT tomorrow but when I'm this bad, i find it hard to travel anywhere.

My biggest problem at the moment is tiredness. I'm convinced I've got Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or ME as I'm absolutely shattered all the time. I keep obsessively reading about it and that there's no cure or treatment which is making me feel hopeless. I think this could be health anxiety. I got very minimal sleep last night and i look awful and keep yawning. My anxiety is literally through the roof. I took 4mg of diazepam as an emergency last night but it didn't have any effect. I just feel like i need to be sectioned or something.

[debs71]

My biggest problem at the moment is tiredness. I'm convinced I've got Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or ME as I'm absolutely shattered all the time. I keep obsessively reading about it and that there's no cure or treatment which is making me feel hopeless. I think this could be health anxiety. I got very minimal sleep last night and i look awful and keep yawning. My anxiety is literally through the roof

Ssmith, I've had depression, GAD and panic disorder for 12 years now, and I think I can say with a fair bit of confidence that you probably do not have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or suchlike.

Your exhaustion is due to your high anxiety and depression. This is a classic symptom of both. The depression will be causing sleepless nights and the anxiety will be surging adrenaline through you, which is exhausting.

Every time my depression returns, I am the same. I literally could sleep all day, and then still feel tired, yet be awake all night as my anxiety is keeping me up, and then the next day, totally exhausted again.

Nightmare.

I really do think that what you describe is definitely high anxiety and depression doing its worst. You sound like you are in the eye of the storm right now, and hopefully once you find that treatment that starts to kick in, things will improve for you. I know starting a new med is scary - fear of what might happen is a big problem - but try if you can to keep in mind the goal in sight, that being feeling better and getting back to a more settled life. xxx:hugs:

[Revalibur]

That is interesting about mindfulness, my GP said I should look in to it, read a bit but like you thought was new age rubbish, but do you see it otherwise now? How does it work?

Well, especially all the spiritual stuff people associated with it was something that turned me off. I wasn't looking for religious stuff to give my life meaning.
Then I found this website/app called Headspace. This guy gives you ten minutes each day, in courses, to practice a little bit of mindfulness, clear and simple. No metaphorical stuff, just plain and simple self-focus. I went on with it after ten free days, and now have a year-membership.

It costs money, and some say that's wrong for several reasons, but it's a really well maintaned website/app, with a huge load of audio sessions. After thirty days of "take ten", which is an introductionary course, I was able to choose between a huge range of courses. I chose, of course, the Anxiety-course. It's not there to get rid of anxiety, which the guy, Andy, makes clear very well, but rather to learn how to look at anxiety and panic attacks as if you're looking at it from a window. Or looking at it like you're watching a road with traffic on it.

What it does for me, is that in times where anxiety is at a high level/panic level, I am able to make a little distance between me and the anxiety that is going rampant inside of me. Which calms me down, and makes me understand what people mean by "accepting anxiousness". It's simply looking at it while breathing. After four sessions of ten minutes I was feeling different, better and more calm. It began to work. After two months, it still works. And all I actually do, with mindfulness, is breathe and being conscious of the fact that I'm breathing. (which may or may not result in anxiety over breathing, but that will soon disappear after getting used to it)

So long story short (sorry, I like to write): there is mindfulness that does not involve spiritual talk, meanginfulness, and that gives the sense that it actually works. It's a very handy tool, based on breathing and just being here in the now, without future- or past worries. I wonder why they don't teach it to children in school. It would avoid a lot of psychological problems.

P.S. I might've overlooked the part where I said "no metaphorical stuff"; metaphores are used, but they're easy to understand and more based on daily life than auras, chakras, energy waves and all that. Comparisons with traffic and blue sky are being made, just to understand a little bit easier what is going on.