I'm back been a long time

[crazymum25]

I'm back I've been doing so well sorted NY head no more googling moved.new job left my violent relationship I no longer go too a n e or doctors really anymore I've actually finished all my therapy and no more panic attacks although today first time in months .... I feel on edge again I have seen or read two sudden deaths of mums my age both sadly passed in sleep now I can't sleep at all at night and my ocd is back I Can't help thinking I'm suddenly going too die in my sleep ..... Its stressing me out I'm even write q note just in case my daughter can't wake me up ..... I'm so very worried . . I k ow if a case they put green down as the. Death causecause I one green toi chill out come so far feel like I'm scared again

---------- Post added at 01:10 ---------- Previous post was at 01:08 ----------

Sorry the last bit I smoke green ... Occasionally well a lot too calm me down one of these passings the funeral person put that as the cause of deaths so I'm really worried I can't just stop green or I'll be a mess but I'm a mess anyway .... I just don't know

[Fishmanpa]

Since you were on the site last, I see you've been in therapy. What would you do to help control the thoughts you're having? I ask this with the greatest respect and genuine concern based on your post and history.

Positive thoughts

[crazymum25]

I had therapy .... Funded by the government and also edmr brain training and I even go too aa meetings sometimes for chats ... I do not have a drinking problem I smoke pot but not drugs too me everyone Has own opinion on that tho .... I've only really had problems with men I've moved home new job better friends not as scared panic under control no use for medication. I used too live at doctors not been for months I was getting on with it had few wobbles but ok I'm very unlucky I think as a person so I do think it will happen too me if you understand what I mean I'm a cancer u believe its my personality because I had the best start too life but death is a continues struggle on my mind I no longer Google u read books .... And watch comedy's but u still can't do anything out my comfort zone.

---------- Post added at 01:52 ---------- Previous post was at 01:50 ----------

I do not know thing is it only helps me so much therapy I want too know when and why I have too die too prepare you no I need answers it doesn't make sense no one can I'm worried I'll go back too needing help I've come so far but I want answers I can't get .

[Shazamataz]

You sound very distressed and I'm sorry to see that. I've had worries about dying too. I don't have children but I have two dogs (had three until December and had to put my old one to sleep). I have had patches of worrying I will die in my sleep and nobody will know as I live alone and what will happen to my dogs. One of theme is a rescue and she's amazing but she is a ferocious guard dog and wouldn't let anyone in the house.

I've managed to improve my worry about dying as I've had so man y times recently when I feel like I'm going to but I don't and have to keep reminding myself of the times I've worried and it hasn't happened.

I have no issues with you smoking the 'green' but wonder if it is making you paranoid instead of relaxing you? I used to smoke occasionally years ago but had an episode when I became extremely anxious and paranoid and it was hell. In fact that is when my panic attacks started. Something to thing about?

[crazymum25]

ERM yes if I smoke and think too much it cab cause paranoia but not always it does relax me makes me sung dance focus .. And happy but yes it does cause panic attacks too ... Like anything stress is what to trigger's this with long periods of I don't want too talk too anyone and I'll hibernate for days too get my energy back too actually be able too talk too anyone and see my mates .. It's hard death is unexplained and I've always been one if them people who need answers ... Im in easy about dying and leaving my daughter behind I'm 26 I don't consider that young. I've come so far yet this moment in time I'm finding things difficult a lot going on emotions wise too with my ex boyfriend ... Police involved everything I've had alarms put in under protection and he's not a loud near me but I was coping with this you see so I can't blame it on that although that was months ago investigating still going on as whst

---------- Post added at 07:22 ---------- Previous post was at 07:19 ----------

As they taking it too court I can't blame it on that .... I have no idea but everything I say or feel usually turn's out too be true .... I don't know if you understand that .... I go within my gut feelings and very rarely wrong you know ... I'm not I think I'm doing OK but then again I was in a really bad place with anxiety when I first posted on here I've come such along way then bam over night here I wm :(