It hasn't sunk in

[Dan Wales]

My mums death doesn't feel real. I am in shock, I keep expecting to see her and talk to her, I even went into her bedroom to ask her something then I realized she's not here. I am finding it hard to settle I am walking from one room to the other, I can't even bear to look at my sisters, nephews and nieces. I feel like I am falling a part.

[debs71]

Hi Dan,

I am so, so sorry to hear about your Mum. You have my deepest condolences.

At the moment, everything will be feeling too fresh and raw for you. Disbelief is a perfectly normal and early stage of grief, and it is very understandable given your Mum's illness, being in hospital, and how fast things happened for you. A hugely important person in your life has passed away, and this is naturally going to have a devastating impact for you, hun.

Do whatever you need right now, be that cry, vent on here, be with friends and family for support, or be alone if that is what you feel and want. Everything will be like an open wound right now. I know it will be of no help to you at the moment, and I also know it sounds like a huge cliche, but I can honestly tell you that time will make things feel easier for you. Time and space to grieve, however you see fit.

I lost my best friend in 2005, and my world crumbled. It was a sudden death and it was an utter shock, and I felt I would never recover from it. It was only time and support from family that helped me.

Please stay strong, Dan. Give yourself time to grieve. You will get through, I promise you.

Big hugs from me.xx:hugs::hugs:

[MargaretHale]

Dear Dan,

it can't compare in anyway but I lost a dear pal in a car accident last night. I feel a bit lost and like I can't settle. I want to go to bed but know that I'll just be going over stuff in my head.

It's totally normal, I lost my dad in 1998 and felt the same then..even now, I'll see a trailer for a film and think 'Oh I must tell dad about that'. Please don't worry, it's totally ok to feel this way.

Hugs to you, it gets better I promise you honey.

x

[debs71]

I am so sorry for your loss, Margaret. My sincere condolences. x :hugs:

[lindadiana]

hello dan,im really sorry to hear you lost your mum,just letting you know,i know just how you feel,i lost my mum xmas 08 and my dad xmas 09,its never easy,my parents lived next door to me,so I see it everyday still,it was very hard at the start,and although even now I miss them terribly(ive been single for almost 19 years so mum and dad were a very big part of my adult life )as well as a child and teenager of course.my mums illness was very quick and a complete shock.so I know where your coming from,i promise you it will ease with time,you never forget,my parents were my whole world,as im sure your mum was to you,people told me when I lost my son 19 years ago when he was 17,that it would get easier,i had a grief councillor who usedt o visit me every week,she had lost her son two years prior so she knew what she was talking about and how I felt,but at the time I just felt so angry(which is normal too)I felt like I was in another world it wasn't real,everytime beryl this lady would tell me some day you will be able to talk and think about him without crying I just said I cant see how that will ever be,and at the time I really felt that way,its a horrible lost feeling,sadly its the rotten part of life that we all will go through at some time,but for now grieve in your own way do whatever you feel a need to do, its normal to feel like its not real and still try to do the things you always did,i was still picking the phone up to say goodnight to my parents 4 years after they had both gone,not all the time but id think oh its ten o clock I best give them a ring they be in bed soon,i called them every morning and night even though they were only next door,ill be thinking of you and your family at this very sad time for you all,sending hugs and condolences, bless your mum too,

[Fishmanpa]

As Debs said, when we lose someone we love, regardless of the circumstances (end of life, end of a relationship etc.), we grieve. There are the 5 stages of grief and as this is so raw right now, you're experiencing the 1st stage which is denial. You're numb and understandably so. This reaction is normal and it's an effective coping mechanism.

I don't know if you're in therapy but it's good to speak with someone experienced helping you through the stages. There are grief counselors that would be beneficial as well.

Sending positive thoughts and prayers

[MyNameIsTerry]

Dan,

I have no understanding of such a loss, it hasn't happened to me but we will try and support you as best we all can and there are people on here who do understand, as they have all said above, so they will be best placed to help you.

Just know many of us are thinking of you.

---------- Post added at 04:42 ---------- Previous post was at 04:41 ----------


Dear Dan,

it can't compare in anyway but I lost a dear pal in a car accident last night. I feel a bit lost and like I can't settle. I want to go to bed but know that I'll just be going over stuff in my head.

It's totally normal, I lost my dad in 1998 and felt the same then..even now, I'll see a trailer for a film and think 'Oh I must tell dad about that'. Please don't worry, it's totally ok to feel this way.

Hugs to you, it gets better I promise you honey.

x

I'm really sorry to hear you have lost a friend, Margaret. :hugs:

The same applies to you in your time of need. Don't be afraid to reach out for support or to vent or anything.

[Shazamataz]

Dan, it's only been a day and you can allow yourself time to get your hear around what's happened. Clearly you loved your mum very much. Just be kind to yourself and take the time you need to grieve x

[pulisa]

You're in shock, Dan. I can't add anything to what everyone has already said but grief and bereavement is very complex. There may be 5 stages of grief but we all feel differently and go through these stages at our own pace.. There are no rules for this-you will find your own way through with help,love and support from your family, friends and maybe,in time, professional bereavement services should you want this.

Your memories of your Mum will live on though. I'm in the relatively early stages of bereavement and it's very hard. You need to feel supported in the weeks ahead as there will be a lot to sort out on top of your overwhelming grief. Just accept any help and let other people share the load?

Am so very sorry

---------- Post added at 09:07 ---------- Previous post was at 08:50 ----------

Margaret, I am so sorry for your loss too. You must be deeply shocked. Please keep posting if we can help in any small way?

[Carnation]

Dan, it is absolutely natural to feel the way you do.

I lost my Dad 2 years ago and it sort of leaves you a bit empty and final.
It is still very early and you may feel that you can not relax and feel agitated.
You will also feel emotionally drained.
Just take each day at a time.
Don't make any plans that you are not ready to face.
Just do exactly what you feel like doing, whether it is going for a walk, sitting quietly, having a nap, or even looking up at the stars in the sky.
This will be one of the hardest times of your life and you need not rush anything at the moment.
You need time and thought to process and repair.

My thoughts are with you and your loss and any support you need; well, you have many well wishers here on the Forum. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Magic]

Am sending you hugs Dan. I am so sorry that is all I can do for you.
I know you will go through many stages of sorrow xxx:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[swgrl09]

Dan, I definitely understand the feeling. As others have said, this is shock really. You can feel loads of emotions or feel numb ... There is no normal way to grieve or react. When I lost my mom, I walked around feeling like I was living in a dream or some alternate universe. It took maybe a month for it to even sink in. I still look back on that time and remember how it honestly was surreal.

Be patient with yourself. It might not sink in. 5 years later and I still have moments where I expect her to call me or be at the house. It doesn't happen as often, but it happens.

You will one day get to a "new normal" without her, but don't expect that day to be today. Let yourself feel what you have to. Most important is to make sure you are eating, drinking water, and getting rest.

[jadedreams]

Hi Dan, as with the others I agree with that what you are feeling is normal. I have lost both my parents and a brother over the years. It feels like a rug has been pulled from beneath you. I remember feeling like I was in a dreamlike state and nothing was real, along with the numbness.

Just know that we are all here from you and please post as often as you need and be sure to seek the support of your family as well. They are very important at this time.