What is the purpose of my anxiety

[mlondon]

Today my Psychologist asked me 'What is the purpose of your anxiety?'

I've had 8 years of therapy for anxiety and I know most techniques by now I would say. I know the biological components. I know the CBT method of looking for evidence to the intrusive thoughts. I realised recently that if I have a stressful thought even something as simple as I won't get to the shops in time, it can cause some physical symptoms and that triggers the habit I have developed which is to evaluate them as dangerous. I know that the way to deal with anxiety it to recognise thoughts are just thoughts and body sensations are just body sensations and that through mindfulness and diffusion I can detach from them and take them as such. I know that the key is to just acknowledge them, accept them and don't try to push them away as this only makes them stronger and just place my attention on the things I value or the present moment such as my surroundings. But still I resist all this, searching for 'the magic pill' to take away my anxiety.It sounds paradoxical but by imagining life without anxiety I am also accepting those anxious feelings. The only way to say good bye to my anxiety is to accept it is here. Accept it is here and let go of the struggle and focus on the life I want. Does that make sense?


When my therapist asked me today if I really want a life without anxiety, part of me felt anxious about that possibility. Having had it for 8 years what would a life without anxiety be like, what would I problem solve and struggle with? How does that affect my identity? The question is am I attached to my anxiety? Maybe. She asked me to visualise life without anxiety and it does feel great.

Whatever purpose my anxiety has and its really one to protect myself I need to let it go. Anxiety interferes with me feeling other things and maybe that is why I have held onto it for so long. If I feel anxious then I don't have to deal with the situation at present because I am so busy dealing with my bout of anxiety. Sure it blocks me from feeling sad, grief, loss and all those unpleasant feelings because the anxiety and panic is so strong it overrides them and I imagine this is why I feel it. But it also interferes with my feelings of happiness, joy, love etc. For example I just got engaged and I am happy but I am not really 'feeling' that happiness because I have also been anxious for the past few months.

So basically it is time to say good bye to my 'pathological' anxiety. I am calling it this because everyone has anxiety and I will feel nerves and anxiety like everyone else but the pathological is the intrusive thoughts, my fixed attention on them, the panic attacks etc. I need to say good bye my old friend anxiety, thank you for trying to protect me but I no longer need you, I can live a life free of an anxiety disorder. Strangely that makes me feel both sad and hopeful at the same time.

It would be nice to hear if anyone else has thought about it like this and if anyone else has ideas of what purpose their anxiety has been serving?

[Shazamataz]

What you have written is so well said and a great way to look at it.

My personal experience is that my current severe bout of anxiety is actually my way of grieving for the loss of my Dad as I was never able to do that due to major family dramas and perhaps a reluctance to feel that type of pain. So instead, on the one year anniversary of his death I had the worst panic I've ever had and it's since been ongoing (since october).

I still can't really 'feel' anything as the anxiety takes up all the energy from feeling anything else. Maybe it is doing it's job to protect me, but I'd like to be able to let go of it and actually feel again.

Thanks for such a great post.

[uru]

Sounds like you had anxiety for a really long time!

Min comes and goes but is getting worse each time it comes.

I hope you can get rid of it.

[Fishmanpa]

Heck of a question and one that IMO, provoked the answer that was intended. Your therapist apparently knew you were in at the point in your recovery to ask it. Sadly, many are not. They would hear that question, say "I don't know" and continue on in their anxiety cycles and spirals.

It takes a calmed and logical mind to deeply consider that question, answer with logic and act on it. I'm happy for you as it seems you're at that place.

Many times I've spoken of an "aha" moment and it appears you've just had one. In dealing with my own issues in therapy, I know just how enlightening it is to reach that point.

Thank you for sharing this. I'm sure it's been a difficult journey of self discovery and dealing with personal issues that have prevented you from healing but I'm also sure that now you realize just how valuable the investment in yourself has been.

It's my hope that others read this and gain a strong enough desire to take the same steps.

Positive thoughts

[Oosh]

Fill the space anxious thoughts leave with new things, interests.

I have a whole host of new things I think about now instead of being locked into thinking anxiously. It's hard to drop the anxious thinking style if you don't have other things to think about instead. And after a long period of thinking about non-anxious subjects, new interests and successfully forgetting that old anxious thinking style, you've changed.
Repetition creates new habits.

[Sparkling_Fairy]

I only suffered from daily anxiety for 6 months and managed to kick it in the ass!
However, the symptom that started it all, was muscle twitches. And I still have them occasionally today. I can honesty say that on days I don't have them, I feel weird.
I've gotten so used to having them on a daily basis, that they've almost become part of my life.
I can totally understand her question of do you want a life without anxiety? I think some people have become so used to it, they wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they weren't worrying.

Excellently written! And an interesting read

[mlondon]

Hello

Thank you for all your encouraging comments. I've spent the last few days imagining life without anxiety and it feels good and achievable. I have also been trying to watch my body sensations without evaluation which is where the anxiety really comes in and it isn't completely easy as it is stopping a habit I have built up over a life time but I know that really it is the way to deal with anxiety, just accept it is there. I have also been listening to Tara Brach who I recommend. She has pod casts and I also have found some of her talks on YouTube.

I just wanted to clarify something I wrote before. I said I had anxiety for and therapy for 8 years. I have but no continuously for 8 years. Both have been on and off. In the past few years I have had anxious episodes about twice a year. I just wanted to clarify as I didn't want to worry people that anxiety will be with them for that long. Plus we are all on our own journeys.

Thanks again for all your words.

Michelle