mlondon
15-01-16, 04:23
Today my Psychologist asked me 'What is the purpose of your anxiety?'
I've had 8 years of therapy for anxiety and I know most techniques by now I would say. I know the biological components. I know the CBT method of looking for evidence to the intrusive thoughts. I realised recently that if I have a stressful thought even something as simple as I won't get to the shops in time, it can cause some physical symptoms and that triggers the habit I have developed which is to evaluate them as dangerous. I know that the way to deal with anxiety it to recognise thoughts are just thoughts and body sensations are just body sensations and that through mindfulness and diffusion I can detach from them and take them as such. I know that the key is to just acknowledge them, accept them and don't try to push them away as this only makes them stronger and just place my attention on the things I value or the present moment such as my surroundings. But still I resist all this, searching for 'the magic pill' to take away my anxiety.
When my therapist asked me today if I really want a life without anxiety, part of me felt anxious about that possibility. Having had it for 8 years what would a life without anxiety be like, what would I problem solve and struggle with? How does that affect my identity? The question is am I attached to my anxiety? Maybe. She asked me to visualise life without anxiety and it does feel great.
Whatever purpose my anxiety has and its really one to protect myself I need to let it go. Anxiety interferes with me feeling other things and maybe that is why I have held onto it for so long. If I feel anxious then I don't have to deal with the situation at present because I am so busy dealing with my bout of anxiety. Sure it blocks me from feeling sad, grief, loss and all those unpleasant feelings because the anxiety and panic is so strong it overrides them and I imagine this is why I feel it. But it also interferes with my feelings of happiness, joy, love etc. For example I just got engaged and I am happy but I am not really 'feeling' that happiness because I have also been anxious for the past few months.
So basically it is time to say good bye to my 'pathological' anxiety. I am calling it this because everyone has anxiety and I will feel nerves and anxiety like everyone else but the pathological is the intrusive thoughts, my fixed attention on them, the panic attacks etc. I need to say good bye my old friend anxiety, thank you for trying to protect me but I no longer need you, I can live a life free of an anxiety disorder. Strangely that makes me feel both sad and hopeful at the same time. It sounds paradoxical but by imagining life without anxiety I am also accepting those anxious feelings. The only way to say good bye to my anxiety is to accept it is here. Accept it is here and let go of the struggle and focus on the life I want. Does that make sense?
It would be nice to hear if anyone else has thought about it like this and if anyone else has ideas of what purpose their anxiety has been serving?
I've had 8 years of therapy for anxiety and I know most techniques by now I would say. I know the biological components. I know the CBT method of looking for evidence to the intrusive thoughts. I realised recently that if I have a stressful thought even something as simple as I won't get to the shops in time, it can cause some physical symptoms and that triggers the habit I have developed which is to evaluate them as dangerous. I know that the way to deal with anxiety it to recognise thoughts are just thoughts and body sensations are just body sensations and that through mindfulness and diffusion I can detach from them and take them as such. I know that the key is to just acknowledge them, accept them and don't try to push them away as this only makes them stronger and just place my attention on the things I value or the present moment such as my surroundings. But still I resist all this, searching for 'the magic pill' to take away my anxiety.
When my therapist asked me today if I really want a life without anxiety, part of me felt anxious about that possibility. Having had it for 8 years what would a life without anxiety be like, what would I problem solve and struggle with? How does that affect my identity? The question is am I attached to my anxiety? Maybe. She asked me to visualise life without anxiety and it does feel great.
Whatever purpose my anxiety has and its really one to protect myself I need to let it go. Anxiety interferes with me feeling other things and maybe that is why I have held onto it for so long. If I feel anxious then I don't have to deal with the situation at present because I am so busy dealing with my bout of anxiety. Sure it blocks me from feeling sad, grief, loss and all those unpleasant feelings because the anxiety and panic is so strong it overrides them and I imagine this is why I feel it. But it also interferes with my feelings of happiness, joy, love etc. For example I just got engaged and I am happy but I am not really 'feeling' that happiness because I have also been anxious for the past few months.
So basically it is time to say good bye to my 'pathological' anxiety. I am calling it this because everyone has anxiety and I will feel nerves and anxiety like everyone else but the pathological is the intrusive thoughts, my fixed attention on them, the panic attacks etc. I need to say good bye my old friend anxiety, thank you for trying to protect me but I no longer need you, I can live a life free of an anxiety disorder. Strangely that makes me feel both sad and hopeful at the same time. It sounds paradoxical but by imagining life without anxiety I am also accepting those anxious feelings. The only way to say good bye to my anxiety is to accept it is here. Accept it is here and let go of the struggle and focus on the life I want. Does that make sense?
It would be nice to hear if anyone else has thought about it like this and if anyone else has ideas of what purpose their anxiety has been serving?