Please help!!!!!

[gg2295]

Okay so I feel a little awkward posting here but here goes nothing.... A few months ago I had a really bad mental breakdown which required me to stay in a psychiatric ward for four days. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder because I was, of course, extremely depressed and having suicidal ideations. Its also safe to add that I have extremely bad anxiety. Anyhow, I am an udergrad psychology major and was taking an abnormal psychology class. At the time that all of this was happening, we learned about schizophrenia. Normally, learning about mental disorders didn't really have an impact on me, but this did. My older sister is extremely mentally ill (I am unsure of what she has, but she displays some of the symptoms of what I believe is schizophrenia). I read that people who have family members with the disease have a higher than normal chance of developing the disease. I also used to be a recreational marijuana smoker (I probably smoked about once a month for about a year and a half and tried a weed brownie one time; I started when I was 18 years old) but stopped because I honestly hated the way it made me feel. I had read some articles that said that people who smoked weed also increased their chances of getting the illness. With all of that, I basically became extremely worried that I would get the disease. I would hear my roommate on the phone at night through the wall or my neighbors outside talking or hear the radio playing from my sister's room and would think that I was having auditory hallucinations. I began looking up the symptoms more in-depth (I guess that was a bad move) and would compare everything I did with them. I would keep myself up at night anxious that I would start hearing voices or that I would start to go crazy. I also had really bad intrusive thoughts so I thought that was another sign that I was going crazy. Recently I was at work and I was getting something off of the shelf. My job plays music through the speaker and a song was playing and if I could remember correctly, the song said "...and she said "watch your back" or "watch yourself" (I don't remember which one it said). It was so creepy because I felt like that line had played right in my ear. I started panicking because I thought I was hearing voices and that I was going to go crazy at work. I knew that there wasn't anyone behind me that could say that to me and I figured that it was a part of the song and that I was getting worried for no reason but it still scared me. I started worrying again that I was gonna start hearing voices and that I was slowly developing the symptoms of schizophrenia. Sorry that this is so long but I need someone to help me! I'm tired of living with this worry and obsession. I need advice!!!!!!!

[dizzy daisy]

Sorry to hear you've been unwell lately.
To be honest, one fear of mine has always been that I'll develop a serious mental illness and I think that's fairly common for people who suffer with anxiety.
Also, one of my friends smoked cannabis while at university and she became a bit paranoid, similar to what you describe, thinking she could hear neighbours talking about her etc. She then became extremely anxious and edgy.
She's fine now- it was just paranoid thinking due to the cannabis and anxiety.
Xxxx

[dedalus]

Hi there OP,

I have read that smoking cannabis isn't enough alone for somebody to become schizophrenic. One would need to a pre-disposed to developing the illness. Besides, it doesn't sound as if you have been a heavy user anyway.

From what you have written it doesn't sound as if you are actually hearing voices. I sounds like you are suffering with a lot of anxiety though and worrying about developing an illness that you may not be going to develop. Probably not.

I have read also that genetics don't play such a strong roll in predicting whether somebody will go on to develop schizophrenia or some other psychiatric disorder. As far as I know, the evidence is weak.

Maybe you are just worrying about it excessively though. However, it might help to get a professional's opinion. I presume that you see a doctor regularly?

[artist12]

So sorry you are going through this. I think dadelus has some good points. I am not by means an expert on schizophrenia but it sounds like even in the moment, a part of you was aware and worrying that you had it, while simultaneously experiencing the symptoms. To me it sounds like maybe really severe anxiety which is manfesting in these specific symptoms since that's what's been on your mind.

To you have good access to a mental health professional that you can talk to?

Wishing you the best...

---------- Post added at 10:33 ---------- Previous post was at 10:32 ----------

So sorry you are going through this. I think dadelus has some good points. I am not by means an expert on schizophrenia but it sounds like even in the moment, a part of you was aware and worrying that you had it, while simultaneously experiencing the symptoms. To me it sounds like maybe really severe anxiety which is manfesting in these specific symptoms since that's what's been on your mind.

To you have good access to a mental health professional that you can talk to?

Wishing you the best...

[gg2295]

Thank you everyone and I've just been so frustrated. Like I have been worrying myself sick about potentially developing this disease and I have been working really hard to I guess undo the damage that I have done to my mind by obsessing about this disease. I'm at a point now where I am really working on "re-training" my brain to get off of this obsession and its like I get three steps forward and something happens to trigger me and push me fifty steps backwards. I just want to feel normal and mentally healthy again. It's like part of me knows I'm not going to get the disease but part of me still has to worry. I'm seeing a therapist in about a week to talk about all of this because I have been going through a lot mentally that I need to get help with.