My health anxiety so far

[Goosenufc]

Hi all,

So this is actually my first post on this site, however over the past few years I've viewed and searched through this forum more times than I can care to remember.

I'm a 24 year old male and have suffered with bad health anxiety (specifically a fear of cancer) since 2012.

I've always been a bit anxious when I was younger, coupled with an overactive mind (ADHD) plus my mother is a serial worrier.

My stepfather who was the figure of good health died suddenly in 2012 due to a heart attack (misdiagnosed by GP 3 days prior) aged 52, the health anxiety sharp followed - like a train.

You will all be well drilled on the process of noticing an abnormality and then convincing yourself that you are going to die from it.

Since 2012 I have convinced myself (and I mean - well and truly convinced myself) that I have had the following.

1. Lymphoma (right side neck gland bigger than left side)
2. Liver cancer/burst spleen (left ribcage more prominent than the right)
3. Heart disease (chest pain - idigestion)
4. Diabetes (feeling tired - drink a lot of sugar)
5. Bowl cancer (constipated)
6. Rectal cancer (it's a pile :roflmao:)
7. Gall bladder cancer (ultrasound for number 2 issue above showed some very small polyps - 6 monthly monitoring in place for my own peace of mind)
8. Testicular cancer (pain in the nuts - no pun intended - ultrasound fine)
9. Lung cancer (cough)
10. Throat cancer (acid reflux)

etc etc etc...

Each of these issues has absolutely plagued my life and when suffering (95% of the time) I will literally spend 80% of my waking hours thinking about them, how I am dying, and how everybody else is wrong and doesn't believe me.

I've been to my GP countless times to try and resolve this issue since 2012 and I have undertaken a full course of CBT which I continued to the end. This helped me ever so slightly but I already knew where I was going wrong I just couldn't do anything about it. How do you beat your own twisted mind? Your own mind knows all your own flaws, and how to exploit and beat them.

I tried numerous SSRI's (for over 2 months each) to no avail.

I tried to cope by smoking copious amounts of Cannabis every day (helped me sleep & eat) but it was of no benefit.

I then found benefit in abusing codeine as a relief - I strongly advise against doing this for your own good in the long term. Opiates are bad!

About 6 months ago I reached crisis point and was given an urgent referral to a psychiatrist specialising in anxiety.

He prescribed me 2 things:

- Lyrica (Pregabalin)
- Sessions of "Mindfulness"

I have recently just completed my mindfulness therapy and it just wasn't for me. I can see how the approach be beneficial for some - it wasn't my cup of tea.

Lyrica / Pregabalin

I have been on this drug now (75mg 3x day) for 6 months and my HA has practically vanished. I still worry if I notice an "abnormality" but I can deal with it rationally and not go inter hyperdrive and then lock on to certain impending death for the next 6 months.

It can make me a bit groggy the morning after if I take it late at night - but asides from that it has well and truly gave me my life back.

I recommend this treatment to anybody who feels they have no other avenues left to explore.

I did not want to carry on using codeine to self treat my mind, nor did I want to reach a point where benzos were the last resort.

My heart goes out to all of those currently suffering HA without a coping mechanism in place.

There's not a lonelier place in the world to be than to think your life is ending.

[pepsi]

Hello I wanted to respond to this as you have kindly responded to my post with helpful & reassuring advice . Sorry to read of your anxiety and the troubles you faced ...you unlike myself have been brave enough to step up and get the help you need. I lost my father to a terrible degenerative disease 4 years ago since then I've diagnosed myself thought I'm dying etc...the mind is a powerful thing . One that's convincing and can play tricks . Now looking back. ..I'm still here I wish I'd not wasted long nights on the Internet terrifying myself it's a downward spiral . I too self medicated still do sometimes ...I wish you well . And here you will find support & advice & understanding .

---------- Post added at 20:05 ---------- Previous post was at 20:03 ----------

P's I quite like the idea of a mindfulness course peace & quiet = my idea of a day we'll spent

[Nutcase99]

Hey goose, just wanted to say a big thanks for your post.
I'm really suffering from bad health anxiety just now (actually the first
One on your list!! I have 3 glands I can feel in my neck and had a couple of night sweats). I've suffered from HA since my first son was born 7 years ago. In that time I've had (in my head), stomach cancer, liver cancer, bowel cancer, hiv (I have a husband so don't sleep around and have never used intravenous drugs), and melanoma. I take sertraline but although it helps somewhat, I'm still suffering. I self Medicate with codeine and have done so for around 10 years.
I don't know how to get past this constant anxiety. I spent a lot of my time googling even when I should be working. Your story has given me hope that I might one day get past this. Weird thing is, a long life with this anxiety feels like a bloody nightmare yet I still don't want to die or gave something bad happen to me. Ironic!

[Goosenufc]

Hey goose, just wanted to say a big thanks for your post.
I'm really suffering from bad health anxiety just now (actually the first
One on your list!! I have 3 glands I can feel in my neck and had a couple of night sweats). I've suffered from HA since my first son was born 7 years ago. In that time I've had (in my head), stomach cancer, liver cancer, bowel cancer, hiv (I have a husband so don't sleep around and have never used intravenous drugs), and melanoma. I take sertraline but although it helps somewhat, I'm still suffering. I self Medicate with codeine and have done so for around 10 years.
I don't know how to get past this constant anxiety. I spent a lot of my time googling even when I should be working. Your story has given me hope that I might one day get past this. Weird thing is, a long life with this anxiety feels like a bloody nightmare yet I still don't want to die or gave something bad happen to me. Ironic!

Hey, sorry to hear you are still deep in the mire of health anxiety. I've been what I call in "remission" for around 6 months or so (minus the very rare few hour blip here and there).

I know all too well how it feel constantly being convinced you have a serious illness and the feeling of impending doom. It doesn't matter how much love and support you have around you and reassurance - your mind will overrule them the vast majority of the time.

With most of my "scares" it was only time itself that helped - it took me 3 years to stop touching my lymph nodes in my neck literally every 5 minutes, every day, 365 days a year, along with the thoughts of dying.


Don't ever lose hope, and don't ever Google your symptoms. People don't go online to tell people that there cough was caused by a common cold - they only voice things when they have been serious issues. Which more often than not ailments with our bodies will be either temporary or benign. Google is malignant and permanent.

I'd recommend (alough difficult) to refrain from Googling and instead, if you have a symptom, keep an eye on it for 3 weeks. If it doesn't show any signs of improving - book a docs appointment. If it is anything serious, it's not going to kill you in 3 weeks!

It is incredibly difficult for me to tell you to stop self medicating with Codeine as I, first hand know it can alleviate anxiety and make you feel comfortable and take the edge off. However, you have taken it long enough now I would imagine to understand the pitfalls of opiates & tolerance building etc.

P.S If you are not prescribed Codiene by itself for pain management and are simply self medicating with Co-Codamol please, please be careful as Paracetamol is really bad for you. If this is what you are doing please research "Cold water extraction" to get rid of the Paracetamol.

I would strongly recommend you discuss the codeine issue with you GP and ask for alternative medication to help. Mention Lyrica, and that it is an avenue you would be interested in. It's worked wonders for myself for the past 6 months. Long may it continue!

I wish you all the best and hope that you can find a suitable coping strategy soon!

[the_anxious_mind]

My husband always tells me that I have more imagined ailments than anyone could possibly have at one time! Heart trouble, melanoma, various cancers, anything slightly swollen or "funny feeling", etc etc etc. Forever, I wouldn't even go to the doctor with complaints so I would just worry myself mad! I finally underwent a complete blood panel and yearly lady checkup and my fears were only sort of put to rest. What if they missed something? LOL :)

I have suffered from this forever--literally forever, as my grandmother had a big hand in raising me. She was manic, severely depressed and super health anxious. She constantly was taking me to the doctor scared that I was sick. Now I feel like any small cough is just an instant death certificate! It's funny to laugh at ourselves when we read this, but not funny when you are laying awake all night and sweating/worrying yourself sick that you'll die. Hang in there! The best thing, is to go to the doctor and get reassured if there is something you haven't had checked. Its hard to face our fears but we can't go on like this forever!

[uru]

I enjoyed your description.

It seems us anxiety sufferers are cursed to never learn from experience.

[miss sparkle]

Great post

[Goosenufc]

Thanks for the feedback people!

I didn't realise just how lengthy my post was until after posting.

I must have bored alot of you to tears ha!

[nirvanainchains]

I am 24 years old too, and what seperates us is that you have the money, me I don't have enough. I haven't done vigorous check ups or tests to rule out my worries 'cause the cost of a doctor’s visit(including tests) could feed me for a week. My country is pure garbage, the government suck. My last tests was 13 months ago, it started with IBS, Panic attacks came, then I had noticed hair fall, head aches, lower back pain, feeling sick, and NOW: A HELLISH CHEST PAIN more in the left/central area that radiates in my upper back. <admin removal> I am in fact crying right now in this chest pain that I am dealing. Sh*t!

[Goosenufc]

I am 24 years old too, and what seperates us is that you have the money, me I don't have enough. I haven't done vigorous check ups or tests to rule out my worries 'cause the cost of a doctor’s visit(including tests) could feed me for a week. My country is pure garbage, the government suck. My last tests was 13 months ago, it started with IBS, Panic attacks came, then I had noticed hair fall, head aches, lower back pain, feeling sick, and NOW: A HELLISH CHEST PAIN more in the left/central area that radiates in my upper back. <admin removal> I am in fact crying right now in this chest pain that I am dealing. Sh*t!

Dude, that's some bad shit!

It's not that I have large amounts of money, just luck of the draw that I was born into a country with a national health care system.

I know it's difficult and can also seem impossible, but try and remember you will come through this. No matter how dark things may seem right now. Having ailments and symptoms of diseases worries us all, but you are more than likely suffering these through your anxiety.

You would have to be the most unlucky guy in the whole world to have things seriously wrong with you in all of those places all at the same time.

Keep your head up for now, keep coming on here talking to us folk who know what it's like. In time you will be able to get yourself another checkup.

Don't do anything daft. It's anxiety - and it's a bloody menace!