How on earth do I go forward?!

[elik]

Hi all,

Has anyone else suffered severe bouts of anxiety over a long by period of time? Pretty much feeling hopeless and that my life hasn't got much to offer (not suicidal just despairing). My anxiety attacks that last usually a couple of months completely double me over with fear, dread and doom. I've completely paralysed myself over the last few days with intense fear of my future and I'm catastrophising beyond belief. I'm so scared of myself and my own mind I am claustrophobic in my self and feel like I'm desperate for escape. I am completely traumatised by my psychogical experiences I dpnt m ow how to go forward and all my intrusive thoughts intensify as I panic about my lack of control over this sotuatopn. I feel unable to build a life with this ongoing pattern of severe anxiety to take into consideration. I'm scared my illness will worsen given that I gointo bouts of psychosis and feel very unnerved and dissasociated. I feel utterly alone and scared. I feel stuck in a vicious circle that I've tried so hard to skip out of and don't know how much more mental bashing I can take. Why do I feel so so other worldly and completely strange and bizarre as a person?!?!??

[uru]

Yes, this is exactly how I am.

What are you worried about now?

[elik]

I am worried about my own stability. Getting through a day. Surviving. This alone Makes me feel intense fear as it's such a miserable way to live. I feel panic 247 even if I'm not letting myself indulge in my thoughts. This sort of disassociated feeling brings out my intrusive thoughts because it's like I have less touch with reality and am weaker. I'm constantly under attack by myself and I can't let go of the past so have put myself at a grinding halt. I just think of all the worst possible things that can happen and put myself into a spiral because they're so scary and I feel like in drowning

[uru]

so you are anxious about your anxiety?

[elik]

Exactly that. My life has revolved around my illness for so long and I just see a future like this and don't see the point. Half the time I have my head in the clouds and am in sheer terror until it passes. What sort of life is that to lead. I don't even feel a part of this world just someone drifting next to it in utter distress

[Fishmanpa]

Serious mental illness is much like a serious physical illness in that for the sufferer, one becomes entrenched in it for the period of time you're dealing with it. It could be weeks, months or even years. It takes a long time to return to some sense of normalcy and in many cases, one doesn't return 100% to their self prior to the illness.

For me and my physical illnesses, the trauma caused both physically and mentally has taken years to recover from and I'm not the same person either physically nor mentally prior. I call it the "New Normal". Serious illnesses change us. How you look at it will determine your mindset but suffice it to say having a positive mindset is crucial in your recovery. I personally work on that daily. There are days where the pain is so severe that it makes it hard to focus and side effects hinder me as well. At the same time, there are days where I feel pretty damn good and as time goes on, I get more and more of those days. I'm not the same person I was prior but in many ways I'm stronger and more attuned to the things in life that are worth appreciating. The signature in my posts is something I live by.

You're young Elik. You've been through a lot recently. It's obvious your hurting and struggling but keep at it. Work hard and you will recover. Just be patient and do your best to focus on the positives. Even something as simple as appreciating a beautiful day if even for a few moments is better than sitting inside with the shades drawn. You can heal. You can get your life back and you can become stronger for having gone through this.

I hope that helps :)

Positive thoughts

[blue moon]

To go forward,you put one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on.

[Fishmanpa]

To go forward,you put one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on.

And.....

From my Positive Thoughts thread....

"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop."

Confucius

Positive thoughts